Help calm me, house buying and selling stress part 2

Hi everybody, as a 'jewish atheist' this festive season obviously has a different meaning to me than it does to many of you!!! My Dad was also atheist, all my children and g.children are - however we have a golden rule, anything that involves 'celebration' is something to be coveted and joined with. So this time of the year, we all happily celebrate Christmas, Chanukah and the Solstice.
My daughter and youngest g.son popped round yesterday afternoon and brought with a doughnut for the first day of Chanukah. Lovely - had it with my late evening green tea.
So, yes, I am looking forward happily to the next few days.
When my many children were small, a takeaway meal was something we could never, ever afford - totally unknown in our house -except Christmas Eve. I would spend most of that day cooking and preparing food, my hubbie used to receive Luncheon Vouchers and would take sandwiches and save those all year. A local Chinese restaurant would take these LV's and on Christmas Eve we would use the years supply to have our annual takeaway. Much excitement - the older two children would accompany Dad to collect the many dishes, the younger ones helped to clear and set the table.
My No. 2 daughter has kept up this ''tradition'. although they are much more used to takeways and meals out these days. I have been invited to join them for this on Christmas Eve - so will actually be going there (less than ten minutes away on my scooter), for three consecutive days, Pressies from the tree opening in the morning of the 25th when I arrive.
Having told my children that I do not want any Christmas Presents from them this year, just for them to work out time when they can come to visit over the next year - two of my younger g.daughters expressed concern that I would not have a parcel to open. So, they made me some decorations - all very ethical. The main one, being a lovely string of walnuts (from the garden of their neighbours, Rumanian Mum), decorated with coloured-in and cut out figures. Lovely thought.
On Friday I drive to London, have lunch with a friend, go to stay at No. 1 daughters house, and over the next few days, my two other daughters and their children will be visiting there. Finish off on the Monday with lunch with a different friend before coming home.
The only one of my children I will not see this Festive time is my son, and he has promised to come to stay sometime in the New Year.
Mw - do not make a 'thing' about not getting a Christmas Card from your Dad - I assume you have sent him one. Many people have stopped sending these at all - due to both cost and ethical reasons (I have never sent any for the past 55 years to anyone). Why do you not 'phone him, no card can be better than a real chat.
Yesterday I started to sort out my books, getting ready for the Ikea storage/bookcase coming the following week. One small bookcase now in my living room, one in a different part of my hallway - will have two small ones to give away. Managed to get some more of my photos out.
I try very hard not to spend too much time reflecting on those who have died - 25th December was my parents wedding anniversary - and 21st Dec my Dads birthday. However, I feel it is important not to waste the time we have with those who are still alive thinking about those who have died. We will raise our usual glass (soft drinks -none of us use alcohol), on Christmas Day to my youngest son, we may chat about him for a while - usually with funny (not sad) anecdotes and then we will move on.
I love all the christmas lights now, and actually went through the town centre the other day in the rain as it was evening and I wanted to see them again - however I detest them once the festivities are over. Decorations in my family always are down and put away before 1st January - that glitter and tinsel looks all wrong to us then
So......I am looking forward with enjoyment and excitement to the next week, and then forwards and upwards to a New Year - and will face whatever that brings - good and bad .

Ooooh Franbern, what a fab post. I LOVE the idea of no presents from AC - but for them to spend time with you. How much more precious and how much more you will enjoy it.

I am so not materialistic in any way, and am rubbish at buying presents, I always give money to the AC and money to them to buy presents for the DGC, and for years have pleaded with them not to buy presents for me - there is nothing I want that I do not have and don't want them spending their hard earned money on things for me that will just clutter up the house. I always ask them to ask the DGC to make something for me that I will treasure for ever.

I love the story of the annual takeaway - what a treat - and your family sound lovely, I so hope you have a lovely, loving family Christmas - and I extend this sentiment to all on this lovely thread.

