Black Dog 23

Wyllow3 How have you been today?

It's been a long day (I had a very restless night too). Baby was here at 7.15, we had a full day of playing, went to a toddler group as well, which she enjoyed. She's just been collected by Son2. Jaffa has been in and out all day (got him a litter tray but he doesn't know what to do with it). Hope everyone has been ok. x

Hi all,
HVDY- we have a week here- first ever visit. Beautiful coastal scenery .
Jaffa is so pretty and looks very at home on your lap.You are a natural”Cat Lady”. My DD adopted 2 street cats from abroad and one of them is obsessed with food . You are such a kind person.
I,m glad your period of rest has lessened your pain. Be careful with Chubby Chops as you don’t want to b…r up your good work. She’s such a good little girl though so enjoy every minute with her- the years fly by so fast. Hope today went well.
SweetPeaSue- oh that dear little dog- so cuddly. We are still very tempted and love those type of dogs.
Sorry about the pains - yes it could be fibromyalgia. Do you have the painful trigger points?
I expect this last weeks wait for DH appointment will seem very long for you both. Hope you manage to have some good days while waiting.
Such a kind ,thoughtful post for Doodle.
Candy- glad you’re OK and hope the i pad is in business again soon. Thank goodness for tech savvy children eh!
I love Amazon too- such a temptation .
Wyllow- I,m glad you feel confident to speak openly with your psychologist. Being able to open up to him must be a relief .
I think SweetPeaSue is right about it being a good sign that you feel concerned about your home. It’s the “What’s the points “ that hold you back isn’t it. Wouldn’t it be good if the new carer can help you sort out some people to get it sorted.
Sending a friendly hug.
Doodle- you write so movingly about your feelings- I,m so sorry you had such a bad day yesterday. The crying needed to come out though. Maybe it was your Guardian Angel who comforted you in the park. So brave of you to go to the bank afterwards but perhaps she had given you the strength to go in there. Years ago a lovely,blind physio helped me find my Angel.
Do hope the increase in ADs help you and your tum cooperates.
Please never feel bad about anything you post- you are our friend and as friends we listen and care very much. You must always say whatever you want

I,m having a rest now as we,ve been out and about today . I,m sitting down while DH makes us dinner as its my Birthday today.
I woke early this morning and was thinking about my dear Son who shared his Birthday with me. Every Birthday is hard as I think of everything he didn’t get to do although in his 14 years he lived life to the full. So I try and live as full a life as possible as he can’t.

Nadateturbe,EllieAnne,Whiff, and all posters and readers have a peaceful evening.

ScaredyCat Happy birthday What a sad reminder for you every year. I so admire you for living your life as much as you can. x

Happy birthday scaredy cat. Bitter sweet for you.💐
Hvdy the cat is 9 I think. He sleeps most of the day but likes to go out if it is sunny.

Well I’ve had a strange day today. Determined to try and have a better day than yesterday, I went into town early. It was bleak and not very inspiring. I bought a new winter jacket in M&S and then decided I was going to join a MH walking group. Well I hovered around at a distance for a bit then decided to bite the bullet and joined in. It was a really good walk, for me anyway, only about 90 minutes with some stops. We didn’t talk a lot but walked at a steady pace (well they did I struggled to keep up the pace) but it was good, I will go again.
I’ve had a better day today. Got lots done apart from the walk. Took some stuff over to my sons and then cried all the way home in the car but then came in and settled down for dinner. Bed soon and another day gone. Church tomorrow.
HVdY I’m so glad your son is such a positive influence in your DGDs lives. They need that.
Hopefully Jaffa will settle a bit and be happy to be in with you.
Wyllow hope you got your meds sorted. New carer soon. I hope the person is well suited to you,
Scaredycat what a lovely post thank you.
Your birthday, how lovely, many happy returns 🎂🎂🎂🥳🥳🥳
Oh I didn’t know you shared your birthday with your son. What bitter sweet memories. You are a lovely lady. You’re so kind to everyone and so thoughtful yet you’ve had so much sadness in your life. Have a lovely holiday. It sounds a nice place.
Ellie Anne your cat is so pretty. Love the little shape on his white tummy. Is he affectionate?
Sweetpeasue you write such lovely posts. Thank you.
How have you been today?

