Black Dog 24

It was good to catch up and read everyone, as ever. Dressing own day but OK as needed not to have to "perform being OK" for anyone just one day.

Extending warmer waves not just to todays people but all those remembered who come in now and then (hugs)

Night night all.

Wyllow Just read your post. How often many 'perform' to be OK. So true. Thankyou for telling how it is, and it being OK to do so here .

Candy6 Hope your grandson's team won. Nice to look after Grandpets . As with grandchildren, we can enjoy them for a while and then give them back . The weather looks promising, so hope you have a lovely time away.

Ah, I see why your can't have cat-proof netting. Cats do funny things, don't they. I once had to rescue one of ours from a large bush after she became tangled in it. Not needed to have the fire brigade though . Lunch was nice, at a little village pub.

Doodle You don't moan, you feel sad, naturally, because certain things happen and your lovely husband isn't there to console you. I'm glad you have a lot of company, though. Hope church is good today. I've had Blepharitis since December. I'll try to see someone this week.

Wyllow3 I call it "putting on a front." It's tiresome and exhausting, but you don't need to be like that here.

Jaffa woke me at 7, but I pretended to be asleep and he settled down and went to sleep next to me until 8. Not doing much at all today. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Hi all
Doodle - we all understand sadness and never ever think you are complaining . It’s how it is for you and in the midst of lovely company those feelings can suddenly engulf you.
Thin skin is a bit of a nightmare isn’t it. The garden is the worst place - even brushing up against a rough pot can scrape the tissue paper skin off. But so thankful for blood thinners as they are life savers.
Glad you had a nice Hospice day and hope you enjoyed this lovely sunny day for church.
Wyllow- A relaxed dressing gown day is good sometimes . As long as you feel comfortable just being you that’s OK. It’s,stressful putting on a front as HVDY says although sometimes it’s necessary - but not here.
Hope you,ve had a livelier day today- washing day isn’t it.
Dont forget to pick up your treats tomorrowxx
HVDY- Village pubs are cosy places aren’t they and usually nice food.
Talking of daft cats - this morning my Sister told me her new rescue cat fell so fast asleep he fell off the window sill and landed on her earlier on!
Hope you get to see someone about your eyes - they are too precious to leave.
Have a nice lazy day.
SweetPeaSue- you were awake late last night. Hope you managed to get some decent sleep.

This morning had a FT with my Sister . She has yet another cold/ cough I think her immune system must be very weak now but other than that she is doing well.
Then had walk and coffee with DD - so feel very lucky.
Hope all BDs and those who visit have the best day they can’t

I mean the best day they can- doh!!

HVDY Jaffa is so affectionate isn't he and it's lovely that he's content to stay close to the house. Love the way you pretend to be asleep and Jaffa paws you. You did so well to go to aqua-aerobics.
Candy Hope you have had some nice time at the caravan with fair weather. Been quite rainy and dark here this weekend. Thankyou, I don't actually get restful sleep but have constant fatigue .
Scardycat Glad you had facetime with your sister. Yes I was awake late last night- not unusual these days. Had yo laugh about your cat and calling the fire btigade only for her to go up again. I'd not heard of a catio- sounds so useful.
Doodle You are certainly not moaning - don't ever think that. You must be exhausted trying to keep yourself going every day. I'm so sorry for your sadness and it's relentless . You have had a great love in your DH and you must miss him terribly. I just wish there was something I could say to ease your sorrow ( and of course NannyG4*Nanny2507 * LucyD * and Elveral*) Just passing on another virtual hug. Hope your wound is healing properly.x

Back soon.

Wyllow Sorry for your dressing gown day. Hoping you have a better day tomorrow. You've done so well by arranging your gardener - do persist if you think he's forgotten. Hope you're OK for your shopping tomorrow.

Managed yo take aunt out yesterday which I needed to do as missed last Saturday.
Should have said I've had blood tests, Doodle and they were OK. Seems to me it must be Fibromyalgia- have Rheumatology appt June. All my joints are stiff and sore ( places I never knew existed) and often feel like I'm sleepwalking through the day.
Lovely photo from my sister to day of her MIL in nursing home ,beaming, with my doll sat on her lap. Gave me so much pleasure to see that. She'd asked for my knitting pattern when sis showed her a photo, so I promised her one as she'd forgotten she can't knit anymore.

