Black Dog 22

Blast! Just lost a post.
EllieAnne All of us feel we can't do what we used to but I think you're being hard on yourself as you usually do quite long walks with no problems. I hope your hand doesn't need medical attention. I think I'd be inclined to tell your husband about it to see what his reaction is. If he doesn't respond with any understanding or is uncaring I think I'd also be inclined to tell him to get his own dinner. I feel angry that you are so sad and living in such an awful atmosphere. But my post is probably not a clever one - I don't have to live with the consequences. I'm so sorry - you have been shaken and bruised and just want some caring. Hope you feel a little better later. X

Well, it's good the xray showed nothing more serious HVDY. Hopefully the physio gives you some help, but don't let her pull you about again. I wonder can you still do aqua aerobics, or will that aggravate it..
Of course I'll have to investigate Temu now!
I've made the pastry myself. It really is easy to make pastry. I know it's even easier to buy, but I hate to give up and feeI I can no longer do it.. Stupid I know.

EllieAnne very bad luck. You're not alone. think many of us all fall easier as we get older. I climb over stiles verry slowly. I hope your hand is OK, maybe some savlon on it. Why would you not tell your husband? Would he not care?

Wyllow I'm sorry your v low mood is just persistently refusing to leave you with some peace and optimism for anything. It's so hard for you to actually believe as if there will be any change when you don't feel it. Now there's hitches in getting the carer. I'm sure once you actually get the carer and you are not alone for as long it will help- even to break up your day . The right person will give you encouragement. Scaredycat puts it so well in that 'you deserve happiness ' .Hope today has been a little better. Warm hug 🫂 .
Nadateturbe We like to sit in the garden after dinner too. It's often cooler on our little seating area as the sun has moved further down by then. So glad you didn't need bed rest yesterday as you expected- serendipity? I can get angry too about such poor help and mistakes made but Ikwym about caring and understaffed workforce. Yes DH got appt with the new GP that referred him to Emegency care. Not allowed F2F so I could be there but GP can't raise the steroid dose or do anything more as he's under Rheumatologist care. DH thought as much and said to me , waste of time, but it's not really as he will now be on this GP's radar and she will be monitoring him after he's seen Rheumatologist.
HVDY Certain songs can really get to you can't they and have such v sad connections as the tragic and early loss of your DB. Oh I do hope you get the MRI referral. The pain must be terrible - burning pain nerve involvement must be dreadful. Awful having to fight for everything now.Its not as easy finding friends at our age I'm thinking. I still feel a bit awful not going to the group -hard to explain. I feel I might have let others down if I could have helped them. At same time I'm sort of relieved ( feel guilty even admitting it!)
Scaredycat I've said this before but you don't sound older at all but much younger so it must be that you draw younger people to you too. Seeing your wider family so much must keep you in tune with things. You have been such a brave and resilient person to have come through what you have , I admire you. My book group is now U3A run( didn't start that way) so there are other possibilities. My DH is battling through stuff in the garden but he's taken down a shed so a bit different to mowing the lawn! Honestly I could strangle him. He's painted one fence panel today and he's said how terribly tired he is. He looks so unwell at times and headache is almost constant , like a heavy dull pressure. Not long for his appt now- next Monday.

Had physio for back this morning then went for coffee and bought 2 lovely 'Indian type' tops. Just cotton and embellished with elbow sleeves and little tie belt at back. £5 each! Now I'm feeling guilty about why they were so cheap. 😳

Love to all BDs and hope all , and those reading, have a reasonable day.

Feeling rubbish. Went for a walk this morning with a younger friend and the terrain wasn’t easy. I had a bad fall climbing over a gate and made a mess of my hand. Taken a big chunk of skin out and bled a lot. Have tried to clean and dress it but it’s in an awkward place. I’m sore all over too.
It’s made me think I can’t do what I’m used to and makes me so sad.
I’ve not bothered telling him and I don’t suppose he will notice.
It’s left me feeling a bit weepy

ScaredyCat I hope you manage to get the cream you need. It sounds as though you've got quite a busy day today. Good of you to pick up your friend for art class. Hope you had a nice lunch. It's kind of you to visit your other friend tomorrow, too. Since I discovered Temu, I can't keep off it. DH is wearing some shorts I get from there.

nadateturbe Enjoy the coffee and cake. Chicken pie sounds nice. Will you make the pastry of buy a ready to roll one?

