Concerns about strange comings and goings

Rubylady you are so astute.
Yes trust issues is a big thing here too. I would not trust my DCs to have my best interests at the fore. I would be worried that if refused money they would try other ways of obtaining cash. They already use the DGCs at fight fodder. I only see the DGCs when I have not stood up against them in any way or they cant work out child cover.
Your other key phrase is "you get to chose". Me deciding what I do or do not do would be a new concept. The DCs have been deciding or rather dictating in my life. The places I am looking at are not close to my home(s) so I could build up a list of trusted helpers. There is a lot to be said for having willing or even paid helpers.
I agree totally with you statement that you don't have that with the family. I have found similarly.
I have been asleep most of today and I think living close to water would be good for me and my weird health. I do eat fairly well. I am not a great cook but I do spend on quality foods.
Thanks for your advice. See PM.

Even if ED does get back in touch, it's a trust issue now. She has been very callous, very cruel in keeping the children away from me and I cannot trust her not to do this again.

I did want to say too westerly that when you do decide to move on from family not caring and get yourself a team of helpers, then you can have whoever you want in your life. You get to choose. You get to employ. You get the care and help you deserve and need. And they become your support group. Make a list of the help you would need, go online to find these people in your area (streetlife website is a great way to ask for recommendations for cleaners etc) and work out how much you can afford to pay someone and how often you would need them. My cleaner is being moved to fortnightly because it was costing a little bit too much on a weekly basis. Now I have a window cleaner, gardener, handyman, a man with a van, decorator and cleaner. Not all at the same time, but there if I need any help. They are kind, courteous, have a brew if they have time, have a chat, are funny and they go home when I have had enough, lol. I would love someone to go out with from time to time but I don't have that with my family anyway so nothing lost there.

Gain strength, eat well, sleep well and take action. It will be a better 2017 for you. Xxx

westerly You sound like you have gained some strength and your plan to rent a place while you look around is a very good idea. The ones by the sea will give you some thinking time while being good for your health taking a stroll by the sea air. Go for it.

I have decided that I am sick and tired of having things going round in my head about my ED. It will be three years of no contact this May and enough is enough. I am not going to acknowledge her in my life from now on, until or unless she does ever get in touch again. But I am just putting myself through endless pain by keep thinking of her and her sons and telling people that I have a daughter who I don't get to see. I told her that my dad had died, I told her that I was really poorly but nothing back at all, not even a text. No more, it has to end. I have to move on. And what better time than a New Year to clean the cobwebs away and make a fresh start. So from now on I have a son, and only a son, who does care and does keep in touch and does see that I am ok. Rightly or wrongly this has to be the case, for my own sanity and for my health.

Baby steps is the key. Take one baby step at a time. Have you seen the rented properties, inside? Is there anyone who will go with you? Where do you live? If you were nearby I would gladly help you. Phone the estate agents or whoever tomorrow (if they are open) and see if you can arrange a viewing. You do sound a bit better. And don't worry, you are never alone with GN around. We are all only a click away. PM me anytime you want. Take care love. Xxx

Thanks to everyone who has written to me on this thread.

Rubylady = you are so clever with what you have said. I do think that my DCs are taking the P. They want me desperately when there is a problem but the rest of the time I am expected to sit nicely in my wee box until the next need. The DCs are not very nice people just as you said. I thought about the phrase you used "they are not nice people". I also thought about what my parents would have said if I had brought these people to my parents house as new friends. I would have been told they were no suitable friends for me. Many people have talked against my DCs, neighbours at the house where they were brought up, other mothers at the younger one's school, and even shop assistants when I have been out with the DCs.
I remember my late parents with my DCs. One parent had had enough of the carry on and when asked on their deathbed did they want DC1 contacted and brought to the hospital the response was "she is dead to me". My DF put one DC out of his house for swearing in the house, the other would not cut or clean nails at mid 20s so DF grabbed the hands and chopped the
nails off. My parents were not impressed!
OH felt that as he was not their father he could do nothing more than give them fierce looks, but he did say he would have been more strict if he had been the father.
I think my DCs have taken advantage of when I was so upset with the deaths and my own illnesses to take advantage of me. I know that no matter what I do I will never be right. They know that I am unhappy and worried about what is going on here they have not even said they will come over and watch for themselves. They just shouted me down without even looking at what is happening.
I definitely need to change my life. I have been looking at rented properties in the past few days and there are a few which would be suitable. I feel like I want to use any rental like an extended holiday while still assessing the area to see if I should move to that area or to move to rent in another area. I am making moves towards moving away.
During the New Year period, no DCs has come to see me. One sent a text. I have been alone all the time. I think I would prefer to be alone in a more scenic area. Two rental properties are opposite sea. I would love that.
Thank you so much for all the help given by everyone.

westerly You need to make 2017 about a fresh start for yourself! You need to look after you, to deal with your illnesses and be there for yourself if your family are not bothered. They do sound like they are taking the proverbial with asking you to babysit and expecting you to clean and tidy while you are there but refusing to come and see you in your own house. You need to wake up to the fact that they are not very nice people and, as you are only on this planet once, you have to look after yourself.

