Black Dogs 29

Sorry, been quite upset about aunt's reaction to us leaving today. Her pleas for us to take her homeand then stating she'd walk home herself. We left saying DH had Drs appt. When I looked back she had followed us to glass doors and wanted out ,nurse was trying to reason with her.
Just cant answer all tonight.

Hi all
Doodle- the theatre sounds interesting. You must have felt the part wafting your fan. We went to the Yusupov Palace in St Petersburg where Rasputin was assassinated- there was a beautiful theatre there which sounds a bit like yours. The one where he was killed is in the basement I believe.
Your Op is still an Op and isn’t a nice thing to have done. Glad you,ll have a lift and hope someone can help when you get home in case you can’t lift stuff.
My Sisters wound problem is on the inside of her ankle on the same leg as her hip wound which has healed OK. I only know that it was friction from the leg separator used to stop her crossing her legs that caused the problem. You couldn’t make it up.
EllieAnne- Rocky is a great name and he’s very handsome.
What a pity you didn’t go to your Group. Of course you have something to offer- yourself. You don’t have to be loud and pushy most people prefer quiet, gentle people like you. Please try and stop knocking yourself all the time. Is there anyone in the Group you could ring and have a coffee and a chat?
As for the creepy man you could always accidentally spill his tea on him when he starts with The “Darlings”.
HVDY- yes my Mum was a get on with it Mum- very kind and loving but she always knew if you were trying to swing it.
I do feel sorry for my GGS - he has a hard road ahead I think.
He goes regularly to the Hospital for infusions which have made him feel so much better and he can eat just about anything- and does!!
My sisters leg is bandaged up to her knee. Eight weeks is a long time to have an open wound like that isn’t it.
I love to hear about your family BBQs etc- you make such lovely food.
Your friend has a lot to put up with- must be quite frightening for her. Hope your Ultra Sound goes smoothly.
SweetPeaSue- I expect your Beaches are lovely in the Autumn when everyone has gone . Must be wonderful to have them so close. I am a tadge envious.
I think children don’t overthink like we do- they live much more in the moment.We have seen and done so much our heads are bursting with it all.
I hope you had a nice quiet day.
Wyllow- good to see you thinking of holidays. How about Bamburgh- it’s so lovely and some very interesting places nearby.
Mr A is priceless. What a whinger!! But he spurred you on to use up all that angry energy at the Gym and it helped. So much better for you than stewing over him. Well done with the party piece- don’t you feel dizzy when you stand up afterwards?
Do hope you got out today- it’s poured down here the first rain since I can’t remember when. DH was out so I went to our local Garden Centre as I had lots of cards to buy and they do lovely cards. Couldn,t get out of the car for ages or I,d have got washed away!
This evening I have an appointment with a cardiologist as the report came through and I can talk to him about it.
PurplePixie- It sounds like it’s too late for your DH to make amends. Is it not possible to just have a friendly relationship or is the dislike too strong. If so maybe you would be better on your own. I,m so sorry.

Love to all - those above and all those who have crossed our paths over the years.

It sounds as though you're an introvert (me too). Nothing wrong with that. You're as good as anyone else. As for someone calling you "Darling", perhaps the man struggles to remember the names of people? Or he's just being friendly? A woman I know calls everyone Darling, Sweetheart, Love, or Duck. She called me Kath this week! (not my name and nothing like it).

Doodle I bet you'll be glad to get the operation over and done with. You've got so many friends, I daresay someone will visit you at home and perhaps take you out.

Wyllow3 Yes, we had a BBQ. I cooked some things in the oven, including tuna steaks with a lime and ginger marinade. I always do far too much food when we have these get-togethers. I hope you have a Mr A - free day. He and his antics really have taken up so much of your time, energy and thoughts. The weather's nice here at the moment. Hope perhaps you'll get out (on your bike?)

Went to aqua aerobics and for brunch with my friend. She had a stent put in her brain last Friday (she's got 3 aneurysms with coils in) Got my hospital appointment at 3 - a transvaginal ultrasound - so I'll be back later. Hope everyone is ok x

No I didn’t go to the group. It would be nice if someone contacted me to ask if ok but I m not expecting anything.
Wyllow did you say mr a is married. I thought you did. Not that being married stops lonlieness as that can be worse. He sounds very whiny.
I’ve got my old folks thing at church today and there is a man there who makes my friend and I uncomfortable. He always calls me darling when I’m serving him tea and I find him a bit creepy.
Purple pixie I wonder if you have to go out of the house to get some space or if your dh goes out.?