We celebrated Christmas early this year, it was the only time I could get all of the AC together at our house, and it all feels a bit anticlimatic to me now lol - but never mind, Grandad Dot and I will have our quiet Christmas lunch at home and speak to them all, and of course the DGC on Xmas day and reflect on how lucky we are to have them.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

I loved to read your story Franbern, the different traditions at this time of year, its much more than queing and stuffing ourselves with food

All families are different, take the royal family, each family has a different situation. I have a middle dd who became extremely hard to handle after her childhood injections. We raised her well to adulthood, she had a horse and we all did horse things together. She got married and gave her husband a daughter and their dynamics changed. DD put a bubble around herself and she was very much worse after her dad died

She sent me a christmas card full of love but she never rings, never and she barely e mails. She has not given me or her siblings her home or mobile numbers. I don`t know what the home situation is but her husband is a helicopter parent over their dd and my dd is psychologically pushed to one side. She immerses herself in her animals, horses, dogs and a cat, they now have 3 acres and a lot of outside space so each have their own space if needed

I cannot do any more, have said I will go and see them over the holiday but she needs to give me a date. No response and no phone number. So I try and take my mind away from this situation, she is the same with her 2 siblings. We are lent our children, mustn`t forget that

So mosaics, try not to think about your dad, it helps

Lovely to read all your posts, what interesting and different lives we all lead .

I'm feeling a bit down today because I've done that stupid thing of comparing myself to a friend. I received a 'round robin' letter in her xmas card yesterday and she is leading such a purposeful life- she has been voted in as mayor yet again, and is leading lots of environmental campaigns in her town. I'm just bumbling along sorting out my herb cupboard .... hopefully once the house is sold I can start living again.

Thanks for the encouragement about my Dad - unfortunately as we were estranged in 2001, and I've not had his telephone number for the past 18 years, we just exchange cards on birthdays and christmas after meeting again at my uncle's funeral in 2011. He's recently moved again to be in the same road as my brother, and my SIL is doing his cleaning - and charging him £10 per hour. I won't think about the card any longer, I am just glad I found such a good father for my own children

Just watching White Christmas, I see different things every time I watch it!

Hey craftyone your post crossed whilst I was typing mine - big hugs to you, as you say, we are only lent them xx

Wow what lovely interesting posts. Unfortunately yesterday did go as planned. Just as the Yorkshires where raising I got ill. Brother and sister in law had to take me to A&E. My daughter came to us my son was working. Seizures out of control but had the injection and after a short while came home. Saw the gp had extra blood tests on top of what I had last night. My brother laughed at least they smelt the chicken. They didn't want to come to eat without me. They are coming in January. I scared them both as they have never seen me so ill. But I live to fight another day. Christmas to look forward with the family. Hope everyone one has a happy and healthy Christmas and 2020 is all you wish for.

whiff, stay positive as you always do. What a scare, I am so glad you have your family close

I have been so achey these past few days, could have been the damp weather but bugs are insidious and can give us low grade feeling of not being at our best. Have been resting more than usual and bought and used a massager with several heads including a point. I used it around my achilles on my ankles and my achey legs are feeling much better. I looked up accupressure points and that is exactly where to use accupressure to relieve the sciatic nerves.

I met a lovely older lady today in the veg shop. She had a cycle helmet on and we chatted, she must have been 85 and had transitioned to a lovely lightweight tricycle. She had a massive basket on the back and was doing the heavy shop for the family. People like her are so uplifting, she said we should have a coffee together and we will. We are bound to meet again

One more day and then off to dd for christmas day. She is on call, so no big complicated meal and no alcohol and that suits me fine as I am driving back before the light is completely gone

I have paid a bit of lip service to getting older and ordered a trolley on which I can store my recycling council boxes in the garage, then I can just wheel to the roadside, instead of carrying them. There will be space between the two so they can stay on the trolley to fill

Best wishes for your good health Whiff, sorry to hear its happened again. Are you seeing the consultant tomorrow?

Blimey Whiff, that must have been frightening, for you AND your family. Hope you're feeling better.

Ah, families, they're seldom as they appear on the Xmas adverts, are they? It brings it home to us at this time of year, and you wonder what you did wrong, what could we have done differently? Did we spoil them as we were so poor as children? Certainly our AC are very different people to us as we were at their age.

Sorry that you're feeling 'aimless' MW, but you are still greiving for you Darling, and of course how can you make plans and start to live life to the full while you are in this awful limbo? 2020 will be YOUR year, you'll see. I hope that this post is still running this time next year and we can all take stock and see how far we have come in a year.

Mine is unlikely to be very different....WASPI so still another 5 years til SP kicks in, so still working (and I am glad that I am as it keeps me young (ish), not planning on changing jobs now, this'll 'see me out' - however I will have another Darling GC in June, and maybe another, who knows they new year is not yet upon us.

