Black Dog 24

I know that feeling nanny2507 and I think others have expressed it too here. Hard to face, but courage xx we koko.

I've read all today and held my pictures of you in my mind as I read, but have been physically very under the weather and a tum crisis and just cant write more tonight. Carer came and we walked but felt poorly it was a struggle.

Strength and love all in the sadness and struggles - and thank you for kind words too - and may you have as good a night as you can.

Was out walking this morning and saw an uprooted tree with snowdrops still flowering.

Nanny2507 So sorry for your sadness and heartbreak. Hope you have a better day today. 💐
Scaredycat Hope you managed the journey and you're having a nice time.
HVDY Iknow you're right about the stressing over everything. Do hope your poorly eye is becoming more comfortable.
EllieAnne Thanks so much for the photo. Those Snowdrops are such brave little modest flowers. Really lovely photo and meant a lot. Hope you're OK.
Doodle You are trying so hard to make a life for yourself and your DH must be proud of you. Much love.x
Wyllow That poor tum of yours does give you trouble. Hoping it's better today. Thankyou for kind words to all.

Slept better last night. DH and I had small walk by a stream in the sunlight with Fluffball. We saw a beautiful white Egret.
Very tired so just short post tonight.

Wishing all of you peaceful night and free from pain and worries. X

Sorry HVDY Just reread your last post and your eye doesn't seem to be getting better at all. You must be thoroughly fed up with it and in considerable misery and pain. Good you're seeing the optician tomorrow. Hope you get some help and advice.

Nanny have you any other family locally? If not , are you planning to move to be closer to your son and family?
Wyllow well done for going for a walk even though you weren’t feeling well. Hope your tum has settled down now. Sleep well.
Ellie Anne thanks for the photo. That’s beautiful to see the little flowers growing in the trunk. Just goes to show life goes on.
Scaredycat hope your trip goes well and you enjoy yourselves.
Sweetpeasue glad you had a better night and a walk today.
I’ve been to art class and the. We went to the hospice, Nice people work there and they know my friend and I quite well now so we had a nice chat with them too.
HVDY how has your eye been today, hope it’s improving now.
I’m really tired tonight too. Lots of early mornings taking their toll. Another tomorrow. I’m going to Bracknell. Sleep well all.

Sweetpeasue, glad you had a small walk, fresh air is good for the soul.

Doodle, yes early mornings are a struggle sometimes, especially when there’s no one to bring you that cup of tea! Set the alarm!

Ellie Anne, an interesting photograph, love snowdrops.

I went for my walk around the village today but have had a bit of a down day, thought I would tidy and sort out our bathroom cabinet but couldn’t sort DH’s toiletries, aftershave, razor etc so put them all back….it can wait….

Sending love, strength and prayers to you all…..Wyllow3, Nanny2507, HVDY and each and everyone of you. Fondest love❤️🙏💐

That is a lovely picture, EllieAnne, thank you.

I’m glad you slept better after the really bad night, Sweetpeasue. And glad to hear about the sunlit stream and little walk.

I really admire how you get out and go to things Doodle, I really do. Glad your day included the hospice. I had to look up where Bracknell was.

NannyG4, only when you’re ready, about DH’s personal things. Hugs x

I hope your eyes are a bit better, HVDY

Although I had a morning feeling sick after large does of you know what my tum has now settled. It was a dressing gown day, OK if it’s only one day.
Somehow, somehow, I have to find the courage to find gardeners for my garden, its a big one, last year nothing was done at all, its awful (only untrimmed front hedge in road) and….knowing its so awful gets in the way of enjoying nature. I dont want a huge garden and its another trigger area.

Night night, thinking of those BD’s not in today, take heart, take care xxxxx

Hi all
Just to say a quick hello to you all . Our journey up was uneventful except for horrible fog. Felt very stiff in car but OK. Gave you a wave HVDY as we passed signs to Nottingham!
We have today on our own so will visit the wonderful Cathedral in the town. Then big family gathering tonight including my lovely Step daughter and one of our DiL who is in remission from BC. I realise how fortunate we are but it hasn’t always been so as many of you know.
Doodle- hugs for your sadness.
SweetPeaSue- hope today is an easier one for you both.
NannyG4- yes do things at your own pace
EllieAnne- great photo - thank you.
Wyllow- perhaps you could find a garden co. Online and just ask them to cut back everything. That would be a start. I know it’s not that easy!
Love to all and wishing you all the best day possible.

Nanny2507 So sorry for your sadness. Wishing you a better day today. Will you consider moving to be nearer to your son and family?

