Tia

Crimson I was surprised to find myself very upset when Diana died. Not logical I know.

I think she represented something a lot of people could relate to. I liked the way she challenged the conventions and wasn't a team player in 'the firm'. What a breath of fresh air she was compared to the rest of them.

Of course she wasn't blameless in the marriage problems with Charles but she did have a lot to cope with, what with Camilla and the uptight royals.

Nobody thought she was perfect; that's what they liked.The Royals just wanted to brush the whole thing under the carpet, but the people spoke. the press didn't instigate it; it fuelled itself in a short space of time. I think it was Tolstoy who said something about people en masse changing world events; that leaders became leaders because of an unspoken need by the people for that person to lead them. Perhaps we sometimes still act like wildebeast [or, unforunately like lemmings..[.confused]].

Sadly many young women who work hard and are good mothers die tragically young.
Diana had a public persona so we all had an image of her but IMO she was no more worthy of the huge outpouring of what I considered as pseudo grief than other people who have been killed in traffic accidents or other tragic circumstances who also may have lived interesting /troubled/ useful lives.

As someone who had quite a strong emotional reaction to Diana's death I would like to know what you mean by pseudo grief nanaej.

Even I had a strong reaction to Diana's death and I'm about as uninterested in the Royals as it is possible to be. I'm not what I felt counts as grief, but it was a strong emotion. People find ways to express such things. Cards, teddy bears, candles, notes. All that may seem pointless to some of us, but I think we should be tolerant of things we don't understand and not negative.

That said, I hate the pressure that I feel to send xmas cards "because it is expected". I guess there might be some of that going on – doing what others are doing, just because it's "the thing to do". So what? We're herd animals.

This type of grief seems to be contagious, someone leaves a few flowers and before you know it there are hundreds of flowers, candles and teddy bears. Crying is also contagious especially amongst young women, they see someone cry and all join in. As someone said most of them probably hardly knew Tia if at all. A couple of people I work with put a photo of Hazell and Huntley saying 'Hang 'Em'. I pointed out that he'd only been charged, thankfully we are in country that doesn't have legal lynching. A young lady was murdered in Bath a few years ago by a Dutch man who lived in her building. However, the press concentrated on another resident and questioned if he had murdered her - because he did look a bit odd. Everyone has their on opinion on the police, they do make mistakes, but this mistake made no difference to the outcome. They appear to have enough evidence to charge him, but he isn't guilty until he either confesses or is found guilty. We don't want the wrong person to be sent to prison afterall - during the bad days of Capital Punishment the wrong people were hanged.

petallus surely a strong emotional reaction to someone's death, when you do not know them personally, is not at all the same thing as the grief you experience when you lose someone you have known and loved for many years?

I'm sure it can be very different.

However, grieving is a complex process and sometimes unexpressed grief from an earlier bereavement is finally released alongside the grief from another, later loss.

So, to quote an example, someone might find it very difficult to grieve on the death of a beloved parent but be absolutely devastated a year later when their dog dies.

Having lost a grandchild I can assure all GN's that any sign of sympathy and support is appreciated. It is, as someone said, an expression of empathy and at times like that you need all the support you can get, believe me.

nanadogsbody

Nanadogsbody, the same from me too.

Thank you hankipanki and greenmossgiel x

I cannot imagine how I would cope if my grandson died, so you have my sympathy too dogsbody. xx

I think people who put flowers or whatever out when someone they don't know has died, are trying to put themselves in someone else's shoes and thinking "how awful". Good for them for expressing empathy.

Nanadog I can't imagine losing any of my grandchildren, so I'm sending a huge (((hug)))

Nanadogsbody my heartfelt sympathy for your loss.

nanadogsbody - Your simple yet heartfelt message moved me, and am at loss in how to respond. So go well, nanad and I wish you and your family peace for the future.

Nanadog I cannot begin to imagine how I would cope if any one of our grandchildren died. My heart would break. I doubt that it would ever mend. I'm sending you loving wishes.

Same from me, nanadogsbody.

Thank you all so much. It does mean a lot to have your kind wishes.

nanadog

Nanadog, so sorry to hear that,

nanadogso sorry for your loss

When we lost Kate,the story hit the media,and people we hardly knew claimed to know her,however slightly and claimed to have been a "really close friend " of the family,people would come up to me in the street to ask for information,it seemed to us as they where wanting to claim they knew someone who had suffered an unnatural death in suspicious circumstances ,because it is unusual in normal circumstances for people to die this way it seemed to us as if was a form of reflected glory..My very untactful clumsy SIL works for sainsbury,and she would have customers and people "pop" in for information,she for one really basked in the attention and kudos it gave her of being in some way involved with the situation.

littlenellie that is what I meant by psuedo grief. I do think many people want to be involved the 'drama' and go along to the shrines just to be seen or to 'rubberneck' and be 'part of the action'

I do understand how another death can trigger unresolved grief and do not include that in pseudo grief.

When I have been bereaved I have really appreciated the support and empathy of friends, colleagues and family but it would have felt odd if strangers had offered condolences.

When Diana died I did not feel anything like grief. It was surprising news with a very sad outcome for her and her family but it had no emotional impact on my life.

You have both reflected my views, nellie and nanaej - well said. It's the 'wanting to be part of the drama' aspect which I find distasteful. It must have been a terrible time for you, nellie.

So sorry littlenellie to hear of your loss. I think that perhaps when the loss is so public you are going to get people like that who try to cash is as it were, and this must only add to your shock and hurt. What I should have said was that at times like this any genuine expression of sympathy ans support is welcome.

The key word is genuine. When I hear of tragedies like this, even though I don't know those left behind, i really hurt for them as I know the pain they will have to go through.