Disproportionately peeved

Does she know that you are feeling better than you were?

Know the feeling, the heart says Why not me? But the head, if you listen to it says your DIL is aware you have not been well, is showing consideration and keeping her DM happy all at the same time.

That's pretty much it Alea, just wish my heart didn't get in the way sometimes. She does know I'm on the mend soon but also that I still have a way to go.

Know how you feel. DD has arranged her life so that I don't need to help out [unless in emergencies] because I have done loads of childminding over the past few years, but it's left me feeling awfully 'not needed'. I'm sure your DIL is doing it so as to take any pressure off you at the moment.

I know this situation so very well. I have been unwell - both depression and lots of physical problems that encroach on my mobility and balance. More than anything in the world I wish I was as fit as the other grandparents of my local GC.

My DDs are concerned for my well-being and make sure that they do not ask me to do anything that would put me under too much pressure - things that I really want to be able to do.

After the initial pangs of anguish at this situation, I tell myself that the most important thing is that the GC are happy and that there are people around to help with those things that I am unable to do.

I understand how your rational brain can fully grasp the situation - as you have demonstrated in your post - but we are all only human, and your feelings are understandable.

Be happy that the GC are getting the care they need; please don't let DIL know that you are hurt - but maybe you can gradually and gently demonstrate that you are getting better now and ready to help.

Good luck.

Sounds like the old problem of the body and mind not working in unison.
get better soon.

The boys are no 1 priority and as long as they are happy and well cared for then that's the main thing. I will have to learn to deal with my feelings - i keep thinking 'you're a grown woman, stop being so b..... silly' but it's not making any difference. Right at this moment I know I couldn't cope very well with a 2 year old and a 7 month baby, so need to start recognising/accepting my own current deficiencies in the practical sense. I'm not good at accepting my limitations.

I certainly wouldn't say anything to dil luckygirl.. We have a good relationship so I wouldn't want to do anything to prejudice this. I also hope your health improves soon-it's so tiring being unwell.

She probably thinks having two very little boys would not help you on your road to recovery, might even give you a setback if you got worn out.

Do you get on well with DIL's Mum? Could you ask if you can go over there to see them for a couple of hours one afternoon?

We have to learn our own limits, it's difficult but necessary

I agree with rosequartz's suggestion. That way you get to see the little ones but won't have the full responsibility for them. Maybe arrange through dil rather than the gran. I'm sure, as you've been ill, your dil would feel she was imposing on you by asking you to help out. Btw, hope you get back to full recovery soon.