Black Dogs 27

Wyllow3 ...."I want to tell him face on the damage he did and the outrage I feel and see what he has to say!." I can understand that, and agree entirely - but he seems to be the type of man who doesn't believe he's done anything wrong. I wish you well, whatever you choose to do.

We had a layer of frost/snow, which has all gone now. I don't need to go out for anything - DH is out for breakfast with friends and will collect my prescription - so it's a cosy day indoors, with a bit of housework. Hope everyone manages to have a good day. Thinking of SweetpeaSue and husband, especially x

I can see you were awake in the night, Sweetpeasue, do ask away either via the GP or directly? Think of it this way, its cant do any harm, and night do some good? Tell it like it is, mind x

19lbs HVDY thats good going. I know for others that the first few pounds are easy to lose, then the going gets hard, but dont give up.

I think probably for most women it goes on for ages

the assult on me was relatively minor compared with worse attacks on other women: but...

What gets/got me is that he stood in a trusted senior position in a worship space, an ex minister in another church, and he knew I was very vulnerable MH wise in fact had been the Quaker I'd confided in most? yes am unsure if I want to go through it again, I'll let wiser people than me help me decide when I know what it fully involves

You see, its put me off Quakers, and thats not good, is it? One bad apple, and mostly for me, I want to tell him face on the damage he did and the outrage I feel and see what he has to say!.

Anyway its sunny now, and I have a date with a lovely young woman from Kashmir at 3pm who wanted to do a bit of yoga with me and I know we'll have fun this afternoon.

SweetpeaSue I'm so sorry you and your husband feel so low. Understandably, you both have such sadness and a sense of hopelessness, but please ask the GP or MH people for help.

Wyllow3 The diet is going well, thanks. 19lbs off now, in 4 weeks. I'd like it to be a few pounds every week, but that's probably too optimistic. I'll keep on with it, anyway. I expect the reduction in your meds will need to be done gradually, but will be better in the long term. I hope you manage to get the help from the police and that you soon have peace of mind - this Mr A business seems to have been going on for ages.

Thanks for listening Wyllow and Nadateturbe. x

Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts. Hopefully respond soon.
Just wanted to say Sweetpeasue I'm so sorry. I understand. You are going through so much together. Wyllow3 has given some good advice. Please get some help tomorrow if you feel the same way.
Sending much love and hugs.

I'm so very sorry you feel that way, Sweetpeasue. Please, I do beg you, contact the people you've spoken to Mental health wise. You know I'm an old hand and wouldn't say that unless I felt it was really necessary.

You probably dont believe me one bit, but it can be helped, but not if you dont ask. During the period here when I'd write I dont see the point in living I had at least got help. You both need that support. If you wake up tomorrow feeling that way, dont let it grow xxx

nadateturbe diary and writing wise I'm not doing so much now but my mobile will sound record into Notes then you just send the note to your own email...that is if you want to put a bit more in a post. But what a horrible outing, and yes back home and its warmth and the loved familiar.

I'm glad you have a bit of sweet stuff in the shakes, HVDY. bit of a treat. How is the diet actually going?

I can just picture you as a "welcomer" Doodle, and being really really good at it. It is a very, very special church atm, a lot of warmth and community.

It's so sad for you, Ellie Anne. I dont think I could have stayed as you are, living together, but I understand it needs money to split and both have somewhere decent.

I was so very tired today when the psychologist came was in my big fleece. We both felt I'd done well. the main thing to bring up is that the amount of meds I take are now affecting me potentially very seriously. Heavy doses of what I take are taking their toll at last. My balance would be very poor, except doing yoga corrects that. ditto, I would be going towards a degree of various pelvic floor problems were it not for most days exercise. The greatest effect is currently on my eyes, even Seth the absolutely correct glasses prediction there is a blurring. (the eye lens doesnt work as well as it can. so that going forward to the psychiatrist, as I feel I can reduce my meds now.

what I have done today is take on the police as regards the commitment for me to have Restorative Justice from the initial police interview by the specialist team, and handing it over an ordinary policeman to carry through. He actually told me "no Restorative justice. so today I had another go at the police (useless, we will email x or y but no coming back for days), but then both googled it and rung victims support up.

