Holidays with sister in law

I think you should be honest with Sil but also be gentle.
She has not been married nor had children so she has not learnt a lot of the boundaries people expect her to know

Because you went on holiday so many times with her she may not understand that you don't want to anymore but do be honest and as other PP's have said point her to singles holiday places and other helpful organizations.

I think it must be hard to be so alone in life.

Thanks for all your lovely comments and advice, just need to add a couple of things. We did get the key back last year, and this year our cat died so there was no need for her to ever have one again.
She has a good social circle of friends who she meets with on a regular basis, so she certainly isn’t lonely or alone in that sense. She lives living on her own has openly admitted that and in fact this coming weekend she is off to Italy for a week with a lady friend who she goes to theatre and cinema shows with, who is of similar age and circumstances

I think it's unkind to just stop the holidays with her. I would draw the line at sharing a room, though. Perhaps your husband could help by paying her single supplements. After all, she must have saved an absolute fortune in care costs over the years. You can still have some holidays with just the two of you.

I don't like the 'done our fair share' comment. She is your husband's sister! You invited her on holiday six times - but she paid for herself. Did she get to choose the destinations - or have a say in the choice? If not, her only 'crime' is neglecting to invite you in return before booking. Consider the situation from her point of view. Surely you can go to Bruges with her?

The brother (that lives 150 miles away) had done nothing, you say. You can't expect or dictate others to do 'their fair share' or do the equivalent of what you've done. Life just doesn't work wthat way.

When you say 'same hotel room and cruise cabin', does that mean your SIL actually slept in the same room as you and DH? How did that work? Is it just me or doesn't everyone feel a bit more sexy on holiday than at home? I mean, I just couldn't share!
Sorry - that was a bit too much info, maybe. Anyway - I'd go to Bruges, could be fun. But your DH needs to sort this, not you. Change the locks though - and if a spare is needed for emergencies get a key safe with a combination that you only tell her when you really need to. Good luck!

Her booking the 2 mini cruises is not your problem. At.All.
She decided your time and calendar belongs to her.
Tell her that "I hope the cruises are refundable because my family and I are not going.
Next time, please check with us before making a purchase"

For a start I’d change my locks I wouldn’t put up with that, I’d hate someone walking in my house that’s a big no no, and I certainly wouldn’t go on a holiday if I didn’t want to, she sounds a bit lonely to be honest

Changing the locks is brilliant. DH tell her now, by email lest she deny she heard, no joint holidays.

Amsterdam is one of the places getting fed up with so many tourists (so I read). Tell her it wouldn't be fair on the Amsterdammers.

Sharing a room with you and DH? Did I read that right? unbelievable.

Is it possible your husband's sister enjoyed your joint family holidays, thought you did too and assumed you were inviting her six times in a row because you liked her company? Maybe she feels she would like to reciprocate by arranging a couple of holidays now she doesnt have caring responsibilities.

As you are retired, the Bruges holiday is a short mini cruise and has been bought as a birthday present, would it hurt to go along? Then you can maybe re-negotiate on the Amsterdam trip so that your DH doesnt have to take time off work, or go to a destination he thinks he wont like with his sister.

Personally I would probably go on both holidays in the interests of family harmony and because they are short trips and also being given as a Christmas surprise. I would then find some opportunity to quietly explain the situation with regard to your DH getting leave and mention you are trying to fit in quite a lot of bucket list destinations and may not be available for future joint holidays.

Woman up! And your husband man up! And tell her you’re not going. Can’t think of worse situation. She can invite a friend, pay a bit to change ticket. Or go on her own. Or cancel whole thing. She really isn’t your responsibility. And get a cat sitter or cattery for your pets.

I think if it was me I would go to Bruge with her as it is a lovely place to go lots of chocolates and lace shops and 3 days is not long. I would tell her that dh does not have any holiday entitlement left so she will need to wither get a refund or go with friends. If she has cared for elderly parents for long time she may long to be free to see the world but not have many friends. Could you go to a new groups with her U3A, a book club or WI where she could meet other people who are single and wish holiday chums. Failing that there are specialist singles holidays could you buy her a weekend break with them?

I'd definitely have the key safe with codes without telling her and if she finds out, I'll tell her that I've found out how much safer they are compared with the ordinary ones in this day and age, and that I'd recommend it to her and everyone.

I'd have a chat with her about how things are going to be different now that DH's retired and will probably change again after I retire as well as far as holidays and breaks are concerned. That's only natural for everyone. I'll tell her about our retirement plans and ask about hers. Meanwhile, I'll start a new tradition by inviting/including her for a meal at my place once a month and go out with for a meal or a drink once a month too. I might arrange a family holiday/break once a year that includes her too. This way, I'd start a new but warm, meaningful relationship with her that hopefully works for us all. Otherwise, she might feel unwanted, unloved, unappreciated and used and I wouldn't want that after decades of an overall good relationship with her. After all, you are the only family she may have for the rest of her life. Cutting her off too abruptly is unkind and may have dire effects on her. Best of luck