Merry Christmas all, will raise a glass of prosecco to you all tomorrow and hope that we all, wherever we are and whoever we're with, either enjoys it or gets through it

So sorry to hear of your health problems, Whiff. Must have been frightening for all concerned. Hopefully, soon you will get some answers and proper treatment for whatever is causing these episodes.
I must admit (feeling pretty smug), that none of my AC now cause me any worries or problems at all. Not to say they have not in the past - some dreadful times - which I can now put behind me - but they have all (eventually) turned out very well. All are in what is known as 'caring' professions - Mental Health (NHS) Teaching, (one with young people who in the past would have been called profoundly ESN!! ) etc. So, although all are doing very well in their careers, none will ever be millionaires - but, do not think many millionaires are as nice as these are.
What will happen with my eight g.children is lost in the midst of the future - I hope that with the loving and caring upbringing they are all getting - they will also turn out as well as their parents. The one whose Mum works in Mental Health has already decided to train as a Social worker, and is looking at Uni's for 2021 - indeed, the apple does not fall far from the tree - in the nicest way.
I do know what I have left behind me in London - my last two close friends from the past (will see them both over the next week for lunch), and many good long-term aquaintances from my many interests. My SiL had moved away from London a few years back. Strange, when we first met back in the very early 1960's we detested each other (going out with two brothers). It was when we both had our first children we started to become friends, and then over the years that bond became stronger.
Her 'brother' had a highly financial successful career - as my 'brother' became unemployed due to his MS - and she was one person who was always there for me and helped me out both financially and emotionally during some of my darkest periods. So, we became very close. I will be eternally grateful to her for her support on so many occasions.
Unfortunately, although she still has her hubbie, she is finding life much more difficult at the present time and does not have the same sort of relationship with her three children that I am fortunate enough to have with my five. She dislikes with a vengeance,where they have moved to and hates being away from London. Her daughter, and my eldest daughter are very close, almost like honorary sisters more than cousins - and I think it was this what was worrying my daughter about me moving so far away from London.
Seem to be meandering on about my family - sorry. I do want to say to Mw that comparing yourself to what you think someone else's life is like is not a good idea. That Round Robin letter you received is rather like those people who keep posting on Fb to tell the world what a wonderful life they have. If they need to broadcast it so much, often means they are not really that happy, but in denial and putting up a face to the world.
So, perhaps your RR friend is just trying to convince herself as to how wonderful she is, when really she does not feel like that. And, even if it is all true - so what?? If doing so much makes her happy then that is good, but not the sort of life for many of us. We, the 'little people' are needed also. Mw - please get on with thinking about all that is GOOD in your life and put the bad parts into lower caps!!!
I do wonder how property prices will be effected over the next few months - for the majority of us it will make little difference if they go up or down as most people selling one property then wish to purchase another. Nobody on here appears to be someone with what is known as a 'property portfolio'.
I can remember back in the early 1970's when there was a boom in property prices, anything would sell immediately, but then it was so difficult to purchase. I can remember people actually queueing down the street when a house went up for sale, virtually with their cheque books in their hands. So, life for sellers/buyers is always difficult in one way or the other.
Hopefully, by this time next year Mwarts will have joined we select few who are now happily ensconced our new 'for-ever' homes. Do keep us informed as to how you are getting on, we are genuinely and sympathetically interested.

Thank you for all your good wishes. I am still waiting for an appointment to see a neurologist. Could kick myself missing the cancellation the other week. I've been off seizure medication for over 2 yrs due to the one I was on gave me Jaundice along with another tablet. Was on both for 30yrs. But there are a lot out now need neurologist to prescribe them as I will be have to be monitored.

Feeling well in myself. But we all have problems. As I am fond of saying their are a lot of people worse off than me.

I' m lucky I love and am loved in return. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas! xx

And the same to you MW. Hope it’s as good as you deserve it to be

I hope everyone has a happy 2020 and a time for rest and recuperation over christmas, as happy as can be

I have been moved reading your stories. Most of you are in a happy place today.
We are at DDs for the first and last time as they will be moving soon.
The little DGC are busy building houses and castles with their new kits. I do hope and pray for their future. one is spraying water on DGP hair as i write....
Life goes on. We do our best. We must appreciate the small pleasures and try not to fret.
Merry Christmas to all of you. Xx

Happy Christmas to all those who have moved or hope to move. This thread has been so helpful and supportive.