Life is hard being estranged from my daughter. I’ve read the estrangement thread and it helped. DH is being ok lately but I don’t like him. The love went a while back if it was ever truly there. I think I only loved one person and he is dead. Sometimes I think I can cope on my own other days I feel that I can’t. I had a banging head last night and went to bed early. Head feels sore this morning. I’m going to give the knitting group a miss today. Back to bed for a couple of hours.

Hello to Rocky, Ellie Anne. Did you go to your group tonight? How was it?

You are not the problem. A quiet, good listener is always always appreciate by the “talkers”, believe me. You really dont have to say anything, really truly (being someone who rabbits on, an attentive listener always feels part of the group).

Oooo, nice meal there, HVDY, was it a BBQ? I’d love an LG in my life, as it’s just some every week, tho you do have staying power for a long day with her.

Ah, you are further north, Sweetpeasue. Googled it, nice beach, found the steps. Ah, that the trouble with DGS when they get older they don’t chat like they used to. It’s finding something they like and are OK with talking about!

I’m glad it was a quiet day.

I can just picture a small theatre that has aspirations to velvet poshness. 😉 Doodle Drapes round balconies, and so on.

Acshually I like anything historical with a bit of a story. What is you holiday choice (not where, but coast or abroad, friends, coach or train etc, you can tell I want to sort a holiday)

If you had had a garden t would have been a dangerous time at the garden centre.

I slept well after all that and was just setting out to the gym when a letter from MtA arrived.
It was a whine based on excuses that he was lonely and oh but I have changed now fest.

It includes the classic whine
(For real) “‘I never knew I had to ask people to touch them”.

I did of course point out lots of people were lonely for touching but didnt feel the needs for sexual assult. Well it got the anger energy going at the gym and did a good session and felt better for it:

and especially after a young women had seen my party piece (I can do an extended yoga headstand against the wall for some time) and most impressed (preen)

…. whilst planning an answer, to MrA which “outed” him in ways he couldn’t suspect I knew (like the other women who complained, like how someone manipulated x and y to criticise my meeting support group and he could dif he chose intervene 😇 and so on.

But I wasn't unkind when he referred to being lonely, I said I had realised it, just saying how many others did too or indeed my state of mind me when he attacked me

- but we didn't go round sexually assaulting people

What I had basically decided was to have one last go at getting him to really see how unacceptable sexual assault and covering it up was and just how ill he had made me, Well, we’ll see, its worth a try.

Because copies of his letter and my reply have gone out to every single person making decisions on him. and he's like, going on in his letter, "I've got lots of friends and went out for a long walk with x" and has no awareness he has stopped me being able to do it as he writes it despite being told.

Tomorrow am planning (as I had been for today) a no MrA day so will act on that. It's a rain sun mix so who knows.

I'm wondering when Scaredycat has her feed back day xxxxx

Rocky is not very cuddly. It’s very much on his own terms
It’s my bible study group and I know most of the people well. Except one young couple who are fairly new but very confident.
I’ve nothing to offer.

Made me laugh when you asked if the Windsor Theatre was a mini on not a big grand one. In terms of size it is small but in terms of grandeur you’d go a long way to beat it.
It’s 116 years old. The original theatre built on the same site dates back over 200 years. No hydraulic lifts or modern equipment it is all operated by hand with pulleys and ropes. It is an amazing place. Opposite Windsor Castle it is The Theatre Royal Windsor and has the required Royal box. A real sense of history there. Of course the inside is dated but has the original fixtures and curtains etc and a ghost of course.
Sorry you didn’t ask for a history lesson 🤣🤣
Oh dear. What a traumatic night for you. I can’t believe they’re dragging this out like this. Whether or not you have MH problems what he did was wrong. I hope your psychologist puts them right,
Ellie Anne Rocky is lovely. Is he a cuddly cat?
Sorry Ellie Anne what is the group for ? If they are nice people, try engaging with them more even if they’re couples it might help. It takes a while to get to know people.
HVdY yes I’m due to go in on June 10th. Ont be able to drive for a short while after which is a bit of a problem but not too bad. It’s good you’re trying to help your son with food choices. Sounds like a lovely meal anyway. That made me laugh. Children live playing with water in the sink don’t they 🤣
Sweetoeasue hope you both have had a good day today pain wise. Does your Dh have any follow ups due?
Scaredycat been a bit cooler here today. How about you? I went to the garden centre with friend for coffee. Spent ages wondering round but bought nothing.

