What do I call her

Ellie ann Our daughter is married but has kept her maiden name ( much to her fil's annoyance!) so if we write or send something we put both names on as they just have a postbox in a block of flats with a tiny label for both. I often just double barrel them, its easier.

My son and daughter both live with their "partners". I have always referred them as my son/daughter-in-law, and my SIL has always introduced me to others as his MIL

Thank you so much silverlining48, that's a really good idea which I shall be adopting - double barrelled (but without the hyphen) will do the trick and make me feel comfortable.

One of my married daughters has her own name and her DH has his. On envelopes I write: Jane Smith & Henry Brown, because that is who they are. The children's names are Julie BrownSmith, James SmithBrown.

Yes, how about daughter-out-law and mother - out-law. Did for me till they got married.

The trouble with double-barrelling is that we lose the fixed family or household name, something that has featured in our heritage for centuries. When each person in the household has not only a different given name but a different surname, there's no longer any reflection of the family unit in the names, which I think is a real loss (and can be quite confusing). It can also be very unwieldy if the surnames are long ones, and don't happen to sound good when shunted together. (e.g Sanderson-Harrison or Black-Brown).

When I was training to be a secretary in the early 70s, it was all quite clear how you addressed envelopes. Ms had just been invented.

Now we have ambguous genders, people co-habiting but not married, and married but not co-habiting ..... whatever next, and who decides how the envelopes should be addressed?

'Grannyticktock you're right. In my second marriage we have 5 separate surnames between 7 people. None of them married names except ours. It sounds confusing but in reality it isn't!

I call my boyfriend's partner Daughterinlaw and she called me motherinlaw. I love her as much as if they were married she has given me a beautiful Grandaughter and she always makes me welcome in their home. I hope it makes her feel secure in the family unit to know I think of her as part of the family which she is of course apart from a piece of paper

I would say g/friend if they were young but not living together or partner if they were living together as it implies they are 'equals' in their relationship. Why do we get so 'hung up' on giving people 'labels' though. An 'in law' is exactly what it says on the tin, they are your son/daughter/mother and so on by virtue of having legally married into your family. Nothing more, nothing less.

I was once in a card shop looking for a card for"son and his partner" and it was assumed that he was gay. Ever since then I refer to his partner as my DIL. I love her just as much as I would if they were married

I spend six months a year in Greece, there a daughter in law is referred to forever as "the bride" (E Nifi), It's always funny to me, to hear an 80 year old mother in Law refer to her 64 year old daughter in Law as "the bride! Also a wife in Greece is known as "my women/his women/her woman" (E Yenaika), regardless whether married or not, it makes life easier.

Collectively I refer to various sons spouses and exes as inlaws and outlaws, but the ones who arent married to my sons are daughters in love

Addressing envelopes is easier if you dispense with titles. Firstname Lastname, that works for me.

I have an excellent and close relationship with my son's GF and I call her 'my daughter outlaw' when I'm talking about her to my friends. If I'm introducing her to people I describe her as T's girlfriend. They are perfectly comfortable with that, because it's their choice not to marry. And if they are comfortable with that, why shouldn't I be?

We have one 'official' Son in law and one 'unofficial '. Always refer to them both as our Son in law. It's just a piece of paper that makes it official. Hate the term partner.

I sometimes refer to the one who isn't actually married to my daughter as my SIL, but not in his presence. They haven't decided yet whether to marry, and I don't want to appear to be preempting any proposal or decision.

I thought partner was standard these days for unmarried couples.
What do you call your DGDs mother when she is your son's ex?

Our DS and partner just got married, so daughter-in-law is obviously fine now. In the 2 years they have lived together we always referred to her as his partner when talking to others. when addressing her it just didn't arise and we use her name.
Many years ago we had a next-door neighbour who ran a b & b. When one of her guests and his sons "overstayed", and they clearly began to live there, we called him the "live-in lover", though not to his face!

...and we call our DS's ex The B***H

Lol at frankie74. I have called my son's partner and mother of my DGC, my DiL.

One of my sons is married, the other lives with his girl-friend. I call them both my daughters-in-law and treat them exactly the same, sending birthday cards that say "daughter-in-law", etc. To me it makes no difference whatsoever.
They are both lovely daughters-in-law. The only difference is a bit of paper.

I'm new to Gransnet and loving it! However I do find all the abbreviations slow up the reading so that I often lose the gist and have to start the sentence again! I'm not usually slow, or daft, but the abbreviation thing doesn't come naturally to me - PST, DH, DS, OH ... Anyone else have this little problem?

You'll soon get used to them all, Grannyris (welcome, by the way!). There's a useful glossary (the Acronyms tab, at the top) that will help get you through till then. And they do speed things up.

You've got me with PST though!

I do love this chat. Just sitting down from my new year preps for a break and reading it makes me laugh!! We should all be blessed with such minor problems rather than some of the more serious ones I sometimes read on here. Be well everyone!!