To Move, or not to Move? that is the question - your thoughts please

What an interesting thread! There are obvious pros and cons for both moving, and staying put. However, if you move to live near relatives you do need to make sure they will be staying [or no point in moving there.]If they are, then I would say 'yes' go for it. it will be a new chapter of life for you, particularly if DH has died and you are totally on your own.You also need to move before you are too old to start making new friends and joining things.Just don't move to a tiny rural village with no amenities, make it a small town or a large village with buses and a few shops, village hall etc.Gally, hope you tell us what you do? Good luck

My husband and I moved to the same village as one of our sons over 3 years ago. My husband died last year and it would have been very difficult if we had still been living in York.
This year I had an aortic dissection. If I had still been living in York, I would have been sent to either Hull or Leeds, as would my husband for his brain tumour op. Living closer to family meant we had both sons to help us when it was needed. In fact I moved in with one son and his family for two months until I went back for another scan.
Unfortunately, I can no longer do what I did before, but my family take me shopping and on holiday - although they are in Spain at the moment.
My 11 year old grandson stays sometimes, and he helps me now.
I help them by looking after two of my grandchildren after school and sometimes before school too. I can still run Granny's breakfast club!
However, they know to be more careful with me and not jump on my knee anymore, and that if I say I am tired I really am.
None of this would happen if we had stayed in York, although friends and family still say they regret us moving. We had a guest house and could put a lot of people up for Christmas and holidays.
However, we have jumped on a train and gone to York a few times since Ken died. It was hard at first but is getting easier to meet people in York.
That's where we moved to retire to after having the guest house for ten years.
Now we have a seat for him in Beamish, where we can go and have picnics, which is only 15 minutes drive from where we live. When we lived in York, we used to meet family at Beamish a couple of times a year.
You can keep traditions going wherever you live.

DS suggested to us once that we might like to live closer to them but he lives in a village with no shops and it is a considerable car journey to go anywhere. I live 2 minutes from a bus stop and half a mile from a supermarket. Eldest GD will go to secondary school in three years and there is already discussion as to which county they should move to for best school. If we had sold our house DS would have moved on and we would have been left isolated.
I could not move to be near DD, living in a major European city centre is not my idea of retirement.

That sounds terribly pretentious. It's (whisper) a bungalow, which just happens to have a pool in the back yard.........

Thanks for your thoughts. I am staying with DD1 in Gloucestershire and when I am with her it seems a good idea but as soon as I get home I know I will change my mind again. Both she and DD3 are keen for me to move (especially as I am going to view a village house with a swimming pool on monday!). I have looked at 2 houses so far - one is a renovation project and far too expensive; the other was a lovely cottage right on the infant Thames - 4' from the house - idyllic but tiny. Not sure if I can do tiny so soon - I live in nearly 3000 sq. feet of house. Oh, what to do. My friends all say to stay put and wait; 2 DD's tell me to do what I feel is right and DD2 wants me to go and live in Oz! I feel an ostrich situation approaching

When my husband died I decided to move nearer to my son and daughter, but friends told me I shouldn't make a decision about moving as it was too soon after being bereaved.

5 years later I thought about it again, and put my home up for sale. I then started to look for another place to live. I was shocked at how difficult it is to find somewhere even a quarter as nice as where I live now. Plus I would be leaving my dear friends to live many miles away. Also my children both work full time and both have very busy lives, I don't think there would be much time in their lives for me whereas now they love to come and visit me with their children as I live in a very remote part of Cornwall.

So I abandoned the idea, took my home off the market, and feel all the better for it

Gally I was faced with this same decision several years ago. I upped and moved closer to my son and his wife. I have never regretted the move though I do miss my friends, especially the ones who'd just drop in for a drink and a natter. Close friends do come for a visit though. But the quality time I spend with my son and my grandchildren are * definitely worth it*
I'd say go for it while you're still young enough [sun]

I think it's important to think of the years ahead. What if you need help after an illness or a fall? How can your family support you when they are so far away? What about when you are too frail to visit them?

My DH had a horrible and serious illness, peritonitis, in March 2012 and DD made these same points to us.So after a lot of discussion we decided that it was sensible to move nearer to her whilst we were still fit enough to cope with the upheaval and to make a new life in a new location.

We moved to a house which is 1 mile from her and 1 mile from the sea last summer and set about joining things in the community, WI and a choir for me and a cycling club for DH. We have no regrets indeed it has been wonderful to have DD and DGC popping in and to be able to provide backup care for DGC as needed.

Go for it Gally. A whole new exciting chapter is waiting to be written.

Difficult decision Gally. What do your girls think?

My mother moved 300 miles to live near us when my father died and I don't think she ever regretted it. She got very involved in local organisations, so she was kept well occupied.

If you are not sure, could you rent a property for six months to see how it works out|?

Gally I think Bez's words about your memories always being with you are very wise.
If you're reasonably sure your DDs are settled long-term in the area, if you think there would be opportunities for you to make your own life and new friends there as well as helping your DDs, and if you find a property you like and feel you could make 'your own', I think the balance would be in favour of a move.
You can always return to visit your friends, and have them visit you, which is possibly easier than visiting the family or having them visit you.
Good luck with your decision

gally I do tend to side on the thoughts that Bez mentioned just pack up your memories of the past years you have spent in your lovely home and transport them with you,I did that when we sold the family home which was far too big for us when the DCs left and I can still close my eye's now and walk through my lovely house with fond memories.

Personally I think I would go for it and bite the bullet now. I moved 160 miles away when I left the alcoholic OH and in fact never regretted it. I had many happy memories of our house as the children had grown up there and I knew lots of people as had taught for 20 years at a local school. I moved to be near where my adult children were living - DD married and DGS born soon after my move and DS was at Uni there.
I was useful to DD for a number of years and saw the children almost daily when they were small and the close bond we developed is still there even though they are now young adults.
I eventually met DH but that was after five years on my own and after OH had died from the effects of the alcohol abuse.
Your happy memories will always be with you wherever you are and you will be taking many things with you as reminders of happy times. You never know what new avenues may open before you - I wish you very happiness whatever you decide to do.