Awful weekend.

Aaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhhh. . . . . Kids!!! I should have stuck with dogs!! lol

Sorry, I am just lightening my load.

Thank you, I will sleep now and be back in the morning recouped. Xxx

Family dynamics change because our children do [usually and eventually] grow up. Just because we are older doesn't mean that we shouldn't change too.

I echo Nightowl's post.

Hopefully the weekend alone will help him sort his mind out a bit as well as refresh you. (You are still going aren't you?)

Is your house big enough for him to live with you, but more independently? Have his own space, do his own cooking, washing etc. Practice living within the means he'll have when he starts university. Almost as if he's a lodger. It may help you too to get used to the hole he'll leave when he goes.

It seems very irresponsible of the teacher. It is of course true, they just missed out the essential part of having to afford it!
I think you just to have to lay it on the line with him- teenagers rarely understand the cost of living.

Might be worth remembering that none of us know what the teacher actually said, or why.
Of course a 17 year old can leave home if he or she wants to.
Where they live and on what, is another question entirely.

Rubylady Call his bluff and suggest to him that he goes to a young peoples advice place and discuss with them how he could live independently at 18 and keep studying.
They may be able to enlighten him about the difficulties and explain the pitfalls of this idea. To be blunt it would be very difficult but let him find that out for himself.

Good ideas from Nellie.
You could use this to your advantage Ruby.
When he comes home with his tail between his legs, having realised that living independently is going to be a very tough choice, he will have effectively chosen to live at home with you.
That presents you with an opportunity to say that of course you are delighted to have him home, provided he observes the rules of the house, number one being that he treats his mother wih civility and due respect at all times!

Yes I was going to say call his bluff, very nicely! Explain that you love him, but you realise that you are not getting on and that you will support his decision to leave if that is what he wants. You may well find that is not what he wants at all when he looks into it. Be kind, be the grownup.
Let him know the door is always 'open' if he does decide to move out (but make sure you get his key back off him!)

I think Nightowl's post says it all. It's very good advice you're being given.

Yes, I agree that I have had some great advice and wonderful support so I thank you all for taking the time and trouble to care.

I spoke to the teacher who was allegedly told him he could leave and she put me in the picture of how it was said. It was in a classroom situation, addressing all the class, not him as an individual and as he had made out. She listened to my side of what has been going on and as his pastoral tutor, said that she would find him and talk to him. So I will see what happens there as she hasn't done this yet.

I also spoke to the head and the upshot is a meeting with him, my son, his maths teacher and myself in two weeks. He is forecast to fail his AS level in maths so why is he carrying on with it as he won't be able to do his A level if he doesn't pass his AS? And I was the one to call the meeting. Surely this should have been done by the school if they know he is spending time studying a subject they have predicted a fail in? Is it just me?

Anyway, that is where I am at. Apart from him just having a paddy when I asked him to stop swearing again, took a swipe at my laptop and then went to his room as I had told him to go upstairs. He certainly is pushing the boundaries and stomping his feet. Maybe it's my fault for having been lenient in the past with both my kids. Maybe when I have then said something they are objecting venomously because they are not used to me putting my foot down. And I thought I was picking my arguments. What's the use in shouting about a tattoo or piercing when if they lie or deceive or are abusive it is more of a problem to be tackled? Have they become like this because they are finding more serious things to shock me with and get a reaction? They have always had my attention, they do not need to get "bad" attention. Or is this how children work to break away from their parents? Psychology is intriguing.

Mine have tried to shock with piercings and (small) tattoos.

I didn't react to DS , just said 'hmm is that really you?' and the pierced ear gradually disappeared but the tiny tattoo remains, not generally on view. DD2 pushed the boundaries a bit more, I just said I was glad she had so much money to spare! Most have disappeared (apart from ears and small tattoo which is only noticeable in a bikini).

He wants to be an adult and move out but is behaving quite childishly - he is still finding his way and is probably really worried about his maths, as a result hurting the one he is closest to - his mother.

Do you think that there is something new underlying his recent outbursts?

As regards his AS. Just vbecause he is forecast to fail his AS level, doesnt necessarily mean that he will.

I would also just say to him "I love you" a few times a week.
Just that "I love you".
It is surprising how much difference it makes to teenagers. They are trying to appear hard, but inside, they are sometimes a bit lost at that stage in their lives. The world around them is rapidly changing.