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Christmas, feeling a bit sad

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DillytheGardener Wed 23-Oct-19 23:46:52

My eldest son and his wife have decided this year they won’t be coming to our family Christmas but will be having a mini holiday on their own.

Their reasoning is they very very rarely take holidays, ( usually just one holiday of 5 days once a year in my sisters caravan ) and they are burnt out and in both their jobs/free lance work it’s the only time they can take off.

Myself and my husband and my other son and his partner all take multiple holidays so understand they don’t get much in terms of relaxation.

It’s my turn to host this year, and I’m so sad they won’t be there and trying very hard not to be upset. Especially as I’m a hopeless cook and my son normally does all the family events catering as he enjoys cooking. It’s harder knowing they will be moving abroad soon too.

My son pointed out his wife comes to all our family events and hasn’t been able to travel home for the last 3 years for Christmas due to the costs and it’s not that fun for her every year to spend it with someone else’s family and it makes her feel homesick. We are quite loud, she is quite quiet and finds it a bit much I think.

Should I just leave it or try gently encourage them to come as his grandmother especially will be upset.

What do you think ladies? I’m feeling now like I probably should have made more effort to include some things from her home country but probably a bit late now, no?

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SynchroSwimmer Mon 25-Nov-19 15:48:23

I would wish them well and encourage them to do what they wish to do.

Set them free, and be positive and approving about them going out and doing what it is that they want to do in the world.

Don’t make them feel like there is an obligation, let them freely choose their own paths, be there for them when they want to come.

(Written after only realising with hindsight now, that this is what our parents did for us)

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Tedber Mon 25-Nov-19 16:24:59

Think it has all been said and OP has got the general message lol.

For years all my family came back to me for Christmas day but as their families grew (and grew) I found all I was doing was acting like hostess, cook, cleaner, bottle washer. I wasn't really enjoying this one day much at all.

I then started actively encouraging them to do their own thing or stay in their own homes smile So my workload on Christmas day was halved with only some coming.

This year, I am free - yipee! Looking forward to spending Christmas Day, feet up, watching Christmassy programmes.

We have arranged a family 'get together in January (much cheaper than Christmas Day) Now THAT I will thoroughly enjoy!

Too much stress, guilt and worry put on everyone for that one day of the year. It comes, it goes.....

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