Son 2s birthday today and he goes away to work tomorrow. Called in with a raspberry trifle I'd made -he was watching Liverpool match! I'd arranged the visit yesterday but he must have forgot.
Really tired so wishing love to all not mentioned and hoping you've not had too bad a day.xx

Wyllow it is a performance isn’t it. Being Ok. I was ok for our DS1 tonight when he phoned. He’s on holiday and relaxing. Didn’t need to know I’ve been so low today so I didn’t tell him. Nothing he can do anyway. Just another day.
HVDY that made me smile, the image of you pretending to sleep and Jaffa curled up next to you. Long gone are the days whe you were trying to entice him in through the door. He’s a lucky boy.
Scaredycat glad your sister is doing well. You must be relieved. Nice to meet up with your DD too. Our elder son is back from holiday on Monday. I’m hoping I can meet up with him for a take away Tuesday evening. They won’t want to go out as their dog has been in doggy care for a few days and they won’t want to leave him.
Sweetpeasue I am very sad but I don’t want you to think I spend all my days in tears. I do enjoy a coffee and chat and meet up with friends. I’m interested in my art and love church and the various activities I get involved in. It’s just that there’s an inner sadness lurking. DH was such a loving man and I miss him being here with me.
Hope your son had a nice birthday. I bet he enjoyed the trifle.
Glad your blood tests were ok but they still need to find what the problem is.
Take care all

Doodle Don't worry ,I know you don't spend the day in tears. You are not misleading . I just feel for that big part of you that misses your other half . When my mum was bereaved from my stepfather she said she missed the physical hugs from her DH. She really loved a hug from my DH and myself.
I remember what she said about that distinctly. Much love xx

It was nice to see you in yesterday Candy

I hope your not do too much day went OK, HVDY Glad Jaffa didnt insist you got up.

I hope you had a nice long chat with sis, Scardeycat, I’m sorry she is vulnerable. But `I recall how ill she was x

You did well to take aunt out Sweetpeasue. Yes, I agree it’s most likely to be Fibromyalgia - and hard to bear after all that’s happened. I recall the pic of your lovely doll - she can pretend she’s going to knit. I expect your trifle was much enjoyed.

There are things you just know you cant say aren’t there Doodle. I experience it as a sort of gap between what they can offer and whats inside.

I expect you went to church today and hope it helped.

Yes Scardeycat it was my washing clothes and me day and big shop tomorrow. I’m finding it best to have ready meals most days. Oh weary of koko.

Warm thoughts to those not in today
Best nights possible, hope you aren’t up too late Sweetpeasue (I always am as I don’t like to wake up early.)

ScaredyCat Cats are funny. My friend sent me a photo of her cat trying to squash herself into a slipper. I'm glad your sister seems to be doing so well nowadays. I remember when she was so ill. Nice you met your daughter.

SweetpeaSue The lovely doll you made for your sister's MIL will be loved. My SIL has got a toy cat (fabric) that she likes to cuddle sometimes. Are you taking Ibuprofen or anything to help with your aches and pains? There isn't a test to determine Fibromyalgia, only tests to rule out other things. I expect you know that. I bet your son appreciated the trifle. I think it's the best dessert ever.

Doodle You do very well to keep so busy, and it's good to do so. My brother spends all his time alone (he's alienated so many people). Jaffa stayed with me all night last night, until about 5.30 when he went downstairs. He's a nice little cat.

Wyllow3 Don't forget to buy some nice treats when you do your shopping. DH keeps coming in with things - so much for our diets when he does that.

Little Girl will be here in an hour, so I'd better get ready. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Wyllow I'm often up in the night about 3 or 4. So restless at times. I hope you managed your shopping today and feel better for getting out- something achieved and a big thing for you. Best to have some ready meals rather than just a sandwich.
HVDY You have a fill day today eith Littlegirl. Hope the weather is good there for you. Oh dear your DH is sabotaging your diets. So hard. I've not been taking anything for the aches as they're there all day - anti-inflammatories don't make much difference. Pain can be bad during night so take cocodamol then. Yes ,I know there's no specific test but GP said there are things that can be offered if Rheumatologist thought it Fibromyalgia. I also feel I need to be vindicated as it's an invisible condition. Just how I feel . How funny the cat trying to fit into the slipper!
Scaredycat So glad your sister is doing well- hope her cough and cold don't hang around though. Bought some Sweetpea seeds today. I'll bring them on on the windowsill till time to harden them off. Too cruel to sow outside just yet!
Doodle Yes ,son and DIL almost finished the trifle between them so could say they enjoyed it. Hope you have some bright times today and not too many sad times. I understand you not saying anything to your son though it's still lonely for you. I saw my son briefly this morning before he leaves for another work stint . We'll have Fluffball 2 dys a week now.

