I'm So Gullible?

Not gullible, eminently sensible. No illusions, he has revealed his true character, he is a parasite and you can see it. It was good while it lasted, but you have realised that now is the time to say goodbye.

If only other posters in your situation could be as clear sighted as you are being, instead of sometime spending decades, hoping things will change.

As others have save thank God you haven't married him. He won't improve and will certainly get worse. So pleased you have your son there to back you up when you tell him to leave.
Sorry your dreams have turned into a nightmare but you can start again free of this user.

Glad you didn’t marry the bum. Get rid, pronto.

Paul Simon wrote a very good song that you might find helpful Franki; it's called 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover. One of them is just right for you. Don't hesitate too long.

Run, don't walk away from this loser. He doesn't want someone to love and cherish, he wants a mommie and babysitter. You don't want those jobs, or should you. Take the time to find someone worthy of you.

I think you might have problems with him if you give him a months notice, as others have said get him out of the house , pack his stuff up , change all the locks and then tell him to collect his stuff from somewhere outside of your home.
Arrange to have some other people around you when he collects his bags if you feel unsure of his reaction.

Franki You're not gullible, you trusted and believed in this man. He's let you down and has been taking advantage of your kind nature.

Your son is more important than ANY man. Get rid of the boyfriend, your role is not as HIS mother. He's a user.

I wouldn't even give him a months notice. Pack his stuff, leave it somewhere safe for him to collect and get the locks changed the same day.

Don't enter into any further dialogue with him because clever narcissists will beat you down and make you believe it was all your fault.

Thank goodness you didn't marry him.

Buy a pack of bin bags and start packing his stuff.

Dear Franki please put yourself first. What advice would you offer a dear friend or family member who found themselves in this very situation ? I think you really do know what you have to do or not do. To thine own self be true. Please do not be too hard on yourself, you are No fool! Very Best Wishes.

Fiachna is right about the 'I'll change' thing. He won't, whatever he says. My heart goes out to you, but you really have to get him out of your life. If he has started having a go at your son, he is testing how much he can get away with, and it won't stop there.

You've dodged a bullet, but I know it won't feel like that just now. x

As soon as he packed in his job that wouldbe enough for me. Sadly, there seems to be alot of people around like this. You might have difficulty getting rid too. I hope not but be prepared for 'Ill change' etc. Get him out of your life.

Franki, it's all a learning curve. However, for you and your boys sake get him out, change the locks anything, but wash that man right out of your hair. I wouldn't let anyone bad mouth my son, because he's a good one, same with yours. Just do it. You're not the first and you won't be the last.?

Hi Franki as Carenza123 has said stop beating yourself up. Please look at the positives, you had a wonderful year, you were not afraid to try for a happy future, congratulate your self for being brave and believing in yourself.
You are not responsible for a dick head who didn’t know he had won the jackpot and then abused it. Hold your head up high and dump the idiot. Then get on with living a wonderful life full of opportunities. Good luck.

Franki, Gullible you are not.
Gullible would be saying, he needs time to adjust, it’s hard because it’s not his home etc etc.
You are realistic so give him a months notice to leave.
Good Luck.

Don't feel like a chump! Some people have a knack of being charming etc. Then move in and revert back to type (been there, got the T-shirt). His mistake was doing all this before you actually married! So heed the warning and end it asap!

Same advice as the others. Having shown him the door change the locks front and back.

Don’t beat yourself up! You want to believe in having a sustaining loving relationship, but you recognise that his behaviour is not normal. Trust your instincts and change your situation for the better. Your adult son will be concerned for your welfare too. Too often we read of these initially loving partners who turn into obsessive controlling beings - in extreme cases, being violent. The situation will not get any better unless you make changes to safeguard you and son.

Foot backside and door

Oh no! He has to go. At least if you break it off soon you can part amicably. Imagine a year down the line if not......

You’ll get there eventually, but in the meantime, don’t settle for second best.

You should definitely finish the relationship and get rid of him. I feel for you, but I also feel for your AS having to witness his Mum being completely taken advantage of; he must feel like punching your partner.

Bad luck Franki, but as they say at least you can say you tried.
And no your not a fool, these people make a career out of reeling partners in. They are good at it.

Your health and that of your AS comes first, so do what you have to do in the knowledge that you are the better person.

Chin up, kick him out of your life and move on to better things!
Good luck

I feel for you but you know what to do.

Break off the engagement and kick him out then.