Preston Davey, another baby P.

beachcomber76

Hi. I have just breathed a sigh of relief as I read your post and I have also had relationships with women in the past, after divorce.

I'm a mother and a grandmother, but often feel Gransnet is a very heterosexual place and I feel like a fish out of water and can't relate. For eg. the loss of a male partner through death or divorce gains such empathy. But to lose a female partner is as traumatic for the other female partner.

I don't post a lot of my views and feelings as my past is too personal and difficult to explain.
Anyway it's good to know I'm not alone.

To be honest, I do not , give a toss what someone's sexuality is. How can we tell on GN? unless you meet them or they say so explicitly. You do not have to be heterosexual to have a partner of the opposite sex.

Losing a partner is traumatic, whether male or female. Since joining GN, I have never seen such a post or thread., it is very difficult to say whether the loss of a same sex partner would be treated any differently than the loss of an opposite sex partner

Beachcomber,I have been out at work, and have just seen your post, don't want you to think I was ignoring you!.
I don't mention it often and I think it is probably easier for me to mention now as I have been in a relationship with a man for a very long time. I am also wary of claiming an identity that isn't mine currently but that is probably my own hangups. I am explaining this poorly
I would also say I think I know GN and I think you would receive a lot of support on that issue, but I understand feeling wary.
I don't want to derail any further but am glad you mentioned how you felt.

MissAdventure

We seem to be taking great strides in the wrong direction.
Trigger warnings/big fuss about Enid Blyton books, and setting out the most vulnerable in society as if they're in a Littlewoods catalogue.

Absolutely spot on Miss Adventure. I remember being horrified when some adoption agencies started to do this. I was told their experience was it encouraged prospective adopters.

After a 25 year career in social work I moved into arts and music outreach and photography. One of my commissions used to be to photograph babies and children in their foster homes to go in the catalogue of children available for adoption, so this has been going on a very long time .....

Thank you for your response Galaxy. I send private messages extremely rarely if at all which was obvious!

My excuse is that I slept for only 2 hours last night [again!] so very tired today.

I know most people don't give a monkey about others identities and that's great. [I do think voicing it can be relevant in certain situations and in certain discussions though].

Certain humans however do express their biased opinions about same sex couples in a less than pleasant way or covertly. It's out there.

A lot of children who are available for adoption are born with foetal drug/alcohol syndrome also attachment disorder is a big factor.
The above means these children will need a lot of extra care and may have special needs.
We have friends who adopted two such children, thankfully they are now lovely independent adults but it’s been a long hard slog for the parents.

SueDonim

That poor darling baby. I’ve just seen a film of his murderer shouting ‘Boo!’ at an obviously exhausted baby to keep him awake, and little Preston’s face has the saddest expression I think I’ve ever seen on a child’s face. 😰😰😰

Whilst his birth mother wasn’t deemed able to care for him, it must be torture to her and her own mother, who hoped to raised him had she not had breast cancer at the time. Also his foster parents who cared for Preston for the first nine months of his brief life.

I assume there will be some sort of inquiry as to how this could ever have happened.

I heard today the mother was inside for murder!

Padstow13

Whatever sentence the court hands down I'm sure it will be (unnofficially) supplemented by The New Prisoners Welcome Committee.

God help these two men.

No! God don’t help these men!

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Somebody commented earlier that Varley was a teacher. He was also, ironically, in charge of Safeguarding at the school!

I wonder how the kids feel at the High School where he worked
He strikes me as the type who wants to be everybody’s mate and “down with the kids”.

It is not unknown for dangerous people to place themselves in those kind of positions.

I don’t think anyone who is not a parent should be a social worker involved with children. As a parent I am a different person from who I was before I became a mother.
A degree doesn’t give you the ability to understand children. Only years of hands-on experience does that.

Luckygirl you are right, in 1980 BAAF (British Association for Adoption and Fostering) launched their magazine ‘Be My Parent’ which was intended to supplement their family finding service for so called ‘hard to place children’. It’s by no means a new thing but has always been controversial.

Given that there is not a shred of evidence against same sex couples as adoptive parents , then saying they should not be able to adopt is homophobic.

I wonder whether prospective parents should be observed by a social worker for a week or so in their home with the child.
It read like it was a shock for this gruesome pair when poor little Preston was a poor sleeper and they didn’t know what to do.

I ask because I knew a young woman with learning difficulties who social services felt might not be able to care for her biological daughter. A social worker was at her house 24/7 for a couple of weeks to see how she coped. They watched her like hawks but decided she was capable in the end.

I would feel the same if it was 2 straight men adopting together, the risk factor in terms of child sexual abuse specifically is men. I am not sure what that means in terms of adoption but I would be interested in some examination of those risk factors.

Galaxy

I would feel the same if it was 2 straight men adopting together, the risk factor in terms of child sexual abuse specifically is men. I am not sure what that means in terms of adoption but I would be interested in some examination of those risk factors.

I don’t think 2 straight men put themselves forward as potential adoptive parents . The only research I’ve found on same sex adoption shows outcomes at least as good and sometimes better than heterosexual adoptive parents.

Well no I know they don't, I was pointing out the risk factor ( specifically for sexual abuse) is men.

Breaks my heart read as much as I could. But couldn’t read anymore. I hope they rot in hell.

Iam64

Cossy - what about the Paediatricians? Without them rasing concerns, sw hands tied. If medics or sw had been concerned, a joint police - sw investigation would and should have happened. That should involve examining mobile phones. All over for these two

Yes I agree. I wasn’t excusing anyone.

Tuliptree

Who are ‘Drama Queens’ FGT? Who are the ‘themselves’ that it is ‘all about’?

I’m assuming FGT means these despicable men when caught out who then start wailing and crying!

Single men successfully adopt and raise children, as do biological single dads.

It’s not men in general, it’s the very few depraved, both sexually and physical, men who commit these utterly barbaric crimes.

Tuliptree

Galaxy

I would feel the same if it was 2 straight men adopting together, the risk factor in terms of child sexual abuse specifically is men. I am not sure what that means in terms of adoption but I would be interested in some examination of those risk factors.

I don’t think 2 straight men put themselves forward as potential adoptive parents . The only research I’ve found on same sex adoption shows outcomes at least as good and sometimes better than heterosexual adoptive parents.

Can you link to the research please, because on that basis same sex adoption should perhaps be favoured over heterosexual adoption? Did the research you've read differentiate between same sex female couples and same sex male couples?

For the avoidance of doubt, it’s me who’s reported the posts saying same sex couples shouldn’t be allowed to adopt. There is no evidence that they are more likely to harm their adopted children any more than heterosexual adoptive parents. There is no evidence that they are vetted less thoroughly than heterosexual couples or given other preferential treatment. It’s actually potentially harmful to children if we demonise one type of person as more dangerous without evidence as we then may be less rigorous with other groups. There is much to be discussed about this case and the guilty men involved but bad mouthing all gay adopters is just unacceptable, ill-informed prejudice - and no, this is not just a question of opinion and having the right to behave in a discriminatory way.

Cossy

Tuliptree

Who are ‘Drama Queens’ FGT? Who are the ‘themselves’ that it is ‘all about’?

I’m assuming FGT means these despicable men when caught out who then start wailing and crying!

I think I prefer FGT to respond if she wants to herself.