EllieAnne What a lovely photo. How are you?

SweetpeaSue Glad you managed a walk with Fluffball. Egrets are beautiful. You seem to have some lovely places around where you live.

Doodle You had a good day yesterday, then. What will you be doing in Bracknell? Shopping?

NannyG4 It can be hard to get rid of things. You'll do it when you feel ready.

Wyllow3 Glad your tum settled eventually. It can't be nice to have that discomfort. Best of luck in finding a gardener, hope you get one.

It was a nice day at the day centre. Lunch was gammon, which I don't like so I had a cheese & spinach lattice thing, which I enjoyed. In just over 3 weeks, I've lost a stone now, so I'll keep going with it. My eyes look better but one is still irritated and the vision blurry. I'll try to get some advice today. Love to ALL BDers x

Hi all. I'm unsure what to do. I have DD as well. She's has given me 2 beautiful GDs. Both are saying I need to be 30 mins away from them. They are going to be living hours apart. Where do I go? Rural Wales or suburban Berkshire? I currently live in a hamlet. DS is quire anti social and his partner has made it clear she will be doing groups with the baby so won't be around to entertain me. DS works from home in a very demanding role. So I will still be alone. DD works full time as does her DH so again I will still be alone. I have no family what so ever near me. I have work friends but not any real friends

NannyG4 I have no intention of doing anything with Dhs things. As far as I’m concerned they will all stay where they are. I don’t feel any need to get rid of his clothes or his things around our home. Yes they hurt when I see them but I need those memories. I won’t force myself to do anything like that as I see no point. It was fine them being here when he was alive and this is still our home to me and that’s where his things
belong. I know others who think differently and that’s fine. I just thing everyone should do what feels right for them.
Glad you had a walk round the village. Do you have a cafe where you can go and sit for a while?
Nothing much to admire Wyllow I get out and do things because I have to. I couldn’t cope with being on my own without Dh so I made all the plans I could to get out. It certainly helps and I have made some lovely friends.
Perhaps finding someone who can sort out your garden would be a big move forward. If someone did all the hard work maybe you would feel encouraged to go out there and sit or prune or weed. Lots of people rely on their garden for something to occupy their minds,
Wow HVDY I’m very impresssed with the weight loss. That’s brilliant. Glad you had a good time at the day centre. Hope your eyes improve soon .
My friend wanted a present for her friend and I wanted something for our granddaughters birthday so we had a trip to Bracknell as it’s a big shopping centre with a large M&S. we had lunch there and then coffee at costa while we waited for the bus home. We got soaked but a good day.
Nanny what a difficult situation. It might be an idea to move closer to one of your children but if you’ve got friends or activities where you are then staying our might be a better option. I hope you can work something out that helps. Don’t like the idea of you feeling lonely.
Sweetpeasue how has your day been? Have you been out at all?
Scaredycat glad you got there safely. How wonderful to have a big family get together. So nice to meet up and see each other. Hope you have a lovely time

Evening everyone. Just spent ages writing a long message and it wouldn't send! Will try again tomorrow as too tired now. Xx

Wyllow I was glad to hear that you are wanting to get gardener/s in. I really think it will make a difference to yourself and might just spark a little interest in growing something close to your house where you can see it. I do think that nature can help heal a broken spirit( hope that doesn't sound all woo- hoo).
HVDY You've done incredibly well to lose a stone in 3 weeks - that must have taken a lot of will power. It's so inspiring I'd love to lose some weight and I hate myself for putting so much on. Well done you! Hope you got some help about your eye today.
Scaredycat Hope you had a lovely visit to the cathedral and glad you got there without too much knee pain.
Nanny2507 That's quite a quandary you have there and must feel like your pulled in 2 directions. You need to weigh up all the pros and cons and of course, the advantages of staying put. Easier said than done .I'm so sorry about your loneliness - could you meet up with any work friends afterwards? Sending love.
Doodle I'd not heard of Bracknell either so googled it. I wonder if the M&S I saw with a huge dinosaur in front was the M&S you mentioned. It's so wonderful that you can go out with your friend like that and you get on so well.
We went out today for a coffee and a browse around a Matalan store where my DH bought a warm shirt and I got a dress but I'm not sure I'll like it when it's on. I've spent the whole afternoon looking up GCA and how it affects blood vessels including the Subclavian and Carotid arteries. I just need to understand and I still believe DH has got Subclavian Steal as his hand and fore-arm are so painful all the time.
Hope you have a restful night. I understand you wanting to keep your lovely husband's things in place. Take care.

