Kind thoughts please

Thank you all, you are so kind to me, and I know I do at times spread gloom and doom, I am truely sorry and I am so grateful for your encouragement and kindness X

Definitely not silly Annie. I think it’s disgusting that you can’t get more help and feel your doctor could be doing more. It’s very early days still, what you’ve been through will take a lot of coming to terms with. You should be able to access talking therapies via your GP. It does help.

(By the way, Lincolnshire is very nice. It even has hilly bits! If you can’t get a key holder near by perhaps you should move near the key holder!)

Dear Annie thinking of you and sending (((hugs)))

Not silly at all Annie I don’t think any of us would be any different to you.
so very sorry that Phoebe has had to be rehomed, but very pleased that she will be happy with your daughter.

Willow, I watched Phoebe go to the car, had a weep, that's it.

It isn't really anxiety with the bridge,I just don't want to see the spot where my darling daughter jumped into the river, I can think of her walking into my living room , sitting in my garden but do not want to look at that spot and wonder how she must have felt standing there at 5.00am, in the dark , alone and so desperate she chose to drowned , just cannot cope with it , perhaps silly but that's how it is.

cornergran, no apology please, it was so kind of you. The mental health advocacy team are 60 miles away.

Age Cymru have moved 35 miles away and the housing officers dislike them interfering ! Some years ago Age Cymru tried to help me have a bungalow, a housing officer told me ' bringing them into it has done you no favours' , I had to wait about five years . I kid you not, the gestapo must have been easier to deal with than this council.

I asked the refuge dept if the refuge collectors could put the bins back when they emptied them, I have to have a GP fill in a form to say I cannot retrieve them from the end of the path, I explained it was only three yards nearer to where i kept them , - no it would take up their collection time so would only do so if I had a GP fill in the form.

Oh Annie I've just caught up with this and seen the time. I know you know you're doing the right thing for Phoebe and know she is going to have a wonderful time in her new home with your daughter but it doesn't stop the sadness of saying goodbye. Give Lottie lots of fuss and attention both for her and your heartache. The good thing is that she will have a loving home and you will get to hear and see how she's doing - some poor pets have to be sent to shelters when their owners are unable to look after them so at least she is spared that. I really wish there was some way all of us on here could help with your agoraphobia. Could you afford to have some hypnotherapy in your own home to help you overcome the anxiety with the bridge? The longer it goes on the harder it will be and you really do need to be able to visit the GP surgery without that fear.

Thinking of you and all that you have gone through and still having to bear

I apologise if this seems inappropriate annie. Many years back I was a volunteer advocate. A quick google search of advocacy in Powys brought up several organisations offering advocacy, one being Age Cymru who appear to cover all of Powys. There are other organisations more specifically focused. My search was prompted by iam’s thought about your situation. An advocate would meet with you, understand and champion your needs. Worth a consideration? Someone local to support and fight for you can only be a good thing.

Annie, the links between your mental health, the bridge, your daughter's death and your GP surgery may mean the council and neighbouring councils would see that as "reason to move"

Even more humiliating, my younger daughter tried to find a key holder for me yesterday , no one, she discussed it with care line, seems I will have to depend on the police ! Social services said I am surrounded by a large family so don't need them. My emergency contact is my younger daughter, I live in Mid Wales she lives in Lincolnshire !

My heart goes out to you as I look at the time and realise that parting with your Phoebe is nigh Anniebach,however as you have already witnessed the bond between her and your daughter you know you are doing the right thing.
I send you some heartfelt hugs.
For Phoebe I wish happy days.
Whilst it is high time you had much needed help with your agorophobia and I also echo the advise of pestering the people that should be there offering you help is the way to go............sadly we live in an age that "He/She whom shouts the loudest wins"

Thinking of you today annie. The right thing is sometimes so hard to do. I’m also sad there seems no way to get help with agorophobia, a truly debilitating illness. Sending love.

I can't move from here, I live in a council bungalow , Powys is a large county , this surgery covers about ten miles out of the town. Couldn't afford a private rent, another council wouldn't accept me, i have no reason to move , not for work, not to live near family .