Wyllow You sound like you're really struggling at times. I hope today has been a little better for you but do ring that sexualabuse/rape crisis line when things are bad. I hope you get the girl who spoke to you last time- not sure if it works like that, but at least its another port in a storm if you cant ring your own MH people.
I know the beach you mean but it was actually very nr to us - S.B but still has many steps. The RB is a beautiful place. I expect there are many that feel different now there are more people ,still good at quiet times though.
EllieAnne Im sure people in that group dont see you as you see yourself at all. You have such low self esteem that it makes life quite difficult for you ,you put yourself down far too much. I wasnt sure if the group you mentioned was bible study or your choir. Hope uou dont feel like that at both of them.
HVDY Aww I remember my DGS playing at the sink in water. We would both get soaked but its amazing how many scenarios we made up with little legs men and using rubber egg poachers as boats( those egg poachers were useless for anything else). My DGS doesnt talk as much as he used to bit not too bad and seems to need a bit of drawing out and questioning about school ect. It was nice yesterday but back to showers today.
Doodle I haven't been to theatre many times ,a couple of times in Keswick, but I wouldnt be keen on academic stuff like Shakespeare . When I read your post at first I thought youd got the royal box! Good you had that fan handy. Hope youve been OK today.
Scaredycat O Im sorry your GGS has crohn's disease - its a horrible thing to have ,the poor soul. I think children are so good and they seem to take things in their stride and are able to rise above things easier than adults at times. Perhaps they still have that optimistic approach to life that time can give a bit of a knock to as we get older. I hope your neice gets her op soon though , she must be thoroughly fed up by now.

Just a quiet day at home today.
Hope everyone is ok. X

Doodle It made a change to go to the theatre, even if it wasn't really what you'd normally do. The weather's been quite muggy here, although dull. I bet your fan was welcome. Have you been given a date for your operation?

ScaredyCat Thank you. I've always been resilient, and I was brought up to "get on with it" with any illness (not that my parents neglected to look after me). My sons are the same. Your poor GGS has a lot to contend with, having Crohn's. He's so young to have problems like that. Do certain foods make it flare up? Your poor sister. The injuries on her legs must be really sore. It's very poor that the hospital caused that.

SweetpeaSue Glad you enjoyed a nice visit to the beach. Does your GS talk much? We've got a step-Grandson who barely says a thing, although he is friendly and polite. He follows Nottingham Forest, so can talk to DH about that. Fluffball is a tonic. Pets can take our minds off things, can't they?

Wyllow3 Son1 has been reading up about Coeliac Disease - it's an autoimmune condition (I have Vascuilitis, which is also autoimmune, so perhaps there's a family connection?). He's also trying to stop foods and drinks that will make his hiatus hernia worse. The Quakers seem to be dragging their heels a bit over the Mr A situation. It's all been going on for 3/4 of a year now, hasn't it?

EllieAnne He's a handsome boy.

Lovely day yesterday - Son2 madeburgers and Jerk chicken, I made Chicken skewers, all the rolls and sausages were gluten-free, and I made a fresh fruit salad instead of buying a gateau. Had LG today, so we went to the playgroup and a park, then she played with water in the sink. Hope everyone has been ok today x

I’m dithering about going to my group tonight. Missed it last week because of staying with gd1 but was noT missed. I always come Away feeling a waste of space. They are all couples of various ages except one divorced lady who is a bubbly intelligent professional and I’m the wee mouse in the corner.
I’m not criticising anyone . They are good people. I’m the problem.

The cat is a boy called Rocky

Clarification of my muddled sentence

But I did say I had been managing triggers like last night - just not as bad - for some long time due to whats going on,

and although I do accept I do have very strong reactions I am very experienced at dealing with the MH side,

and that the Crisis women had specifically said to me that my reactions were strong but well within the norm for what had happened to me. And told them I would get them a contact person if I could in MH to write to.

