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Black Dog 31

(34 Posts)
Wyllow3 Tue 06-Oct-26 21:29:01

This is a continuation of Black Dog 30
www.gransnet.com/forums/health/1359789-Black-Dog-30?msgid=31806530#31806530

Welcome. This thread is in support of those who wish to share their mental health problems as they affect their daily lives,share aspects of our lives supportively and give and take support. And is a continuation of Black Dog 30
.
It’s been going for some time, so this is a jump in at the deep end.
All are welcome- don’t be put off by some of us being here long term - people come and go, or regularly post. So sometimes it might seem just like everyday chats, but there is a basis of Mental Health difficulties in self or loved ones tha runs through it.

nadateturbe Fri 09-Oct-26 10:21:45

I've only read back as far as EllieAnne saying operation is today. So forgive me for ignoring people. So sorry about your husband and everything you're coping with EllieAnne. And good advice from Wyllow3.
Wyllow3 they must see you today surely (dentist).Fingers crossed.
HVDY I absolutely hate dentist. I have had 2 extractions last few years. My dentist refers me to a private clinic for nervous patients. Costs me a bit, but affordable. Makes such a difference.

Wyllow3 Fri 09-Oct-26 08:33:30

My dear EllieAnne, what troubles! what I do feel glad about is - the family stepping up. You need their support at his time and I'm just glad you did "show" it. Now you have someone to ring about this and that and aren't totally alone xxx.
Whichever outcome there is, it's likely to be a long time before he can come home they will have to assess his needs and the house. I can imagine those cupboards. It's also the kind of issue people at church, the half decent ones, will understand. It's practical as well as emotional. Grab any support going and please keep us in the loop.

I can completely understand leaving a day early, Sweetpeasue. as you say, you've had a pretty good time, all considered, and it's raining today. No it's not TMI (when I think of some of the stuff I have posted!

My "new" crown on my tooth (it's a temp one) is hurting.
Yes really.
She built it up a little too high, so every time I press my jaw together it get pushed in...
I will have to ring them at 8.30 on the dot. Yesterday they said, "no spaces" for customers today but she will have to cram me in, the tooth is supposed to be there for about 2 weeks before a permanent one.

Must admit am nervous if they wont see me today, but happily I feel OK about the dentist not like poor you, HVDY
Yes - it's raining here of course. I hope aqua aerobics goes well as usual.
(Agatha enjoys being a star).

I feel low about the D thing knowing how all along....I was planning to go back to the little meeting, but not until D's mania is under control. Even then...but let's see, treatments take its course. There is a nice bloke I can have a chat to about it all and I will.

He runs the meeting as does L, but L is dealing with it full on and most certainly does not right now want to hear my queries.

HowVeryDareYou2 Fri 09-Oct-26 08:14:17

Wyllow3 Glad you've got the tooth sorted out (I hope it works out well without having to have it extracted). I get nervous about the dentist. I cling to the arms of the chair - and yet I haven't needed any treatments for years. Love the photos of Agathasmile. The assault was almost a year ago, yet you're still reminded of it. As for Quaker D believing she was God or an angel - she's clearly "not all there" and needs some medical help.

SweetpeaSue I'm pleased you had a good holiday. Sensible to drive back today - hope you'll avoid a lot of traffic.

EllieAnne Your husband must be terrified. Faced with the possibility of losing a leg at any age would be terrible, but at 80 would be even worse. I hope that won't happen. Your family need to rally around you more now and offer help to you both. I hope they will.

It's a dark, wet morning. Shopping and aqua aerobics later, not much else. Thinking of ALL BDers but particularly you, EllieAnne x

EllieAnne Fri 09-Oct-26 07:56:22

Operation today.
I had a meeting yesterday with surgeon. Son 1 and wife arrived unexpectedly too. I think din l realised when I saw them at the school show that I wasn’t coping on my own.
He had two options.
Try to divert blood flow from the right to the left which may not work because arteries are so badly clogged. But if it works it could save the leg. The other is to go straight for an above knee amputation.
He had already decided to go for the amputation but after we discussed it and got doctor daughter on the phone he reluctantly agreed to at least try to save the leg.
If he has the amputation they have said he will never walk again.
I can’t even think of the implications of that. The house would need adapted and there’s no way I could get wheelchair in and out of the car. It wouldn’t fit anyway.
Far too much going round in my head today.
All I can do is wait for the phone call.
It’s amazing how many cupboards you can clear out when you are stressed.