A different Physio rang me. He thinks I've got nerve impingement in my groin (I've been saying that for weeks). X-ray shows no Arthritis. He said to stop doing anything that aggravates it, said it will likely take up to 6 months to resolve!! No chance of MRI, the waiting list is 6-8 months, by which time it will have got better. Got an appt to see 1st Physio (the one who pulled me about last week and made it worse). May be referred to the Musculoskeletal dept. of the hospital.

Hope ALL BDers are managing to keep cool today x

Good afternon Scaredycat. Family things can eat up time and energy, but it's lovely to have them.
I hope you manage to get a suitable alternative to your cream. That happens quite a lot, I think.
Isn't it amazing what we can find to buy when we go into shops like B&M. Sometimes browsing is useful.
Good luck at the chiropodist. I don't envy you. and I hope you enjoy your lunch. I know what you mean about energy, and sometimes we can give ourselves that extra push, although we might pay for it next day. But sometimes it's worth it. It's lovely meeting up with people. Tomorrow is our last art class until September. We're stopping at 3pm and finishin g with coffee and traybakes/cake etc. Although our "leader" has said he will arrange getting together during summer just for a social time.
I'm going to try making a chicken pie this afternoon - a major effort for me.
Wyllow how are you? Have you managed to get dressed today?

Hi all sorry I,ve been absent Had a really busy couple of days and a Birthday meal for my eldest GD. How on earth did she get to be 38!! I,m a bit of a lightweight if I do too much so just rested a bit
Nadateturbe- glad you were able to celebrate your birthday and that you have also had some time outside in the lovely weather.
I think it’s only worth worrying about the things we can do something about- right now the world has gone a bit mad so I agree with you.
Wyllow- I do hope someone comes into your life to really listen and help you.
You are such a clever and interesting person and it’s good that you find distraction in engaging in political debate . But how I wish you were able to enjoy the simple pleasures that you must miss so much. Hope the carer is good for you. Hoping too today will be better for,you- you deserve happiness xx
Doodle- Blobism is good!! Perhaps you could start a trend!
My seat sits on a swivel so I can turn away or towards the sun without actually moving. Could you have a nice chair on your balcony? Happy lights is what I call them - didn’t know about Norway.
There must be a lot going on on the river in this lovely weather- you are an inspiration to us all.
SweetPeaSue- you sound so much better and more positive despite the continuing worry about your DH. He really is a strong character to get out and garden - I think it is very good for mental relaxation.
Hope you get a GP appt this morning.
I think you made the right decision re your group. I am a lot older than you but I love the company that includes young adults. They are funny,witty and so full of life. U3 A might suit you when you are not so worried.
Here,s to a glass half full eh!
Candy- so sorry you have worries about your GS- catastrophising is something we do over those we love isn’t it.
I hope it’s not as bad as you think.
Try and enjoy the caravan - have a rest while you can.
HVDY- your dress sounds lovely. Isn’t it nice when you find something you feel,comfortable and good in. I,m glad you enjoyed the Wedding- always such a day of hope.
Thank goodness your legs and hips weren’t as bad as they have been.
I thought of you yesterday - a new B and M has just opened near us - never been in one before. Of course we came out with a bag full of things we didn’t even know we needed!!
Hope you get to speak to the Physio this morning.
EllieAnne- hope you,ve been able to get out in the Sun. Your life is not easy for you but you KOKO.

