Holidays

It is rude and regardless of their relationship before you came along he should not be sharing this with her now

I'm all for the father supporting dependent children but it sounds to me that these girls are all adults. If they are, then it's up to the father to decide what, if any, portion of his money goes to his offspring.
There shouldn't be an expectation of getting anything.
Still, not worth creating a family rift over it. A quiet discussion with OH and then let him deal with his kids.

As regards the will. It was Christmas Day when she asked this. His will has not even been discussed with me, and I have not made one at all (yet).

I have never asked how much a holiday costs. It does not interest me. What I dislike is being asked by this particular step daughter how much money was spent on a small trip away for a few days. This is possibly because we have had no honeymoon at all and don't go on holidays. I am aware that she has had numerous holidays, because she has said so and her ex husband complains at her that she does this and also tries to get money out of him which he does not have. I never criticise what any of his adult kids do and neither does my husband.

Sounds as if you need to have a discussion with on regarding finances you seem to resent the money given to his children. My oh and I made wills together as we have always shared everything and never kept secrets from each other. If you have children of your own a will is important.

Unless you are a family that generally discusses the cost of holidays and other things between yourselves it seems quite rude to me and nosey. Why would she need to know. Reading further into your posts re wills: I find it quite disrespectful that people need to know who has made a will...who is the executer etc. Then the unpleasantness about the money being lent to the brother of these daughters. There can often be resentment and bad feeling with children/stepchildren after divorces and remarriage probably because of an underlying jealousy that when the time comes they won't get their fair share. Unfortunately the sense of expectation and entitlement can be the cause of family feuds. I would not discuss your finances with her at all,what you and your husband spend is your business. If she asks any more nosey questions, don,t answer them as such but ask her why she needs to know ...putting the ball back in her court.

I have three adult step children, our relationship is hostile to say the least. DH is in poor health and on several occasions his children have asked pointed questions about his will. It's quite simple really in that whoever dies first leaves everything to the survivor, and they in turn leave it to the children (I have two adult children). If DH does die first I will be so tempted to change my will so that the step children get a token amount and my two inherit the bulk.

Zorro - it sounds like your DH's children may regard you as a gold-digger spending their potential inheritance.

In my experience, step-children get really wound up about this type of thing and their suspicions are fed by their respective parents not telling them what to expect by way of inheritance. SEcrecy over these matters can cause great harm to family relationships.

My mother married twice and kept her flat, all her bank accounts and investments in her sole name. She provided in her will for her second husband to remain in the flat until death when it will pass to her children.

However, she was a very secretive person so we didn't know if her bank accounts, etc were in her sole name until after she died. Fortunately she told us up front that she intended to allow 2nd DH to live there until his own death and that he would pay all the bills for living there, which we were greatly relieved about.

So my message to you is sort out with your DH how your respective monies are to be left, each make wills to implement your wishes and tell your respective children how things will be left after your death(s).

They may still be unhappy afterwards but that's their problem. IMHO, they are not entitled to know in the meantime what's in your DH's bank accounts, what you both spend on the home or on holidays or on anything else.

Wha age are his kids? Do you have any? Is your husband happy with the provision he has made for you and for them if he dies first, and has he got it sorted legally if u go first if u have any children? You need to get this cut and dried now, legally written up, and a copy given to everyone on the Sam day. Job done, or will go on forever.

U need a way pl now, he needs an updated pone. Circumstances likeno will can have devastating results. It happened in our family at age of 44, make legal appt today and te

Your husband it's totally necessary, in you, his, and children's interests. Today! My daughter lost everything .

Thistlerose1 I'm afraid I take exception to your comments about stepparents - I have 2 stepdaughters, one I never met due to disagreements with her family before I ever came on the scene - the other one came to live with us for two years when she was 17, she then moved away met someone, had 3 children with him, met someone else married and had 2 more. I'm not saying life was easy when she was with us but whose is when they are 17 even in "normal" relationships. Whenever we went to see them always bought the grandchildren outfits, toys etc. When my husband (her father) passed away 20 years ago I still used to go and see them (200 miles away) on a regular basis and carried on with the outfits etc not because I had to but because I wanted to, despite hardly getting anything back in return (no birthday or Christmas cards let alone a present) - it was always give on my side not the other way. I haven't done this for the last few years simply because she and her husband moved back to his home country about 8 years ago.

This might sound poor me but I did my best and got no thanks only "when are you coming again" because she knew I would buy the kids stuff - she hasn't even been back here to see me since her dad's funeral 20 years ago (when she was in the UK).

Step-children should take responsibility as well for any relationship

Sorry, I pad crazy. He needs a will right now, so do u!

Yellowcanary im not sure why you feel you can take exception to my comment as it was nothing to do with you nor was it directed at you.. Im well aware there are good step parents, my husband is the best step parent I've ever seen.. I personally would wish for a good step parent as my Mum isn't the best, unfortunately I don't get to fit with my Father and step Mum either.. Believe me it has nothing to do with me in regards to respect or responsibility.. I'm also experiencing a nightmare of problems with my kids and their Dads new wife, she will not let there be a relationship without her being centre of the universe.. From my experience there are more evil step parents that feel a sense of entitlement over children from previous marriages.. In my opinion it's them who are being rude and jealous.. I honestly don't believe this is the case for EVERY step parent and at no point did I suggest I meant every step parent!!