HVDY there are so many gluten free products now it does limit ready made or processed foods. He is right bread isnt brilliant and it’s expensive it means changing some habits. But really great if it helps health wise, a breakthrough. I agree with Scaredycat about ho you have managed your own health conditions over the years. TBH, I think I’d rather have “drippy” than bossy or rejecting. Not that one can chose!

It must be tough at 12 to have Crohms Scaredycat. I looked up the list and it has so many common foods and unexpected ones, too. Thank you for the Sis hip operation report. I’m so sorry the stay in hospital resulted in the unwanted wounds. Sigh. Lovely lady. But I bet your niece hasn’t had news of her operation yet for that huge lump she has?

I’m glad you are having a dose of doggy magic Sweetpeasue. I think I can guess that beach - intitals RB? A real relatively unspoilt favourite of mine going a long long way back lovely sands. But as you say, if the car park at the bottom is full then…mmm I have photos of going there, first choice, in 2011 after years stuck at home with depression never going away - magic, you should see my grin. And decent coffee at that cafe now not Nescafe like in the 1960’s. Oh I wish I lived nearer the sea at times.

That was a decent day out, Doodle Was it sort of a “mini theatre” not a big grand one? Thank you for the description of what you are having done at the hospital so’s we know.

EllieAnne not just a fab cat but such a great photo - it seems to capture the personality totally, nose on. You take some good photos.

I thought a lot about your situation, PurplePixie. I just know more than I used to from the estrangement threads. Do you ever read them? Are they of any help? Your situation is so complex. I just ask - do you want to live alone, or is that decision a “work in progress?”. Would you still see those who are still in contact with if you did choose to live alone?

No - I didnt avoid alcohol and extra tablets. The trigger, after all this waiting, was this decision to take it to this “Meeting for Clearing”. Weeks, uncertainty, felt their telling g me I would know this week had all come to naught, they had not after all “heard” just how at the end of tether I was. It’s evasive.

What actually happened was I went to bed after the mini rant here at 12 and woke at 4am. then it all hit me big time. Tried it all, hot milk, walking around, music, until I realised it meant yet more uncertainty and I hadn’t been heard as much as I had thought in the zoom. Beside myself,
Had some alcohol and 6mg diazepam. Didnt work. Repeated.

Wrote letter to all the significant Quakers involved about the effect it has had on me and then. Thought - to hell if they label it all “Mental Health” they are affecting me and have to know it. And actually, last night was just a worst version of what it has been like on and off for some months as you know.

That was enough to knock me out for just 2 hours not 5.

At 8.30am I rung the MH bit of 111.

She checked up I was not actually planning anything bad right right then as per and directed me to the 24/7 Sexual AbuseAssault/Rape national Crisis Line. I thought whats the point. I’m not that important in the big scale of things blah blah.

But the youngish woman I spoke to was really spot on. Caught on very quickly including the nature of the Quaker group. She said they were cowards not to make a decision and to put it off. I can ring them twice a week for 40 mins if I want. I’m guessing that ringing early in the morning is a good time as well, btw.

So I wrote the same Quakers as second email telling them what I had been directed to 111 then the Crisis line and what was said (not the coward bit).

Then sat down a bit and thought and looked up what the Quakers are actually supposed to be doing according to 31:8 and what they are not doing. And wrote and said just the specific about making quick protective decisions for both physical and coercive aspects of what has gone on.

Then I got a strange text from the police on the same line as I had been using in November - I think it must have been the iris line people. Policeman/women X will ringing the next few days. Haven’t a clue what they can do except it was related to Victim support. Don’t think thats worth following up.

Then I watched some mor eo fly go to help viewing Montalbano…and had a decent afternoon sleep.

Got up, found an email from Safeguarding saying could they contact my psychologist. OH yes. So it’s going to be labelled MH,hey? But not necessarily a bad thing, except she is away for another week, But I did say I had been managing iris like last night jus not as bad for some long time due to whats going on, and alt ought I accept I do have very strong reactions I am very experienced at dealing with the MH side, and that the Crisis women had specifically said t me that my reactions were strong but well within the norm for what had happened to me.