Yesterday I went to get the cream from the pharmacy- you can’t get it anywhere due to production problems 😩 went to the Clinic- shut for the day so tomorrow must go and ask for a different prescription. That’s before we take our regular trip to,our friend who has Alzheimer’s.
Now off toChiropodist then lunch with old Art friends one of whom I have to pick up and take. I,m sooo tired but feel I have to grab life with both hands while able.
Wishing all BDs posting,reading or those who feel worn out, some bright moments in the day

I have songs like that too HVDY.
I hope you get your MRI. Honestly, it's ridiculous how much we all have to push for things. I was told echocardiogram would be repeated as part of each review. But they weren't going to. I had to ask.
I don't understand why we have to work so hard now at getting the right treatment. (And this isn't a complaint about the caring staff). Anyway rant over, just makes me angry. Fingers crossed for you. And Sweetpeasue.
Have you had any word about new date Doodle?

Doodle My dress was really comfortable, the material is light and swishy, and it skimmed over my fat bits, so I felt good. I understand what you mean about some music evoking emotions. There's a particular Queen song I can't bear to hear because my brother bought the record and then died that day. Have you got decent neighbours? Do you see any of them?

SweetpeaSue I'm glad you've come to a decision about your MH group. If something doesn't feel right, there's no point in going. Like you, I'd like to find friends my age - one of my friends still works and is active, and the aqua aerobics one loves football, goes to matches, drinks a lot (I'm not judging but I couldn't spend all evening in a pub), and had dozens of friends. It's not easy, is it? I hope your DH manage to get a GP appointment today.

nadateturbe It's nice to be able to sit outside when it's warm (but not hot), isn't it? I like that, too. I'm glad you enjoyed having all your visitors.

Wyllow3 Sorry you're having such low times. If you can get someone to accompany you outside, it would help a bit. I hope that's soon.

I'm going to try to speak with the Physiotherapist at the surgery today, so ask if he'll refer me for an MRI - this hip pain (2 different types of pain, one is aching on the actual hips, the other is intense burning/stretching of the groin area). I can bear the aching but the other is awful when it starts and carries on. Hope ALL BDers have a decent day x

Sweetpeasue I missed your post. You'll feel better now you've made your decision. You have to do what's right for you. Sharing in groups isn't for everyone. It's a pity that the book group members are all older. It's pot luck sometimes. I had the opposite problem, so I didn't go back after first time. Could you maybe try another. Although I can understand you not wanting to leave DH. I hope you get an appointment tomorrow. x
Wyllow3 sorry you're so low. I had a look at MIND and MH services seem to be extremely poor at the minute. It must be very draining for you, trying to get the help you need. I've just read Sweetpeasue's post, I didn't realise that you had been so politically active. It's great to be passionate and do something rather than just moan. It's good you have this interest to keep you going. But I do hope you get your help soon.xx

Followed your days as ever but vv low to post. And look it. Hitches in getting this carer and getting MH to realise this and so on.

Super dress HVDY...I can picture you in your flat, Doodle, windows open, the water....Sweetpeasue glad you made the right decision for yourself....nadateturbe I listen to the Archers too. (Alice SL upsetting tho for us MH posters)

Night night to all BD's

Wyllow3 I'm sorry you feel like that so much - no point in anything. I know politics can distract you. I too am very interested in politics (as my MP and MLA could verify!) but like HVDY I find its not actually good for me. So I (mostly) ignore the news. Its just depressing and makes you feel there's too much wrong with the world.
I hope today has been a little bit better, have you managed to dress?x
Doodle I'm glad you can watch some TV in the evenings, it's a bit of company. It's such a difficult sad time for you. I can understand noise annoying you. Maybe by winter you'll feel a little more able to cope with it. I wish I could say something more helpful. xx
I mostly listen to classical. I'm trying not to listen to old favourites so much. Although I'm listening to Francoise Hardy a lot at the moment. And I listen to the Archers.
HVDY glad you had a pleasant day.. Your outfit sounded nice. It's great that your legs were OK. I'm sure you're tired today.
I'm amazed, I'm not in bed today after being so active and so many visitors in last five days. We actually sat in the sunny garden with our coffee after dinner.
Sweetpeasue how are things today?
EllieAnne how was your weekend.
Hello to everyone else. 👋

