Porn

Oh I see! Not sure I agree to be honest though, if explotation is involved then I am not sure it matters if some people think it's ok.

That's right, Valerie. If the original poster's husband is sufficiently sophisticated to know porn is a distortion of real life and is fantasy he is not doing himself any harm .

I agree with the rest of your post too.

If the production of commercial porn involves exploitation then it's immoral and probably illegal to watch it online.

Thank you for all of your comments, they all help enormously with perspective. I am not averse to porn at all, I think it has a place if couples are interested and at the start we watched some together. Overall he’s a good husband and companion and I love him more than I even realised. It seems to have been going on for a few years and he seems relieved I know. It’s the deceit and secrecy about the whole thing that’s floored me totally. He’s not very computer literate and doesn’t have any social media accounts. I have access to all of his accounts because I helped set them up. Apparently it started when he retired and I was still working, boredom or loneliness presumably played a part. He swears he’s never been unfaithful and after a major row smashed his iPad. Parental controls are activated on WiFi so he has no access on his phone and we’re locked in. One week on: I’ve spoken to Samaritans who were amazingly comforting, we’ve looked at self help videos and books and read about dopamine and neural pathways and how to reboot these. Our sex life is currently astounding! Twice a day . It’s even better than when we met and he’s totally shattered. We are working through it. I’m so very hurt because he didn’t tell me and while our sex life was less after 20 years it was still more than most. The whole scenario has actually given our marriage a good shake up, we were in a bit of an intimacy rut on reflection. I’ll keep you posted.

Do you mean he smashed his iPad in temper? Or smashed it to show he didnt need it. I am glad you had someone to talk to.

vampirequeen

"Apparently anal sex is now the norm for teens. It often leads to other stuff too"

I'm intrigued tickingbird. What kind of other stuff does anal sex lead to?

I’ll inform you vampirequeen For some time now porn hasn’t just featured anal sex; it’s progressed. It involves such a thing as anal prolapsing. This is known as ‘Rosebud’ and involves the inner walls of the rectum collapsing and slipping out of the anus. This is where it can lead to.

I haven’t been back to this thread or GN for a few days, hence my late response. However, I have had s quick read through the other posts so won’t repeat what someone else has already said. Suffice to say, viewers of porn get jaded. What was once an incredible turn on becomes commonplace and more extreme material is required in order for the user to gain release. Child porn and the suffering behind such images/videos are being viewed by individuals who previously had no interest in paedophilia.

I have been told many times that anal sex in a heterosexual act is exciting for no other reason than it’s taboo. Once it stops being taboo something else has to stir the senses. It seems to be quite fashionable and hip to view anal sex as the norm. It really isn’t and I’m not coming from a moral standpoint - each to their own as long as both partners are in agreement but porn, even at low level, does give men a false impression of women and that’s dangerous plus it exposes then to practices they wouldn’t necessarily have been aware of.

Just to add vampirequeen the prolapsed rectum is then played with, kissed, penetrated etc. The whole point is to get the rectum to prolapse - it’s not just a byproduct of anal sex.

I've never been inclined towards paedophilia just because I watch adult porn. That's a ridiculous and somewhat insulting suggestion.

I didn’t suggest you had. What a strange response.

Nor vq have you answered the questions about how you establish that the "actors" in your porn material have not been exploited in any way.

Way too much information, especially when some people, including young & sometimes very young humans have suffered terribly & been persuaded or forced to accept the sexual preference of another. No one should ever feel that they have to oblige or be persuaded to do Anything they do not want to. !

Yes Bridgeit (and Luckygirl) - my continuing concern is the notion of informed consent. The number of adults who insist their victim wanted to participate, eg the increased number of women killed or seriously injured in what is known as consensual rough sex.
Its also impossible to insist that women who 'make more money than men 'working in the sex industry, including pornographic films , are doing so because of free choice. So many of those women were introduced to sex as infants that their notion of consent and choice is damaged.

Indeed so Iam64

But there are those who choose not to hear this because their pleasure comes first.

I have no way of knowing for definite just as you have no way of knowing that the shoes, clothes and other items you buy haven't been made in a slave sweatshop by children. Do you know if your coffee was grown fairly or if the gold you wear came from the slave mines of Peru, or if the chocolate you eat was grown using the slave labour of children, or if your Apple phone was made by Foxconn, or if the rubber used to make your car tyres came from slave plantations in Liberia, or the palm oil in your soap, shampoo, gravy granules and a host of other products was produced by slave labour in Malaysia. There are many other products from diamonds to shrimp that are also produced by means of slave labour.

These threads about porn come around every so often and the resulting discussions are always the same. Some people have no problem with porn, some people hate it on moral grounds and some people worry about the physical and psychological impact on actors and viewers. I think it has to be one of those subjects that we have to agree not to agree on otherwise we'll just go around in circles.

Indeed vq - as you say I have already pointed out that we make compromises and can only do our best to be decent in our dealings - it is very hard to try and find out the source of all we consume and whether its production involved exploitation.

I do however think that porn is different - you are directly watching that person being exploited for your own pleasure. That is in a league of its own.

Some of us here have professional backgrounds that mean we have knowledge of how the exploitation works and I have to tell you that it is present in some degree or another with the production of ALL porn - in different ways and in different degrees. I am passing that knowledge on to you as I am sure you would wish to know that and do the honourable thing.

Spot on Luckygirl, . Thank you .

Yes well said Luckygirl. Thank you, straight to the point.

vq are you really saying that you are okay with practices such as the 'rosebud', described by tickingbird, which are intended to harm a person?

Is that something you are happy to 'agree to disagree' about?

I'm not going to condemn any sexual practice that all the participants are happy with provided they are over the age of consent. I wouldn't do that particular act myself but if others want to then who am I to judge.

Judging isn’t always or only about ‘condemning’
It is more about how a society best thrives & cares for each other, also for the protection from the more powerful amongst us.
Without boundaries in all areas of life, we do not protect the most vulnerable.

Indeed. The choicey choice viewpoint never takes this into account.

"Without boundaries in all areas of life, we do not protect the most vulnerable"

If the activity is undertaken in private by two or more consenting adults over the age of consent then it's nobody's business but theirs. If they choose to film it and put it on a porn site then again it's nobody's business. If an adult then chooses to view the porn in private, again it's nobody's business. It may not be to my or your tastes but it's not for us to say what is right or wrong in this situation.

Who will judge where the boundaries lie? Homosexual acts used to be illegal because society judged them to be wrong. Men were beaten and imprisoned simply for being themselves. We have no right to judge other people's sexual acts or proclivities as long as the people involved are willing participants and over the age of consent.

Consent is the key isn't it. As those working in the field have said it is vulnerable people whose consent is often coerced. If those in the porn industry tend to have a history of being abused as children I wonder what that says about consent.
Equating prejudice towards gay people with people raising questions about porn is all kinds of unpleasant.

If consent is coerced then it's not consent.

Not all abused children end up being sexually vulnerable. Whilst damaged in ways most people can't begin to understand, most live 'normal' lives. And before anyone suggests that I can't possibly know that....I can assure you that I can and do. Let's just say that I didn't have an Enid Blyton childhood.

My point about homosexuality was in regard to the comment about society being the judge. Society is full of prejudices.