Wills and leaving to grandchildren

We have 3 children, all martied.
One has 3 children one 2 children, the third is childless .
We have both left wills where, on the death of the one who lasts longest , after other small bequests, our estate will be divided into 4.
Each child will receive one quarter.
The remaining quarter will be equally divided between the grandchildren

We’ve split ours between our children. Some have children themselves and some don’t - we’ve left it to the discretion of those with children to look after them out of their inheritance - it’s unfair to penalise those that don’t have children.

These things are not straightforward at all. Our solicitor got us to think about all sorts of possible/improbable scenarios, such as what if my husband, our son and I were all killed in the same accident. Would we want all of our money to go to our (surviving) daughter, or should half of it go instead to son's children? If the latter, what if DIL remarried and her new husband was a rotter? Or if DIL went on to have more children with new man who was not a rotter but also had children to bring to the rapidly expanding family? Should her family be unbalanced by having some children with money in the bank and others not? What if all of us (us and both children) died in the accident?

These and numerous other permutations of doom were explored in depth. It took ages, and we were traumatised by the end (), but we decided that life can't be foreseen, so went for a simple split between our children. It will then be up to them to make provision for their own children with a combination of their own money and their inheritance (which may, in any case, have been hugely eroded by possible care fees).

My friend's parents did just what you are thinking of doing. Three children had done very well in life and one sister had struggled and husband had a lowish income. They left more to the needy child and the other three turned into monsters and didn't speak to their sister for more than ten years.

NO. My mother in her wisdom decided 15 years ago to leave her money to be split between my niece and nephew as house prices here are high, They are 10 and 13 years older than my eldest, I have 3. Said niece and nephew and their parents have all moved abroad to far flung corners of the earth and highly paid jobs. I have had to become my mothers carer. My children phone her regularly and visit whenever they can. Nothing from the other 2. This has left a very bitter taste and I have times where I find it difficult not to say something

I don't think anyone has asked about the OP's house? She says " I 've got some savings plus half the house".

Will this mean forcing a sale to release the inheritance?

What about the surviving husband?
Is the house held as joint tenants? If so, it will pass straight to him outside of the will.
If tenants in common, presumably the husband has a life interest so he can continue to live there, and half will be protected against being used for care fees, so will eventually be the inheritance.
So we may just be talking about the savings, in the first instance? Does this make any difference?

Nusgranny

NO. My mother in her wisdom decided 15 years ago to leave her money to be split between my niece and nephew as house prices here are high, They are 10 and 13 years older than my eldest, I have 3. Said niece and nephew and their parents have all moved abroad to far flung corners of the earth and highly paid jobs. I have had to become my mothers carer. My children phone her regularly and visit whenever they can. Nothing from the other 2. This has left a very bitter taste and I have times where I find it difficult not to say something

Is this something that you could bring up with your mother, Nusgranny?

It may be that she has forgotten why she thought it was a good idea in the first place, and would be very willing to change the will if she thought about the implications now.

I would ensure a fair split - I agree that if in doubt bypass the children in favour of a trust fund shared by the GC. I'm leaving to any GC (currently only one, whom I haven't seen since 2009) but in trust and if my daughters or their children don't contact my DS by the time the children are 25, the trust passes to him) and my MIL has left her whole estate to DH, but with the proviso that nothing is to go to my estranged daughters.

Treat the one with the child NOW. That way you will avoid bad feeling. My grandfather cut one child out of the will and he never spoke to one of the brothers again.

Oh gosh I’m blown away with all your excellent advice. My brother sadly died when we were both teenagers and it made me realise that I’ve never had to share my parents inheritance as it was all left to me.
My present husband and I have taken legal advice about our situation and the house is owned as ‘tenants in common’ and our wills give the surviving spouse the right to live in the house until they want to sell or their demise. - if a child should pass away their share of the estate is left to ‘their issue’.
Sadly my husband has been diagnosed with Lewy Body dementia. As our finances are separate if he ever does need additional care only his finances will be taken into account.
I feel awful saying that and I will be his carer for as long as I possibly can but as our children were all adult when we met I don’t want my children’s inheritance used for his care.
At present I will leave my will as it is as I get on well with all my children and think they are all sensible with money, and they all get on so would hate to leave a legacy of resentment.
Now to keep living and stop thinking about my will!!

