Are you married but living separately?

Bohemian, it seems you are very happy as you are, so really there is little point in changing things, if however it would make you both happy to marry and carry on as you are do that.

I am not sure David is right. What he says is correct if you are both living together in the same house and the other house is empty or let out. In your case you are both in the same position as a couple who are married, but separated. You are both living alone and independently supporting your own homes from your own incomes. It would probably be worthwhile checking the situation out with a solicitor.

I agree with Grandetante over wills. Less sure about having joint bank accounts. The problem with joint accounts is that when you sort out Powers of Attorney you both have to have the same Attorneys to be able to access each others bank accounts. We got caught out by this. My Aunt and Uncle, who were childless, both chose different attorneys but the accounts could be accessed only if they had a minimum of one attorney in common, which they didn't, so we had to go through a difficult process of getting one of them to change their Attorney to one that the other also had and then cancel one PoA and negotiate (and pay) for a new one.

Hi Gemma this is an old thread

I think you may need to go through gransnet HQ for media requests

Now why didn’t I think of that! Sometimes a little bolt hole would be so useful . Good luck to you both

Hi there,

I am a young filmmaker based in London and am looking to produce a short documentary about couples that are happily married but choose to live separately.

I am exploring this topic because I believe its an incredibly strong thing for couple to do and is a story that could inspire others!

If this is something you would be interested in, or know someone that might be suitable please email me at: [email protected]

Thank you so much!
Gemma

I wish!!! Perfect scenario. Men are from Mars and Women from Venus!!

Sounds like the perfect relationship. I envy you.

Best wishes or a happy future!

As I'm imminently about to slip off the end of the page, I thought I'd add that after reading through this thread, Old Man River and I have decided to opt for a Humanist do and keep the boat and cottage to wander in and out of at random. Thank you all for your support and advice

I can only think that you keep the boat and the house if finances stretch to this and depending if it is moored or not. Have the best of both worlds.
Having said this, my husband and I live in the same house but live completely separate lives. We do not even have the same friends, but we are very happy indeed. We holiday together several times a year and are there for each other when it matters. Don't know what we would do without each other!

You are so lucky to be contemplating such an idyllic existence. Several people have mentioned legal issues. I believe that getting married revokes any existing will so if you each want your property to go to respective families in the future you need to make new wills. Good luck with your lovely plans ??

Where and how you live should be your own business, but if I were you I would ask the citizens' advice bureau or a solicitor whether there are any legal drawbacks - you don't want to be had up for defrauding the Inland revenue at some point in the future.

I'm assuming that neither of you have children, as you don't mention any, but whether you marry or not and whether you decide to live on board his houseboat or in your house, or turn and turn about, please avoid difficulties in the future by making wills (dreary task, I know) and check with your banks what happens with bank accounts, here even if you are married, you cannot access a spouse's bank account either during their lifetime or if you are left as a widow or widower. I know many people who discovered that sad fact too late! You need a power of attorney unless you have a joint account. This kind of thing is easier to discuss while you are both healthy than later on, if one of you is seriously ill.

Prue Leith and her newish husband live in separate houses, can't see a problem as long as you both make very specific wills. Possibly get some legal/financial advice as to the best way round things like inheritance tax etc?

When I met my 2nd husband we'd both been divorced for ages and were both dead set against marrying again, but it just seemed the right thing for us and we do live together in "our" house bought by each selling our previous homes. I love my solitude and wondered how I'd cope but we both have lots of interests that take us out of the house separately, so I always seem to have time to myself. And actually, there's no-one I'd rather spend time with than DH anyway.

Whilst it would not suit everyone I can certainly see the plus sides,the houseboat living and the tranquility of a cottage and your own company when you want it as I am a firm believer in having your own space I'm sure many people would relish this style of relationship if they could afford to run two homes specially one of them being a houseboat

Do remember if you get married it changes your Next of Kin. If you have family this ought to be discussed with them.

That sounds great to me polly! Having just embarked on a late-life relationship I find despite the initial enthusiasm for being together all the time, I'm glad we still live separately and I have no wish to change that. I remember Peter Cook once said that the reason his marriage was so happy was because he and his wife lived in different houses (in the same lane, I believe).

I know two couples who have married for second time in later life and who have each kept their own homes in different parts of the country. They spend some weeks together in one place then go to the other one for a while and ccasionally stay apart for a short ime. It would not be for me but seems to work for them. They seem very happy!

boheminan, I draw your attention to what David1968 said further up, in case it disappears from view - if he is right, then as far as I know that is the only beaurocratic problem you will have.

If the houseboat is,nt too far away from where your cottage is it sounds ideal keeping both if it's financially possible.....sounds lovely.....best of both worlds. I don,t think there"s any legal reasons why you can"t do this. Regarding red- tape and complications if there are any that is...could one address be the main postal address with the other one just having its utility bills sent there ...a bit like a holiday home I suppose.I love houseboats so I,de be torn as well.

Bo, all the luck in the world to you! You deserve it!
Why not make your own ceremony?

I can't foresee any legal problems, you would be responsible for your property, registered for Council Tax & to vote. You are responsible for your own Income Tax & Utility bills.

Inheritance is simplified if you are married whether you live together or not.

I worked with a lady who married later in life for reasons of simplifying inheritance, she maintained a flat in London & he had a house in Suffolk, they mostly met up at weekends, worked well for them. Good luck on your decision

Sorry typo sentence should read WE HAVE DRAWN UP A LIVING TOGTHER AGREEMENT, see the LT website it's really good!

Hi , you will decide what's right for you. I wonder at the need to get married though when you have both been married before. If things didn't turn out well you would have to go through a divorce and all the difficulties that entails. When married legally I know you will be well aware that you are entitled to half of what he's got and he is entitled to half of what you have. My partner and I have been together for 11 years and have lived together for 6 of them.We love each other but having both been through divorces we have no intention of getting married.We have sensibly draw not up a living together agreement ( see the LT website) . Whether married or not , living together or not it's sensible , well I believe to discuss all things including money, property and paying bills openly and as soon as possible. I know I am very practicable but experience on the divorce front has helped! It has helped us to be clear about the way we live together. Good luck

It's my understanding that if you each have a home, then you marry, that you have a period of time (a year?) in which to sell either (or both) homes without paying any tax. After that, you need to designate one of the homes as your "main residence "and the other, if ever sold, will incur capital gain tax charges. This is only my understanding - but worth checking?

Sounds perfect. I live on a narrow boat and my ideal would to meet a guy who has his on boat...he could moor next to me...mine would be the one with the fairy lights and bunting