Sorry - overthink

Candy Thankyou, I've been quite good lately painwise and only seem to have it in the morning which painkillers seem to settle it. I know it's bladder related and wonder if it's worse when you're not taking in fluids during nighttime. I take a big glass of water to bed with always . I hope your worries about your DGS won't last too long. There always seems to be someone in the family to worry about at any given time. It's been lovely weather last couple of dys here, I expect it won't be long before it reaches you.
Nadateturbe My life is fairly humdrum really but I'm glad I come across as not being too depressing. Believe me I've moaned for England here in the early posts on BD. BD has been an amazing place to come to with my initial bad experience of Dr's covering up a botched procedure. I really had nowhere to go and I've only had understanding here. I do hope you got your rest today after your busy weekend.
HVDY Your dress sounds lovely. So glad you had a nice time and had a great catch up with your family, but also that your hip and legs weren't so bad. Thanks to the 'medication' . Hope your OK for Thursday with your little DGD. Your DH must live to look after her aswell.
Doodle Understand completely about music. It stirs up feelings so much. Have you heard from Dr's about your appt for your procedure yet?
Yes had lovely times stopping with aunt and uncle. The house adjacent (just the two) was where my first husband lived and how we met , v v young.
DH is still the same and has these turns throughout day when his head feels so pressured and muzzy he just goes slow and looks terrible. He still manages to do stuff in the garden and I'm having a problem stopping him doing too much. Had such a bad dream about him last night -him looking dreadfully I'll and me trying to find help for him. Trying for GP appt tomorrow. Hope you sleep OK tonight.x
Wyllow Its really good that politics is the one passion that is keeping you going. You must have a quick brain to absorb so much information. I know your sense of justice is so important to you and you've done so much in the past in that area. I wish you could feel some hope and gain more energy for each day. Hopefully the carer will help with some things that are hard for you.
EllieAnne*Scaredycat Allsorts*Zakouma66**Whiff Do hope you've had a reasonable day.

I've had to do lot of thinking about the group recovery sessions and have decided-after so much thinking- that I'll not be going back and have told psychologist today. I hope I'm not being selfish but the lovely ladies there seemed much older than myself and the people in my book group are all older plus I have my aunt. I would just like a friend my own age. Also I think I'd be tempted to say too much about my MH and situation and I don't want to do that. Another very real reason is my DH. I just don't want to leave him too long on his own right now. No one here in an emergency and I'd need to get him to A&E fast. Wish I could make decisions easily . I always overtime absolutely everything and it's exhausting.

Wishing all a truly peaceful night.x

HVdY glad you had such a good time at the wedding and your legs were ok. Did you good I bet.
Sweetpeasue how’s your DH today?

Sorry all just lost a long post and my iPads on a real go slow. Don’t have the energy to type it all again.
Sweetpeasue what fun times you had with your aunt and uncle. No wonder you’re so fond of her. Yes the paperwork is overwhelming but at least it keeps me busy.
Candy sorry the weathers not so good. I used to love being at our caravan. Different from being at home somehow. Sorry about your concerns for your DGS. We all know what that’s like. Hope things improve soon.
nadateturbe sorry if I’ve given the wrong impression. I do watch tv but only in the evening. It’s daytime tv I have a problem with. I can’t stand the chatter. I like quiet. I’m happy with the windows open just hearing the sound of passing traffic. Not sure how it will be in winter when I’ve got them shut. Might be too quiet then.
I do listen to podcasts or stories on the radio. It’s just music that gets to me. What do you listen to?
Wyllow I’ve noticed you post on the political threads and I’m pleased you have an in the rest. I’m afraid politics wash over the top of me, I’ve never been interested but I think you have a quick and knowledgeable mind and I’m glad the interaction can occupy some of your time. We all need something to keep us busy. I am finding keeping busy helps me. If I sit and think I cry.
HvDY your dress sounds nice. Did you feel good wearing it. I love clothes that I think I look nice in.
I do like music from 60s and 70s but that’s DHs era too and at the moment I can’t cope with anything that stirs emotions too much.
Having Chubby Chops must bring you such joy. Little ones are so much fun aren’t they.
Scaredycat Ellie Anne hope you’re having a good day.