I have been twiddling my mind re a bit of future proofing re the bathroom. I have a lovely efficient shower over the bath and it is always nice and hot with good pressure, whereas the en suite shower is nice in summer but pressure is a lot lower in winter because the mains water is colder

You can see where the problem will be, the bath and getting a leg over it. Easy for me now but the bathroom is beautifully tiled all over with large white glossy tiles. I cannot help thinking that it is sensible to get some more of the same tiles in, so that a new shower can be tiled when the bath comes out

For £30 I have settled my mind and will be fetching them from wickes tomorrow. Luckily I had asked the builder to use them and found the code for them. 18 extra tiles which I can easily store in my garage

Has anyone here ever had that done? Replaced a bath with a walk in shower. The plumber will be here every year to service my boiler so I won`t need to get a different plumber when I do get it done.

Back to christmas, the best one for me in 5 years, just 5 hours with family and very relaxed, drove home in the light. I admit to enjoying it this year, very calm and pleasant and I bought myself an exercise bike which arrived from argos this morning

Craftyone Being honest when we moved here to a smaller house one of the main things I wanted was a bath. So we discarded a lot of properties that only had a shower. Our EA also told us that a bath is often a selling point especially if it has a shower over or a separate shower. We're lucky that we found a house with a lovely big bathroom that has both. Some properties also had a bath lift installed if they were owned by elderly or disabled people.
Xmas chaos here, the DGD is over tired and acting up. And DS1 DIL and 2 other DGC coming tomorrow.

craftyone yes we had our old bath removed and a walk in shower fitted. Very glad we did it. I really couldn't manage a bath after my knee replacements. Very few of my friends have baths any more. I'd love to be able to have soak in one but really can't any more.

My previous home had a shower over a bath and due to the awkward position of the bath, it was quite difficult to climb back out of it with ease. So when I moved house, I had the whole bathroom ripped out and had a full length walk in shower, new loo and wash basin installed. I had considered doing the same as craftyone and just replacing the bath with a walk in shower and keeping the old loo and basin and making good the tiling area around the shower. My plumber said that it would actually be quite obvious because, over time, the loo and wash basin will have changed colour slightly due to sunlight/cleaning products/time. Even if I got the same make and design of the original tiles they would also have changed colour slightly, for the same reasons. I decided to go the whole hog and start from fresh. The modern sanitary fittings are much neater and space saving than the old ones and more water efficient too.

Thanks for that, so I am picking up the tiles this morning and now thinking that as the bathroom is only 8 months old, I may get it done sooner rather than later. I think I will ask my plumber to organise it in spring when he is not crazy busy. He is the plumber who installed everything

I would need a good mixer shower with a thermostat. What else would you suggest to make it future proofed? All this came from a sil who visited a few days ago, she is 10 years older than me and now has mobility issues. She said that the other good thing that she had done was another handrail coming down the stairs, one each side. They had their bath replaced many years ago

Should I add a shower handrail and if so where would it go?

Re a shower rail Craftyone, when I needed a rail after my recent hip replacement we bought a suction one to stick on the tiles. Didn't want to go to the expense of putting a permanent one in given that we had sold the property.

As for where the rail went, it is opposite the shower door and at right angles to the taps. Found this worked well for me.

I had the grab handle actually drilled into the wall, through the tiles*craftyone*, rather than a suction one; the plumber did it once the tiling was completed. I had it situated so that I could grasp it as I step into, and out of, the shower. One other thing he did was to put a towel hook, again drilled into the wall for safety, within easy reaching distance from stepping out of the shower.
The thermostatically controlled showers are wonderful! No more fiddling to get the temperature right and get frozen/scalded whilst you wait!

My husband is disabled, he has two hand rails, one upright under the shower and another at right angles to that along the shower wall. These have ‘rescued’ him more than once!

Really good help here, thank you. The tiles from wickes are now in my garage and I am about to compose a letter to my plumber, he is often on site here but I would not see him and don`t want to phone him at home, so a request letter will be good, to leave at the builders hut

He can access the tiler who worked here and did a fantastic job, I really do think that it is best for me to get this done while I can access the same tradespeople. I wish I had asked for this when I saw the bath in the living room before fitting but it wasn`t until the reality of talking to my 82 year old sil.

No-one wants to face that fact but better to be prepared. I will now decide where I want grab rails and I will get them fitted to the walls. I think a horizontal one below the shower and a vertical one, opposite where I would step in. I need to do some more research wrt doors next