Stripped bed, washed bedding , and washed bathroom. Just feel so awful but koko. DH trimmed front hedge - he's fighting through it though headache and dizzy spells. Wish things could change .
Posted doll off for one sister. Just have to finish one for other sis . We all had 3 dolls the same with different hair colours ,when small, so promised them one each.

A few Inspirational quotes-
More powerful than the will to win is the courage to begin

Fall seven times, stand up eight.

Do what you can, with what you have,where you are.
Theodore Roosevelt

Sorry all if the sound just like platitudes.
Hope everyone is having a reasonable day
Much love x

SweetpeaSue I believe drugs such as Amitriptyline, Pregabalin, Gabapentin and Naproxen can be prescribed for the pain of Fibromyalgia (Son1 took Naproxen for a short time but doesn't take anything more than Paracetamol now) Nice that you'll have Fluffball to look after. You and your husband have been busy. I'm going to change the bed now that LittleGirl has gone home.

Hope everyone's been ok x

HVDY I take Amitriptyline and also have the co- codamol and Oramorph for when pain is severe. Don't really want to take painkillers all day ,especially Gabapentin or Pregabalin -. It's the chronic fatigue that's so hard- feel like I'm sleepwalking and hard to think. Thanks for helping. You'll be tired now Litylegirl has gone home. It a new bed lovely to get in to. Small things but make you feel good. X

Sweetpeasue yes I miss the hugs and the I love yous and just the quiet companionship. Trouble is no one else’s hugs are the same. Mind you it is nice having hugs from our family.
Sorry I forgot to say yesterday how much your little doll would have meant to your sisters MIL. A lovely gift,
So nice you’re making one each for your sisters.
Does the cocodamol work for the pain? Could you ask the doctor if you could have some slow release pain patches. They might help take the edge off.
Thank you for the quotes.
Wyllow yes I went to church yesterday and found it comforting. Thursday is our bereavement group which is even better. I can understand you staying up late. Waking up later in the morning is better.
HVDY I feel sorry for your brother. I know it’s of his own making but being lonely like that is awful. I keep busy because it helps me.
Jaffa sounds lovely. How does he get on with Little Girl?
Scaredycat I bet your sisters cat brings her a lot of pleasure. Pets are so loving and just there whenever you need them always loving. Sorry I can’t remember, when were you thinking of getting your cats?

Hi All. Just felt that I had to post on here as I'm really struggling at the moment.

I had a history of depression caused in part by a traumatic event 25 years ago along with extreme stresses of family life, work, study etc. About 5 years ago I was well enough to gradually come off anti-depressants and felt really good about myself.

Recently though I have found everything to be too much to cope with. I retired in 2019 (was glad to do so although I enjoyed my job) and have found that I am a bit isolated. I am not an extrovert type, find it very difficult to join groups/clubs or form friendships since I left work. My very best friend lives hundreds of miles away and when we moved 20+ years ago to our current home I was still working full-time in a very busy job and had no time to do anything except work, commute and relax at home at the weekends so consequently didn't form any friendships locally.

My DDs are nearby, but they have full-time jobs and families and although we are very close emotionally I know they have their own lives and would hate them to think that I am not coping. We do childcare for both, one GS twice a week and another young GD as and when the need arises, and they are both very grateful and always thank us for our help and support. We see them all often and our GC are a delight, as are our AC. No problems there.

But in the last few months things have overwhelmed me. Family events and friend meet-ups send me into a panic. I feel that I can't be bothered and it's all too much effort. We are having work done on the house - the bathroom - and the disruption it is causing just feels too much for me. I'm due to go away with a few friends at the weekend for a birthday celebration (just overnight at a spa hotel) and I'm dreading it. My daughter is due to move soon and we are helping financially (our offer, she would never ask for money) but now we have to go to the solicitor's office with proof of identity, bank statements etc. and I have left it to my DH to sort out as I don't feel that I can cope with it all. We've got a new car and I haven't even driven it yet as I'm so nervous about it which has exacerbated my feelings of isolation.

Not sure what I want from this post, but I just wanted to put it out there and hope that I'm not alone in my feelings. Sorry...

