Estrangement / Cut off Mum

Madmeg, one problem with these boards is that we only know what the poster is telling us. They could have seen their relationship with their dd or ds or whoever as "close," but dd or ds might have seen it differently.

But bodhi, I don't think that's the case with you. Sil reads her mail? She refused to write that letter to you? Definitely sounds like something bad is going on there. Sorry to have to say that.

But if she's not on board, why would you get a PIN if you contacted her? I don't get it.

Anyway, congrats on your coming baby! Enjoy your time with ds and family and just be ready to be there for dd if she comes to you.

Ginny, it definitely sounds like sil has deep issues. Can you honor dd's request? I know you're dgs' gm and this is "crazy," but would it be better not to see him and dd? Think about it. (((Hugs)))

Smiley I am suggesting "being denied contact with ones GC is a small storm." if life priorities are in order and hobbies, interests, and other family are in place.

Araabra, you seem to think being denied contact with a GC can be pushed out of your mind by 'doing other stuff'. I might try that with a toothache, but believe me, it doesn't work for heartache.

The only thing the OP can do is to just keep going, putting one foot in front of the other, enjoy the love of her DS's family and never ever give up hope.

bOdhitree, tiny steps, a day at a time. I do sometimes try to just let it wash over me. Hugs xx

Rubbish. Of course hobbies, a full active life and distractions work to dispel a gloomy attitude.

I think heartache is very different from a gloomy attitude.

Araabra with all due respect I think you are talking utter rubbish and it is likely to be very hurtful to people who are estranged from their families.

I think the answer lies in the middle. Withdrawing from life, considering your life utterly ruined and sitting around dwelling on your grief is not a good thing, whatever the tragedy that has blighted your life.

Taking your courage in your hands and returning to life, your previous activities, even developing new ones so that you have less time on your hands to dwell on your grief, can help. But in the end, it is the will of the individual to not let their grief and loss define their lives and to build a new life underlain by a sorrow that will never leave them that shapes your post-estrangement life.

"The only thing the OP can do is to just keep going, putting one foot in front of the other, enjoy the love of her DS's family and never ever give up hope."

Brilliant

I think there is a poster on this thread here whose regular postings is not worth taking.

The situation the op and many others describe is like brainwashing, or perhaps is brainwashing?

My sister was going down that route, but thankfully, he started falling for someone else, so broke up with her.

I couldnt believe what was happening before my very eyes.

He was going to go further than some and have her live somewhere very isolated.

I had the same thing Boditree When this first happened I went to the park adjacent to my GD playschool, I thought my D would let me just give them a kiss & cuddle and to tell them I love them, it was just a day after Mother's Day too. But I didn't get anywhere near them, as my D ran back into the school. But next day I had the police round and had a PIN and a warning of an harassment order put on me, I was accused of trying to kidnap my GD, when I hadn't got near enough to even say 'hello'!

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Yogagirl. Were you invited to the school? Did you make your daughter aware you'd like to meet?
Or did you just turn up?
Because if that is the case you masisvivly overstepped.

Bippity *"Yogagirl. Were you invited to the school? Did you make your daughter aware you'd like to meet?
Or did you just turn up?
Because if that is the case you massively overstepped."*

The common theme, here, is GPs can do no wrong, overstep whenever suits, send gifts and cards when asked to stop contact, TOXIC behavior.

Oh for goodness sake Araabra there's nothing toxic or overstepping the mark about sending gifts and cards even if you've been asked to stop contact. The poor little mites never get them anyway do they, because their parents make sure they never see them. Those estranged GP's that do send something for birthdays and at Christmas, we just send cards, do so because it's the only thing we can do.

I'll tell you what the common themes seem to be, that 'there's no smoke without fire', that EP's and EGP's 'must have done something to deserve it'' that AC who refuse to have anything to do with their parents and take GP's away from their own children are without blemish, blame and responsibility. They are the poor innocent victims of cruel and manipulative parents.

We some AC do have good reason and some don't and it's the AC whose behaviour is totally unjustified who are wrong, overstepping the mark and are exhibiting toxic behaviour.

Did you actually read Yogagirl's post Bibbity? She didn't go to the school, she went to the park adjacent in the hope that her ED would allow her to give her GC a kiss and a cuddle and tell them she loved them.

You want to talk about 'overstepping the mark', how about getting the police onto your own mother and accusing her of trying to kidnap her GD..

Smiles "it's the AC whose behaviour is totally unjustified who are wrong, overstepping the mark and are exhibiting toxic behaviour." Why would you say? When AC ask for distance and cessation of contact, why not do as AC ask?

So she wanted to ambush her? Is that what you're saying?

That's horrible.

yogagirl isn't it starlady who is wendysue?

Araabra - I can`t get over your suggestion that being denied contact with your grandchildren is "a small storm". Everything in your life can be going beautifully - you can have good relationships with other family members, lots of lovely friends, plenty of hobbies etc etc - but when this happens you feel as if your entire life has been derailed. Your memories of a happy past seem false. Your assumptions about happy times in the future are thrown into chaos. Don`t you dare tell me that if I just keep busy everything will be fine

And then again, I can't get over your assertions either.

If Araabra doesnt really mean it - try to ignore it.

If she does mean it - well most people know that to be hugely wrong. So again ignore it!

I will now guess it is the first one!

Yogagirl I am SparklyGran not WENDYSUE, and I have only come to Granset recently AND I have posted about being estranged from my DS DiL and DGC regularly since I joined.

Being estranged affects me deeply, I don't know where the idea has come from that it doesn't affect me?

I cant imagine how my posts have offended, and I thought I am pretty unique, not sounding like anyone else?

Wendysue moderates grandparents.com American forum

A poster told me and I think she posts as starlady not sparklygran

I went on this site so know its true,

Thank you so much for defending me Smileless
Remember Bibbity and others, that my D&GD lived with me before her now nasty husband came on the scene, we had a very close & loving relationship, So from that to not even being able to say 'hello I love you'! and for no reason other than his & his mother's jealousy of my love for them!