Today is off the agenda, being a Sunday and tomorrow is Bank Holiday, but Tuesday, get things in motion for a move. Phone Age UK to see where you stand. Get people on board for you to do something positive. You don't want to be in the same position as you are now in another month, you want to be a step further along, whatever you decide to do. If anyone else was treating you like your children are treating you, would you put up with it? Please think about it. Your DGC will be old enough to come and visit you on their own soon so don't think about that.

Think positive, act now. Find the strength for a phone call on Tuesday to Age UK. Start somewhere. Explain and take it from there. Write down anything they tell you or any numbers and people who can help. Keep us informed so that we can support you.

Proactive, not reactive. Much love. Xxx

Just a thought, a friend's mother moved into a McCarthy and Stone flat. The company bought her house and arranged for her stuff to be packed and moved to her new home. Now I know all this comes at a cost and may not be what you want, but perhaps it is another avenue to consider?

Bless you, Westerly. I feel very sad for you and hope the new year brings a happy resolution,

Hi All.
I have had a rough couple of nights. I just do not manage to sleep. I was up all last night and did not fall asleep until 10 a.m. I was already a poor sleeper and this carry on has made it a whole lot worse.
My DCs are all working they have kids and partners. It has been nearly 5 years since the last death and there had also been a death about 8 months previous to that. They were my OH and DF. Flats are owned by the family and the DCs were supposed to move into flats near me after I moved into parents' house but they refused. I got them cars so that they could get about easier but they rarely come here. If I am baby sitting I go to them.
I have been quite ill with very suspicious symptoms which turned out to be not my biggest fear but still a bad condition which will never be cured. I was constantly in and out hospital but now I seem to be in control of my conditions. I don't get much sympathy for my health problems.
As a result I do not feel inclined to stay here to suit them for babysitting, house work while babysitting etc. I see it that this is the time that I live my way and not for the DCs. The downfall is the DGC. They already operate on a don't complain and do as told or you don't see the DGC. This week I was to babysit but found out that alternative arrangements were made without contacting me at all.
In the long run perhaps this is a very necessary push to make me move away from here and be my own person. My health will not be improved with this lack of sleep as one of my symptoms is total exhaustion.
Thanks everyone

Did you contact Crimestoppers, westerley. If not please think about the pm I sent you.

Hope you are asleep tonight, westerley, your situation worries me. Did you use Crimestoppers? If not, please do as it's a safe way of sharing your concerns. I would hope for police action to check out the safety of the young women you describe. If things then quieten down for a bit it gives you breathing space to plan your move. I am sorry your family are unhelpful, you don't say how recently you have been left alone, are you all grieving and so they are finding it hard to face another loss? As ruby says there are others you can organise to help when the time comes. I certainly wouldn't attempt to pack up a family home alone. You must think of your safety and wellbeing and that of your grandchildren, I hope your family will understand, please let us know how you are getting on.

Ruby, what a lovely person you are.
Westerlywind, you are making yourself ill. House moves are slow so if there is nowhere you can go is there a room at the back you could sleep in, just so that you don't keep having to go to the window? You do mention an alternative plan and perhaps you will put that into action, but you still need to contact an estate agent. Even though you are not in contact with neighbours could you not just knock on someone's door who might also be in view of that house and ask if they've noticed anything odd? Or could you contact the Police anonymously describing what you've seen ? I'm not sure if they act on anonymous reports - might be worth finding out. If it were me, I just wouldn't want to lodge one officially. I hope your interim plan works out. Do get back to us and just talk if it helps.

westerly I am up too, but because of pain, not because of anything untoward happening but I do sympathise with you. Has it gone quiet now? Have you managed to get some sleep?

When anyone wants to make an appointment to view your property, then make sure that the estate agent is there to show them round and that they are of good character, not people similar to the ones living in this house or the landlord as that wouldn't be good neither.

You are in a very strange position to be put in as I wouldn't want to sell to a family knowing that this sort of behaviour could be going on. I had a problem with a neighbour in my former home, but told the council who did nothing to move him so we moved instead and it was the best thing I did. Only problem was, probably another family are now living with him causing trouble. But then I did tell police and council and still nothing was done. As this is your own property, then maybe get some legal advice first before putting it on the market.

As for your family not caring, it's not them dealing with it, is it? They should care, they should be looking out for you and helping you through this but sometimes we have to do it for ourselves because they just don't give one. I have the same problem. I ask other people to help now instead. Look for someone who can help pack up for you, there will be people around who do that. Look for a cleaner to give it a once over when you are ready to go. Look for a handyman to help with any jobs taking furniture apart to move. It is doable without family. Then, if they won't grow the seed and harvest the wheat, they don't get to eat the bread.