Ceesnan you are quite frankly disgusting!! They ask because they can see right through you.. Any decent human wouldn't do that to their spouses children.. People like you truly disgust me..

This particular stepchild (she must be about 45) asks her father things like can her son have a group of friends round to camp in the garden. My husband then agrees, thinking it will just be a few boys in a tent, as it was when he was a little boy. The reality is that about 15 youngsters (mostly complete strangers) turn up on the night, girls and boys of 17 yrs who make a horrendous row all night drinking booze and then next door neighbour quite rightly complains. He then sweetly tells his daughter the next morning that all is fine, because he doesn't wish to upset her.

Thistlerose. Welcome back. did you sort your horrible gran out? Did you take any of the advice we gave you when you asked us, if so, what worked we like to know how things worked out.

You seem to be going through the mill with your whole family from what you write above. I do hope you are OK.

Radicalnan I did get sorted out.. Turns out my Gran moved out the area and I've enjoyed seeing her during our arranged visits.. I've also had the opportunity to tell her about some of the things she does that really annoy me as she complained to me about the same things happening to her at her new house.. One problem rectified and on to the next lol xx

Thistlerose1 You are unfortunately giving a terrible impression of stepmothers. I'm not like you describe at all.

Doesn't mean they don't exist.. I have unfortunately first hand experience, way too much experience!

Some quite prejudicial comments on this thread which is a pity - so I'll add what I think are objective ones. As a mum of two married daughters of my own, and two step-daughters (I have had for the past 20 years) I have witnessed quite different types of financial behaviour coming from them. My own daughters who are a few years older than my SDs would never dream of saying to me or to their father (who also remarried) that they are 'struggling' because this is just another way of asking for money. My SDs on the other hand have regularly done this in the expectation that they will receive a handout. To those contributors to this thread who think that dads (or mums) have a financial responsibility towards their grown-up children ... get real - that responsibility ends when they have coughed up the money for a university education in my book. At the age of 25+ all daughters and sons should be standing on their own two feet and any conversations about 'struggling' with money need to be seen in the context of a request to be bailed out and to cause interference in the relationship between the two parents. The older of my SDs uses these tactics just to show that she has some control over her father (she is now 35 and it is quite pathetic), the younger one genuinely has no money because her frequent requests for handouts throughout her university and later years have been met out of nothing more than guilt being piled on by the emotional blackmail, and consequently she has no financial acumen at all. My older SD earns an excellent salary and chooses to spend her money on a lifestyle which is quite different from mine. If she were ever to ask what her dad and I spend on a holiday I would tell her to mind her own business. Likewise, if she were ever to make a judgement about our spending by using the word 'expensive' I would tell her the same. We don't judge her financial decisions, and she has no right to judge ours. It is unfortunately a very sad fact that many adult SDs have grown up with resentment for their parents' divorce, and want to continually 'punish' their dads for 'leaving them'. Constant requests for money and judgements about how their dads spend what they have in their current marital relationship are merely symptomatic of that personality defect - the urge to use emotional blackmail. To Zorro21 I would say, weigh up the number of times your SD involves herself in your spending in this way, and if it's a definite pattern of behaviour speak to her about it. And to those who think Zorro21 bears the hallmarks of an evil SM, think how you would feel in a second relationship which adult step-children were attempting to undermine. My older SD walked out on a promising relationship because the man concerned had kids from a previous marriage and wished to spend alternate weekends with them - she (SD) told him plainly that she wasn't prepared not to have first claim on all of his time - yet as a SD she has done her utmost to create divisions between myself and her dad. To all those of you who are keen to get your hand's on dad's money and ensure your wicked SM is left high and dry, don't forget that the evil SM may be the one wiping his bottom and the dribble away from his mouth for years before he finally kicks the bucket - you may not deserve a penny!

* Thistlerosel* I said I will be tempted, not that I would do it. As it happens, I have far too much respect for DH's wishes to deny them, but if you knew the background to my remark you would possibly not be so quick to judge. I have put up with years of unpleasantness from them merely because I had the temerity to accept his proposal, but that's my problem, not yours.

Very well put GoldenAge.

Glad to read your post contained no prejudicial comments re your own SDs GoldenAge

Just say to her ' you'd better ask your father' i can see both sides really...my own children have a filopino stepmother who they can't stand....she's a golddigger
in their eyes...but i've told them that at least she is looking after him
Their father has already sorted his will so that they and stepmother would be provided for. I have a friend whose father remarried after death of his wife and the new wife got EVERYTHING belonging to his dead wife upon marriage and the house etc when he eventually died!!! We have told our children and stepchildren then when the last one of us pops off they will have equal shares.

I read I will write something objective and I think oh good how refreshing that this site is all about is all about after all. Then realise that my definition of objective is somewhat different to others.