Sweetpeasue Thu 08-Oct-26 22:59:56

Thanks Wyllow
Still struggling with bowel probs( sorry tmi) . Really nice day and visited Tarn Hows. DH still in pain with legs- so difficult.
Decided travel home tomorrow ,even though one day early. Such a great escape from worries and been lovely week ,though easier to leave in our own time and not early on Sat.

Sorry for your dentist problems and hope you dont need extraction- that would be a nightmare for me - cant stand the taste of blood and have already lost molars.
Love to all BDs

Wyllow3 Thu 08-Oct-26 21:42:18

I missed your post, Sweetpeasue, how has today been for you?

Best wishes for a decent night, BD's

Wyllow3 Thu 08-Oct-26 21:36:26

Oh I see about the thread starting, HVDY. If you go to a new forum there is an orange box that says "start a new discussion" so you tap that.

Ooo, a nice lunch at the pub.

EllieAnne I'm glad you got out to see your DGD. You need to do as much of that as you can. How does it feel to be "home alone".
the critical point is when they discuss discharge plans - could I advise you to ring your local Age concern or similar to find out what your rights are as regards care? and be honest about the hostile unhappiness at home xxx

Your church is so lovely, Doodle. Like my Q zooms for loving friendship except better as real people.

The tooth was awful overnight, but I got an appointment in 3.5 hours. Lots of drilling on a back molar with a view to having a crown or tooth removal if it doesnt work out. I should say, Dentists dont bother me, I dont get nervous. She is so good. It's a try it out or remove. I had already in the morning spent quite a happy time taking photos as a wanted some for his DGD to lure her up again to stay with the family. So I did 'Agatha (the croc) and Granddad" and a place for her set at table, or wait goer her to join her Granddad in the garden picking apples etc.

but today was tough. Yes, "D" stuff. Ive had abusive and weird pretty demands from her: well, her MH has collapsed after messing a lot of folks around badly, tho I was no 1 target. she actually was due to see MH today.
but the worst thing was that she has been working behind my back with the man who assaulted me to try and pressurise me to somehow let him back. I really thought she had accepted it has happened, but it appears not, all the time, and given she was in a position of power for a long time and clearly influenced others when she said oh it was never an assault etc...

I mean, it was October '25 when the s assault took place which turned my life upside down. so my compassion is somewhat limited although I understand in theory her grandiose pronouncements of recent as illness (she thought she was God or an Angel advising others)...well...

(too many reminders of my abusive but ill husband saying to me he would kill himself or me)...

but the nice thing also today was that F who has been very very ill indeed in Hospital mentally and physically is out in a nursing home now and wants me to come and visit ☺️

HowVeryDareYou2 Thu 08-Oct-26 19:39:10

Doodle No, it's not ready to be collected yet. Probably tomorrow. My BP isn't massively high (average is 147/79), but the GPs seem to think it's a cause for concern. I'll take the new medication but plan to stop the Ramipril in a month, as it's not doing anything. What did the afternoon tea consist of - sandwiches and cakes?

How's everyone else been? I didn't fancy going to the day centre, so DH and I had lunch at a lovely country pub we like. It was delicious.

Doodle Thu 08-Oct-26 19:25:29

Sweetpeasue I m hopeless at sketching things too 🤣 I enjoy the classes. It’s the company that’s so good really. Hope you’ve had a good day.
HVDY have you got your new meds yet? Hope they help.
Ellie Anne I’m sorry about the news of your Dh. Must be a shock for him too, let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.
Bet you got emotional seeing your DGDs in a show,,Always brought a lump to my throat,
Wyllow have you contacted the dentist yet. Hope youve got an appointment.
Scaredycat hope the trip is going well, when do you get back.
Art was nice this morning then had afternoon tea at church which was lovely too,

HowVeryDareYou2 Thu 08-Oct-26 08:01:02

EllieAnne You had a nice evening, seeing your GDs in their play, but you must be concerned about what your husband is facing. I hope the news won't be as drastic as that.