Take care love, keep posting. I am usually up at this time so let me know how you are. Xxx

It is now 03.33 and I have not slept. Two females from the house left in a car about 30 minutes ago. This car was idling in the street for a while which is why I looked out. It did not have taxi plates.
These girls are of foreign appearance but not modestly dressed wearing high wedge type glitter shoes, tight trousers and a skimpy top, no jacket or coat. There just has to be something not right about this.
It is definitely not right that I am up at this time of night for the umpteenth night in a row because of the cars coming a and going.
Meanwhile I have come to an idea of how to get myself to safety as fast as possible. Saying nothing until it is done.
Thanks for bearing with me while I worry myself into a tizz

Hi DanniRae and Annierose
I was up till about 4 or 5 am last night and now at just after 1.30 a number of people have arrived at the house in question and one of the cars is quite noisy. They have all gone into the house.
I don't see much hope of the local police or the Council who are supposed to regulate private landlords actually doing much.
I can only assume that the only way to change things is for me to move on. I am concerned about what I might move into so a lot of checking and looking around will need to be done.
I don't really have anyone who I would want to stay with or to come here to stay with me. I did mention my thoughts to a DC and the response was quite negative before I even explained fully so I stopped. One of the major problems is that none of my family showed me any support or sympathy at the point of death or in the days, weeks and months following.
I will get on with it under my own sail and present the outcome as a fait accompli.
Thank you for your kind words. I am very worried, scared and disappointed.

That is one reason I suggest Crimestoppers - you can even ring from a public callbox (there are still a few!) and you don't have to declare it.
However, you must get on and do what is right for you. One word of caution - do be sure about where you move to, don't jump quickly because you are worried.
Are you able to stay with a relative or friend for a few days, especially if you want to look round another area?

Oh westerlywind you sound so worried - I hope you manage to move away as soon as possible and I send you my best wishes xx

Hi Bellanona
I think I will move out before I will do anything. I am worried enough without making more problems to worry about. I don't think we have an Enquiries before Contract here but I will ask my solicitor. (Scotland)
It is no use living where there is more worrying points than advantages.
Move it is then
Thanks for replying

Have, not gave. I always blame the iPad !

Avoid making an official complaint as you would have to declare that on the Enquiries before Contract (if they are still called that). That would then make it more difficult for you to sell. What a problem you gave and I do agree with you that moving would be the best thing to do especially as it doesn't seem to be a friendly road anyway. I do wish you all the best..

Thank you Annierose and Ana.
I had originally planned to move once I was alone. I got ill unexpectedly and older as well which stopped me in this place. Now I am on the level with my health and for a number of reasons I think it is likely to be better for me to move. I actually own this house. I have already tentatively been looking at other properties and had this one valued by an Estate Agent as well as watching the prices of local properties.
The problem of the "strange comings and goings" is more of a reason to move sooner rather than later. There are other things in the area that make me wonder. There are parking problems with a lot of nippy comments. I have stayed here without family for a while now and it is so lonely without all the people who used to live here. The majority died and others grew up and started lives of their own.
Could be best to get the house up for sale as soon as possible after the Christmas and New Year period and just bite the bullet and move to a fresh start.
Thanks to everyone. You have given me good points to ponder and reassurance that you can see what I think is going on here. I am able to move myself quickly to another place while selling this house, which is very lucky.

If you own your house it might be harder to sell if there is a known problem in the neighbourhood.

If renting, I'd have thought you have good reason to either ask to be moved or find somewhere else in a safer area.

I would definitely use Crimestoppers, rather than reporting it personally.

I have found that researching and thinking 'what if' is a good way to contemplate a major change. Rather than deciding to move, begin by getting a valuation, look at suitable properties, do your sums, think about how it would affect social contact (the wanted kind!). As you gather information, an answer will emerge.

For me, one of the major issues would be the other neighbours. if you are generally happy there, and get on well with others, then you may find that if this gets shut down, the problem will cease. I have known this where brothel / dealers were operating out of otherwise pleasant areas. But if it feels as if your street is becoming unsafe and you are not comfortable generally, then time to move.

So sorry you are going through this

f77ms - I am going to.

Cornergran - I would speak if a neighbour spoke to me about their concerns but they all keep themselves very much to themselves here.
I still think the anonymous report through Crimestoppers is my best option. I do not want Police coming to my house as that would be very obvious. There appears to be someone in one of the rooms facing my way all the time. All other windows have the blinds closed.
Thank you for reassurance

Do report it Westerly , it sounds as if it could be drugs or even trafficked girls used as prostitutes . xx