Black Dogs 29

Two hours FaceTime chat with your Sis was a lovely way to spend the morning, Scaredycat. How is she healing leg wise- and how is niece? Still on the waiting list?

Glad to hear about the walk. I can imagine Pets at Home is a fun treasure trove for animal lovers - the de lux beds to curl in, the imaginative climbing and scratching posts, the toys….

Quaker visitor did want to stay out of it, I shouldn’t have pushed. It was just this stuff about oh I must have got over it by now etc - but wrong target.
As regards returning to art, I’m trying to let go of it, but recall with pleasure what I had achieved. It will either come back or it wont. Teaching is not the best thing art wise because its like - oh, helping others to do what I actually really want to do myself in that very time -
but Yoga teaching is a different matter as I love it and do it all the time.

Midi dresses are great, Sweetpeasue and they are very in fashion atm as well. It means we can sit in comfort and not the ladylike knees together if we don’t want to do that.
It’s interesting what you say about ordinary and dull days and other’s days. It’s sort of…well, in the mind as well as things done? Like, one can have a good day at home by some very good fortune - like the sun is out, you both are feeling OK, Fluffball is there, you pod around a bit, you are a bit calmer

- one could say “unexciting” but its a treasured day too, if you get what I mean?

It’s very understandable, Doodle. You go out and have an enjoyable time and the coming home along is the more sharply in focus as it’s the contrast. The can’t settle for anything times with this “lack” are very hard indeed. When one’s coping mechanisms are not working well. So just hugs and a glass of wine and may the time pass and tomorrow morning be just a little better than tonight xx.

edit to add - hi Sweetpeasue we came in to say the same thing hugs for Doodle

Quakers was gentle today as we have lost a well loved man, not a shock but sudden and he was tenderly remembered and we had “this and that” chats as well with no tensions: then a short gym, and I did my big shop before a snooze.

Doodle Glad you enjoyed the garden party. I expect feeling quite cheerful with friends then coming home to the quiet home must have been a big change . Im so sorry for your sadness so sending you a hug.
How livy of your dad and brother to make that dolls house fully equipped with little lights in the rooms- that must have been such a special present and a lovely memory. X

Scaredycat yes it was a garden party and a lovely afternoon. Most enjoyable but for some reason I’ve been very sad and upset since I’ve come home, can’t seem to settle to anything but it’s too early for bed.
How lovely you’ve had a long chat with your sister. Hope she’s doing well.made me laugh when you said you went to pets at home store. I bet those two lovelies of yours get very spoilt.
Wyllow I’m sorry you feel let down by your Quaker friend. The sad fact is that a lot of people just don’t want to get involved. They don’t want to take sides or have to make decisions. They just want to go along the path of least resistance. Sorry if she upset you.
I bought one striped canvas bag for day to day and a better quality beige one to go with my new shoes.
Sweetpeasue it was a big. Garden centre. Lots of gift ideas. Clothes bags and scarves and lots of other fun things to browse.
Party was nice. Lots of people I knew.
HVDY what have you been doing today? Are you making things to our tin LGS dolls house. My dad and my brother made mine when I was little and it had little lights in the rooms.

Doodle Garden centres are not just for plants are they. We have one not far away that has a great selection of footwear , handbags and the like. I bought some crystal birds and hung them on my lit up birch tree ( fake!) There was a programme on yrs ago I remembered from my childhood called The Singing Ringing Tree . I call mine that. Hope youve enjoyed the party this afternoon- been dry but really cold here.
Wyllow Parents can say some things without thinking or really meaning them. I think its not just the words they day but the way theyre said that we always remember. My mum said some things quite often but I know she loved me - just didnt really understand me.
Like Scaredycat I think that Quaker lady just didnt want to get involved but that doesnt mean she didnt hear what you said and at least she knows your own side of it. Then you look at your art and it seemed another blow- remembering how 'known' you were in the art world around you. It doesnt matter though- your art is so good and you can hopefully share it with that group you were talking about a while back. Teaching and sharing may be a step forward.
Oh no my dress lengths are at least midis - my knees are awful.
Scaredycat 2hr facetious with your sister- my you must have had so much yo talk about. Lovely to get on like that. You made me smile about your walk and then visit to Pet Store being jet setter life. I feel like my days are so ordinary and dull compared to others here. Ive never had lots of friends though I do have my book group. Thanks for kind words about my knitting. Yes, the Lakes are a lovely place in the autumn with all its colour.

