Britain then demanded a full tariff-free trade agreement without the free movement of labour.
Indeed Grandad and this in my opinion should never have happened. Wanting no more than to strike a deal at that juncture meant we didn't leave and gave our power away to Brussels. May was always on the back foot. We should have cut the ties, ie: left, and THEN played ball with the EU. We'd have been in a much stronger bargaining position given they need our markets and goods too. How hard could that have been?
Our negotiating was like something from a Monty Python/Harry Enfield sketch.
May: We are going to leave, and take our £39 BILLION with us but first we need to agree to a trade deal with you Monsieur Barnier. Please.
Barnier: Hmmm. So, Mrs May, you want a trade deal with the EU?
May: Oh yes please sir...er...Monsieur. We'd be ever so grateful if that could be arranged shortly.
Barnier goes off and chats with Tusk in a back room.
Tusk: Remember Michel. A successful Brexit poses an existential threat to the EU. It cannot happen on THEIR terms. It's a good job the Brits showed their hand at the beginning. Silly fools. Can you believe they took NO DEAL off the table too? <both men roll on the floor, tears flowing, convulsed with laughter> I have a feeling they want to remain with us. However, we have them over a barrel now. Do your worst Michel. It has to be as difficult as possible for the UK to leave - it can be Leave in name only. No concessions. Leave means Remain. Got it?
Barnier: <goes back to the British PM> Well my dear, I cannot promise anything. I'll have to talk with the chaps but I'll get back to you. (Exit the French man rubbing his hands gleefully)
Two years later:
Mrs May: Bonjour Monsieur Barnier. We are still no closer to leaving, are we?
Barnier: No Theresa. You have the patience of a saint but we did cobble together a deal which suits us. We think it's fair. What a pity UK MPs have rejected it. We can do no more, you know?
Mrs May: Oh yes, it's very fair and we could continue to be in the EU too, couldn't we? I like it! I am not sure I can get this through parliament. I'll try again (and again and again). Thanks ever so much Michel.
A year later.
Mrs May: Hello Michel. We still want to leave, sort of, y'know, maybe, but it's proving difficult because parliament have said no to the deal and want us to continue giving you and all the other member states power over us and we'll continue to give you billions too, naturally. You'll have to up the stakes I'm afraid. How about we give you a few billion more? Could that work?
Barnier: Yeah. We were generous but perhaps a few more EU conditions and another UK billion or so would meet with UK approval?
Mrs May. It might work. We seem to have reached an impasse though. <thinks> I know what Michel. I have an idea. How about YOU tell us how we should leave??
Barnier: <twists invisible black moustache in Machiavellian fashion>
But Theresa my dear, you gave us that power from the start, silly girl. <He pats her head> Perhaps you should stick to flower arranging and admiring fluffy kittens? Send Mr Corbyn over next time.
Sketch ends with music from Hotel California.
“Relax” said the night man,
We are programmed to receive.
You can check out any time you like,
But you can never leave.”