I have a right for RJ: and then I got through to the actual people who deliver RJ, and got a call back, and she is now going to find out whats going on police wise. (you see, they have to pay). but it will make a difference to me, and an ordinary policeman basically either being ignorant or making some kind of decision as "no" isnt good enough.

what it made me feel is this:

Were I not very articulate, and able to understand and access challenge systems, a lot wouldn't have happened, and I hope I can help others. I had a sleep and woke up feeling guilty, the policeman who followed through's initial response was "it wasn't that bad blah blah. Political hat on: it is not ok, ever, to bully or assult women simply because we are women.

Sorry all. We are staying in bed later because neither of us feel like facing a new day. We are losing hope. Just so tired and.my limbs painful. Expect its the Fibro. Had to go to bed at 4-30. I couldn't help thinking that if we were both out of this world it would be less painful. Sorry. Just v depressed.

Thanks HVDY I’ll look out for one.

I should have said it's a beaker with a lid. I bought it from Amazon

Doodle I use a plastic shaker thing that has a metal spring thing (removeable) inside, then give it a very good shake. I mix the powder with water, not milk. Your help at the church is a kind thing to do. I expect you're very appreciated there. You had a nice, relaxed day today, by the sound of it.

HVDY with everybody on their mobile phones these days I come across a lot of people who appear to be talking to themselves. I think maybe the difference with me was that I was singing a totally nonsense song 🤣🤣
Nice you enjoyed aqua aerobics. I’ve had a few slim fasts recently. Banana and chocolate are my favourites . Mix them from powder but have a problem getting all the lumps out of them. Do you use the powder?
Ellie Anne you sound a bit like Dh and me the difference is we had each other and we’re happy. We didn’t have many friends. Just two or three but we were happiest when just the two of us although that sounds a bit selfish. I can imagine it’s completely different for you. You need some friends to socialise with.
Scaredycat my friend is the same. She says now she’s not wearing glasses all her wrinkles round her eyes show up. She’s very happy with her new vision apart from the fact she can see all the dust now. 🤣
Hope your family in the NE are ok. We’re south and it was very frosty here this morning.
Sweetpeasue how has your day been? Hope your Dh is coping ok.
Wyllow I’m a welcomer at our church. Also do the coffee rota, clean the brass and the toys for the playgroup. It’s busy but nice to be involved. Sounds like you had a lovely afternoon. Good walk and good chat.
nadateturbe sorry you’ve had such a cold and damp afternoon. It was quite chilly here so I can imagine how you felt with wet trousers and coat. Shame you lost your glove too. Hope tomorrow is a better day.
I went to sit fit this morning then met a friend for coffee this afternoon.

We did have more friends when we were younger but mainly my friends with their husbands. We knew people he worked with or played golf with but didn’t really socialise. Apart from sons and their families we don’t see anyone. I’ve no siblings don’t know my cousins and his family are all down south. So it’s just us which would be fine if we had a good relationship.

nadateturbe What a palaver. Some days, things to go wrong, with one thing after another. Yes, I bet you were pleased to get back indoors.

ScaredyCat Some of the shakes I'm having are sweet - chocolate and strawberry, so I'm not missing sweet stuff but fancy something stodgy at times. When I had Son2 unwell, I also had Son1 on a gluten-free diet until he was 4 ( no information labels on food packaging in those days), so both boys were under the hospital for a few years. It was a case of getting on with it all. Young mums these days more support (days out, mobile phones, cars, Internet etc). LG loves all animals and approaches them confidently. She's been taught to be kind. I'm glad your eyesight is so much better. I know what you mean about hiding behind glasses. I'd feel naked without mine . Can you read OK without specs? I don't like those films that are too sentimental, but I love "It's a wonderful life".