Evening all. Ipad is finally sorted 🤞 new charger is really good and charges quickly thank goodness.
Scaredycat I hope you are enjoying your holiday. Weather is very changeable at the moment isn’t it but nice to be away and especially by the sea. I hope you’ve had a nice birthday although very bittersweet for you I’m sure. You have done extremely well coming through all you have been through and I’m glad you are living your life in the best way possible. You have a lovely family and I’m sure that helps a lot.
Doodle sorry for your bad day the other day. You were very brave to go out at all and yes, that lady was sent to you. You must have needed to let all that emotion out and it will have done you some good, although obviously very unpleasant. Even more courageous was your determination to have a better day today and it worked! Well done you. I’m so glad the walking group was a success it must have taken a lot of courage to join in like that. Do they meet every week? You are doing the right thing in increasing your AD’s slowly, it’s the best way to avoid any nasty side effects even though they obviously take longer to kick in but that’s worth it I think. I hope you have a good rest tonight and enjoy Church tomorrow.
HVDY your potential new cat looks lovely. What lovely colouring. You are very kind to him and I’m sure he will be yours permanently very soon (well if he knows what’s good for him he will!). Busy day for you. I’ll bet Chubby Chops had a wonderful time. You’ll be tired now so rest well. Is she coming again tomorrow?
Wyllow so sorry you are still struggling but you are getting through. At least you can focus on your appointment with the psychologist and then you will have a regular routine with the carer so that’s something positive. I hope today has been kind to you.
Sweetpeasue you will be counting down the days now until DH’s vascular appointment. You’ve waited a long time so I expect it can’t come quickly enough. Again, something to focus on. I expect you have a lot to say to them and that’s a good thing so they fully understand exactly what’s been going on. I hope you have been ok today.
Ellie Anne what a lovely cat. I’m more of a dog person myself but I do like cats too.

Not done too much today. Went to the gym, bit of shopping and that’s it. I find if I need to do anything constructive, then I need to do it in the morning as I get tired in the afternoons and just can’t be bothered. Had a sleep this afternoon but tired again now. Have my childcare duties tomorrow.

Love to all and those not personally mentioned. Night all xx

I thought your night might be restless HVDY. A long day for you, but glad it went well with the group for ChubbyChops.

Belated birthday wishes, Scaredeycat . I didn’t know how bitter sweet it is for you on your birthday. xx for dealing with it in the way you do.

Nice cat picture, Ellie Anne.

You did so well today, Doodle. Very brave with new people.
I hope you sleep better after the walk.

Glad your techie stuff is sorted, Candy You’re right about doing the energetic things in the morning. I have afternoon rests.

I was going to have a walk, but just couldn’t, dressing gown day with usual thoughts I just try to push away. Maybe when the carer starts again I might be able to get some things done. Lots of hassles with Meds still getting one drug.

Warm waves for Sweetpeasue not in today and all other BD’s xxx

EllieAnne What a handsome cat. The pattern on his(?) chest is like a heart shape. 9 is about middle aged then.

Doodle. Well done for joining the walking group. It's not easy joining things as we get older. Glad it all went so well. I hope you slept well after all that exercise.

Candy6 Hope the weather improves for you but it's nice to have a break away, anyway. ChubbyChops isn't here today (other Granny) but will be here every Tuesday and Thursday.

Wyllow3 Be kind to yourself, you're doing what you can at the moment. You won't always be like it. I hope you get that medication you need.

I stayed up until 11.30, Jaffa had been here since teatime. I'd left a litter tray fir him. He woke me at 2.30, obviously needed to go out and either couldn't find the tray (I suspect he's never used one) or couldn't get

... To it. Poor thing. I'll stay downstairs with him tonight. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day.

Jaffa

Apart from eating, he hasn't moved all day. He's got such unusual markings - orange in parts.

