She's coming up for 19 and is due to go to university in September. It's been just the two of us since she was little. We've coped, albeit barely at times, and from the outside things look okay. She's never been a talker - as a small child she would whisper to me rather than talk to others. She finds it hard to maintain friendships.
She's become very controlling and, since lockdown, I'm on the receiving end of it. She barely talks to me and if I try to talk to her she rolls her eyes and sneers - everything I say is wrong whereas she's right. She's sleeping until 3ish (pm), gets up, logs onto her computer and phone and that's it until bedtime. She won't walk the dog, hasn't helped with normal housework but will cook every other day. She'll only eat pasta and rice (stir fry) and if I cook anything different, refuses to eat it. I'm still working (from home) so am doing that and everything else and living with someone who, frankly, appears to despise me. She won't have it that she's sinking into another depressive cycle (she's mildly bipolar) and refuses to take any medication our GP has prescribed. The first time she was like this, she self-harmed - it was a terrible cry for help but she won't take the help on offer. I am at my wits end.
I love her so much but she's pushing me away with her constant need to be right about everything. When she does talk, it's to argue. (Small example, I was watching the gov. news update when it was said that 739 further people had died. It was on screen in red. I mentioned it and asked how the gov could say figures were dropping when that many people had died and it was up on the previous day. She said, 'it's not that many, I've googled it and it's only 300'. I say she said, but it was her tone really. It was on the screen at the time. I kept very calm and let it go, but inside I wanted to scream because I can't say anything without her either belittling me, or screaming that I'm wrong and don't listen to her.)
She can't do small talk - doesn't see the point - which is part of her makeup and I understand that. But I'm craving a 'normal' conversation where I can be myself and not walking on eggshells for fear of winding her up.
We both actually caught the virus (she had it mildly) and my GP managed to keep me out of hospital. I'm asthmatic and at one point couldn't catch my breath at all. She sat on the sofa and did nothing to help. It felt like she was waiting for me to die, and didn't care.
I don't actually know why I'm posting this; there's nothing anyone can do to help, after all. I know it's long and I'm sorry about that, and I'm aware I sound selfish and self-pitying but I feel utterly broken and can't go anywhere to talk to anyone in private, which is the norm when she's spiraling, mood-wise. I know she can't help it and I'm the closest person to her so I bear the brunt, and I know this cycle of her mood will probably end in the next month or so, but actually, I'm struggling quite badly at the moment. I can't see any good ending to this situation.
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