I've re-read a few of the recent posts and feel a total wimp for moaning about my lot in life. So many of you have far more to deal with - just makes me feel worse about myself for complaining but I am tearful now...

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- you have brought much happiness to people this week despite feeling so wretched. Your Aunt having a nice outing,a lovely lady so happy with her little doll,Raspberry trifle which went down a treat and your Sisters Dolls bringing you all together like when you were little. Be proud.
Not only that but you,ve worked hard and your DH too- what a determined soul he is. Glad the blood tests were Ok .
Good luck with your namesake seeds- yes they still need tlc until it gets warmer. I loved the quotes- ones to be inspired by.
Doodle- yes my Sis deals well with her condition as it’s not curable just treatable. She keeps getting cold s though as her immune system is so weak. But she is a champion at Koko.
Hope you get to see your Son and enjoy a takeway together..
You are such a wonderful example to all as despite your deep sadness you make the most of each day and help others too.
My sister loves her cats - she has always had at least 2 and at the moment has an older one and her new rescue boy. We,ll try and get ours in the Autumn after the Hols.
Wyllow- I think you’re sensible to have the ready meals as you get a wider variety of food and don’t have to buy lots of ingredients you might not use. Do you enjoy fruit?
Ah you,re weary of Koko but still you persevere and to be honest that is your strength. It will be wonderful when you can just enjoy all the things you used to so it’s worth Koko.
HVDY- love the cat in the slipper. Our last cat who was very big used to squeeze himself into those cake boxes you get from the bakers.
Oh your SiL with her cuddle cat - that’s so sweet.
Your DH is a bit of a diet saboteur- perhaps he,ll sneak in a raspberry trifle!!
Ask Alice-you are not a wimp . You are feeling very overwhelmed at the moment and we all understand those feelings. Also there are no comparisons or judging here - there is only kindness and understanding .
Those feelings you have - panicky,anxious, churning tummy,what ifferies that wake you in the night etc are familiar to us all.
As we get older too confidence goes a bit and what we could do when younger now can put us in a panic. Past traumas shape who we are . I too have had traumas in the past but only in the last 2 years have I taken antidepressants. They have helped so much and maybe it’s time for you to try them .
Please come here and there is always someone to listen.

Take care all xxxx

You are most welcome in here AskAlice. We’ve often said we dont sort of have a hierarchy of need, things are what they are, and if haring helps thats good. Have a think, a spell on anti-d’s may help like they have others here, and did for you, before.

I hope it was a nice time with LittleGirl, HVDY. Jaffa is such a treat. I recall so well you gradually coaxing him to trust you.

I was glad to read that the Rheumatologist might have something to offer, *Sweetpeasue. You are in pain too much. Yes, it does help to have that confirmation of a diagnosis. You did well to do that housework. Well done to DH on the hedge despite all. What a lovely thing to do, make the three dolls.

Yes Doodle I like to be up when GNet is up and running and the day is sort of not too long. During the horrible year I was splitting up with abusive Ex I didn’t miss things, but life with no one to share the small things and hugs so hard isnt it as we did have that at one time.

Plagued by physical stuff. Unless I cut my meds I am slowly putting on weight, but I daren’t cut down. Clothes dont fit.
I dont recognise my body and tum is usually problematic. I need wax clearing out. Of ears and new glasses, but want to do nothing often. (Hoping to get a home visit from Boots for ears). Did get treats today at the shop but life seems long and usually grey.

Long and unusually grey willow. 😟
I understand.
But sharing small things and hugs? I don’t know that I ever had that.
This week is full of small worries which seem huge.
Skip supposed to be here on Thursday. My neighbour is arranging it so I will have a day of moving bricks.
Car going for mot same day. All too much.

SweetpeaSue I can understand you not wanting to take a lot of painkillers. You're already on Oramorph, which is probably the strongest there is anyway. I love getting into a fresh bed. I did last night.

Doodle My brother is his own worst enemy. He doesn't want to come here or meet up, and doesn't want to go to or join anything new. He sits and reads, does the crossword, sees nobody. Waste of a life. Jaffa is fine with Little Girl. She doesn't touch him (she doesn't touch the 2 cats at their house). I hope you have a day of meeting friends today.

Ask Alice The house renovations are disruptive (the same at my house), and the legal aspects of helping your daughter, too, are more than you normally need to do. As we get older, our confidence sometimes goes. Would you consider taking antidepressants again?

