Continued support and fun aspects too of rebuilding lives after estrangement can't believe 4 years and we still here to offer help, friendship and support.

I thought it would be comforting for any person to be reassured that her DS was not deliberately avoiding her but behaving like a normal loving husband whose wife has been bereaved! She should feel extra proud of her caring son being a good husband and father.

We all have difficult issues to manage in our lives. Do not assume, because we choose not to share, that we do not understand life can be crap!

Come on ladies, cut Smileless some slack, I would think she doesn't need telling what to do or think...we have all been through hell and back on here, listening and comfort is mostly needed.

When there is a death involved in the reason for a visit fro m family overseas I would think most folk would expect the priority to be with the bereaved relatives. I can see it would have been wonderful for you to have had more time with your DS and his family and a bit frustrating if arrangements were changed. Maybe your DiL found her mum/sisters/family a comfort or in need of her comfort at this sad time for the family.

It is always disappointing when the picture we have painted in our head does not turn out the same on the canvas. I try to keep a blank canvas and be happy with whatever appears on it!

In what way have I judged Smileless, fairydoll?

I made no comment about her.

I commented on the situation of her DiL travelling all the way from Australia to attend her father's funeral. Having made a similar journey myself many years ago, I can see that DiL might have wanted to spend the time with her own family.

That's all.

Janeainsworth

I'm sure Smileless can respond for herself. However, she has been through a very bad time for the past few years. Being estranged from your son and having grandchildren living very close by that.you are never allowed to see is unimaginable for most of us.

Cut her some slack, she was looking forward to seeing her DS and DIL albeit in tragic circumstances. Seeing them, and holding them close maybe compensates a little for the 'loss' of her other son and grandchildren. What parente should do and what parents actually do in these circumstances is not for anyone else to judge.

Walk a mile in my shoes, eh.....

Smileless I'm sorry that you feel upset, but I'm afraid that we all have to accept that once our children grow up and leave home, we are no longer their priority.
When they have a partner of their own, that applies even more so.

4 nights out of a fortnight seems quite a lot to me, given the circumstances. How would you have felt if they had come for a funeral on your side of the family, and stayed more than 4 nights with DiL's family?

We lived abroad for 11 years and came home infrequently. When we did, we had to divide our time between DM and DMiL (both widowed), an old aunt in Cornwall, and see our friends too. Neither DM nor DMiL ever gave an inkling that they begrudged the time we spent with other people.

Don't make your DS and DiL feel guilty about the time they did spend with you. You may not have said anything, but they could have easily picked up your resentment.

Smileless Welcome back. I was worried you ran away. So sorry you couldn't see your son as much as you would have liked. I guess it may have been your DIL that may have insisted your son be with her and her family. He may be saying and really meaning it about staying with you but then she may be telling him something else and he doesn't want to rock the boat. I too am curious if he saw his brother.

CelebgranI don't understand the reason people can't take the time to say a proper thank you even by text or email. There is no excuse for it. You may want to ask your son if his partner got the gift. My step daughters partner of 23 years never acknowledged our gifts to him for the first ten years. Then he finally would call and thank us but now we get texts only. I have a friend who stopped giving her son and his wife gifts because they never ever acknowledged it.
Glad you enjoyed your son. Feel better.

Glad you had a good time with ds and family, celeb! It is rude that his partner's ds didn't thank you for the gift. But he's a teenager, correct? Some teenagers are like that, I know. Idk if it's adolescent rebellion against the "rules" or if they just get too busy in their own lives and activities to think of it. And maybe his mum feels he's old enough to know to do this, so doesn't remind him. I have a cousin who was like that with her teens.

Sorry you have a funeral to go to, and that it reminds you of your other "loss," the absence of ed and her kids. Sad altogether.

Good to see you, Smileless! But sorry you didn't get to see ds as much as you had hoped. As Fairydoll said, perhaps dil felt she needed to be with her family as much as possible. There may even have been some pressure to be with them more than originally planned. Very wise of you not to say anything.

But since they are often "flaky" when they visit, there may be a little more going on here. As Luckylegs said, there's the need/wish/pressure to see so many people in so short a time. Is it better when you and Mr. S. visit them. That's a clue, I think.

