Devastated for Son

To find a good solicitor, find a firm that specialises in family law . These firms have much more experience in divorce law than firms that do a variety of areas of law .

Neglecting her needs, not his

I thought I'd said, the house isn't mortgaged, after 33 years.

My husband walked out on me after 40 years married, after numerous indiscretions on his part over the years but I drew the line when he flew to the Philippines to be with a woman he met online. He returned 2 weeks later when he realised he couldn’t afford the goods. He took the caravan and I kept the house, my home for 40 years. He kept his pension. If he’d had half the house that would have gone to the philippines as well, and I needed to keep a roof over my head.
Has your sons wife found someone else ?

The courts take into account if wife stayed at home to look after children so that husband could build up family assets which include pensions
Ofcourse if children have been in no need of childcare for a long time this would be relevant too what has she been doing since then? Why a big mortgage after 33 years of marriage ? To finance businesses? Doesn’t sound like there will be much to share he needs legal and financial advice

It is always sad when a marriage fails and 33 years is a long time. However the children have all left home and if one party is really unhappy it is better to divorce than remain in an unhappy marriage. As no children living at home everything will go into shared pot: the marital home, any pensions or assets including jewelry, cars, and the cafe business. The house and business will get valued professionally, pensions will also be valued and the value of everything added together and most likely split 50:50 as no children involved. Your son will probably not be expected to pay maintenance for his wife as she would be expected to get a job unless she was disabled. In reality if for example total assets were 800,000 then they would be awarded 1/2 each but be encouraged to trade items off against each other e.g. his car is worth 12,000 hers worth 8,000 both keep their cars and she is owed 4,000. She has jewelry of 5000 he has none so she keeps jewelry and now he is owed 1000. If he wants to keep the businesses he will have to concede her share of value against his share of house. If none of them want house it will be sold. Any pensions and investments are shared but so are any debts business or personal eg credit card. Basically with no children living at home it will be a straight forward 50:50 split.

I divorced my ex and we had long marriage of 22 years, a shared home with only 3 years mortgage left to pay and a successful business. My ex offered me the house as he wanted to keep the business. It sounded ok but my solicitor said both house and business should be valued as businesses are valued as going concern. Both were valued and business value was almost 3 times that of house. I was very surprised by this and my ex was furious. Business valuations are valued as a going concern and multiples of profit for last calendar year are usually used but not sure with Covid 19.

It sounds as if your son has worked so hard on his multiple cafes that he forgot his wife needed attention too and left her to do everything at home.

If he sees he made a mistake would his wife reconsider and give him 6 months to prove to her she is important to him?

nannan2 I divorced 16 years ago and we had to pension share. My ex was in such a rage as I had stayed home until youngest child was 6 before going back to work and then only 30 hours each week. He even tried to argue with the judge he did not think it was fair I would get 50% of joint pensions as he had earned more. Judge gave him a lecture about being at home with small children and cleaning the home is hard work.

If you did not pension share you could not have had good legal advice.

I was awarded a little more than half as I had one child still at home. My ex had offered me house and nothing else. If I had accepted that it actually worked out at 29% of joint assets so I was very glad I paid out on solicitor.

He needs to see a solicitor but first he should offer to go to see a counsellor to see if the problem in the marriage can be fixed.

All assets less liabilities have to be worked out, plus income of both parties. If the matrimonial home is mortgage free then it sounds like there is a large matrimonial asset to be split. The son' s business assets less liabilities can be valued by an accountant to work out value of son's shares in business which might be offset by any cash savings of equivalent vale to the wife. Both parties still have earning capacity so likely to be a clean split, but a divorce now will take current assets and current liabilities into account. Late divorce is expensive and usually results in fall in living standards for both sides, but at least it sounds like there is enough money to provide for 2 smaller houses.

Try to be supportive, caring and positive around him. Divorce is hard but after all that time she is entitled to.half. I don't know about the pension but a lawyer will.know. Even if she didn't work she raised the children and we as women know how hard we worked. We don't know what went on in their marriage. You are only going to.hear one side. Try and stay out of it so you can have a better relationship with your ex daughter in law for the sake of the children.

I think its time we drew a line under this thread.

I started it because I was shocked and gutted by the news, as well as being upset on behalf of my son who genuinely seems to still love his wife. It was a selfish post really, as I needed comfort and help to know what to do with this broken shell of a man who is my son.
Advice on asset sharing wasn't in my question, just a need to know what to do to pull him out of his depression and talk of life being no longer worth living. They are still sharing the house and his (married) daughter is cooking and washing for him. He declined my help, probably because I'm 80 years old and not in good health - otherwise he's working even longer hours on keeping the business running along the covid rules and just sleeping in the matrimonial home and seems to have accepted the marriage is over and full of remorse.
He isn't really communicating with his father and I, and I needed advice on how to cope with this silence without intruding, I was not asking about taking sides as no-one knows the ins and outs of a marriage, so I wasn't going there, and I don't want to try to share out the blame. That is not my place. He doesn't seem in a rush to see a solicitor.

But I think this thread has outrun itself, don't you.
Thanks for those who helped, its appreciated.

Hope things do get resolved for your son and family ExD; I know divorce is a horrible time for all the family but these are the early stages and so long as your son knows that you're there for him if he needs you, you're doing as much as you can.

A good solicitor is vital - my DB didn't bother and I'm sure came off worst in his divorce.