Looking for calm

You need to tell your GP exactly what you have written here.

To me it sounds like stress, but I am not a doctor.

If it is stress, with any luck (an understanding doctor or two) you can be on sick leave until you retire.

Your husband's grumpyness is not helping, but he is presumably worried about you, and shows it as men commonly do by being grumpy. And grumpiness is the male method of dealing with recent retirement if that is applicable.

STOP trying to help your daughter and worry about your DIL - they are adults, and you have enough on your own plate right now, so leave them to deal with their own problems.

I have a mind plan from Every mind matters - an NHS offer

www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/

Worries tend to be worst when you are tired, typically in the small hours of the morning. So remember that these worries will not seem so hopeless when you have more strength.

One strategy which I do every night is to deliberately narrate to myself a story or a film to replace the orchestra of worries.

As you like being on line why not use the internet to improve your wellbeing. Mind offer support
www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/looking-after-your-mental-health-online/about-your-mental-health-online/

I retired early because we were short-staffed. My work was not stressful in itself, but the sheer volume that kept building up was unsupportable.

If you were to take time off work to recharge and relax would somebody else take over the work that you normally do? If not there is little point in taking time off?

fancythat

Why is your DH grumpy?
That alone isnt fun.

My husband retired young due to disability. He got grumpy and we talked about it, he came to the conclusion that we all have a certain amount of niggles in our lives, if we are out at work some of the niggles are there and then we come home. If you are home all the time all your niggles are at home. It sort of made sense and he did try to be less miserable but pain doesn't help.

OP is there any chance of reducing your hours? I worked till I was 70 but it was doable as for 5 years I was gradually reducing my hours. I found it a good way to transition.

Could you reduce your hours at work, then use your spare time to do something for you. You sound very anxious, and stressed out. Have you tried something from the chemist to help you sleep ? If you could get a good nights sleep everything would become clearer.
Your DH might be grumpy because you’re not happy or relaxed. Sort yourself out first, then who knows he may improve 🤞

Why is your DH grumpy?
That alone isnt fun.

I second the cutting back very hard on the red wine. And cut diwn on internet scrolling. Do you have any private medical cover with your employment who may offer counselling?

Can you get away on your own regularly? Try a couple of youth hostels in beautiful places? I think you can book single rooms now. Cheaper than hotels or bnbs.

Can you take the GC occasionally. Leave the grumpy H at home. Or leave the grumpy H altogether!!
You can't change the DIL. Or anyone for that matter, but you can change how you react to them.
Review the supplements you are taking to ensure they are not causing any side effects.

I do sympathise. I am juggling a lot of worries about myself and several members of my family and my mind is turning cartwheels especially at night. I have not drunk alcohol for 10 + years and know that if I were still resorting to wine at night I would not be able to cope.
I hope things improve for you.

Time to yourself is very well spent indeed. I'm sorry about your work situation but are there any ways you could down on your workload? Do you have a team leader you could speak to? Have you asked about reducing hours? I know it can be a difficult one but if you tell them you're thinking of leaving they may listen for the sake of 18 months?
Maybe you already tried those options but if not maybe worth a try? At least let your managers know what stress you are under.
Maybe you are a manager? In that case delegate ha ha!

many thanks 'keepingquiet' I agree the grass is rarely greener but if I could find something less demanding I could easily do the next 18 months. I dont think I can do anything with the grumpy husband so I am going to try to focus on myself and what I need. I really do want to go away on my own, maybe just a day or two here and there, I always go away with somebody so that idea energises me a bit.

Talking therapies are neither anti-depressants nor sleeping pills.

Try Mindfulness and CBT, but also look at straightorward counselling. Yourdoctor can refer you for all rhree.

It sounds like anxiety, rather than depression to me.. can you ask your GP for some Mindfulness sessions.. or even CBT sessions? Talking through your options and difficulties would probably give some perspective on how to deal with all these issues..