Wyllow3 Would your doctor/MH worker think it ok for you to cut down one or more of your meds? It must be scary to think of doing so, but if you could cut down on something there, you might notice a change in your mood and/or weight after a little while. Jaffa is a lovely boy. I always lie with one arm straight out, in bed, and he flops himself down so that his head is in that hand .

ScaredyCat After Mr Cooper died, I wasn't bothered about getting another cat, but Jaffa came along and he's such a sweet boy. I'm sure you'll enjoy the company of a cat or 2 later in the year.

EllieAnne Things will get better. The wall will be fixed, hopefully the car will pass the MOT. Have you been able to see any friends lately?

I woke up a couple of times with a banging headache, so took some tablets at 7 and went back to bed (Jaffa too). Woke at 10.45!! The headache had gone, though. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

Ask Alice as others have said, no one’s pain is worse than anyone else’s here. We all have our problems and can’t solve them but can and do support each other. I’m thinking like the others, perhaps another go with the antidepressants. I’m on them at the moment and I think it helps. We all get overwhelmed at times. You have a lot going on in your life.
I hope you do go to the spa. As so many of us have found, sometimes the fear of things is greater than what actually happens. I’m sure you would enjoy it when you’re there.
Please post here whenever you like.
Scaredycat we have had Sun here today and it looks so nice outside now. Have you been for a walk?
I’ve been gluing flowers back on to our artificial trees on the balcony. It’s been something I’ve been meaning to do for ages.
The wind is so strong it blows them off. I’ve been out with my glue gun. Hope the glue holds.
Wyllow try not to worry about the weight. If you need the meds then keep going. I too am putting on weight and I think some of it is due to the antidepressants but I need them.
If I didn’t have to get up in the morning I would stay up late too.
Ellie Anne it will be good to get something done in the garden. You’re not shifting all those bricks in your own are you?
HVDY Jaffa is a treasure isn’t he. How nice to be able to stroke his head when you’re in bed.
Hope your headache has gone now. I had a headache this morning too but mine was due to crying. I’m feeling better now and off to our sons for dinner soon.
Sweetpeasue it’s our son’s birthday tomorrow. I’m not taking trifle but am taking cheese. Wensleydale and cranberry and apricot. He’s not so keen on the sweet stuff.
Hope your day has been ok.
Must dash off now or I’ll be late. Catch up tomorrow x

Hi all
Wyllow- sorry you feel so uncomfortable physically. I think your meds are more important than any weight gain at the moment. Ads have made me put on a bit but I would rather look like a Weeble than feel how I did before.
I believe Specsavers do ears and eyes so perhaps you could kill 2 birds with one stone. They do house visits too I think.
Ah life is short Wyllow and comes in all colours. I realise your distress makes it feel long sometimes . I hope it’s not too long before you can start to enjoy things again and see that grey turn to brightness. Glad you got treats though- you just need to care for yourself as much as we do.
EllieAnne- Hope you are not going to lift all those bricks yourself- please be careful.
Fingers crossed for the car and then that’s 2 things to cross off your list.
HVDY- Hope we get cats as lovely as Jaffa- what a cuddle bug he is. It takes a lot of trust on a rescue cats part doesn’t it as life has usually been unkind to them.
Glad your headache has gone- that sleep must have done you good.
Doodle- yes the sun has been lovely today. Didn’t have a walk as SiL popped round just before we were going so we stayed and had a cuppa and chat with him instead.
Your balcony trees sound really pretty- artificial flowers are beautiful these days aren’t they.
Happy Birthday to your Son for tomorrow. What nice cheeses you chose especially the cranberry one.
Hope you,ve had a lovely evening.
SweetPeaSue- hope you have had a better day today - was it a Fluffball day?
Ask Alice- how are you today?

Tomorrow we are off for a couple of days to stay by a river. There is a lovely Cathedral we are looking forward to visiting.
Wishing peaceful nights for you all and will keep in touch if I canxx

Doodle Your balcony must be so pretty. It must be lovely to sit and watch boats on the river. I hope you had a nice time at your son's. Happy birthday to him. The cheese sounds tasty. I don't eat much cheese at all, but the Wensleydale with cranberries is good, too.

ScaredyCat Enjoy your break away. The weather should be good.

Hope everyone has been ok. DH is out with Son1 this evening, will be home soon. x