Past hurts

You certainly need to get all of this anger out of your head!
If you don't feel comfortable with seeing a counsellor, the idea of writing it all down seems a pretty good one - and then burn it.
Or maybe finding a gym that has boxing equipment available for use might help you deal with it, if you physically need to get it out.
My ex husband used to walk out of the room or even out of the house whenever I used to start an argument (one of the reason's he's ex) and it is so frustrating not being able to voice your feelings that if bottled up over time has to come out somewhere. Why does it always mainly seem to be the woman that has to keep their thoughts to themselves ?

Years ago we lived next door to a very elderly couple. He worked long after retirement age and finally gave up working full time at 90 years of age. On the very first day of his retirement, he came down for breakfast to be met by his wife of over 60 years and got the shock of his life. She sat at the table with him and said that she had never liked him very much and couldn't stand the thought of him being home all day with her so she wanted a divorce! And that is exactly what happened.
In addition, three years later he got married again at the ripe old age of 93

Forget what has gone on in the past and make retirement a new phase in your life starting afresh. It’s working for me!

Could you see a counsellor to get your anger off your chest? S/he may be able to help you come to terms with it so that you can have a happy way forward.

Write it all down then take a deep breath and read it aloud with dignity - and then burn it and hopefully all your anger will disappear with the smoke.

I think you need to speak to a counsellor - they will receive your offload with equanimity and help you to allow yourself to have these emotions and to find ways of expressing them that do not do damage.

You need to get these emotions out, keeping things in causes stress to your body, why should you suppress anger just because he doesn’t like you getting angry: so because he doesn’t like it, you are meant to keep these emotions intact, what then! I think you have to be yourself and if anger comes into the equation as it does in a marriage not everything is hunky dory all of the time, just say what you feel, if you don’t want to discuss this with your husband do what nico97 suggests and record into your phone, or right things down and burn after, if it was me I’d want to have it out in the open discuss with my husband then put it to bed once and for all, good luck ginger girl

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

We neither of us liked seeing the other one angry as we were brought up to keep a stiff upper lip. My mum used to say, 'least said, soonest mended,' and I expect this must have helped her as she was married to the most argumentative man in the world.

The advice given here about past hurts is very good.

Festering isn't good for anyone. I read about Bill Turnbull (bbc breakfast man that was) he goes to the bottom of his garden and shouts at his cancer. Better out than in.?

Hi Gingergirl just a thought but have you considered counselling so that you can get it all off your chest and put it to bed so to speak, before he retires.
Maybe then you can spend quality time together.
Nobody would ever dare tell me I couldn’t get angry though.
Good luck

I think it helps to express your feelings in some way. At the moment they're locked in the cupboard of your brain, churning around wanting to get out.

It is your (difficult) decision whether to try and express them to your husband, or use some other method. You could find a counsellor for one or two sessions and tell them all about it, or try writing it down. Or punch cushions whilst yelling at them (the cushions I mean, not husband or counsellor).

But it is sad that your relationship does not give you the opportunity for a "heart to heart" chat. That is something you must miss very much.

In similar vein to writing it down, how about speaking it aloud and record it into your phone. Play it back and really listen to your words - it will either give you some peace of mind or it will leave you feeling just as pent up. If the latter then play it to your husband and let him know how you're feeling - with a view to being able to resolve things between you. Treat yourself kindly though at all times

Thank you. And yes, you are quite right (although it is much more complicated than my post suggests) . We live and learn.?

He has never really liked me being angry??? Sod that! I bet hes allowed to be angry when he wants though. Just goes to show what harbouring things for years can do to you and it's not good for your health. No point bringing up stuff from years ago, but if stuff comes up in the future, yes have it out with him. You are allowed to express yourself.

Thanks for your reply. Yes, I’ve thought of that and been resisting it. I don’t know quite why although I think such long held anger is frightening me a bit..

Could you not write it all down, every last detail, to get it all off your chest, then recite it out loud (alone of course) getting as angry as you like? I’ve found in the past when I’ve felt this way about something/someone upsetting, it has helped.