Aqua was good this morning, and then I did more online shopping for Christmas presents. A friend rang for an hour and a half, even though see each other every Thursday! How was everyone else been? x

Hi all
Doodle- I think your little tune and humming is a great way to deal with the everlasting schmaltzy Xmas music. I don’t like the Xmas films either- real life just isn’t like them. The only one that never fails to make us laugh is National Lampoons Christmas Vacation - it so funny.
Yes everything does look brighter and clear- I am so grateful. But I miss my glasses as I have nothing to hide behind and feel very exposed.
Wyllow- B & M is one of those shops full of stuff you didn’t know you needed😀 Like Home Bargains and The Range.
No it wasn’t big family dinner parties but I was a company wife when I was young and so it was more formal.Now it’s all down the pub if we go out en famille. I get very nervous cooking for more than 2 now.
I feel that you are becoming more open to socialising now and that’s why the MrA saga was such a shame. I hope the visit from the psychologist has helped you unravel a few things and set your mind more at ease.
Great that you got out walking - it’s so therapeutic . Glad you have that beautiful countryside so close. Your sister is right too- you are much braver than you think.
EllieAnne- Did you have friends years ago with DH when you were younger? It’s so sad - I wish things were better for you. You seem such a nice person.
HVDY- you must have strong willpower to give up puds and sweet things. It’s marvellous how well you are doing. It’s nippy here today- hope your pool is not too cold.
Your poor Son that was a lot for him and you to cope with at such a young age.With so much experience you must have become pretty knowledgeable about Asthma. I hope LG will be fine now. Is she confident near the ducks? One of our Gds was so scared of Canada geese ,!
I talk to myself a lot when alone but now I talk to the cats instead.
SweetPeaSue- We must have a go at Hassleback potatoes mustn’t we. Air fryer sounds a good idea.
I,m older than you are and dinner parties were very popular in the sixties - remember Abigail’s party?
Yes we saw the NE was going to get very cold. 2 of my Stepchildren and GC & GGC live up there . Wish they were nearer. We,re always amazed at how the young girls go out in the evening in Winter dressed like it’s Summer😀
I expect it’s cold in the Shetland’s now for your DS. It must be beautiful though. Enjoy your Fluffball days- she’s a special little dog.
Nadateturbe- I got Scrabble off the App Store on my I pad . It’s a free game and you play against the computer at various levels.
I do hope you start to feel less exhausted again soon.

Love to all those present and all our lovely friends who visit when they can

Sorry I haven't been able to post. Maybe energy later.
Went to Belfast today for 2nd part of eye test, had to split it in 2, too much to do at one sitting. Parked car, cold windy walk, realised left leg getting really cold. Finally stopped to look. Bottle of water was leaking, the lot had dripped all over my trousers and coat. Everything in bag soaked. Boots gave me tissues and a bag to put bag contents in. So flustered in the street that I lost a glove (from an expensive hat/glove set).
Where you ever glad to get home? Lol.

As I do a little at a time, I write my post as an email on my phone. And keep adding to the draft. When I'm finished I select all, copy and paste to BD. It's so easy. And no chance of losing it.

Hi all just typed a big post - gone!!!
Will have to do it later.xx

SweetpeaSue Strangely, Son2 had Asthma and Eczema (still has both at 41), but Son1 didn't have either condition. He used to get Croup sometimes, though. Perhaps the garage is very busy? Son1 had to wait a week for his to be done. Fluffball will brighten your day tomorrow. Pets and children make life worthwhile, I think.
Doodle This time of year is difficult for a lot of people, I suppose. We see adverts on tv, images in magazines, etc., of happy families sitting around a huge table of food at Christmas, yet life isn't like that at all. We don't all have lots of relatives or friends, for a start. I talk to myself when I'm out and about (I don't care).
Wyllow3 It's good that you've got regular MH people to hand. Even better if they visit you at home.

Off to aqua aerobics soon. Then boring housework this afternoon. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Well Doodle I'm not just a hummer but have caught myself taking to myself in Sainsburys. You go on humming away, a good plan.

