passed away

it's a case of Much Ado About Nothing.

Exactly, thatbags. What a load of self-righteous indignation about a perceived slight which no one else finds the least bit justified.

Thatbags

Nobody was sworn at. Someone swore. There's a difference, which it would seem you understand as you say the poster was attacking a mirage. So, logically, she wasn't attacking a person or persons, just an idea. That's allowed.

I honestly can't remember why, at the time of the WTF post, I thought it was a reaonable, if exasperated, thing to say. I might go back and have a look. Then again, I might not.

Enjoy your outrage.

-reasonable- reasonable to assume

Thatbags the post concerned said:

It's up to everyone to choose their own way of expressing death. If the old lady next to me refers to her beloved cat passing 'over the rainbow bridge' so be it. If someone phones me in distress to tell me her father has just 'passed away' that's fine and if I get a call to say my aunt has just 'died' that's ok too.

No one up to that point had said anyone should not use the word they wanted to. The poster was attacking a mirage. Then to ask what it was to do with anyone else what someone says was also illogical. The OP asked our own, personal opinions and we replied with what we, personally, liked and disliked up to the point of this post and for all the rest of the thread no one but no one has dictated what other people should say. So why put up such a post? You asking if I agreed with the post is also illogical and, I expect, purely mischievous. I have said, something like five time by my counting, that I believe we can have opinions on these words but that, in the case of a bereaved person you would, of course, listen to what they say and reply appropriately so why, other than to bully one person, are you still asking the question?

You may read that post as less aggressive than I do but I am perfectly free to say I do not wish to be sworn at and the post containing "WTF" included words only I had said so it is reasonable I was included in the last sentence. If you, or anyone else tries to belittle my feelings by saying it doesn't matter or it isn't swearing I believe am also perfectly free to stand up to this sort of bullying. That is all it can be because it serves no other purpose.

And what the post that contained WTF was saying is that, in the poster's opinion, it isn't anyone else's business what phrase someone uses to tell others that someone close to them has died.

I agree with that. You?

You are mistaken, gg. I am not telling anyone what they should say. I am simply interpreting what someone said in a non-critical way. You are free to find anything anyone says offensive and I am free to find the same thing inoffensive. That is all this is about.

Which rather detracts from the subject of the discussion, which was about the kind of things people say when someone near to them has died, and what each of us prefers.

Focussing on how people discuss that issue rather than on the essentials of what they are saying just seems rather childish to me.

Because I looked it up Ana and nowhere did it say that the last word was "flip".

'find' not 'take'

I think you'll find that a certain poster has used the word in full many times on this site and not had (all) her posts deleted.

If used as an expression of exasperation, most people don't take 'WTF' offensive. How can you be sure it wasn't an acronym for 'what the flip'?

Going back to "what on earth" I doubt that many people would feel the need to type WOE. However, if I typed "what the f..." in full I imagine the post could be deleted. Certainly, on many forums there is software that would not let that word be posted, so someone - well many someone's - find it offensive.

In your world perhaps thatbags that probably tells us more about you than anything.

No one was telling anyone else what they should say and keeping on saying this will not make it true. It is perfectly reasonable for people, in conversation, to say that they would not say ... etc. It was also said, many times, that account should be taken of the words the bereaved person uses.

You now seem to be telling those of us who dislike certain words what we should say. It is really nobody's job to tell anyone else what to say but it is perfectly reasonable for us to have an opinion - you certainly seem to.

Exactly Thatbags!

The poster who used the expression could have used "What on earth...?" and it would have meant exactly the same thing as WTF.

And vice-versa.

But what has a bereaved person's way of saying someone has died got to do with anyone else? It's a personal choice, isn't it? Like whether one prefers Darjeeling or Assam? That is, nothing to do with anyone else.

We can discuss what options there are for telling others that someone is dead but what we actually choose to use ourselves doesn't have anything to do with anyone else.

I am prepared to be convinced otherwise by a good, well-reasoned argument about why how I say someone has died has anything to do with anyone else or why I would have anything to do with how you (whoever else) choose to say someone has died.

WTF is not aggressive nowadays unless it is used aggressively. Reading something as aggressive is a personal interpretation and may be wrong. Since the use in question could also be interpretaed as having been used exasperatedly only, the intepretation of aggression could easily have been wrong.

Not in my life Jane10. Outright aggression? Not really what this forum is about surely.

I used to find it most disconcerting to be told eg 'I buried my Dad yesterday '. It left so many potential questions!
Re WTF its in such common usage I would never take it personally

I was, like you, Atqui, not offended by WTF - this person may swear on every alternated word for all I know - but it was used to emphasise the "What has this to do with anyone else". Which was, as you say, already a strange comment to make on a forum where opinions are exchanged on many topics.

Swearing is done because it is very challenging and aggressive, unless of course, you are one of those people who has no other way of expressing yourself and doesn't even realise you are using it. I had not noticed that about this poster. Putting the initials is just a way of condensing what you say as people did when "taking God's name in vain" meant they slightly adapted oaths so that they could feel they were not doing so. The weight of the oath was still the same as is this.

If someone makes a comment to a group of people, obviously including me, and emphasises that comment by swearing - which is far more aggressive than "for goodness sake" then it is not surprising if future comments by that person are read as if they have the same aggression behind them.

Just found this thread. I always say 'died' and just ignore it when others use 'passed on' or 'passed away' or just 'passed'. I find it is always best to be clear about what you are saying.

On another subject, some Americans say talk about 'going to the bathroom to wash their hands', when they mean going to the loo for a pee. I got caught by this in Vienna as a young student, when an American lass asked me where the bathroom was, 'cos she wanted to wash her hands. I answered that I hadn't seen a bathroom, but the loos were over there, and I was sure there'd be a wash basin for her to wash her hands.

She went off with a puzzled expression: the other English speakers explained the euphemism to me.

But... I grew up in Yorkshire where folks are a bit on the blunt side, so 'died' was always the norm. I remember my Dad coming home one day and saying to Mum " Do you know which silly bugger has gone and died...?" Mum said "I've no idea, but I bet they didn't mean to".

We were awfully irreverent as well as blunt.

or antisocilal behaviour

Sorry to drag this up when it has 'passed 'into the inactive box. I wanted to write this yesterday but got called away for mundane duties. I just wanted to say that personally I was NOT offended by WTF, but puzzled that someone should be asking what the expression 'passed' had to do with anyone else. There have been quite a few discussions about words on here.....do you say toilet or lavatory, pardon or what, lounge or drawing room etc. I thought it was a discussion. Perhaps we should only talk about politics if topics must have a direct impact on others.

Dear Old John le Mesurier wrote his own death notice for the Times - the expression he used was 'conked out'... which I rather like.

The vaguest, and therefore most irritating, is to state that someone 'passed' - just that and nothing more.

It's that 'determined to be offended' syndrome again. Ridiculous!

Saying WTF is not swearing at someone. It is merely an expression of exasperation (or something) like "for goodness' sake" (which was probably regarded as swearing once upon a time). Chill, dudes, chill.