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I don't think I can do this any more!

(31 Posts)
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farmgran Sun 19-Nov-17 07:13:00

Dear Gransnetters, I'm in such a predicament and I'm just needing to think what do next. H and i sold most of the farm to his family who now live in the old house. We kept 12 acres and built a new house because H would not leave the place he's lived on all his 86 years. There are all sorts of machinery etc that won't start for me and I end up in tears with H begging me to leave it alone. The long grass is getting longer and we're in for a dry summer. This evening I clambered down the bank to try and prime the pump to water the vege garden with no success and H standing at the top of the bank wanting me to leave it alone. The sensible thing to do would be to sell up but I don't think H will agree. I could simply up and leave him but I don't want to lose my family and create all sorts of upset. He's getting dementia and is driving me mad. All the family are helpful but I can't expect them to keep downing tools to come and help me.

Sorry this is such a long jumbled rant but I had to get it all off my chest.

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Jalima1108 Sun 19-Nov-17 18:12:54

You have a new house and presumably you planned something which would be easy to look after in your retirement; easy to keep clean and maintain etc.

It's the 12 acres which are the problem and that, presumably, could easily be incorporated into the rest of the farm which you sold to your family. I can understand your husband's reluctance to leave (I expect it is beautiful where you are) so the most sensible thing to do would be to give/lease/rent the majority of this 12 acres to your family and keep just enough for your privacy and which you can maintain.

You have to be firm about this - there is no point in having this land which you cannot look after.
What type of farm is it - presumably they can use the extra acreage?

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farmgran Sun 19-Nov-17 20:24:19

Thankyou gransnetters for your help. I'm feeling a bit better this morning and I'm off to the doctor this afternoon to see if I can have DH assessed for respite care and maybe have some gardening help. I'm 69 and I'm reasonably fit but I let things get on top of me and then I grind to a halt. I'll just have to pick myself up and carry on. We have a young strong bloke as a neighbour who I can employ to do the long grass round the fencelines. He's very easy on the eye too which is a bonus!

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Willow500 Sun 19-Nov-17 20:57:14

Glad you're feeling a bit better - given that it's your morning and my evening I guess you are down under somewhere. If your husband is showing signs of dementia you do need to have him tested to get this confirmed. The sooner it is the sooner they can start him on some medication - this would be the case in the UK not sure about Australia or NZ. As others have said talk to the family who have the rest of the farmland - would they be willing to buy some more land off you to ease the workload or perhaps rent it? Definitely going down banks trying to start machinery on your own is really not to be recommended. Your easy on the eye neighbour sounds great but probably not a long term solution smile Good luck!

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farmgran Sun 19-Nov-17 21:27:58

Good news, SIL has done something to the pump that means I'll never have to prime it again! I've tried taking DH to doctor in the past but he passed the MSQ with flying colours. I guess we're lucky in NZ that there is a good amount of care available but if the patient puts on a good display of mental sharpness and insists that he is in perfect health it makes it a bit difficult.

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FarNorth Sun 19-Nov-17 21:41:39

Have you explained to the doctor why you think DH has dementia?

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