passed away

Got me at it now 'The Rainbow Bridge', Freudian Slip .

'Passing over the Rainbow Bridge' is a well known poem isn't it?

I am not sure I can be bothered to answer all your points Anya but I will answer the first.

You say: GG can I point out that no remark was addressed to you at first."

The post I found offensive was:
It's up to everyone to choose their own way of expressing death. If the old lady next to me refers to her beloved cat passing 'over the rainbow bridge' so be it. If someone phones me in distress to tell me her father has just 'passed away' that's fine and if I get a call to say my aunt has just 'died' that's ok too.

WTF has it got to do with anyone else?

I was the only one to mention the blessed rainbow bridge so it was picking up on something I and only I had said. You then not only swore but asked us what it has got to do with anyone else. We get this all the time. Someone starts a thread asking peoples' opinions and someone else comes along to say I don't want to hear this; and, basically, stop offering your opinion. Why post? What on earth is the point? and why feel you need to swear at those who have chosen to offer an opinion. No one was suggesting that their opinion limited others in what they said - except you.

I once worked with a chap who told me that his Aunt had "fallen off the twig". I honestly thought he meant she had been pruning trees and had a fall. Someone took me on one side and explained that she had died!

Each person or family uses whatever phrase they choose and Anya I agree WTF has it got to do with anyone else. I too have seen the sign outside Maelor Hospital!

It is just plain died what does 'passed away' mean anyway, passed away where?

GG can I point out that no remark was addressed to you at first. In fact you were the first to make a post personal to me. I replied several hours later agreeing with you.

Then for some reason to replied that I was 'determined to start a fight' - with whom? What on earth made you post that? Originally all my remarks had been generalised, then I agreed with you.

I call that remark quite aggressive even if you don't. But I replied that I wasn't going to pick a fight even though I thought that was quite an aggressive thing to post.

I then continued to try to explain my point of view without reference to you, except to explain to Atqui that my remark was not addressed to you.

Why on earth do you continue to think that I'm getting at you. My remarks about people who 'don't like' euphemisms are general. Do you really think they were aimed at you? Please explain your assertion that I've made an 'all out assault' on you and back it up with some fact.

To be honest your last post directed at me is an exercise is illogical thinking.

Daisyanswerdo - . I couldn't find my DF either, I just didn't know where he had gone. We were all so lost. (((hug)))

Absolutely Gracesnan! 'Poked fun' at the use of the word in general terms, never at the bereaved. Like most, I would always be sensitive to others' pain. Like most things, it's about what suits the individual and their circumstances.

Daisyanswerdo

Sorry to read your pain.

Whatever word a person uses , it is just a word and to be honest I don't think anything about the choice of word a person has chosen. Understanding someone's hurt is all that matters.

I think I have probably used died, lost, passed away when talking of my loved ones and I wouldn't have even given it a moments thought that somebody should or would find my word used at the time galling, if that's the right word.

I am not being dismissive of anybody who does have a different approach to mine , I just have genuinely never given a thought that it was an issue.

I hate euphemisms for died. For example passed on, gone before, passed over etc. One has died for goodness sake.

Also nonnanna, Anniebach and FarNorth.

Anya, CariGransnet, Marmight, baubles, AshTree - thank you, and thank you for understanding.

But when you have "poked fun" hummingbird I bet it was someone on television or something reported to you. I am sure you would not have done it to a recently bereaved person. I am also sure that anyone to whom you said you had "lost" you uncle would be thoughtful in their reply. It's about what it appropriate. In your circumstance what is appropriate is to take account of how you are handling your loss. In a discussion about how we use different words these days it is appropriate to say how what we think.

Surely this is a fundamental discussion about the social mores that influence how death is described rather than a criticism of anyone who uses those terms? Or am I missing something?

When my dear uncle died earlier this year, I couldn't bear to say that he had died. I found myself saying that we had lost him. I've poked fun at this expression in the past, but it was the only thing that would do. I also found myself using the word 'bereft' to describe how I felt. Nothing else came close.

Anya please tell me what I said that was rude and aggressive. Exactly what conveyed that to you not what you have made up, if that's OK with you.

In no post have I said I "'don't like' people using euphemisms". I have never said what other people should do but only how I feel and how I deal with the situation. Perhaps you feel you have the right to tell me what I should feel and think.

I do appreciate that some people come on to forums just to be angry and swear but please get your facts right before you attack someone and preferably try to debate the subject rather than start an all out assault on someone, it appears anyone you have taken a dislike to regardless of what they say, just for the sake of it.

who cares about what word or words is/are used - truly- what is the point about arguing about words when you are grieving - struuuf - whatever you feel comfortable with, honest. It's hard enough without having to worry about upsetting anyone with bl***y words.

Great debate Gransnetters; and for those grieving, a hug. I think the point I was trying to make is that English is such a lovely language that we have enough ways of describing death, but I fully agree that everyone has the right to use the words they are most comfortable with. Bit of a pedant really.

OK ... I give up!

wanders off to share views with talk to deaf dog

For many of my friends English is not their first language so it is better to say died.

Atqui had that been addressed to GG then you might have a point.

Guessing you haven't read and digested my latest post. I'm one of those arguing for greater tolerance from those who 'don't like' people using euphemisms. Arguing for freedom of expression. Especially in times of grief.

So therefore I also claim the right to use expressions such as WTF and if I have offended then that's tough.

Very unfortunately indeed not everyone drifts peacefully away. Sometimes accidents or worse occur. What euphemisms would people use for the ineffably sad 'was killed'? Passed away really doesn't do it from an information point of view.

Anya If you are going to say things such as "WTF has it got to do with anyone else, I think you could expect a similarly 'aggressive ' response. This is a discussion about language isnt it?

What I find strange, are those who would find it in themselves to criticise anyone's choice of words or phrase under these circumstances. Or even notice the choice of words.

It isn't a case of being afraid of death but more a case of treading carefully around someone's grief. When I lost someone very dear to me, I couldn't have told you what words or phrases were used. I was too overwhelmed by the loss to notice.

I even forgave some of the stupid comments that were made such as 'well at least he'll never have to grow old' as I sort of understood these were meant to console by people who didn't know what to say, and felt they had to say something.

I too would prefer to say 'died'there is no confusion, we are all so afraid of death, but using these euphemisms does not help.