Widowhood.

Hi Nannieroz - I've just found an old thread that's been reactivated called "Holidaying Alone" which you might find helpful.

hugs

Falconbird I feel the need to get away from home (memories everywhere) but don't think I am brave enough yet to go it alone. I trust you are right and I will know when I am ready.

Attended my IT class again yesterday. I am enjoying it immensely.

DH and I saw Love Story in the cinema when we were very young and just courting......... I could not bear to watch it yet...... too painful.

nannieroz - I think that was really nice befriending the old gentleman. I think you will know when you are ready to go away on your own. I know I'm not just yet but think I will be one day.

I watched Love Story on TV the other night - cried and cried but I think it was therapeutic, hadn't cried for ages.

About six months after my husband died three years ago I went on a four day coach holiday alone.
I was placed at a table with other people so I had someone to talk to at breakfast and dinner.
On days out people asked me to join them for coffee or lunch.
I took plenty of reading material as I did not want to sit in the bar with other people after dinner. One evening I booked to see a show at a nearby theatre and went alone.
It was sad sometimes to be on my own and there were times in my room when I cried.
I did not regret going and it restored my confidence in my ability to manage travel arrangements and to be in the right place at the right time.
My advice would be to book a short break not too far from home
and go with an open mind.
I found the other people on my holiday to be kind and supportive.They
did not intrude if I said I wanted to be alone.
Since then I have been abroad on holiday with a friend but not alone.

I have been considering going on a coach holiday for a short break to test the water holidaying alone. Have any of you GN's ever done this and if so, how did it go? DH and I managed a coach holiday before his last surgery and we befriended an old gentleman who was alone, but I think it may be different for a woman on her own. Your thoughts appreciated.

Galen do you have a garden? A small dog (yorkie) or similar especially an older one (rescue) dog would be quite happy running around in a small garden rather than going for a walk (ours objected violently to be expected to go for a walk and would just sit down and refuse to move!)

They are so loving and more than happy to just sit and be cuddled. If you could find someone to look after it when you are cruising (little dogs are not too keen on kennels) it would make a great pet and be good company. You would not regret it.

Thanks for the info' about Cruises Galen. Do you find it easy to get to the place where the boots embark from. I'm not a driver.

I've also been thinking about a pet. All my married life, with 3 sons, we had dogs, cats, gerbils. budgies, rats and even a snake.

The problem is pets can be a tie if you want to go away. I'm not keen on the idea myself but a lot of people like Guinea Pigs.

They are very cuddly apparently.

An aquarium could be tricky and needs a lot of attention. I used to look after a goldfish for a neighbour. It was just one goldfish in a bowl with ferns and coloured gravel. It was very pretty but not much company

Widows aren't desperately sad all the time and there are happy moments but it's a different sort of happy because your DH isn't there to share it with. I remember the first time I laughed aloud at something funny on the TV. I felt really guilty because He wasn't there to share it with me.

!

Just see me cuddling a guppy?

Galen, why not get an aquarium? I understand that it's better than the TV, watching the fish in their tank, soothing and almost hypnotic. Not very cuddly though.

I agree about not getting a puppy. Charlie (the Yorkshire Terrrier) was 2 when MiL adopted him. He did keep her on her toes with some of his antics, but she needed someone to worry about - if that makes sense?

A lady near me does the same Anya, and, if she's feeling unwell, she has a local dog walker who pops in to walk the dog.
Perhaps not get a puppy but one that's been housetrained-my elderly (88 & 91) parents have a ex-breeding little poodle and wouldn't be without her for anything. They don't walk her but have a big garden and it suits them down to the ground with pottering around outside.

PS My dog isn't called Galen.

There's a lady I see, when walking my dog Galen , she has only one leg and drives a mobility scooter. Her dog sits in the space where her leg would be when she's on the pavement and if she's in the park it runs beside her on the lead.

I'm not suggesting you cut off one of your legs but a dog is marvellous company. When my MiL was widowed I had a friend who needed to find a home for her Yorkshire Terrier. I mentioned it to MiL and she said 'no way' but I said I'd take the dog anyway and keep it myself.