Candy Glad you have iPad charger sorted. We're so used to these things now we'd be lost without them. Thankyou ,yes I do have a lot to say to Vascular Dr when we see him. Take care
of yourself- if you need a nap in the afternoon so be it.
HVDY Thanks for the photos .Jaffa is absolutely gorgeous isn't he. I see those orangy bits in the rich brown coat. He's getting more and more comfortable inside with you-so pleased.
Scaredycat Hope you had a nice birthday yesterday , as much as you could with such a sad reminder of your dear son. It must be very hard for you when the day comes round with all sorts of mixed feelings. You are such a positive kind person and have been through such a lot.
I'll have to look up all those trigger points again. I believe there's quite a lot of them.
EllieAnne Thanks for the photo. You have a handsome cat too - hadn't noticed the' heart ' on his chest till HVDY pointed it out. Sounds as if he likes his independence.
Doodle What you did yesterday was amazing. The way you just joined the walking group and set off with them. 90 mins! I hope you're not suffering today with knee or hip pains. Hope you've had a good time at church and have had good company. You seem to be filling your days so much to keep yourself busy. Sending another hug and ❤️

Sorry I mightnt have replied to everyone properly.
The pain in all muscles is making me feel v low. I know others have so much to cope with pain too, of all sorts, and I shouldn't get down.
Meant to be book group today but I knew I couldn't sit on the hard chairs we have for 2 hrs. My body feels like it's turning to stone. I know I'll need to see GP to rule out other stuff. I really don't want it to be something else that's not treatable. I'm sort of angry that DH and I have so much but I know those feelings are silly . It just seems never ending.
Anyway started on elf today.Im finding it distracts from other thoughts.
Hope all have a peaceful night.
Wyllow Your hassles with meds just keeps going on - you will be fed up with that. Hope today has been a little better for you. X

*Candy glad your iPad is working ok now. I’d be lost without mine. Yes the walking group meet every week and I will continue to go. I need a good walk and it was nice to be away from the cars and noise. Hope you’ve had a good day.
Wyllow thanks, I slept ok. Been ok ish today because I’ve been with other people all day. Nice time at church.
I’m not right. I couldn’t explain what’s wrong but I’m sort of flat and shaky. More so than I’ve been before. It troubles me as I thought I was coping better. .
I do hope the carer has a positive impact on you and helps you get out and about.
HVDY I agree about Jaffa (a really good name actually)he does look orange in some photos. Really unusual and pretty.
I bet he’ll be pleased to have you for company tonight. Hope you both sleep well.
Sweetpeasue I am doing my best to keep myself busy. Not sure if it’s the right thing or not but I feel restless at home.
I might join a Tai Chi group next week . I’m thinking about it, at this rate I’ll never get any housework done.
Church was lovely as always. Model making this afternoon
So sorry about your muscle pain. Have you started any new drugs recently? Please do see the GP you shouldn’t ignore new aches and pains.
Scaredycat I hope you’ve had a good day today. Any more birthday treats to come? Lovely to be by the sea.

Doodle About being busy, I'm not sure either, but I've not lost a dearly loved other half. If you feel it helps I can't see harm. You'll be making lots of new friends in the process but also filling in that painful grieving time , even though, as soon as you stop it will be there again. Regarding the housework- to hell with it- it's you that matters.
The model shop must be coming along quite a lot. Those models look so very intricate and must make you concentrate a lot.
None of these things take away your pain the whole time and I think you must be left with so much to deal with.
Please don't think I presume. I'm just trying to understand something I know nothing about.
Hoping you have a good night's sleep and so sorry for your dreadful pain. X

SweepeaSue He's such a nice little cat. I'll get him to the vet (the one 200 yards away is shut until Wednesday) next week. If he's not microchipped, I'll get that done and have him neutered and a check-up. You've every right to be fed-up about everything you and your husband are going through. Life is a challenge at times, and some people seem to sail through life with no ailments. You need to see a GP, though.

Doodle Model making? What are you making? I think it's great that you're getting out and joining things (lack of confidence/easier to do nothing stops me from joining anything). Housework isn't important. You are. I admire you so much. A friend of mine does Tai Chi. She says it helps her to relax, as well as keeps her lithe.