Hope everyone has been OK today.x

Hi all

Just finished a 2 hour Face Time with my Sister. So lovely to be able to see her as well as hear all the news.
Doodle- glad you are not having any pain with your wrist.
Oh a party this afternoon hope the weather stays nice- is it a garden party?
Yes we had a walk yesterday - then a trip to Pets at Home. What a jet setter life we lead😀
I think we pay for extra storage on the internet but I,m not sure.
SweetPeaSue- what absolutely beautiful knitting- you are so talented not only with the work but with the lovely colours too.
The Lakes are better when there are less visitors. Maybe you could go in the Autumn with the lovely foliage.
HVDY- thanks for the info re the beds. The lower ones with the mats sound better.
Glad your Brother did come for his dinner- so nice to be able to chat about old times.
Your surgery sounds so good- we never get anything like you describe.
I can’t believe LG is nearly 3 - that time has flown by. She will love her dolls house- I remember when we were little we used to put our cat in ours!!
Wyllow- sorry about your visitor not wanting to hear about MrA but perhaps she just wanted to stay out of it.
People can be envious of other people’s success. Also your father instilled in you the belief that if you were too successful nobody would love you. Rejoice in the fact you are talented and clever- do the things you are good at. Not everyone is like your Ex.
Nadateturbe- I hope you are OK
PurplePixie- hope you are having a lovely time with your friend .
EllieAnne- hope you,ve had some bright moments in your weekend
Love to all

I think the beds that can be lowered is a good option, HVDY. It really is clear why bed rails can be hazardous for people who are confused - waking up for example with these bars and freaking out and so on. It seems to have been a reasonable evening with Brother, he got involved. That is a good medical centre.

I don’t like the contoured pillows, they just don’t work for me. I buy very good quality pillows, firm, but not too firm: I can squish them into just the right shape.

How lovely! A dolls house - what is it like? Is it a modern one or an old fashioned one? There is so much to play with, like making stories up of all the people who live in one. We used to do that with DS but with lego stuff.

Yes I am lucky with P, Sweetpeasue, she’s the first person I have come across in Quakers where we have just clicked since I came back last June. Too early to count on anything, tho, take it as it comes. Northumbria yes is an option but OTOH since you have seaside nearby and not feeling up to much it’s probably worth waiting for in the lakes when the costs go down? I’m glad you made a goo decision about the dress - if you feel it’s not right, go with that feeling.

I had to look up those knickers, I had never heard of them, tho of course I have seen them. At the gym big time a lot under shorts which is a good idea. My wider dresses - got some nice charity shop ones - are so long they wouldn’t blow up.

But just spare me the sight of thongs on anyone over 30 and a size 10 is all, please..

I wear mid calf or a bit higher dresses or skirts, can get away with them: I have some longish wide leg shorts for when it’s very hot that I wear with a big cooling blouse.

What were the handbags like, Doodle? sounds like a nice garden centre, its ages since I went in one, did you go with a friend, did they drive you?
Well tomorrow the temperatures isnt too warm but sort of long sleeve dress and cardi or jacket weather? I dont do jackets except for fleece.

I’vehas the day from hell really. I woke up sort of OK but very tired after busy days and decided to carry on taking photos or old art work in my cataloguing and throw away the not wanted project. After agouti half an hour I felt sweaty and very dizzy and panicking and thought I would pass out but lay down for a bit then ate something and went to bed where I dozed. What was upsetting was I’m pretty sure the panic attack was not just part of the story with MrA but about all the art work I did and getting quite well known a while then dropping it totally around 2004 and basically except for bits of ‘now and then” in groups have been unable to be an artist. A real, real destructive block.

