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Should I approach my son about how he speaks to his wife?

(54 Posts)
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YankeeGran Tue 19-Jul-16 11:35:20

I have a wonderful son...well, wonderful most of the time. We have a good, strong relationship and speak often. He is married to a truly lovely and loving woman with whom we all have a good relationship. What concerns me is the way he so often speaks to her in front of us: he belittles her because she hasn't done something the way HE thinks it should be done. I know she can be somewhat ditsy, and her lack of organisation would probably drive me mad if I lived with her, but it actually hurts me when he speaks so disrespectfully to her (he didn't get this from us), especially in front of us (not that he should be disrespecting her at any time).

I have tried never to interfere in my children's marriages, but after seeing this behaviour on many occasions, I really feel I need to make him aware of something he may not realise. Should I keep my mouth shut - or try to say something (probably by email?) and what should I say?

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Craftycat Wed 20-Jul-16 18:45:27

If I was there when he said it I would definately say something- maybe in a slightly joking manner firstly. I would also compliment her when he was there & if this fails I would have a quiet word with him but then I know I could do that with both my sons. I think I might even tell her to give as good as she gets if you have a good relationship with her. My DH can be a bit ascerbic at times but I go straight back at him especially if it is in company. He thinks he is being funny but I'm not putting up with that.
It's disrespectful & she shouldn't have to put up with it. Maybe remind him he was brought up to be kind.

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unruffled Wed 20-Jul-16 18:46:24

I would be inclined to ask your DIL on her own whether that's normal behaviour and if she is OK. It's a sign of potential (emotional) abuse and I don't think you can stand by and watch it. She needs to know you don't condone it. And I'd speak to your son direct (not mentioning your conversation with your DIL as this may place her at risk) - and then I would follow the advice of mumofmadboys and interject at the time

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janeayressister Tue 02-Aug-16 18:34:57

My BIL frequently speaks disparingely about his wife in front of us and I always say something as I think it is offensive.
For instance she rarely drinks and I have hardly seen her drink alcohol. We are at their house and are offered a glass of wine, he makes jokes about her being a drunk. Etc.

Their house is pretty chaotic but it is his house as well and I don't see him cleaning up....
So I think the post should support her DIL at the time the horrible things are said. If he says his wife hasn't done something, his Mum could say' well neither have you!

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