Rude son!

Revenge is a dish best served cold. Bide your time and plan something to make him think. How old is he BTW?

Don't get mad, get even......Your chance will come when he wants you to do something for him.

This lad needs an attitude adjustment.

Don't waste time nagging. Get a sheet of paper and rule a line down the centre. On one side list the things that you do to contribute to the running of your lives, on the other the things that he does.

Below that list the things that you find painful or difficult to do, because of your age and health.

If the list of what you do is longer than the list of what he does, ask him which of the tasks in the last list can be moved to be his responsibility.

If one of the jobs he walked away from was hanging this things on the line (you mentioned that in another thread) leave them somewhere visible in the clothes basket to get smelly. When he can't find any clean boxers tell him you can't hang up clothes any more because it hurts your back too much, he will have to hang them up himself or wear them damp.

How does he think he will survive at Uni if he can't lift a finger for himself? Does he think his tutors will come round and see to his laundry for him? There are lads who are as badly prepared as that - when my son started, he shared a house with boys who thought that you just shoved a frozen chicken in the oven for half an hour, then took it out and ate it.

A friend of mine did a similar thing in the early eighties, elegran. When her husband left his suit (he only had one, for formal occasions) in a heap on a chair, she just left it there. When he next needed it, it had gone mouldy in parts.

They are still married.

If you don't feel like cooking for him, don't.
Buy yourself a ready meal
Wash your own clothes, leave his in a dirty heap.
If he grumbles, tell him it's a two-way thing - if he puts out the rubbish and does a few jobs around the place then you are happy to cook for him, wash his smelly socks, underpants etc.

Hear, Hear (*Jalima*)

How old is he? Does he pay anything towards the household? etc, etc,

Not healthy to live together out of 'need' rather than 'want' ...

Sod the itching powder!

He's not an infant, he's off to uni soon. Do him the courtesy of treating him like an adult. Sit down and discuss the house rules with him, give him the consequence of NOT doing his share and leave it.

Next time he walks away , remind him he's an adult and if he still ignores you carry out the consequence.

Revenge is ridiculous . It won't get the jobs done.

It needs to be calm and calculated and it needs to hurt him. Bought experience is th best experience as my Gran used to say.

Is he in the middle of A level exams? If so give him some slack until his exams are over.

Hollow laugh

From rubylady's previous posts, it seems that this is his usual way of treating her.

You're always moaning about this boy. Time you either sorted him out or put him out.

I honestly believe that children are happier and feel better about themselves if they are given responsibility commensurate to their age. Sadly by the time they get to teenage it's a bit late to start expecting them to pull their weight when they're used to having things done for them. My children used to have the odd moan about doing chores and my stock answer was always to say they would thank me one day - and eventually that day did come.

Your son is not particularly unusual I'm afraid ruby, but it is very frustrating for you I'm sure. As mumofmadboys says - cut him some slack while he's doing his exams and then sit him down and give him 'the talk' and then follow through by NOT doing things for him that he could (should) do for himself.

Have some and a to make the day a bit brighter.

I don't think it would be that asy to actually put your own son out on the street! Isn't Rubylady doing all she can by encouraging him to get off to uni in the Autumn?

Rubylady just keep thinking September.

I have a friend who has always seemed to me to be very close to her two grown up daughters. I have always felt rather envious of her being so close to them - they are always together. However, last week I was appalled to hear how one of her daughters spoke to her, with no retaliation from my friend. My daughter would never speak to me like that. Some of these younger folk are quite disrespectful to their parents.

rubylady as jings says "think September"

mumofmadboys is right that you need to cut him some slack during exams but after that I would advocate 'no holds barred'. He will certainly appreciate you and everything you do for him once he is at uni and if things don't improve in the way he speaks to you and interacts with you the sanctions are all in your hands. No confrontation but a cessation would be my approach.

It is not going to be very long now so hang on in there!

There are just the two of you rubylady and we have heard quite a few of the things your son has got up to and how he can make your life difficult. You clearly also have a close relationship and perhaps he has taken the easy way out by allowing himself to be "mothered/smothered" and in trying to establish a degree of independence is doing it the only way he knows, by having a teenage strop.
He needs to get away, to have more independence and more responsibility both for himself and responsibility for you. He is a young man and needs both the opportunity and the desire to develop his maturity.
His childish behaviour should not invite a similar level of behaviour from you, so no pranks, no revenge. I go along with the principle that to encourage adult behaviour you need to treat him like an adult. Am I right in thinking he is 18/19?
You need to establish a modus vivendi which is agreeable to both of you.

Is he in the middle of A level exams? If so give him some slack until his exams are over
I know he is usually difficult, but just doing something willingly like putting out the rubbish, taking his plate to the sink etc won't interfere with his 'A' levels too much. Just to show willing!

My DC were very awkward teenagers but have turned into lovely adults, I'm glad to say - just keep hoping [flower]

rubylady I offered to teach my son a couple of cheap easy meals to prepare when he went to university, he replied that he didn't need to learn as he would be dining in the pub! He came back at half term saying my cooking was better than the pub and now is an excellent cook, he does a very good stir fry.

This was supposed to be a lighthearted thread! A jokey thread!

It was supposed to ease all the stress I have been under and have a laugh.

Actually, he hasn't been bad these last few months, a lot better than he was and has been brilliant over the time of me losing my dad. I'm certainly not thinking of putting him on the street. And Jane I am sorry for moaning about this boy again, but like I said it was supposed to be lighthearted. I will endeavour to keep my thought to myself in future!

I am sure that teens, boys too, go up and down in their moods, as I have found to be the case and this is just another mood swing. Gosh, I didn't expect to have such serious comments. I will leave it there and move on. Thank you to the comments of help and understanding but some are quite harsh and not what I need at this moment, at all!

Jing Thanks love.

Keep singing rubylady
www.youtube.com/watch?v=qISV2HaPpZU
(words are not that appropriate but never mind)

and sod the dirty socks

As I have said before, he can cook, he can clean, he can wash up and clean his own clothes. He has been brought up to do jobs around the house since he was little. This is no shock to his system, asking him to help out. It was his washing I asked him to put on the line. He is capable and should be doing it. He just chose not to. Well, that's fine because he will have to sort it somehow.

I'm bleeding quite badly from the Lletz treatment I had two weeks ago for pre cancerous cells and have pain too so I'm not struggling to do it when he is healthy enough to do his own washing. He doesn't get away with much and he does help. He went to the shop last night for sanitary towels for me. So he is a gem at times, he's just having an off day and it was supposed to be lighthearted, not serious. I have grief and worries of my own, in tears most days at the moment. So please handle this bear with care.

Jamila Thank you, very funny, cheered me up that did. I do get it.