Hope ALL BDers have a restful night. Early start with ChubbyChops tomorrow - I'll need to find a different nickname as she now looks like a little girl, not a fat-cheeked baby. Love to all x

Hi everyone. Long time no visit.

had to get up early and dressed and waited for the vital meds all morning and they didn’t come: I’d planned to make myself to go out for a walk in the park but had then to carry on waiting in: thats 3 days this week worrying on meds. It’s sorted now until next month. Too fed up to talk more on me nothing positive to say except koko.

You are doing well caring for Jaffa, HVDY. Will be good to get the vet check-up. Look forward to the new name for ChubbyChops…

Sweetpeasue sorry to hear of the pain and the lowness. No need to say sorry, I understand the neverendingness feelings and hope matters can ease.

Doodle it’s so understandable you just cant feel “right” you have been thrown into a strange world where probably often things don’t make a lot of sense. I think you are OK keeping busy, I don’t think you overdo it.

Warm waves nanny.

Night night BD’s

Nanny2507 Hello, how are you?
Wyllow3 What a performance to get your meds. Glad you managed to get them. Is your carer here today?

Decided not to sleep downstairs, but left Jaffa ok, with access to litter tray and upstairs. Just got up, he'd had a wee in the tray. Good boy. I really am a sad old cat lady . Back later x

I’m so annoyed with myself today.
I’ve been for a walk, sunny but cold, and am thinking how ungrateful I am and not understanding why I feel so low. I have a nice house nothing fancy but ok. We are not rich but have enough to live on without worrying.
Don’t see much of my family but have done my best for them. I don’t have any sort of relationship with dh but he is not unpleasant or mean to me. Just no communication.
I live in a lovely wee town and have a few good friends.
But still I feel inferior to everyone and can’t speak up at the groups I go to because I have nothing worth saying.
And as you know I be been contacting Samaritans because mood is low and am wanting to disappear again. I wish I could change.

EllieAnne You're unhappy, not ungrateful. You need company, and your husband doesn't provide that. My husband would cheerfully go all day without talking at all, but I talk and try to persuade him to do things/go to places, or he'd sit here looking at tv/his 'phone/crossword books. If I didn't suggest going somewhere, I'd be in the same boat as you. Is there really no way back for your relationship? You are certainly not inferior to anyone. You don't need to change yourself, you need some confidence. I think you're depressed because of your situation with your family and home life. Antidepressants wouldn't change any of that, but would probably help you to feel less sad.

Hi Nanny. It's been a while. Hope you're feeling a little better than you were .
Wyllow Hoping today has been better. Honestly ,you shouldn't have all this harassment about your meds - I don't believe the 'system' is working right in many places.
HVDY What kind words for EllieAnne.
Jaffa will be the best treated cat ever if he comes to stay with you. Sounds like he's already decided. You must have felt a bit nervous of leaving him last night but it's worked out well . You're def not a mad cat lady. Just a kind to animals lady.
EllieAnne I think everything HVDY has said is true. You only need confidence and I could have written that myself about not speaking up in a group. I completely get that. I think the lack of a warm relationship with your husband has more of an effect on your low mood than you think. It's quite possible to live alongside someone without a close relationship - some people manage that- but I don't think I could. You do lots of things for your family - you are a good person and help your friends too. The only thing I can suggest is ADs but I know you're not keen . Your photo is beautiful with it's expanse of sea and sky. Thankyou for sharing that. Do contact the Samaritans again if you feel lonely and want to talk. It might help you decide where your low mood is coming from if it's not your husband.

It was fluffball day today and tomorrow.
Obvs that's not her real name ( when I cup her tiny face in my hands and stroke her head with my thumbs it's like a little fluffball) We managed a walk by the sea with her and she ran after a ball going crazy. Still pains but they seemed better for the activity. DH still not right so roll on Tuesday.

How is everyone?

