Withholding Sex

Davidhs, you've turned intimacy into a reward system -- how many acts earns a cottage in the country?

Or, maybe, a castle ..

?

"the best way to get favour is to be more amorous"

Deliberately withholding sex to get your own way is the beginning of the end of a relationship.
Were not talking about illness or disability or having a row and not speaking to each other for a while, we’ve all had that, but putting a price on intimacy.
No sex unless I get a new car or TV or kitchen, that kind of manipulation is never OK, most women know the best way to get favour is to be more amorous not less.

If you don't want sex with a person who is generally abusive, I'd say that is a perfectly natural response. Don't you have to fancy someone at least a bit to get turned on? It has to be an act that both partners want imo.

A woman can go off sex for all manner of reasons. If she doesn't want to indulge she shouldn't be made to feel guilty. It isn't 'withholding' sex - it's not wanting her body to be touched and she has that right, at all times, whether married or not.

Sex with your wife is not a man's right. You are either having sex or you're not.

If not wanting sex has become a problem, you probably ought to discuss why between you.

How does refusing sex differ from refusing to talk to someone, cook a meal or be in the house with.

It is merely a symptom of a dysfunctional relationship. Sort the dysfunction out and all other issues can usually be sorted. If the dysfunction cannot be sorted perhaps the solution is to end the relationship.

mmm withholding sex/depression is a choice........interesting topics for conversation.

What has given rise to your starting this thread rosecarmel?
Among whom is that the consensus?

Perhaps my use of the word withhold is confusing -- it confuses me, too - For whatever reason, withhold seem to suggest manipulation - As I see it, choosing not to have sex, is choosing not to have sex, whatever the reason -

Fennel, I'm not familiar with case -

Really fennel?
I thought that attitude went out decades ago. That is disgusting.
There is such a crime as rape in marriage, which is what it would be if a man insists on his 'right'.

rosecarmel are you thinking of that case a week or two ago where the judge said it was the husband's inalienable right to have sex with his wife?
I think the wife had some disability.

Withholding sex?

Either you want to do it or you don’t.
If someone is “withholding” sex, yes that’s manipulative.

Withholding anything -money, food, affection- to punish or get your own way, that’s by definition, manipulative.

Among whom is that the consensus?
'Withholding' clearly could be manipulative. Simply not wanting to have sex for whatever reason is not manipulative.
There needs to be consideration of each other, in a partnership or marriage.
In the situation described in the OP, clearly it is not a loving partnership.

Lysistrata used it to end a war but if the woman has been as badly treated in her marriage as you indicate, then that is no longer a viable relationship anyway and she'd be well advised to get out of it.

I cannot see that withholding sex would be either possible long term or helpful for any other reason.