The I woke up I saw a Quaker has sent me a message who is in my little spirit support groups (we havent met much, the group, recently, and its complicated by having QuakerD in)

but this Lady is nice and in Central meeting and does paintings, she came round to get a card signed. All was going well until I decided I needed to mention MrA because it could easily come up at Central and I wanted her to be informed: and I thought she would be kind: although she clearly thinks its awful she is another don't wanna know Quaker so many of them in this tale.

But if it had happened outside Quakers it would have been support all the way. Felt like s* afterwards but pottered and decided to look up being an artist and becoming known, then having a breakdown and not being able to carry on with it.

AI/google were actually very good with food for thought.
I never dealt well with the hostility as envy was brought on by success:

And also there are childhood things lurking around success and disapproval at me being better at something than my father - when he frequently said, “you’re too clever by half” it wasn't said kindly, and all my life I have underplayed or been frightened
that
success= not being loved.

And of course I went and chose a second husband who put me down a lot and I was brighter than him but after the first flush of love he took it out on me.

Live and learn, but the info on why not able to do art was good.

Sweetpeasue oh did you knit those beautiful clothes. How clever you are. They look lovely.
I’ve got some of those knickers/shorts too. Just in case skirt blows up. Quite comfortable, I’ve been to a garden centre and bought two handbags and no plants.🤣
HVDY you do have a good surgery. Nice they check up on you. The dolls house sounds lovely I’m sure LG will love it.
Wyllow nice you took P out for an adventure. Glad you had a good day.
Scaredycat and Ellie Anne hope you’ve had the sunny weather today and maybe a walk or spent some time in the garden. It’s been lovely here.
I’m going to a party tomorrow afternoon. Hoping it stays dry but I can’t decide what to wear.

Fairly quiet day here. Bit of shopping done .Took dress back which looked awful on me ( or I looked awful in it) . Washing done, sown some radishes. So very windy here and blew my dress all over the place ( doing a Marilyn Monroe would not look great in chub rub knickers!)
Hope everyone has had a reasonable day. Love to all .x

HVDY Aw your DB did come to dinner . So glad you both had a good chat about times past when you all worked together- sure he must appreciate you offering invitations to come together , even if he seems initially reluctant. Ah yes Fluffball sometimes wants a treat but she sometimes makes funny sounds if you just look at her to tell you she wants you to come over to her for cuddles.
Glad you liked the baby stuff - I really just follow the pattern but thanks.
LG nearly 3 ? Its scary how quickly time has passed.
Wyllow Its often for uni or chasing jobs that our AC move away. Its the way of things isnt it and I found it can create some distance too , not only miles, but I guess its them finding their own way in the world and often with luck, having a family of their own. You are still part of your son and he, you. Its great you can see each other and he and the family not too far.
Your friend P sounds lovely and its great she is in your life and uouve found each other.
Thanks for your kind words about the knitting. Ah yes, you're perceptive about the Lakes holidays- prices of cottages are ridiculous , more expensive than going abroad. Its far too busy in the summer too - parking a nightmare and more expense. We might try further north - Northumberland-- we"ll see. Energy low and moods low at present.

Back later

Wyllow3 ALL patients over 65 at my GP surgery are offered an annual review, not just those with a history of illnesses (my husband has never had anything). It's a really good medical centre. Glad you got sorted with a good mattress and pillows. DH and I both have the contoured pillows that are meant to be good for correct neck/spine alignment. Hope you find yours comfortable.

Bought a doll's house and dolls & furniture, for LG's birthday in a couple of weeks. Hard to believe she'll be 3. Hope ALL BDers have a decent day x

Your situation is so stuck, EllieAnne. Do you ever wonder if you might live alone ..... a quiet “living separately” agreement? I know there are lots of considerations - a divorce worked for me, but I have no illusions it is an easy path xx

Well HVDY I did smile at the “last day of baddie food” and wish you all the best starting tomorrow. I hope it goes OK with your brother.
Yes I get a MOT annually but that might be because I am now 75, and I imagine your health conditions would put you on their “check up” list. Mine is a teaching surgery too. I hope it goes as well as it can with your brother.