Love to all BDs and sorry can't mention everyone individually but I read and think about you all. X

Oh LucyD I've done that too or lost it altogether. So annoying when we don't know why it's happened. Hope you're OK and warm enough. It's so cold again here.x

It's awful to spend a lot of time doing a post and losing it.
I wish you could both learn to type your post as a draft email. It saves automatically. And add a little at a time. It's the only way I can do a post as my brain seizes up quickly and gets tired.
Sweetpeasue has your husband got GCA?

HVDY well done on the weight loss! Quite an achievement.
My eye was quite bad for months with blepharitis and felt like something was in it.. Much better now. I hope you get some help today.

Hi Nadateturbe Hope you've not been too bad today and are still managing your art classes.
Yes my DH has got GCA. He started with Polymyalgia then got the GCA headaches a couple of months later. Rheumatologist said ot was GCA and he started on a raised dose of the Prednisone. It's helped the severe headache a lot and he's to taper down dose gradually but I've been reading how GCA targets larger vessels like the Subclavian and Aortic vessels. They heard a bruit( whooshing of blood) and it was sign of Subclavian artery problem( there's plaque in left Subclavian artery.
He'll need to be on the steroids quite a while and he's just had to raise dosage back up again as he started to get more shoulder pain and head pain.

Take care of yourself Nadateturbe. I know you have so much to cope with yourself.

Evening all,

HVDY congratulations on your excellent weight loss. It must give you so much encouragement to carry on. I hope you’ve seen someone today and got some help with your eye problem. Such a nuisance for you I’m sure
Sweetpeasue sounds like you might be getting somewhere at last. Fingers crossed your DH gets the help he needs. It’s a pity you have to face so many hurdles to get there and I hope you’ve seen someone and do get there in the end.
EllieAnne lovely photo. Thanks for posting. As I think I’ve said on here - snowdrops - such a brave little flower (as my beloved Dad used to say.
Scaredycat glad you’ve made it to your get together without too much discomfort. Enjoy every minute. Special times.
Doodle you continue to do so well and try so hard. You are an inspiration to others in the same position I’m sure. I’m a big believer in pushing yourself to do things but also understand that sometimes you can’t. You do what you can when you can.
Wyllow I remember you thinking of moving but fully understand why things have had to be put on hold. Perhaps it’s something you could think about as and when you feel able. I’m glad you’re not being forced to do things by your MH worker. You don’t need to feel any more pressure I’m sure.
NannyG4 I’m sorry you are feeling low. It must be so hard but at least, like dear Doodle you are trying and that will help you. If you don’t ready to dispose of your DH’s things, then don’t. When my dear Mum passed, my Dad had all of her things (and I mean all) disposed of the very next day. My two SiLs did it as I couldn’t. He said he didn’t want to open a drawer and even see a lipstick. It was hard for us but it was his way of coping and we had to accept that. There was one photo of them he kept - on their 40th wedding anniversary outside the church they got married in. He loved her dearly and had nursed her for 9 years before her death bless him. I don’t want to go on about my situation but simply to say that everyone copes differently in these situations and that’s absolutely fine. Sending ❤️.
Nadaterturbe good to hear from you. Hope you are doing ok.
Nanny2507 so sorry you are struggling at the moment. I understand your quandary as I have something similar but am not alone so I know it’s harder for you. Perhaps wait until they move then reassess the situation which may make it clearer where you’d like to be? You must do what’s best for you. I don’t like to pry but I wonder if you are on any medication? I used to suffer greatly but AD’s have helped me a lot. They’re not for everyone though I know.
Elveral so annoying losing a post. Try again when you feel able. Hope you are ok.
I’m off to bed now as I need to be up early in the morning. We are flying early in the morning for some much needed sunshine! We last went around this time last year so I hope it’s the same as it was then. I’ll try and catch up although I’m not sure about using the internet abroad. Will be thinking about you all and apologies if I’ve missed anyone out. Night all xx

Your poor husband Sweetpeasue, having to cope with GCA. which can be so very painful, and doing it so well. He just keeps going. I hope he manages to sleep ok. I've a friend who is on high dose of steriods as he had a clot behind his eye and its ruining his ability to sleep. Nice to get a new dress. Matalan is good value.

Good evening everyone. Just started looking backwards at posts. I will say hello to everyone at some stage. I do envy you all being able to post so much.

Enjoy your break Scaredycat. I haven't read where you are, but cathedrals are lovely places to visit.