But perhaps before their next visit, you can let ds know that you would like more definite plans? I wouldn't mention anything about what happened after the funeral, but, you might just let him know that you people like to know what's actually going to happen, so you can schedule your time, accordingly. Idk how he'll take that though. Obviously, you and Mr. S will have to use your own judgment.

Enjoy "getting back to normal!"

Lucklegs ?I wonder if we moved near mynson woukd we see them that often?
I would love be nearer him butmwe would miss our friends and social life so much,

Welcome back from me too smilless I am getting bit confused with different threads??but I did answer your pm sorry was bit late as felt so unwell last week,

It is difficult and must be so frustrating,
We had wonderful weekend with our son despite my back problems and tum thing but strangely enough not heard from sons partner since?Tad annoying left nice gift for her son no acknowledgment find that so rude. Very Strange we were so welcomed and looked after so that's main thing,
Skyped our son Sunday we had such stressful easter think said on another thread

Sad news we too have funeral go to smilless, dh dispenser and he was only 71
It triggers sadness ref ed inevitable I suppose we all get reminders, of our own mortality,

Smilless ?Hope you have lots hugs to last you to Xmas.

I managed acquacise and my shape up class as was last one lost 9lb in total quite pleased. My back is agony however at least antibiotics seem helped tummy, but missing naproxen,

Have good evening all x

Oh Smileless, welcome back, sorry you didn't get to see much of your son and dil. I have had to resign myself to just phone calls, and a meal out a few times a year, it all adds up to very little time together, I know when I do see son and family, they visit for an hour maybe two, the times we do see each other are enjoyable and I don't realy understand why it is as it is. I don't get invited over any more, they say their lives are busy with two teenagers, I envy those who have holidays together and days out, but it never will be like that for me. I wonder when everything is settled, if it might give you quality time to visit your son, when they come here there must be a whole list of people to catch up with and the time goes so quickly, especially under such awful circumstances. Anyway, glad you are back, you were missed.

Smileless2012 sorry that you have not seen DS DiL as much as you like. Commiserations.

Starlady I agree it can seem strange when non estranged GP's dont make the most of time available to spend with DGC.

But sometimes Smileless it can be a relief to get back to normal after periods of traditional ''family visiting'' like Easter, Christmas. I have a DB and SiL who always make bigger plans to visit than materialise - I almost wish my attempts to be more direct about it would work

Smileless - our son is a bit like this.
We`ve always said "just come when you can, we understand if you can`t come" - which possibly makes it easy for him not to come. And it`s definitely easier for him not to come to us than risk upsetting others who won`t be so understanding. However, we do still feel miffed when he doesn`t come - even if we`ve told him not to!!!

A very difficult time for you Smileless - on top of everything else.

I expect DIL felt she must spend as much time as possible with her mum and sister after the unexpected death of her dad. DS probably didn't have much choice but to go along with it all. So sad for you I know as naturally you hoped to see more of him.

Did he meet up with ES? I wonder if you got any 'feedback'?

Hi ladies. It's been a strange and rather stressful 2.5 weeks. Our d.i.l.'s father's funeral went well. It was a humanist service and the guy who took it, took my step father's a few years ago. He's lovely, so sincere and caring.

Well we are at our holiday home, have been here over the weekend and go home on Thursday. DS and d.i.l. are coming sometime this afternoon and staying over night. We haven't seen very much of him which has been difficult. Of course we appreciate their need to be with her family at this difficult time but what's been rather upsetting is that arrangements are made and then they change them. When they arrived in the UK they spent 3 nights at her sister's before they came up to their mum. They're supposed to be going back there tomorrow until they fly back to Aus. on Saturday.

I've said nothing but am upset and disappointed that they wont be staying here for 2 nights instead of 1. When they leave on Saturday, they'll have been in the UK for 2 weeks, 6 days and DS will only have spent 4 nights with us.

Really annoying was last Monday Mr. S. took the day off work to spend time with him and he took the 11.30 train back to his m.i.l.'s so Mr. S. wasted a day.