BTW, I forgot to answer: my Psychologist and CPN's come to my home. I only really need to go in when it's a rare psychiatrist appointment and she is prepared to Zoom if I cant come in. Its better to see someone at home but my guess is its also that as I am in the "Older Adults" department and I presume some patients aren't very mobile?

I would have guessed it was like that for you, Ellie Anne. I look forward to the picture.

Now that is good news about LG, HVDY. sound like, cross fingers, it could be a one off or a rare event. Well done on the sweet things front.

Thats really not good with the garage, Sweetpeasue, is it your only car? They do take so much looking after, dont they.

Doodle big Quaker meetings have Elders and Pastoral care. The elders are chosen for a limited turn only and take care of the spiritual welfare of that meeting. And of course, Clerk, treasurer, Safeguarding roles. Little ones like ours have just a few people who have been around long enough to know how things are run, but share the jobs out.
In a situation like mine its pretty disastrous but normally (as we dont have premises to take care of) it works well.

But I'm not going to leap into being one, first stage is to be the opening up and welcoming person and running the meeting rota and do that confidently.

Yesterday was so lovely I got out for a ridge walk. I was tired but did about 1.5 hours with a short rest and lots of lovely views, all blue sky, sun,
coffee with Quaker friend, on of the servants, takes about other stuff mainly but making things a bit more normal in doing so.

Then I had a zoom on one of the gnostic gospels. (Thunder: Perfect Mind)

The bloke rambled on rather too much in the introduction not leaving enough time for chat, but the chat bit was great, about half the group were USA quakers, interesting.

Ellie Anne I like waffle too.
HVDY sounds like Lg is feeling much better and enjoyed a fun day out. Your weight loss is amazing. Well done you for sticking to it and cutting out your puddings. You’ll need a whole new wardrobe at this rate,
Sweetpeasue thank you for your kind words. I had a nice day shopping with friends today. As usual the shops were playing Christmas music (all I want for Christmas is you) the busker was well into (Can’t live if living is without you) etc. Rather than cry I’ve made up a little nonsense tune that I hum loudly to myself so that it drowns out the words. I think I might have been humming too much today as I got a few strange looks. 😊
Glad you’ve got Fluffball for a bit. I take it no news of your DHs op yet. Have you phoned to see if they’ve got a date yet? Hope it’s soon.
Scaredycat hope you’re removing well from your op. Does everything seem bright to you?
Wyllow hope you can become more settled again in Quakers
What does being a Servant entail? Good you’re seeing your psychologist soon after all you’ve been through recently.
.

Doodle Im so sorry you had a down day yesterday and that the loss hurts more now. I know words can't help your loss at all and that knowledge, that others can't help at all, must make you feel quite alone-- except of course for your friends that have been through the same. Hope the shopping with a friend has given you a lift today. I think the run up to Christmas must be hard indeed.
HVDY So glad to hear LG seems a lot better and you dont think she has Asthma. You , of all people, will know as your sons had it so badly. It must have been quite a shock when LG had to go to hospital. A few hrs of sunshine today ,it must have been nice at the park as long as you didnt catch a shower.
Scaredycat Ive never hosted a dinner party-- sounds very scary to me-- though Ive hosted Christmas dinner sometimes when my parents and in laws were alive. Glad I wasnt one of the patients in the waiting room when that man came in and said 'glad Ive not got 3 eyes!' Not very tactful though quite humorous.
Nadateturbe I'd heard of
Hasslebank potatoes though have never done them- must have a go. Wonder if you can pop them in air-fryer to crisp.
Hope youve had a better day today.
Wyllow Hope youve been OK today .. Not long to go before you see your psychologist and have someone who will understand everything you are going through. Will she phone or do you have to go see her F2F? I think your reading out the statement you put together was ,hopefully, helpful in that the Quakers may be able to understand .
EllieAnne Starting to get very cold here in North- East England so Im sure you will find it a lit colder. Do you like the snow if it comes. I get a bit scared driving when its icy, even though it can look pretty.