Thinking of you all, some coping with such sadness. sending love and hugs.

I hope you have a good time away, Scaredycat.

Hey, well done there on the diet, HVDY.

nanny2507 that is a difficult choice about where your family live. I wish I could give you a right answer x

I still think you’ve done well, Doodle A good Bracknell day there. I understand how you feel about DH’s things.

Wave to Lucyd.

Glad you got out, Sweetpeasue and I hope the dress will look nice on. You really are good at looking medical things up!

Now nice to see you in, nadateturbe

Candy - have a really nice time abroad in the warmth and sunshine.

Dressing gown day again. Just the way it is.

Night night all BD’s, I didnt say much but thinking of you all as ever.

Hi all
Just read all your posts but have to get up soon and get ready for our drive home. Today is DD Birthday so another family get together this evening.
Will do proper reply tomorrow .
Love to you all I have nothing but admiration for each and every one of you.xx

I lit candles for all of you - grieving,worried ,poorly but such brave friends. Xxxx

Nanny2507 That's a real dilemma. Both your son and daughter seem to have busy lives, and yet you naturally want to see them and your grandchildren. I don't know what the answer is.

Doodle Everyone is different. My dad got rid of all my mum's clothes (I helped him) 2 weeks after she died. He kept her shopping bag and used it himself. I kept the last card she'd sent me, and her dressing gown (it didn't fit me but I'd bought it), then got rid of them about 10 years later. Hard to believe she's been gone 30 years this July. Glad you had a good day out, despite it raining.

SweetpeaSue You're like me in Googling medical things, as doctors don't always provide much information. I think you're correct in what you believe. I need to lose much more weight (4 or 5st) so it'll be a long slog. What colour is your dress?

nadateturbe I've got Blepharitis, but have also had a severe case of Conjuctivitis. One eye is driving me mad. How are you at the moment?

Candy6 Off to somewhere warm - lovely. Have a great holiday.

Wyllow3 I didn't get dressed until lunchtime yesterday. My stomach was off, don't know why. I thought of you and how difficult it must be for you when you feel like that.

ScaredyCat Have a lovely time with your family this evening. What a kind thought with the candles.

I rang the opticians - they told me to go to the eye department of the hospital. I didn't, as my stomach was so off (I'd only had 2 x Slimfast so don't know why). One eye is so uncomfortable. Wallpaper stripping today - the main bedroom is like a building site, and the plasterers are here from Monday, so it needs doing. Hope ALL BDers have a decent day x

Morning !
Lovely to keep in touch with all your news and comings and goings, difficult as some may be.
Wyllow3……once the weather picks up you may feel more motivated with your garden. Do you enjoy gardening. I normally enjoy it and have lots of catching up to do, last year was overtaken by DHs stay in the hospice, but I’m finding it hard to become enthusiastic. Fingers crossed I feel better as time goes on.
Scaredycat…hope you enjoyed your family gathering.
HVDY2….Well done with losing weight, you must feel very pleased with yourself and motivated to carry on with your diet.
Nanny2507….difficult decisions to make regarding moving nearer family. Do you have a social life where you are? I find my son and daughter do have busy lives bringing up their children , working etc. I live about 40 minutes away which is fine and can pop over whenever I feel like it.
Doodle…yes, I totally agree with you, DH’s ‘things’ are still as they were when he went into hospital, it’s still his home and I feel closer to him having them all around me. Hope you enjoyed your shopping trip to Bracknell. Occasionally I pop into London to the Westfield Shopping Centre in Stratford, it’s just a train journey away, if I feel like hitting the shops, mind you I’ve not the energy now!
Candy6….enjoy the sunshine. It’s a cold dull day here in Kent.
Elveral…hope you’re taking care and the girls are better. Thinking of you and sending love, prayers and strength 🙏💐❤️
Sweetpeasue…🙏❤️💐 to you as well.

Thankyou to you all for your kind words. It’s mean a lot and really helps.

I do apologise if I’ve forgotten anyone of you lovely ladies, but you are all special…..

Love to you all.❤️

HVDY I'll try to make this short. it was only my left eye that gave me problems. I went to my local Specsavers who have joined the NHS PEARS scheme and do proper eye tests. They diagnosed blepharitis and told me how to bathe eyes.
But my eye got really painful, went back, they said eye pressure in left eye was I've 30, sent me to hospital Eye clinic, who started me on drops to prevent glaucoma..
I hope this helps. The Eye clinic was very good and only took a couple of hours.