Doodle Thank you. My dress was a wraparound one, 3/4 sleeves, v-neck, blue with white dashes or dots on, blue sandals. I agree that TV noise is very irritating. How about a different radio channel? Perhaps one with hits from the 60s/70s? Or don't you like that type of music? DH sometimes plays it through the TV, something he sings along to. Remember, your grief is still new, you are doing very well. You're such a kind lady to keep caring about everyone on here.

SweetpeaSue I hope your Sunday was pain-free and that your husband wasn't over-doing anything. It's too hot to be doing much. I had a couple of double vodkas, some Champagne, a lager (throughout the day)

Candy6 We haven't had Chubby Chops recently, but we'll have her all day on Thursday. DH is very good with her and he helps a lot. I hope the weather warms up for you. The forecast looks good. Whatever the worry with your grandson, hopefully it will all turn out ok. We worry about family because we care, it's hard not to, isn't it.

Wyllow3 I used to worry about the state of the world, and all the sad or unjust things that happen, and it dragged me down. I now have to stop reading about, or watching, things that I've got no control over. I hope you have a better day.

EllieAnne Hope the weather was better for you yesterday and that you managed to get out.
Whiff, ScaredyCat, Zakouma66, Allsorts and others - hope you're ok.

It was a lovely day at the wedding. The bride looked beautiful, the weather was glorious, we had very good food, sat with DH's cousins and their partners, chatted, laughed. Best of all, my legs were fine, my hips weren't too bad (I used a walking stick) and we didn't get home until 12.30. Foxy came at 1am . Hope ALL BDers have a decent day today x

nadateturbe You did well to get up and out so early. Glad you were able to see your step-daughter and her husband before they left.

Another thanking you too, Calendergirl for quick actions.

I wish the sun could help. Another day waking up and “why”. Carer would be personal support, maybe get out of the house. I don’t get out on my own but for the weekly shop. I can be distracted by politics strange I know but it’s the way I was brought up and away from personal things. Yes Doodle on the music!

Hello to Ellie Anne, HVDY, nadateturbe Sweetpeasue and Doodle and Candy from today, following you all just not able to respond today: family and poorliness worries.

And BD readers and not in today.

Night night xx

Doodle of course, I'm sure there's a lot to sort out, never mind painting. I hope its not too complicated. But I'm so sorry to hear how you can't listen to music or even watch TV. I understand about music. There are some songs I just can no longer listen to because of association with family members. Can you listen to anything else on radio? It must be so lonely for you. Giving you a hug.x
EllieAnne We don't go out very much together (partly because of my condition) but we do crosswords and puzzles and chat. I think I couldn't cope with your relationship. It must be so stressful, especially in winter.x
Sweetpeasue I think when we have problems we can very easily become "glass half empty", and it can become a habit. But to be honest I don't think you are like that. Because even on bad days you talk about gardening, baking, taking aunt out, and I think you do a good job of staying positive in spite of health problems.
Candy hello. It hasn't been great caravan weather. I think we've only spent 3-4 nights in ours. Although it's partly due to other commitments. I do hope July and August are better for all of us.
It's awful when you have a family worry. It's difficult to put it out of your mind. I've had something similar recently. It's still there but I've managed to adjust to it a bit and don't feel stressed now. I hope you manage to sort yours out so that it's manageable.
HVDY hope you're having a good day and not suffering too much in the heat. Your pots are very colourful.