I disagree with the advice to ‘get a sick note’. That doesn’t fix anything. I had a very stressful job and looked forward to retirement. I can tell you from experience that not drinking as much will help you to sleep better and feel better overall. You are lucky to only work four days a week and you are not far off retirement. My advice is to cut back on your drinking (I really can’t over emphasise how it has benefited me and how much better my sleep is) and, now we are getting towards spring and better weather, spend as much time as you can outside and with your husband, which may make him less grumpy.

I understand. When I was working I loved having that time out of the house and feeling useful and needed, whereas at home I felt unappreciated and frustrated. Sometimes it is the work that keeps us sane when family drives us nuts!
When I retired I really missed that sense of being useful, and it has taken a while to relax into retirement. However, the family pressures haven't gone away (they're probably worse!) so I have had to find different ways of dealing with the stress.
Luckily, I don't have a grumpy hubby but it sounds to me that he's the main focus of your stress.
I don't know anything about your relationship but I suggest you get some advice on this or even counselling (which never helped me but it does some). I can only say I am much happier alone without a grumpy man pulling me down.
I agree tablets are not the answer to depression or insomnia. There are other talking services available. Local MIND helped me a lot- there will be services available in your area but they can differ from place to place.
Taking supplements is no substitute either for a healthy diet and exercise. These things go by the board when we are very busy, but over time they impact.
I think you have fallen a little out of love with life and maybe also with yourself. Spring isn't far way. I think you need to set aside some time for yourself, however short, and begin to get back to doing things you enjoy. Start small and then you will begin to notice a difference.
I would advise against looking for a new job. That in itself causes stress and you may find yourself in a worse place!
The grass is rarely greener- so I also advise a little positive thinking although it isn't easy- you have to build up these habits over time and we all fall off now and again.
I wish you well.

Thank you for the replies, I've just been away for half term break with DH taking DGD, it was a great outdoor time but grumpy hubby spoilt a lot of my enjoyment. If I am to look for a new job I can't build up sick leave. I don't want anti depressants or sleeping tablets. Don't mean to sound negative and honestly appreciate any advice.

You do sound as if you’re having a hard time but have you considered that you’re taking too many vitamins.

Symptoms of vitamin overdose include feeling irritable and anxious and having problems sleeping.

It should be possible to get all the vitamins you need from your food with no risk of overdosing, plus a small dose of Vitamin D in the winter months to compensate for low sunlight.

I really think it’s worth considering.

I agree that a few days away would be beneficial although see your GP too as you seem quite depressed.

I have been dealing with a lot of stress lately.Normally if I have everything up to date at home cleaning, admin etc it calms me down.Clean house, clean mind.Ten days ago nothing was helping and I felt on the edge.We went to pet sit at my daughters house and after five days in a different environment I felt so much better.Still a lot to deal with but my mind isn’t racing for now.

I realise it is t always possible to have a break but really hope you can manage it.

You seem very, very stressed Foxtail - take some time off work. Go on a girlie holiday - leave Mr Grump at home

You sound depressed. Very depressed!

I’d pop and see my GP (if you can get an appointment)

I’d also look at issues around fatigue.

I think you need a few days away, on your own, maybe visit a friend or a cheap B&B away from the hustle and bustle of every day life.

Good luck

There are also some great sources in the internet around relaxation techniques.

For me, music and rest is a great help, a brisk walk, a swim or maybe yoga.

Sometimes it helps to write down each of your worries and in̈ a separate column write down what you can do about it. Sometimes there is nothing you can do to support the difficult situation. You can't do anything to change your DIL. You can help by cooking them an odd meal or looking after the grandkids sometimes. Hope things improve for you

I agree with Poppyred. You need to step away and you will not be able to do this while working. Get a sick note and have a breather. Go for some walks in the fresh air and relax!

You sound stressed out. Go on the sick until you feel better, ITS ALLOWED!

Wish I had taken this advice instead of ploughing on regardless