I’m surprised you aren’t offered an MOT, Scaredycat. Or maybe different MOT’s. Mine only means a check in with the nurse who does a full range of tests which are then only followed up if something untoward shows up, or if you flag something up.
As regards rails, maybe they have been refused and it’s “an issue”?
But it’s great to hear that DH’s friend is doing well. Sounds like one determined person in there.

Its so nice that both DD and SiL live close by, more than ever as you go away less often. It works that way for me, it used to matter less.

You way beat me on the photos! I have culled them to a more modest nearly 3000, with more to enter as I photo more art stuff and dispose of the originals, but even then it’s likely to settle at 4000. I used to be very adept at editing indeed, but all the technology has changed since then big time and I would have to get up to speed.

I basically enjoy the simple stuff just as you do.

(Most of all I’d like to be close to Ds and family, but only having had one child I count myself lucky he is not much further away - when he was looking for that first crucial lecturer job, he had to go where the job was, and got promotion in the same uni.)

Oh my, I love those pictures, Sweetpeasue, what pretty little bobbly shoes…and the hearts…and the pink frilly bit!..you really are talented, you know, because it’s not just the technical stuff, you have a real eye for colour.
Some better weather is coming up soon - maybe you and DH can get onto that beach a bit more if you are feeling a bit better. I imagine you wont try and go to the lakes in the high season, it’s pricy.
You are doing right trying to get Fluff ball to behave a bit better, it’s clearly uphill work.

I’m glad to hear that you are doing well, Doodle - Yes the wiggly fingers are the big “tell”. I try to do what I did as a child -
'practice piano" on tables to the tunes to keep wiggling as they are stiffening up somewhat.

I'm very glad you got out to the hospice so soon and had a catch up with DS2. Isn’t it a treat to get sons or DD's on their own, family free for a little bit. I hope both sons and family are well.

Today has been very busy and successful, and I am expecting to want to take it very easy tomorrow. I got up late feeling very stiff indeed after the push on swimming I had yesterday:

but had to rush to get out to see new friend P. We had intended to go out for a drive to get her out into the high peak. (She has RA and of course cant drive). We get on so well and share troubles, hers are pretty substantial atm family wise, but have a laugh, and an art appreciation conversation, and have planned the outing when we can do it.

Then I went to the gym for a bit over an hour and rushed to the bedding shop as I expected the tree surgeon at 4pm:

I know what I wanted and it took me about 15/20 mins to buy my expensive but wonderful for backs mattress and pillows - and signed a no interest deal for a year. Well that was all easy, but working out all the bits for the credit search stuff when I got home, all the tax forms out…

Anyway the lovely tree surgeon came at 5.15 and I’m really happy with what is planned. I’ve discovered a vein of 30 somethings who are all doing craft trip jobs after a uni degree on other things - its like a network and has possibilities for help on other fronts.

I’ve set out to try and write as brief as possible, but I’m writing notes for next Fridays Zoom deciding on MrA et al.
I think it will take me all week as I’m writing it on the computer as in whatever comes out then re-ordering it, and go off onto angry riffs on stuff they know already which will all be cut.

Check in tomorrow, best nights possible for all BD's wether you post on here or not.

Doodle Our surgery is really good. It's a teaching practice, too, so we get a lot of newly-qualified GPs there. They all seem to be obsessed with BP and cholesterol, though. Glad you're doing so well and that you haven't been getting any pain in your wrist and fingers. The weather's meant to be very nice this weekend.

SweetpeaSue What beautiful baby outfits. They must have taken a while to do. They really are lovely. You're very skilled.