Leave it equally to your adult children

Equal without a doubt with legacies to each grandchild

We divided ours between our 3 children.One child has no children, the other 2 have 2 children each.Have left an equal lump sum to each gc.Treat them equal,or it causes no end of trouble.

My dad's will (my mum passed away 22 years prior to him) left his estate equally between the 3 of us AC, my brother and sister have one child each but I don't have any. There were 4 envelopes of equal amounts of cash left in his safe, we siblings had one each and the last one we agreed for the two grandchildren - my SIL however said that wasn't fair as I don't have a child, so we divided by 5 and gave the two boys two shares each and I had the 5th share. Brother and sister didn't feel guilty and I didn't lose out Both nephews will inherit off their parents so will indirectly share Granddad's money (eventually). They will also inherit off me (widowed no kids) alongside my brother and sister when I depart this life - but not for a long time I hope.

That all sounds very sensible, Thoro.

I'm sorry to hear your husband has Lewy Body. My stepfather had that, and it is a cruel illness. I wish you well for the future.

I have five children. Three of them have a child/children. The other two never will. Three are comfortably off, one not so much, and one is fairly hard-up. We have helped them all out, in a limited way over the years. Apart from the value of the house I don’t have a great deal to leave.
When DH and I discussed making our wills we considered the different financial positions of our children, and whether to leave anything to the grandchildren. At the time only one daughter had a family. We decided that the only fair way was a straight split between the five ‘children’. They all know what was decided, and agree with the decision.
Having said that, various ones have helped out their siblings financially when the need arose, either as a loan or a gift. I know that they will still do the same in the future if one of them hits hard times, or the grandkids need help. That made our decision easier.
Different people have different situations, however. If in doubt, I would discuss it with the family, and hope that they all agree with what’s decided.

Are you sure the other two won't have children? If they are boys there is no time limit on fatherhood. Just a thought to throw into the mix.
In your position, I would leave a fixed sum to the grandchildren (legally it will have to be in trust until they are of age). I'd divide the rest between your AC.

Do solicitors help you to sort out complicated situations?
I need to sort something out and make a will.

GrannyRose15. Was your comment addressed to me? If so, one DS/DIL are in their 50s, and she couldn’t have children. My unmarried DS has always said that there are too many children in the world, and he will never father any (though he loves other peoples’ children) He is definitely ‘off’ relationships. One girl broke his heart, and another chased him relentlessly until he left the country to escape her! He has female friends, but likes his independence too much to settle down. though one can never be sure!

I am beginning to think my son is unreasonable. I have two grandchildren 15 and 13. Their parents are divorced, They spend time with each parent. When at their mothers they don’t get pocket money at all. If they want a bit of money they have to wash the car etc. At my sons house they don’t get money either! I asked my son if I could give the children a small monthly allowance by way of a bank Acc for each. He said no!
If I want to buy the children a present I have to go through my son and he says yes or no. I am only allowed to do Xmas and birthday. As the children get older I am wondering how it will be. I think my son and I may fall out is I try and help the children when they need it! I think children. Need to learn how to manage their money. Is this normal?

My partner only has one sibling, a brother...his brother has 2 'kids' (young adults in early-mid-twenties) whereas he does not have children. His parents have split everything equally 50/50 between him and his brother in their wills. They said it was only fair and it would not be right to favour one over the other because of the life choices, circumstances or current financial situation of each son.

My mum was divorced when my sister and I were toddler and baby. When she remarried they had a son. I was told my brother will inherit the majority of their estate, my sister may get something but nothing is heading my way! (I'd left home before my brother was born). Luckily I love my siblings and don't begrudge them anything + they both have families - my sister has 3 young adult kids and my brother has a young son. But I have known friends where inequality in inheritances ripped their families apart and fractured relationships never to be repaired. My advice would be to keep your will with an even split and to think very carefully about all the implications any changes might have. Here's hoping it will be a long time before that will is read - stay safe.

Just a thought but it could be that the two older brothers, who have no children, each leave their estate to the youngest brother's children in the fullness of time anyway.
So the youngest brother's family could benefit more eventually, but it would be the older brothers' decision.

3 children should definitely get equal shares,maybe help the youngest a bit now,you don’t want hurt feelings.Also the children will have loving aunts and uncles in the future.

Rather than leaving money, consider a piece of jewelry or something you shared with each GC.

As a teenager or young adult I think it would feel very special to be left a legacy in a will where you are actually named. My grandparents didn't do this but I was left a small sum from my godmother and I was touched that she had thought of me.