I am doing nothing tomorrow! Birthday visitors and telephone calls are lovely, and appreciated but I need a rest.
Hi to Whiff Wyllow3 Allsorts Scaredycat Zakouma66 and anyone else reading.
I hope you all have a peaceful night xx

Hello all
HVDY I’m sorry you are in so much pain and now your vasculitis too. You have a lot to put up with. How are you managing looking after Chubby Chops with it all? I hope you enjoyed the wedding and the “medication” helped! Your garden pots look lovely. I have some that I still need to plant up. I like the different colours adding colour to the garden. Hope you are ok today.
Nadaterturbe I’m sorry you were unwell on your birthday but it sounds like you had some nice presents. I hope you are well today.
Doodle I’m sorry you re having some bad days, the two anniversaries together wouldn’t have helped you at all. There will come a time when you have more good days than bad but it’s early days for you. You are being very brave and doing so well. It’s lovely you still post caring responses to others. Just shows what a kind person you are. I hope your dear sons are coping too.
Sweetpeasue I hope you are pain free and you are coping with the worries over your DH ok. It must be frustrating for you not being able to contact anyone on his behalf. Let’s hope the medics get their act together and be able to help him very soon. You are so good still taking your aunt out when you have worries yourself. I hope you were able to relax a little.
EllieAnne so sorry you experience so much sadness. Try not to compound it by escalating your thoughts. It’s hard though I know. It’s just everything seems so much worse when we’re already feeling low. You have been a great mother and support your children such a lot. We all have things we could have done differently but we need to live for now and leave the past in the past. I’ve definitely done things I regret but you can only try not to overthink and move on. As for dementia worries, you are fine. We all have these moments. I remember waking up in the night once and seeing creatures climbing the walls. It was very scary and I thought I was going mad. It was just one of those things. I hope you are getting through the weekend in the best way possible.
Wyllow I hope you get your care worker soon. You are doing well and it’s lovely you post more now. I hope today is a coping one for you and you’ve been able to get up and dress. If the weather’s decent, try to get some fresh air.
Scaredycat Hope you are well and getting some sun where you are.
Love to everyone else and hope all have the best day possible.

We’re at our caravan but the weather has been disappointing. Not the sunshine that was forecast but dry and warm at least. I’ve got a worry over my DGS which I have catastrophised and I shouldn’t have done. It’s dragging me down and I need to deal with it. Just wish I didn’t worry so much. Love to all ❤️ xx

Doodle I expect there will be much to be sorted at home. Hope there's not to much paperwork to cause hassle. Yes music can make you feel sad as it brings memories too. My aunt lives surrounded by fields on three sides. I used to stay with them and my cousins in school hols and once uncle rigged up speakers in garden and in middle of night we were woken to the Warsaw Concerto. I loved it and it came on the car radio yesterday. Instead of thinking of happy times I thought of the yrs that had flown by and my aunt so old and living alone in same house.
Think I might have a tendency to look at glass half empty and need to notice its half full! 🫣 I like garden lights too. Yours on the balcony sounds lovely. The small things mean a lot don't they? Hope you haven't had too bad a day today. You are much loved here. Sending another hug .x

Ellie Anne looks like someone posted something bad. Calendargirl thank you for reporting it.
HVdY music often makes me sad so I don’t listen to it. I have tried the tv but that annoys me so I sit in quiet but with the door open so I can hear cars passing and people talking.
Really sorry about your pain. It must be driving you mad.
Now vasculitis as well. Hope it is a better day today and you are able to enjoy the wedding. What is your outfit like?
Love your colourful garden pots.
Sweetpeasue could be the steroids or it could just be he’s anxious about his health too. You’re both having a tough time.
Hope things get treated soon.
Scaredycat yes you’re right about the painting although in my case it was more blobism.
Is your egg shaped seat on a chain or legs. I’ve always fancied one of the chain ones or a swing seat.
In Norway they have lights on a string and they’re called happy lights.
nadateturbe glad you had some nice gifts. Hope you had a nice birthday even though not up to going out,
No not done any painting at home. To busy sorting out things.
I can sleep a bit without the diazepam so don’t really want to rely on it.
Wyllow I’m sorry you are struggling with your thoughts. It’s a shame we can’t turn our minds off for a while. Hope today is a better one.
Ellie Anne sending you a hug. 🤗
Take care all x

HVDY Hope you enjoy the day .
Perfect medication!😂
Wyllow So sorry about yesterday being so difficult. Yes you do need someone with understanding even if its not a MH worker. Really hope you get someone suitable. Sending a hug.x
Nadateturbe Have a lovely time with your DH's daughter and SIL.