We were of course more than happy to cancel our Easter weekend away here if they were going to be staying with us which included meeting up with friends, but saw no point in doing so on the off chance we might see them. TBH I'm not looking forward to their return at Christmas because they're so flaky. It's upsetting when on their arrival you're told 'we'll be staying with you for a good few days' and it doesn't happen.

Glad Rosie's doing 0K Celebyou must be so relieved. It's strange isn't it Rhinestone when GP's who have every opportunity to see their GC don't take full advantage. We probably wouldn't feel that way if we were seeing ours; maybe we'd be grateful for a bit of a break but I guess we'll never know.

Hope you all had a good Easter. I'll heartbroken tomorrow of course when I have to say goodbye to DS but a little bit relieved too, to get back to normal.

Thanks for the good wishes, Rhinestone, celebgran & Sparkly! I think Iv said it elsewhere, but Happy Easter from me, also, to all here who celebrate! And yes, Happy Passover to those who celebrate that holiday! And peace to all!

Celeb, sorry about loss of priest - and church. So sad. Hope you find peace on Easter, anyhow.

Rhinestone, glad you're getting to spend some time with DD's children. Iv been helping out with mine, too, due to spring vacation.

Sorry about DD's back, of course. Sorry, too, that it's hard for you to enjoy her children without thinking of your egc.

Odd about the other gps not seeing the gc as often as they could. Maybe they feel they should see them only when their ds is involved? Or maybe they only want to see them then? They may not feel comfortable around dd because of the divorce. Some people are like that.

celebgran I am glad you like pottering too...I chose pots about 18 inches high because if I get down on the ground to weed, plant etc anything, I might not get back up! NOT A Good look!!

Shame your priest passed away - our parish is hanging on by the skin of its teeth, a priest kindly came out of retirement 6 years ago to keep one mass/service a week going.

Happy Easter (to those celebrating) Joyful Passover (to those celebrating)

Hi All- Still here but been helping DD out this last week as GC on spring vacation. Heartbreaking as the EGC could have been having fun with us. DD had severe back pain and had to go to the hospital for a day this week but is better now. She is sad as this will be the first Easter without her GC because of the divorce. Her X husbands parents are in town and this is his weekend to have the children.
His parents said nothing as he downed eight big cans of beer and then went out at ten at night . If that were my child I would be worried about him driving a car after drinking. The parents have been in town over a week but have only seen their GC twice and this weekend will be the third time. Funny how they have the opportunity to see them everyday but choose not to do so. How many of us would give our eye teeth to see our EGC? Life sure is weird.
Happy Easter to all who celebrate.
?

Sounds lovley i too love pottering in garden have bought couple. I enjoy carnations to put in set some pinks last weekend and dh set some moe raspberries, I use my seat is hard with back?.

Since our local priest died sadly couple years ago church closed we used to visit, such a shame, we hardly go now, may go to c of e service tomorrow
Sadly easter true meaning seems gone way of Xmas, it's all about food and chocolate eggs!

Thank you we got show this evening and will take it easy today.

It's bit chilly and overcast here!

celebgran I have church planned for later, meal with friends tomorrow and maybe some gardening as I have started re planting my garden pots for a late spring/summer display of flowers - I love flowers and deadheading them, watering, feeding them when the weather is better keeps me occupied, and is a lovely distraction.

I hope celebgran you have a better night tonight.

Thanks sparklygran am still losing weight, not bad thing just worry when feeling unwell. Antibiotics seem be helping somewhat.

Oh yes car needs new bumper apparently and ohrmfriends car is worse new door so insurance job!

Didn't have great night bitmthank goodenss wasn't sick, going be much more careful today.
What do you have planded sparklygran?
Hope youmfeeling bit better eeddiecat have you been dr?
Yogagirl and Smilelss rhinestone starlady and all of us happy easter! ????

celegran I hope the anti biotics work quickly and your car is repaired if it needs it..

Have the best Easter weekend you can .

Sorry meant sparklygran,,!

Thank you am praying antibiotic starting to work as first slight improvement today!

Happy easter ? all x