EllieAnne Wed 07-Oct-26 23:25:12

News today is not good. I don’t know what the scan showed but he’s been told he might lose toes or even a foot.
The doctor wants to see me tomorrow been to see my gds in their school show tonight. Wizard of oz.

HowVeryDareYou2 Wed 07-Oct-26 21:20:22

Doodle Thanks. Your day sounded very nice.

Wyllow3 Thanks. I knew how to find the new thread but didn't know how to start one. Enjoy your new purchase smile. I wish I like gin, as there are so many different flavours nowadays. I rarely drink these days, though.

SweetpeaSue Google is great for finding information on just about everything.

Sweetpeasue Wed 07-Oct-26 20:42:53

Doodle Enjoy your art tomorrow- Id be hopeless at sketching anything.
HVDY Hope your new Diuretics are helpful. Googling those was a good idea.
Wyllow So sorry , I missed your tooth problem. Sounds really horrible- hope you can get in touch with that dentist tomorrow. They often have emergency appts available - they really should have got back to you.

Wyllow3 Wed 07-Oct-26 20:24:58

I hope the prescription works, HVDY.

How to find new BD threads:
Go onto "Health" forum, and there we are.

I didn't get a call back from Dentists as expected, I will chase them tomorrow morning.

May tomorrow's art group be a lovely one, Doodle

A new discovery. Just saw it, grabbed it last night, and love it so much ordered a multipack from Amazon.

Tin of...gin, rhubarb, ginger 5%. well, if you like rhubarb and ginger.....

www.edinburghgin.com/rhubarb-ginger-with-ginger-ale

Doodle Wed 07-Oct-26 20:09:28

*Ellie Anne*I agree some of the routes are strange. I use Waze which I find quite good. Any news on when your DH’s op will be?
Wyllow oh dear I’m sorry D is going through some trauma but you’ve had enough to deal with on your own. Good idea to block her. Hope she gets the help she needs. Sorry about your tooth. So painful. When are you seeing the dentist?
nadateturbe so glad you got to the art demo. Are you able to paint at home if you take it slowly?
Good news HVDY hope the new diuretic helps and doesn’t have any side effects.
Sweetpeaaue glad you’re getting some happy memories. Your walk sounds lovely. Such a shame your Dh is struggling so much. Hope the rest of your holiday goes well
What beautiful photos. So atmospheric
Scaredycat hope you are coping well with the coach trips and enjoying your trip.
Had a busy day today. Church this morning. Coffee with friends this afternoon and sketching tomorrow’s art this evening. Sleep well all

HowVeryDareYou2 Wed 07-Oct-26 19:53:31

Wyllow3 Thanks for starting the thread - I didn't know how to do it. I'd be inclined to ignore Quaker D and block her number. Let her find someone else to help. Toothache is horrible - have you managed to get an appointment?

ScaredyCat You must be seeing quite a few places. Hope the weather is good.

SweetpeaSue Your photos are beautiful. Isn't nature superb?

nadateturbe Glad you managed to go to your art class. Look after yourself.

EllieAnne Hope you're ok, and that your husband is doing alright.

Lazy day - I like to have a couple of days a week when I don't wear make-up. The GP I spoke to last week has been in touch - he'd contacted the hospital to ask if I could try the diuretic I'd suggested. The reply was yes, so I'll collect the prescription in a couple of days and hope that it will suit me this time. Love to ALL x

Wyllow3 Wed 07-Oct-26 19:24:12

Aw Sweetpeasue - thank you for the lovely descriptions and photographs. I shall get a magic carpet to pop over. Despite all, this place lifts your spirits and I am so very very glad.

Hey well done nadateturbe, yay, treasure today, there will be more, just you need the patience of a saint.

Yes had a sleep with extra tranx help and tooth in difficulties. It will hit me as of course it brings back the whole b**** thing - October 12th last year. All the same of course I wish healing for D. I'm imaging her under the care of the same people as me claiming this or that but well my notes and the psychiatrist do rather know any other POV.

A is very supportive. Despite his difficulties.

