New Partner

No-one is right or wrong here. It’s just differences. So talk, but don’t suggest she’s wrong and you are right. Also might be wise to accept that change will be quite difficult for both of you and acceptance might be easier? Slow change over time on both parts, probably more realistic. Focus on the good you bring to each other’s lives too. Good luck.

“If you're not houseproud, why bother ?”

Because I can’t walk across the bedroom without tripping over stuff, or put a plate down without moving stuff.

Yeah, I can clear a pathway, I can do laundry and cook a proper meal, I pay a cleaner anyway. It is early days, she is a good companion, when I am with her no issue. It’s when she is making decisions for herself that it goes wrong and I can’t work out why.

Atqui
The 80's programme My Wife Next Door springs to mind!!

Has she actually got anywhere to put all this stuff! When I moved into OH’s house many years ago he was constantly moaning that I left things lying around. We have recently moved to a house with loads of cupboards and wardrobes and I find I’m not at all untidy now. All the cupboards are full of my ‘stuff’ and they are all beautifully tidy and organised. I’m now the one moaning at him for leaving things lying around!

I agree with those who suggested ‘sit down and discuss it’. It’s normal for a couple to find some behaviours irritable in each other. My husband is shockingly untidy. I used to complain about it a lot. Then I realised that in the great scheme of things, it isn’t that important. I feel strongly about the kitchen, so now he makes an effort there (not as successfully as I’d like, but it’s better). I love him and life is too short to ruin the good stuff over this (for me).

I do hope you can work it out.

This is what happens when you have lived alone for many years. You are used to having your home organised to suit you, and it can be difficult to adjust to being surrounded by someone else's belongings and their way of doing things.

You simply need to sit down and talk. There are probably things you do which are driving her crazy!

My DH will know how you feel.
He is the tidiest person I know and whilst I never thought I was untidy compared to him ,I am.
Because he never complains I try even harder to be tidy but maybe your new partner doesn’t realise that she is untidy Perhaps she thinks she is just a “spreader “

How new is your "new" partner - I think what I mean is how long had you been partners before she moved in? You may not be as compatible as you thought you were going to be.

Mamacaz You took the words out of my mouth!! I’ve been married for over 40 years and now my H is starting to reorganise things which is sooooo annoying. How wonderful it would be to have two semi detached houses!

It sounds like you would be much happier if you still had a home that was ultimately yours to keep in a way that you are comfortable with.
Is there any chance that your partner might feel the same, or at least be understanding enough of your feelings to be open to the idea of reverting to the previous set-up, where you each maintain a separate 'home' while still spending as much time together as you would both like? (If finances allow, obviously.)

I couldn't cope with being told what to do. This is why I've remained single for 25 years. I was similar to your partner, untidy and I haven't changed much over the years.

If you're not houseproud, why bother ?

Read the Philippa Perry Book, the book you wish your parents had read..................it is so helpful in these situations, she gives a good example when there are conflicting ways of dealing with washing up, similar to your situation. I borrowed it from the library.

And also ask her what you are doing that annoys her

That's an age old problem Hector very few people have the same levels of acceptability regarding cleanliness and tidiness. You have both had many years of doing things differently and it takes time to adjust. Compromise and honesty are key here I think. You need to sit down together and talk about this without blame. Which things are you able to let go and which can your partner do better. Keep things in proportion, enjoy your life together.