I took it to MiL and asked her to try him for just one night. If it didn't work out I told her I'd keep him as a companion to my dog. She was still insistent she didn't want him but promised to try him for just one night 'but I won't change my mind you know'.

When I returned next day they had so bonded that it would have taken a general anaesthetic to separate them. That dog was so loved.

I sometimes wonder if a pet would help?
I'm allergic to cats and couldn't exercise a dog.
Don't fancy a bird.
Any ideas anyone?

We're good at hiding it aren't we?

Friends and family think that I am coping well. It's what I want them to think. But I am not. Grief is a difficult thing to talk about; even to oneself.

I lead an enjoyable and active life and I have a friend with whom I have a little holiday each year. Another friend with whom I walk, go to the cinema with and exchange cat-sitting duties. But, even after more than four years I feel the loss of my often irritating but, always, very loving and kind husband.

It's the price we pay for happiness with that someone special.

bikergran's post reminded me of a friend who was widowed about 10 years ago.She was still working full time and was rushing to get out one morning when she fell down the last 3 stairs.She wasn't hurt,only shaken up, but she said she realised clearly for the first time what being alone meant. for you all.

to all of you - I wish I could take away your pain.

and harrgran
harrigran for some reason I always want to pronounce your name hairygran sorry! [shocked]

thankyou nannieroz (did someone mention creamcakes)

bikergran and all sad Grans

Only this morning I was thinking that bikergran had not posted recently. So glad that you are OK and welcome back. I do believe that GN's are a huge aid to our daily recovery.

And anya you do make me smile quite often. Cream cakes indeed!

I too felt the real feeling of loneliness last week,I had started with a normal cold, then felt better, got up a week last Sat to go to the loo, sat on the loo (sorry too much detail)! the next thing I remember was, opening my eyes, thinking "where the h** am I" I saw the legs of the chair in the shower and was so confused, I had passed out and fainted! and of course there is only myself in the house now, my phone was in the bedroom, I somehow manage to crawl on hands and knees to my room and ring dd who is 2 mins away, she thought I had had a stroke, but it seems I had a virus, so my first day up and dressed today thank goodness,.But it really hit home, not that dh could have done anything as he was too poorly himself, and of course when your ill I think the grief is even worse.

I think this thread will be long running, not that we all want to doom and gloom, but by reading other posts we realise that we are not the only ones that are suffering, and it does bring some comfort in a silly way, that it is normal for us to feel how we do, we are not going mad or strange because we have these "odd" thoughts running through our minds, I think we could all write a book on "grief" and there would be very similar thoughts.
I still cry most days (9 months now) it would have been dh birthday next wed, I have had most anniversaries apart from the birthday/fathers day for DDs and then the death day.
I have been out in the garden this morning and the little tet'e tete daffodils that we planted are showing there little yellow heads, I found winter hard to cope with and thought the spring summer may be easier, but it's not, as it just makes me think that this is the time when dh was becoming more poorly, and he never saw his beloved garden that I had planted up with bright coloured begonias everywhere. I almost thought of just leaving the garden this year! but I will try and get absorbed into it as I think that trying to keep busy does help a little, I have the arbour to erect where the greenhouse once stood.

I wish I could wave a wand over you all (myself included) and make the pain go away,but....! so until we find a solution (if we ever do) then we can all come together here on GN and display our feelings,our thoughts, to others that understand our every word. Keep going everyone, keep getting up every morning,just try that little tiny tiny step when you can, just don't expect too much,don't expect to wake up the next day and dance round the living room,(although I accidently put a bit of music on one day a few weeks ago and it did lift my mood slightly) but have to be careful "what" kind of music I choose.
Life will never ever be the same for any of us, even though we know it's coming, nothing in the world could have prepared us for this.
hope the is out for you all today, try and take a breath of fresh air or little walk, even if its only round the block.....take care

Fili (by the way if you are new then welcome to GN) used the word 'strong'. Yes, do try to stay strong, but don't be ashamed to cry when you need to.

Laugh but cry too. You need both in your life.

And it's the little things that can make us smile. A sunny morning, a bird singing, our hair looking good, a cream cake.