Sweetpeasue Wed 07-Oct-26 19:08:01

Glad you managed to get to art Nadateturbe Good idea to have your car to escape to during that break. It must be draining to have to make an effort talking to people when you have such an extremely low energy. Take care of yourself now.

nadateturbe Wed 07-Oct-26 18:06:52

Love your photos Sweetpeasue.
Got to art demo. Rested in car during coffee break. Good to be out with people.

Sweetpeasue Wed 07-Oct-26 17:54:20

Sorry , here they are.

Sweetpeasue Wed 07-Oct-26 17:53:39

Yesterday- Friars Crag.

Sweetpeasue Wed 07-Oct-26 17:53:17

Think a bird of prey ,maybe Kite or Buzzard ,caught in photo just taken now from cottage.

Sweetpeasue Wed 07-Oct-26 17:47:11

Scaredycat You must be getting to see a vast area every day. Its good you dont have the trouble of driving. Hope you haven't had too many 'walks of shame' to deal with and are comfy with that now.
EllieAnne Im glad your DH is getting the cate he needs now. Wonder why hes not got antibiotics yet - guess there will be a good reason for that though. It must be hard driving every day - sat-navs can be a mixed blessing. They've let us down at times too. Look after yourself as your friends say. HVDY is right- treat yourself while you're at home .
HVDY You had a really good natter there to your friend. Some people are so easy to talk to aswell. You sound like one of those people. Its nice your son is close to his dad like that and they go out together.
We've had squirrels her and 2 beautiful Jays visit all through the day a Woodpecker, Tree Creeper, Robin and Wren. We bought bird food to put out - its lovely to watch them.
Doodle Hope you're OK and have had a good day. Glad youve been getting out to Garden Centre with friends.
We went to Keswick yesterday and walked a little by the lake . DH was adamant to try and walk to Friars Crag/seat ( half a mile from Theatre car-park) . He stopped so many times and was struggling so much - my heart felt so heavy for him. Its frightening to see how someone can go down so much from being quite healthy. I know you understand. We got there and shall never forget the pleasure of that walk evenso ...
Wyllow You had a lovely Quaker meeting yesterday and now you have all this messy business to contend with. Dont let it set you back - maybe your sis is right and dont let those Wattsapps reach you. You have some lovely people around you - your gardener and cleaner are 2 of them clearly.
Nadateturbe I only listened to the Na- da- te- turbe yesterday. I like the Gift to. be Simple song - we sang that at school.
Haven't heard it since then ,apart from on here. Glad you were able to get out to art yesterday even if you didnt have the energy to paint. Must be so isolating for you at home all the time.

Sun got out yesterday when we went to
Derwentwater. Sunny day here today for first time all day. Out for brunch then spent some time in the garden here reading as its so lovely. Nice day tomorrow so we will got to Tarn Hows to see Autimn coloured trees. Tum was bad and had to sleep a bit earlier but OK now.
Sun is getting lower over the fells and clouds in sky quite a contrast .
Try and send a photo ,plus yesterday from Friars Crag.

Hoping for peaceful night for all BDs.x

Wyllow3 Wed 07-Oct-26 16:27:29

D is heading for a MH breakdown, more firefighting all round, (no I am not a goddess who will meet up with her and Forgive All, and my tooth is not sorted so thats me in bed with tramadol if necessary, dentist tomorrow.... exhaustion and still a messy house. I have blocked her WhatsApps of course and wish I had done so when DocSis wisely advised!

It never rains...well I'm hardly the only BD feeling that xx

Wyllow3 Wed 07-Oct-26 14:38:07

I'm really not good with satnavs, *EllieAnne, despite family "get a satnav". I print out maps..then when really stuck just stop and consult google maps on my mobile.
I'm also good at simply...asking people, a forgotten skill 🙄

Are they not wonderful, nadateturbe. Full of love and her voice is clear and well sort of hope. I like the "Tis a gift to be simple". (Not religious)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RPUjuraS5U
I hope you get to enjoy the demonstration. Sounds good.

Today....well, trying to catch up, on so much, and a new demand on time, but one very happy to give. Friend F out of hospital and wanting visitors nice.

Still in dressing gown. and I will have a sleep too.

to maybe not

Just got a massage from Unfortunately Quaker D is off her trolley demanding I answer her and accusing me of snitching on her blah blah. Will ask usual suspects for help. 🙏