DH has not heard anything from garage yet. His car is still up there . Son 2 gone back to work in Shetlands today. Back in another few weeks for Christmas. We'll have Fluffball Wed and Friday again.

Hope everyone has had a reasonable day. Peaceful night to you all.x

Doodle I didn't have a pudding (given up sweet things whilst I'm doing this diet). Hope your shopping trip went well and that you perhaps bought something nice.
nadateturb Hope you're having a better day today.
Wyllow3 B&M is a household shop (a bit like Wilko).

LG was here 8 - 4.30. Not heard her wheeze once, and she had her usual amount of energy. That certainly isn't Asthma (Son2 used to wheeze very loudly and be too breathless for anything at all. He was very often in hospital for days at a time - when he was 3, he was admitted 12 times in a year, on steroids, the lot). Playgroup today, then the park to feed the ducks, geese and swans. Hope everyone has been ok x

Wyllow we don’t have any friends so never go out . No point in sitting in silence. I will post a picture of the card when it is finished.
Waffle is a daily word puzzle . I like it.
Good night everyone

I had to look up hassleback potatoes too HVDY. I do hope LG settles. It’s disappointing to realise she might have the family breathing issues…hoping too the inhaler settles things for her. What is B and M? Its not “clicking” for me.

It’s so sad your friend is failing in that way, Scaredycat. I can only try to imagine how it must feel, as it’s never happened to anyone I’ve known. M n S is great .

As regards meals and friends, it’s been so very long. Ex didnt have friends and discouraged me, so we literally never went out or had a meal with others for 11 years, just a drink, once, oh and when we went to family, my sister. With DH 1 we were more sociable, but generally only up to 6 people now and then - it was more parties or the pub after meetings.

Just time with one sister (she isnt with us now) and our small children on holidays..all so long ago…it all fell apart from 2002, nothing has been regular at all…I was so ill between 2003 to 2011 I never left my house except hospital….then the early days with Ex we went abroad on holiday..always just him, expect some visits to my DS and growing family but just afternoons…been a pretty weird life really.

I guess yours were huge family gatherings? How many did you cook for? I haven’t been out for an evening out for maybe..oh…since 2021?

I’m so glad it’s all over with your eyes. Cant say I’m looking forward to the inevitable!

Kai sounds likely to be out to conquer you with her charms, its virtually unheard of…. not going for dreamies

For treat meals it’s M n S or the local very very good curry place - real good food, not oily, fresh coriander at al. They deliver as long as I spend £16, which is nearly 3 meals for me.

I can’t do wordle, nadateturbe, so I’m greatly in admiration. Have you taken to R3 Unwind or is it not for you?

What is the second card like, Ellie Anne? Can you post a pic, I like to see others work.

I’m really not sure what the end result of today at Quakers will be. Too early to tell.

I had a lot of support about the general issues of anger, guilt, the difficulty in being angry without guilt, that organisations like ours should take it seriously and so on from the newish young couple who are "aware" like me about how things can be when it goes wrong between men and women (ie its not just a personal issue, its one that organisations have to be more concerned about when things go wrong)

but it was clear from one servant that he thinks now action has been taken against MrA, the whole matter is over, like I’m supposed to stop mentioning it….but not many were there today. However it was good to share at last, interesting discussions.

The groups leaders are not in a good place. A key person is leaving. One is very ill on and off…others don’t want to take a lot of responsibility..I probably will put myself forward to be a “Servant of the meeting” in a while myself. I'm seeing the one who was helpful to me over the phone but still feels sort of"sorry" for MrA ...but I didnt make the decisions that he is now banned! I wanted him to be able to go to another meeting and have Restorative Justice - like "dont blame me"

My sister pointed out to me in a one call afterwards that had I not pushed at various points noting would have happened at all. I’m stronger than I think. (erm, I think...)

but I will be very glad to check in with my psychologist - I see her every 9 weeks atm - on Tuesday to explain myself to me. If you "get" me.