Brother ate his dinner, and we sat chatting (mainly about different jobs we'd had. He and his wife worked at the same organisation as I did, for 6 or so years. We all did different aspects of care work - he looked after men, whereas the majority of my clients had dementia. He went half an hour ago. Hope everyone has a restful night x

ScaredyCat I've already told the GP I'm not willing to take any extra BP meds (I've been on 6 different ones and am only on Ramipril now). I Googled "use of bed rails in care homes"...

When not managed correctly, bed rails can introduce more hazards than they prevent:Entrapment: Fatalities have occurred when a resident’s head, neck, or limbs become trapped between the mattress and the rail, or between the rails themselves.Falls During Transfer: Residents may attempt to climb over the rails, leading to falls from a greater height.Restricted Movement: Rails can limit a resident's ability to adjust themselves, restricting movement and sometimes inadvertently acting as an improper physical restraint.

Beds that can be lowered are favoured nowadays, with a mat on the floor.

I first knew my SIL when we worked together at B.T., when I was about 20 (she was 24). I set her up for a blind date with my brother, and they got married and had a daughter. He died 23 years ago, aged 54. It's nice that you can get together with your daughter now that she's retired.

Wyllow3 My SIL is actually more active than I am, but very slow. I've got a walking stick, but I don't use it as I don't want to become reliant upon it. You needn't feel guilty about Mr A. What will be will be. Carry on with your life and enjoy doing the things you used to find pleasure in - the park, bike rides, swimming, etc.

SweetpeaSue Does Fluffball want a treat when she whines? I can imagine those "guinea pig" noises

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Doodle Glad you're not in much pain and fingers working normally is a very good sign. The nice weather will make a huge difference to your hospice visits- much more pleasant. Xx
Wyllow How are you today?
Here's some photos you asked for.

Sweetpeasue yes I had a nice day thanks. Coffee with friends this morning then catch up with DS2 at the hospice this afternoon. Weather brightened up and it’s quite warm now. Scaredycat how lovely you can meet up with your DD and SIL. Your village sounds lovely. Nice to have them so close, so pleased your friends Dh is making such good progress. They must be pleased. Wow that’s a lot of photos. How does your iPad cope with storing so many. I think mine would have a wobble.
HVDY I don’t have reviews with our GP either. It’s good you and your Dh so. Pleased your brother is coming over. Your meal sounds delicious.
Ellie Anne it doesn’t sound as though you’ve got anything in common with your Dh and he’s not very helpful round the house. Not surprised you’re fed up with the situation if you have to do everything. Hope you had a nice time with your friend at Costa this morning.
Wyllow I’m doing really well. Yes everything went ok with the op. Not in any pain and my fingers are working ok.
Glad you’re enjoying your Quaker zooms. Good you can have this chance to talk to other groups,

EllieAnne Its wrong your DH should make you feel your opinions are not worth listening to. I hope you had a nice time with your friend and shes a good listener - you need someone kind to talk to.
HVDY Glad your DB is coming for dinner/tea. Sounds like a lovely meal for him. Yes diet tomorrow. Im feeling very sick of my weight.
Wyllow Thankyou for your kind words about my aunt. I haven't made the dolls for a while now. My, what interesting discussions you have at your Quaker zooms . Id love to have been a fly on the wall. No , you don't ever have to be 'squished' again. Your ex is responsible for a lot of damage.
Scaredycat Im glad your friend's DH has rallied round a little . It certainly seems like a miracle , I agree. Sorry though about your friend in hospital with Alzheimers though. He should have had rails on his bed. It was in hospital that my aunt fell and fractured her pelvis( shed fallen at home and fractured a shoulder and hurt her leg). Shed forgotten she needed to use the walking frame they'd given her. Oh it is certainly as you say, a most hateful disease. It must be hard your friend not knowing who you are. Some people say theres no use going to see them anymore but if you can make them smile just once youve helped.
Doodle I hope youve not been alone today. As others have said be careful with your wrist and not tempted to lift something. Do hope it will soon be stronger.
Nadateturbe Thinking of you and sending love.