So another day passes on it, but I just have to field what circumstances and my own mind throws at me but ffs it should never have happened at all and I said that and why so long.

Sweetpeasue how lovely to spend time on the beach with your family and good to see your DgD too. Pets do make a difference don’t they.
Scaredycat the Windsor theatre is a very old one. Tiny but with well padded seats and the Royal Box where the Queen used to sit. No such thing as air conditioning there. Not too bad though as I took a fan. Quite in keeping with the stage set for the play. It was ok. Second half better than the first. Not quite my cup of tea but a good day out.
No the operation is a simple one (I hope) to remove the fixing plate they put in when I broke my wrist, apparently it’s not laying flat and they are concerned about tendon damage. I will go by taxi but someone will bring me home.
Sorry about your sister and her leg wounds, those things can take ages to heal. Did the hospital make a mistake with them?
Wyllow I’m C of E and we do have good safeguarding people in our church. I’ve never heard anyone say that people of opposite sex shouldn’t go alone to someone’s house. Surely that depends on the circumstances. We do have a lot of training about looking out for abuse of any kind in children or adults. Coercion or mental abuse.
I do find it strange that all this is taking so long with the Quakers.
You did brilliantly going for a swim instead of meds and alcohol.
HVDY must have been a shock for your son but hopefully if he watches his diet he will feel ok. You’ve got the ball rolling by buying all those gluten free things,
Purplepixie I’m so sorry about your estrangement from your daughter, that must be hard to cope with. I’m glad you still see your granddaughters thought.
Ellie Anne she/ he is very cute. What’s his/her name. Such an inquisitive little face.

HVDY Thanks for the tip for leaving aunt- sometimes white lies are kindest.

Scaredycat Thats really not good enough - that your sister is still recovering from the sore wound. It sounds as if its been a pressure sore and they can be very stubborn to heal , especially older people. I am sorry , you must hurt for her.
The beach they were going to has parking at the bottom of cliff but often full which necessitates a steep drop down many steps from the top and of course up on way back. One of my sons would have driven down for us but I dont like to be a nuisance. Good song that from King and I - love those old Rodger and Hammerstein films.
Wyllow Hope youve had a better day. Its just awful how the Mr A assault has had such wide reverberation through your precious Quaker meetings and caused so much suffering for you. Yes, your swim was a good choice between that and dosing yourself up to keep your mind from anxieties. I wish a decision - the * right* decision for you- can be made soon. Do keep your gym going as I know how much that means to you and you can chat with others there.
HVDY Had a nice time with son's and an overdue catch up with my 15yr old DGD. Went to beach this morning with them and there was a fresh breeze and not so many people about. ( more family health concerns though) .
Thank goodness for Fluffball - pets do keep people going dont they.

Hope everyone else has had a reasonable weekend. X

Hi all
HVDY- I expect who he feels physically will influence your Sons food choices now he knows the facts. It won’t. Be easy but he,ll get used to it. Do hope he finds a way to deal with what are difficult conditions.
My 12 yr old GGS1 has Crohns and manages pretty well but it’s not been easy for him.
I hope you are having a lovely family day- you have made sure there is something for everyone. It’s not always easy with DiLs but you have a big heart and a lot of love for your family.
You personally are so brave with the many physical problems you have had over the years- I really admire that.
SweetPeaSue- those hospital mistakes are scary.
My Sister is now in her 8th week of recovery from her Hip Op. T he wound sustained in the hospital from the leg separators is still far from healed and necessitates 2 dressing changes a week from a nurse. It is really hindering her recovery.But she won’t complain to anyone though it was caused in the hospital.
So nice to have both your boys around- don’t blame you for giving the crowded beach a miss and you know how I love beaches!!
Your DiL will be glad of your company sometimes when your Son is away- not easy for her the first year without her Mum.
Fluffball will work her doggy magic as usual.
I do try and be optimistic but often it’s a case of”Whistle a happy tune”! !!!!
EllieAnne- lovely little cat- what’s his or hers name?
I wish there was a pill for your unhappiness- you need some joy in your life.
PurplePixie- HVDY got it in one with the ADs . That’s exactly how I feel - they are worth a try.
You have obviously done your best with your step children in the past- not easy. As for your own children I don’t know how you cope with the estrangement from your DD- it must tear your heart in two. I,m glad you have your 2 dear GDs in your life.
Doodle- it was brave of you to drive yourself to your pre Op assessment.Will you have someone to go with you when you have your OP. I can’t quite remember what it is for but I believe heart related.
Hope you enjoyed the play- nothing like live theatre is there.
Hope the air con was good in the theatre.
It’s still hot today,isn’t it but a lovely breeze making it feel more bearable.
Wyllow- you did well choosing the gym and the exercise- lovely cool water to soothe mind and body.
Yes sooner or later a decision has to be made regarding MrA.
He is a pathetic and devious man to be touting for support as he is when deep down he knows he’s done wrong.
A clear set of guidelines is needed and then stuck to. You and all the other women deserve to worship in peace and safety.
Hope you have had a relaxing day.
Nadateturbe- thinking of you.
Candy- how did your move go?

