should the children be more important than the relationship

But surely you get to choose your own username, ethel? Everyone else seems to (not done it myself so can't speak from experience) GN doesn't issue people with names.

Oh I'm sorry reiki I'm afraid I disagree with you on what men want or are.

I don't see that a weekend without mum and dad means you're replacing your child. I believe parents do need a break. It's exhausting being a parent and I see no reason why you can't entrust your child to grandparents who obviously cherish and adore the child.

Both sides get a breather and come back together to share new experiences. The nice thing about a break is it reminds you why you love your child and why you're a parent.

I see no reason why you can't share time as a couple AND love your child. I agree with annsixty children should not be on a pedestal .

If you can post on gransnet forums the server is not down.

Forgive me but you sound very unhappy in your relationship reikilady at least that's the impression you are giving. Investing your whole self into your child to the exclusion of everything else seems to put an awful lot of pressure onto the child.

Jingle I have sent them a email but I cant get reply as my server is down, (talktalk again), I got new password and it gave me 'reiki lady'. Ethel is sooo annoyed.

I agree with you about under fives. Parents seem to want it all these days. They shouldn't expect to leave very young children just to go off on jollies. Too young. Little ones can't understand why they have been left.

What a jaundiced view.

Why have you been given a new name by GNHQ?

Nan and grampy I think that you can replace a partner but not a child.
After children leave home I think its a time for yourself not to spoil a self centred grumpy old man who wants a mother substitute which is what most men are.

Any one who puts a child so much above a partner is asking for trouble. They both need attention but so does the mother. No one should have second place and children should not be made to think they are the centre of the universe, that way trouble lies.

I just think that under 5s need their mothers as I said above. I never had a day/night off from my DD until she was maybe about 7, ten it was just one night. Why do parents need to have time to themselves, they know what a commitment having babies are so why dont they remember this when the children arrive.

My Gran used to say that children grow up and leave, don't be left with a husband you don't have a relationship.

So whilst I believe once you gave a child they are important, I see no harm in some couple time also. Children benefit from building relationships with others than their mum and dad. It gives them confidence and allows them to grow.

Perhaps parents' needs should take second place sometimes and those of the children sometimes. A friend of mine left her fifteen month old with me for a weekend when she wanted to stop breast-feeding him. He was her fifth child and she'd had her fill of pregnancy and being a nursing mother. She and her husband continued be excellent parents after their weekend break and their five children seem to have grown up into happy, successful adults who love their parents.

And sometimes they leave their kids with their parents (now the grandparents) so they can have a day or two off work, 'work' there being parenting.

So long as a child is well looked after, a short break from its parents won't do it any harm.

I don't think it needs to be a contest both children and a relationship need attention as long as the child is well cared for with a loving relative what on earth is wrong with parents having time to themselves. I also think children benefit from time with a grandparent/loved family member, and knowing that its ok to be away from the parents sometimes and encourages independence eventually which can only be a good thing surely.