Lost friend

I'm really sorry that this situation escalated and that it obviously feels very raw to you at the moment

BUT and it's a big BUT

From a personal point of view I detest hearing about other people's marital problems. I find that advice is always ignored and you end up as a listening wall for them to unload their stuff.

Seems your friends are happy being unhappy and have now joined forces to push you out! Gives them a common goal to vent their seemingly very negative feelings!

I would rely on Karma! Leave em to it ..... they're adults ..... Pity she treated you like her marriage guidance counsellor/psychiatrist!

Find friends who bring happiness and sunshine into your life. I was depressed just reading your post!
So wish you good luck and try not to fret ?

I think you should inform the police about what he did to you. At least they will have it on record in case he does something else. I pity your friend. She is doing what HE wants and she has little choice. Try and let her know you will be there for her if she wants to talk.

All I can suggest is that you be there for her if (when?) he either attacks her or she leaves him.

Radicalnan, there was 2 weeks between the incident in the pub and the confrontation on Friday. She came to see me and said that he didn't really hate grandson,and she hoped we could still be friends,so I sent him a card to apologise as it was in a public place.I did it to diffuse the situation. Then he'd read my emails, and that's when he came round,when he was threatening me I was more angry than afraid and told him that he'd ruined her life and that he was a cowardly bully.TBO I think if I'd have had a knife I would have enjoyed plunging into him.
My husband (ex police officer) age almost 70, says I'm obsessed about him.
And agrees with me about him,but would go berserk if I involve the police.
I'm no wallflower and strong minded, but I have to think about his health blood pressure.
JessM that's very interesting what you said about the triangle.
Just for good measure my friends Mother loathed him, said he sent shivers down her spine.And mums are always right when it comes down to there kids!

Despite your DH being an ex-police officer I would urge you to talk to the Police, no charges will be brought but you will at least put him on their radar if your friend? should ever call them. Your DH belongs to another era of Policing where "Domestics" were not taken seriously.

It sounds like your friend's husband is trying to isolate her from friends - if you get the chance tell her you will always be there for her but you are not prepared to be a "marriage counselor"

This is a vwery sad situation for you. There is some very good advice from posters on this thread. it is helpful to understand the Karpman Triangle www.karpmandramatriangle.com/

Eric Berne wrote Games People Play. Sadly by trying to rescue some one you become part of the 'game'.

When a situation of this type happened to friends of mine I suggested that they say Sorry I don't know how to help you over this as it is a matter that needs help from a professional. This response keeps you out of the triangle.

Then it is up to you. Sadly as some people have suggested you may have to move on and find other friends.

He is obviously emotionally abusing your dear friend and she's that used to it by the sounds of it that she dare not go against anything he says in fear of the repercussions and must be forever walking on eggshells. Without doubt she will be deeply upset by what he did to you and will realise that you only spoke up to defend her because you think so much of her and he obviously doesn't!. Because he has got her so ground down she is making it appear that she blames you but believe me, its obvious that he is the one out of order. Could you get her on her own at all to show you understand and are there for her when she needs it?. Im sure she will be feeling as sorrowful as you at the upset between you both. Such a sad situation

If he can physically abuse a family friend, then he can and probably does physically abuse his wife, you have lost a friend, then you have nothing to lose in trying to save her now from him. He should never have touched you. There is no excuse, none at all. Be strong.