Have to stay .

Phoebe starts her new adventure 9.30 this morning ,

Thank you all x

It’s early days and nothing that needs to be done in a hurry, but have you thought of moving a little way away? Not miles. Just far enough to change doctors, get out of reach of that damned bridge? A change of focus?

(((Hugs))) Annie.

Oh Annie I’ve just caught up with this and I’m just so sorry you’re having to part with Phoebe. You are doing the right thing, of course you are, just as you have done and will do for Lottie. I wish you could get some help for the agoraphobia, totally understandable that you can’t face GP surgery but please try social services for some help. I wish I could do something to help. So many wishes ... Be as kind as you can to yourself. I’ll be thinking about you tomorrow.

Annie, you have to be persistent these days to get the care you need. Keep on phoning/emailing etc, explaining that you're housebound and asking for, at the minimum, a phone consultation. And when you get that, tell them the truth - I bet you're someone who puts on a good face to the world whilst shrivelling up inside.

Contact your MP or Welsh MP if you don't get an adequate response.

Annie, I remeber; but you shouldn't have to go through this by yourself. My DD has mental health issues and TBH the services available through the NHS were useless, except for a 6-week course of counselling (once a week) which she had to wait months for. Is there any chance that you could pay for e.g. hypnotherapy?

humpydumpty, not getting help with the agoraphobia, it started because I cannot go near the bridge where my daughter died, the surgery is next to the bridge and the waiting room has a large picture window looking onto the bridge . Things not good with the mental health team, I phoned them for help the day my daughter died, they refused. i will work through it, just so many things to work through though, eating disorder, lost confidence, isolation .

Oh so much self pity, sorry . Thank you x

Just a word of warning to anyone who is going to rehome a dog...never advertise it as ‘free to good home’.

A family I know did this. A couple came round and seemed genuine, and were allowed to take the puppy (1 year old) with promises of a loving home and a story of having lost their old dog.

The dog was later found ripped to pieces in a skip only traceable to its original owners by its microchip.

I know this will upset many and I apologise, but if it stops just one dog being acquired cheap as bait for the dog fighting community then it will be worth it.

Rehome your dogs through a reputable charity

Chinesecresred, there is a dog rescue centre in this town, it was my darling daughter who died last November who started it . I do look on their site at times just to see if it is still a sucess , my daughter worked so hard for it, they usualy have large dogs, sheep dogs x, lurcher x ,would need lots of exercise and would frighten poor Lottie, she has only lived with Westies ?

Annie, I so feel for you making this difficult decision. It worries me when you talk about your agoraphobis: are you getting any help for it? apart from this issue, it's really omportant for your quality of life that you feel comfortable leaving the house.

Hi Anniebach, please don't think I'm being insensitive, I don't mean to be and I do understand that every dog is a person with its own personality. But have you considered maybe offering a home to an older dog who needs a home, and who doesn't need walking? That would be company for both Lottie and you, and you'd be doing a good turn as well. Certainly our local animal rescue (in North Essex) is always full of dogs of all ages and I bet yours is too. Lucky Phoebe has a lovely new home ready and waiting for her so try not to be too sad. Best wishes

My daughter arrived yesterday, she and Phoebe fell in love with each other. Daughter coming again today, they stay in a hotel because no room in this bungalow. Tomorrow morning she will collect Phoebe and take her home to Lincolnshire . I will not change my decision , it's right for Phoebe and this is what is important .

Until I get free of this damn agoraphobia I put Lottie on a very long extension lead and she trots around the front of the bungalow, I stay in the doorway. we play ball in the garden too. So she will be alright, she is very small , if anyone took her for an hours walk she would lie down after fifteen minutes and refuse to walk another step. Last year when I walked her and Honey it always meant honey walked and Lottie walk her chosen distance then I had to carry the little minx.

It will be hard watching Phoebe walk away tomorrow morning but I will let her go knowing she will be loved and living a better life than I can give her as things are now.

Thank you all x