Widowhood.

Fili (by the way if you are new then welcome to GN) used the word 'strong'. Yes, do try to stay strong, but don't be ashamed to cry when you need to.

Laugh but cry too. You need both in your life.

And it's the little things that can make us smile. A sunny morning, a bird singing, our hair looking good, a cream cake.

I am astonished to find that in many ways the loss of DH gets worse as time goes by, somehow I had imagined that the whole thing would become easier but that's not the case.I lived alone for nearly ten years before we met but that was very different. I am fairly sociable and go out a lot and see people but there is still a deep loneliness. Like you Falconbird I worry sometimes about what would happen if I were ill.
I've made life much more difficult for myself since he died by moving house and then almost gutting my new home.I am living in my sixth temporary home this year. It's so wearing dealing with builders particularly when they think that a woman alone is easy prey for constant price increases.I am hoping to move back into my own home in about six weeks time so fingers crossed that life starts to improve after that.
DD has just announced that she is moving out of the area and DS1 is in the middle of a horrible separation from his partner which means that I rarely if at all see my grandchildren. Yes G A and Marmight not fair and overwhelming. But despite this rather miserable post I am determined not to lapse into self pity.
I was lucky beyond measure to have 16 years with my amazing DH. Now to find a life without him.

So sorry for you all. Be strong and keep going.

I should have said scraping bowls not scrapping them. It sounds as if he threw his dishes away after eating.

I find that babysitting is very hard without my DH. We used to take it in turns to be the one who was watchful. My DH sometimes used to fall asleep! but he was a constant presence and someone to refer to regarding giving calpol etc.,

When we had finished babysitting we often used to go and have a snack and a drink and talk about the joys of being grandparents and how tired we were. I do miss that.

It's just one of the many things I miss - but what can we do but soldier on. A friend said that if it had happened to her she would have given up - but hey you can't. You have to pay bills, go shopping, present a happy sort of face to your grown up children etc.,

One of my major worries is having to go into hospital and not see him coming to visit, smiling and looking anxious.

I agree nannieroz. You grieve for what they are missing and what could have been. I find it so sad that J didn't meet 2 of his gc's and is not there to see how the others are developing, that we didn't do all the planned trips and everything was cut short. I do feel sorry for myself sometimes - and like a child stamp my metaphoric foot and cry 'it's just not fair'. 'Overwhelming' sums it up very well GA.

grannyactivist you are so right about the lack of self pity. I have found that my grief is not for myself, but for my darling husband who is missing this final part of our lives that we planned for. I imagine your daughters sadness is not for herself either. Also like your daughter says, we have no choice, we have to get on with it!

I read the posts from widows and feel so sad for loves lost and lives changed. My daughter always says there is no bravery in being widowed because there was no choice, but I do think that there is fortitude and a lack of self-pity in these posts.
Even though she is happily remarried my daughter still has times when her grief for her first husband is overwhelming.

Falcon
Cruises are marvellous. You can go for anytime dining or fixed seating. If you do the latter you sit with the same people every night. Not many cruises have single cabins so you then have to pay double, but there's always plenty to do and see. There are group activities you can join in like art, line dancing, quizzes, gym things, tours, bingo,lectures, singles meetings.
Some lines have professional dance partners if you like dancing. There is always something to do and you tend to end up in a likeminded group.
You can go to AA meetings or friends of- ( lesbian) it's like a mini world.
Or if you like, you can just sit and look at the sea ( I do that a lot. I find it soothing)
I did a blog on my Iceland Norway and Faroes cruise. I don't know if it's still available on GN?
I tend to go with Cunard who are at the pricier and formal end of the market. Some lines are much more casual ( and cheaper) Princess are very nice as well. I wasn't impressed by my P&O cruise, but it was their oldest boat.

((((hugs))))

Yes, every little thing - so true. I was exhausted caring for my DH when he was so ill and I also looked after my mother for years when she had a dementia.

I have three sons but they all have busy lives and I try not to be too needy because they miss their dad and we haven't settled down to this strange life without him.

I remember my own mum who was a widow for 40 years and she did readjust - but it took a long time. I keep that in mind and it does give me hope because she did become reconciled to widowhood eventually.

My husband used to drive me crazy scrapping plates and bowls when he had finished eating - would love to hear that sound again.

I miss every little thing about him. Even the things that used to drive me round the twist.

And I imagine having no one to look after and to look after you is a huge loss too.

I think one of the worst things about being a widow is when I feel ill.

I miss having someone to talk to about coughs, colds etc., As we grew older we were always moaning away to each other, going to the doctor and dentist together. No-one can take his place. I guess it's something you learn to live with as time goes by.

I'm very touched too, it makes for thought-provoking reading.
Like Anya I think the grief reflects the love you had, which is a small consolation for the huge loss.
((Hugs)) and to you all x

Thank you Anya for that comment. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my grief, I forget how loved I have been. You have just reminded me and it is such a warm feeling. Thanks again.

I've never read this thread before but I'm touched by all these posts. You express your feelings of loss so eloquently.

Grief like this is a measure of how much love you had.

Cheated? yes that's exactly how I feel too. My son put it rather succinctly when he said "we woz robbed mum".

Same here nannieroz. I'm 68 and living on my own for the first time.

My son lived with us before my DH passed away and now he has his own flat. I don't like it much on my own but friends who have been on their own for several years tell me it does get easier.

It's not a good time for anyone but I think the 60s are a difficult time to be widowed. We're not old but not young. I think if I was 78 I would feel less cheated on those last years, growing old together. We were just settling down in our relationship and had made a pact to be together as old age advanced. I know a couple who are in their 90s and still together, but I guess when the time comes, it could be even more devastating for them.

For me, GN is a lifeline. I am 63 years old and have never been alone in my entire life. GN is a vital part of my day. There is such good company (not to mention advice) on here. to all lonely GN's

for everyone.

Even after two plus years I still find the mornings really difficult. I miss him wandering about making cups of tea and chatting about this and that. When people say their retired husbands get on their nerves I want to say - just cherish the time you have together - but of course I don't because they wouldn't understand.

I often feel guilty that my DH got on my nerves during retirement, but then I got on his nerves at times - it was a normal healthy relationship.

I really value Grans net in the mornings because I log on and see what's going on and it keeps my mind from dwelling on my loss.

GALEN could you tell me about the cruises. I feel I need a rest. I've been dealing with so much in the last two years and need a break but I find travelling alone difficult even impossible.

Marmight

I am in Oz staying with DD2 and her family so am surrounded by people. I haven't felt more alone. I watch them all and their friends having such fun and feel completely alien. The inlaws obviously do things as a couple, as it seems does everyone I see or meet. Watching a couple of my age walking along enjoying each other's company is heartbreaking. I am so sad and so jealous and I am missing J more than ever. There are so many things to do places to go but it just doesn't seem right to do them alone. I am seriously thinking of advertising for a travelling 'partner' for my next visit so I can take off and do what I want to do rather than just sit back as a spare part, watching! Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel human and alive again.

Yes, still ambushed by grief at times. Often sad, sometimes lonely. And some good times.

Me too galen. Only five months for me. There are days when I still just can't believe it.

It will be 12 years soon for me! It's not so bad or often as it was, but it still does happen. It's probably worse as I live on my own and am almost housebound.
It's only my cruises that keep me sane, I think.

Oh! And GN and the friends I've made here!
It's been a lifesaver!