Actually took Fluffball into a Costa ( different one!) She did the same but we didnt relent. There were workmen just outside and they were making so much noise it drowned out Fluffballs guinea pig like noises. Took her for small walk 'around the block' as we're both not great today but she enjoyed being in the garden retrieving her toys.

Hope everyone has a peaceful night.x

Hi all
HVDY- we,ve never had an annual review at our surgery!! I hate doing BP readings as I only have to look at aBP machine and I feel scared.I would have though that when someone is as poorly with dementia as our friend is he would have rails on his bed to stop accidents.
My DD and SiL are loving their retirement. They had stressful jobs and so appreciate their freedom now. They live in our village so it’s nice and easy to meet up.
Glad you enjoyed seeing your SiL- it’s so nice to have a SiL who you get on well with.
EllieAnne- your week sounds busy and demonstrates what a lovely ,kind person you are. But at the end of the day you have no companionship at home. I think you feel unappreciated taken for granted and almost like an employee.
You certainly don’t sound silly- your DH has no idea how lucky he is to have you. Do you talk to your friends about DH cos I don’t suppose they all have perfect marriages either.
Doodle- glad your Op is over though the bandage must be difficult to deal with. Please take care and no heavy stuff!!
It’s like a miracle with my friends DH, He is now able to sit in a chair for a while and walking a little- obviously with help. As for going home - who knows. He was not expected to survive and it’s incredible what’s happening.
SweetPeaSue- I know exactly what you mean about “losing” your Aunt. My friend of 50 years is “gone” but sometimes there is a glimpse of the lovely woman she was. She can be so angry now though and she doesn’t know who we are. But sometimes she’s amiable and will remember something obscure. It is the most hateful disease.
Your post to EllieAnne was so kind and understanding.
Wyllow- yes I do like playing with my photos although I don’t have a specific programme for them. We have been lucky to see many places and I have over 19000 photos on my iPad.
I expect you’re really good at it.
It’s a great feeling you have about your home. It’s a sanctuary and comfort for you - as a home should be.
You certainly cover some varied subjects on your Zoom meetings - I think I,d like that.
Don’t let that old guilt dominate your thoughts - as we all say you have nothing to feel guilty about.
You’re right Mr A has lived a long time and you respect that but the solution is in his hands if he could just admit his imperfections.
Nadateturbe- hope you’re having some good days.

Love to all x

DH and I both had our annual review at the GPs today - told to do BP readings and do more exercise. DH is just having a bacon sandwich (butter, white bread )and I've had a chocolate muffin. Brother IS coming for tea - it'll be chicken Rogan Josh, rice, naans and Bombay potatoes, then a Jaffa Cake gateau. Diet tomorrow. Hope everyone has a decent day x

EllieAnne What a difficult situation you're in. I hope you can have a good chat with your friend today.

He’s not interested in the garden. Even when he was fitter the only thing he d do was occasionally cut the grass and he made a mess of it. We have someone to do that now but everything else is down to me.
He will do light work in the house but has to be asked so mostly I don’t bother.
We never were cinema goers . Don’t even watch films at home. And we definitely don’t like the same things. On Tv he watches sport and documentaries like police and car programmes. Never anything fictional. I watch soaps and drama series mainly though I like medical programmes and ones dealing with social issues. Going to meet my friend in Costa this morning. Thank you all bds for being there.

EllieAnne You don't sound silly at all, and your views are valid. I know what you mean about how you could scream (at the monotony?). Would he do things with you if you asked? I mean doing things in the house/garden, or going to the cinema, for example? (so that you'd have something you could both talk about)

Hvdy we are not unfriendly but there is nothing to .talk about . When I’ve shared things in the past I have had no response so I can’t now. Unless it’s a practical house matter or something to do with the family.
He says and does the same thing at the same time every day so I’m saying it in my head before he does and I could scream sometimes. I realise that sounds ridiculous.
But I do nearly everything around the house and cook him nice meals . I try to keep on top of the garden but as I get older it’s getting more difficult. But no matter how much I do in the house or the garden he never comments on it looking good.

