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Am I right to put up with all of this?

(59 Posts)
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Londonwifi Wed 22-Jan-20 18:54:56

My second husband has blown hot and cold ever since the day after we married nearly 15 years ago.
I’ve caught him lying to me, seen him addicted to internet porn, he has been emotionally and verbally abusive to me and my parents(who have dementia), has destroyed parts of the house with his temper(although hasn’t been physically violent towards me). He can go for long periods where everything is fine but I never know when he is going to blow up. He can suddenly erupt and start shouting at me and it’s so upsetting.
Once at New Year he went out for a walk, everything seemed fine, then I received a text asking me to pack my bags and be gone before he got back! I didn’t go of course. For one thing I own half of the house! Later he said it was a joke. There are loads more things too numerous to mention but the odd thing is that after he has had a blow up he behaves as if nothing has happened and expects me to do that as well. Confused? I am. ?

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mumofmadboys Mon 27-Jan-20 07:38:48

Could you go and stay with your DS?

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Alexa Mon 27-Jan-20 10:54:35

"I so don’t want to be alone but I can’t see any other way unless I confide in his best friend who seems approachable, he is a homeopath, he might have some suggestions."

The last person you should confide in!

Your priority is to look after yourself. You don't need this terrible man. You don't even like him.

When you find someone you do like, still remember your priority is yourself.

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Patsy70 Mon 27-Jan-20 15:55:53

Londonwifi. Have you spoken to anyone yet - your son, Women's Aid, a solicitor? You really should put things in motion and start to plan for your future. I've found that writing everything down on paper, his behaviour, your feelings, his friends' attitude etc. helps towards taking the next step. You really owe it to yourself to get away from this appalling situation. Being on your own is not necessarily the same as being lonely. You are lonely in this relationship. You are young enough at 65 to make a new, enriching life for yourself. Please take the first step towards it. Best wishes to you.

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knickas63 Mon 27-Jan-20 16:35:53

I think deep down you already know the answer! You need to get out. You are worth more. As for your son? He's 28, not a baby. You need to confide in him. My son is a similar age - I and I would really get it in the neck if he thought I had held back something like this. Prep your ground first though. Be aware of finances and choices that you have. Get an escape fund up together to tide you over if/when you decide to leave. Best of luck.

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Chloejo Mon 27-Jan-20 18:51:54

My friend had this for years he as nice and charming to me and her other friends but b...... behind closed doors. I got her a solcs and one night she loaded up the car and moved in rented place. Then got half his pension and half the house and bought a flat she happy now at peace and has met a decent man who shops for her and cooks nice meals but they don’t live together mental cruelty it was

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annep1 Mon 27-Jan-20 20:23:16

I can't add to all the good advice here. Just to add act on it...now!

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Sparkling Tue 28-Jan-20 06:39:16

He won't change. Get out whilst you still can. You're worth more than this.

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timetogo2016 Tue 28-Jan-20 08:44:36

Dec46 is spot on.
Iv`e been there done that got the t/shirt then divorced him after over 30 years of marriage and never looked back.

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