Love to allxx

I mean it was 12 weeks after that it all kicked off with the Sexual Assault in October.

too exhausted to post much about today: I did fight the urge to take extra disazapamand alcohol and made myself go for a swim which was a good move.

Safeguarding have not made a decision about MrA returning.

They want to do this quaker thing called a "Meeting for Clearness" with Quaker HQ and one of the support group of the meeting: the one suitable person says she wont do it alone

(I dont blame her, but if they are all involved all my personal details of the trauma and my past will have to be some part of it)

Basically sooner or later however many meetings they have to talk they will have to deal with the reality of what MrA is doing now, which is "canvassing for support amongst" Quakers who dont know the situation including of course other women having complained about him.

The way the way this is going has meant that its almost reached the mark when I managed to bravely walk back into Meeting late June 2025 after the Depression - and just 12 weeks after it all kicked off.

I was talking to my cleaner who is a christian and knows a fair bit about these matters - apparently many C of e churches have guidelines already which include things like no people of the opposite sex (or same sex if thats the inclination) should go alone to another house, and so on.

Sorry- lots of 'toos' there!

DoodleGlad you had a nice day. It must have been very warm where you are. Hope uou sleep well.
HVDY You are all genned up on what GF food to prepare for you son.
Yes it was a nice afternoon with them all and lovely to see older stepson too. They're going back tomorrow. Son 2 goes back to work Monday too leaving DIL alone for a while. Hope shes ok. Will be looking after fluffball reg too next few weeks.

EllieAnne Thanks for that. I've bought gluten-free pasta, sausages (they all seem to be GF), bread rolls, pizza, and crisps. I'll make some burgers tomorrow.

PurplePixie Things must have been difficult, and you did what you could. Sorry your daughter chooses not to be in contact. That must be very hard to bear, but your GDs are obviously pleased to be in your life.

SweetpeaSue Son1 is very much the alpha male in their house, sees it as having to be strong and take care of the household and family. His partner, nice as she is, is rather weak and not at all maternal (she's got 1 son), which I find odd. I've bought various gluten-free foods and have ordered a GF cookbook for him. Hope you had a nice catch-up with your 2 boys. It was too warm to be on a crowded beach, anyway.

Doodle Glad you had a good day, hope you sleep well tonight.

Wyllow3, ScaredyCat, * Nadateturbe* - how have you been?

Sorry all not posting much tonight. I’ve been out all day and just got in and had some food. I’m hot and exhausted but had an enjoyable day, catch up tomorrow. Much love

HVDY 'Drippy' - yes, understand.
Hope all goes well tomorrow with family.
EllieAnne Your cat looks very cute indeed, thankyou.
Purplepixie Im sorry- theres a lot of history there and things must have been very hard for you through all of it. Youve done so well helping with your step- children in the past so youve certainly done as much as you could. Im sorry about your own DD - that must hurt terribly, I cant imagine how much. The Estrangement thread is full of parents who are estranged through no fault of their own. I can only think that when these AC live their lives as parents themselves they might get experience of how hard it can be , especially with mixed families. Im glad you're in contact with your DGDs - shows how well they care about you too.
Sometimes ADs can help take the edge off a really low mood and help you cope a bit by giving you a real lift, but its a personal choice.

Son 1 is down and staying with son 2- came last night. They all went to beach together this morning - we didnt go as we know it will be absolutely packed with no parking places and no seats and DH won't manage. Just going now as they've come back.
Hope everyone is ok.