Hi all
Doodle- It really takes courage to join new groups . The walking will help you physically and being able to chat as you go- win,win!!
Tai chi is a very calming thing to do- I did it a few years ago but I was useless at remembering the sequences 😩so gave up - wish I hadn’t really.
Stuff the housework by the way- dust can wait.
I think maybe why you feel as you do is that over the last year or so you have had more than most people could cope with. Through it all you have stayed so brave and strong. You couldn’t really relax or be free from mental or physical pain. The shock and sadness you are now suffering is normal but you have gone from constant stress to being able to please yourself and it must feel so alien.Not only to be doing it but doing it alone. As we,ve said before - one day at a time . I,m always here if you need to talk.
EllieAnne- your cat is so pretty with his heart on his chest!
Is there any chance you could try some ADs? No way are you ungrateful just sad as HVDY said. I,d never come off them now and I was adamantly against them
What a beautiful place you live in- would your husband walk with you at all? You deserve to be happier than you are EllieAnne .
Candy- glad to have you back with your resuscitated iPad.
Yes my family means everything to me - I love them all so much.Last day here tomorrow- I,ll miss the sea. Had a lovely day today - it was a don’t waste a second day- so I,m done in now but in a nice way.
You are managing your days well- after so many years of work you deserve a little kip after lunch.
Enjoy GS day.
SweetPeaSue- so sorry you are in such discomfort- please contact your GP if only to put your mind at rest.Your feelings aren’t silly - you,ve had so much to deal with this is one more worry.
Hope the elf has helped take your mind off things a bit- a spot of “elf help” eh!!
HVDY- well done Jaffa- what a good boy. Hope all goes well at the vets and you can consider yourself an official “CatMum” again.
Hope you,ve had a good day with Chubby Chops- wonder what her new nickname will be.
Nanny- How ae you? So good to have you here again.
Wyllow-thank goodness you,ve got your meds now. It’s just not right how every month is a battle to pick up our meds and hope they,ll all be OK is it.
Hope you,ve maybe had a walk today or at least a better day self care wise. KOKO is a positive thought - you will get there.
Love to allxx

Sweetpeasue the model is coming along but it there is so much to it I think it will be many months before it’s finished.
Sounds like you had a lovely time with fluff ball. Hope the walk by the sea did you good.
HvDY nothing to admire here I assure you. I’m a wreck just hanging on to anything I can. Anything that helps pass the time is what I’m after. The model is a flower shop kit. There are millions of little parts to it. There’s more glue on us than on the model by the end of the afternoon. Nice post to Ellie Anne. Well done Jaffa. Hope he settles well.
Hi Nanny how are you doing? I hope things are a bit better. Has your grandchild been born yet?
Wyllow can’t your GP sort out something better for you on the meds front? A more regular prescription.
Ellie Anne I echo all that HVDY said. You are not inferior to anyone and you certainly don’t need to change yourself for anyone. You are just lacking in confidence and unhappy with your home life, Joining groups is difficult and takes several goes to feel accepted and fit in. Don’t give in keep trying.
Scaredycat that’s so lovely of you. I somehow forget what has happened over the last year. I try not to dwell on it because a lot of it wasn’t good. I find now the grief comes in waves. Sometime small ones that you get over, sometimes big ones that continue for hours and sometimes ones that just knock the legs from under you. I had one of the latter in Waitrose tonight!! You are such a caring person thank you so much for your posts to me it does help. All of you help me.
So pleased you are having a good holiday. Hope you have a good day tomorrow

SweetpeaSue How lovely to have a pretty little dog to look after. I love all animals. DH doesn't understand why I can't not help an animal in need, but he (reluctantly) goes along with it. Hope your pains have eased off. Not too much longer now until next Tuesday. Your husband needs proper treatment.

ScaredyCat Hope the last bit of your holiday goes well. Although it's cooler now, I hope you've seen some sunshine.

Doodle Your model sound very nice. How long will it take you to finish it, do you think? (Please photograph it when it's done?)

It was a good day with LittleGirl. She arrived at 7.30, played and toddled about all morning, enjoyed her roast beef lunch then the soft play centre (she's a bit young for it but it made a change). She went home at 5.30. A long day for us, but DH and I are off to Leicester tomorrow for a tour of the Triumph motorbike factory (a Father's day gift from Son2). Hope ALL BDers have a restful night x

I'm quite obsessed with my new furry friend . He often sits with his tongue out