I can’t talk about stuff in the news as in the past hes made me feel my opinion is stupid.
I know this all sounds silly. Sorry.

I’m glad you are home safe and sound, Doodle. Do the medical people feel it went well? I hope you are not in a lot of pain and yes please do not lift anything.
That was a long day! I hope you’ve arranged some visitors till you get some energy to get out and about - and someone else to hoover, please.

Oh - I hope your cherry tomatoes survive, Sweetpeasue - is there any way of sheltering them? I know your knitting isn’t complex but the dolls are so sweet.

Just picturing a puzzled Fluffball. Sadly your Aunt may go on asking for some time and it hurts a lot. I would find it very hard to cope as it’s not something you can “make right”.
Well done for making her laugh! I’ve never had to experience someone “slipping away” from me as an elderly relative and like you just hope she enters a state of mind where there is acceptance even if amongst confusion.

Yes Ellie Anne when home is not a home a presence but one of absence, a grey ness. However hard it is for me to be in my head, my house is my space xx
But I actually agree totally with Sweetpeasue. You bring so much to the world, but have a low sense of self worth which is entirely understandable.

Hmmmm yes HVDY I take your point about your brother. You are helping him a lot you know - his depression is not one with a lot of gratitude to you who are helping….its not uncommon but who he is.

SiL clearly isn’t as active as you….its use it or lose it for some, but I’m glad you have nice chats.

I had a very nice Quaker Zoom. Tuesdays and Thursdays always seem to have good discussions, we ended up with Shakespeare today after how were we created.

I have much to think about, for of course guilt is haunting me re MrA as he is mid 80’s and I am mindful of consequences but am working them through: as well as a determination not to be squished anymore.

Oh EllieAnne I never ever thought that and Im sure everyone else here doesnt either! You do so much for your family, certainly go the extra mile( literally driving miles to your Daughter) apart from all the other things you do in your community. I think none of us would want to go home to such a very sad situation. I feel so sorry for your loneliness and wish I could help. If I lived nearer Id certainly be your friend and would meet up for chats or small walks. You sound such a lovely person and you need to know that - inside and deep down- though that must be hard to accept , given the circumstances that youve given us of growing up ( forgive me if Im wrong but I think you had quite a difficult relationship with your father at home).
We here are your friends and know you are lonely. We care and do not find any faults - life is far too hard for that. I have done things in my life that changed how I see the world and , well, most people are not whiter than white , even if it sometimes seems so from a distance. That saying- unless we walk in anothers shoes ,do not judge.
Hope you sleep well and sending you a big hug.xxxx

Wyllow3 Good that you've made arrangements with your brother. My brother isn't a "last minute" person, more a "I'll see how desperate I feel" type. He's not good company at all, so I won't mind if he doesn't come (and I'll stop inviting him). The weather should be decent by then (unlike today, which has been like winter). Nice that you had people to chat to after your swim.

ScaredyCat I expect your friend had tried to get out of bed in the night and fell. Some places have those mats next to a bed that sound an alarm if the person stands on it. How nice to be able to meet up for tea and cake with your daughter like that. Is she enjoying her retirement?

Doodle How long will it be before you can use your wrist properly? I bet you'll have friends and family to call in and see you.

SweetpeaSue Alzheimer's is so cruel. I know people say that it's like a living grief. Hopefully, there will be glimpses of the person your aunt used to be. She might like looking at old photos (although never tell her that family members have died), or perhaps colouring books.

EllieAnne You seem to keep yourself busy with quite a few things. It's being at home, in an unhappy marriage, that's the problem for you. Is there no way at all you could at least be friendly with each other?

Had a nice few hours with my SIL. She's 71 (I'm 67), but she is quite slow and shuffling, even though she's had nothing wrong with her as I have. Afternoon tea was lovely. I didn't enjoy being in the city centre, though. DH chose to have the course instead of points on his (unblemished) licence. Hope everyone has a restful night x