Black Dog 20

Thank you sweet pea sue. I have been out for a decent walk this morning. We have quite good weather here today.
I was out at my friends last night and when I came back late ish I couldn’t get in because he had put the chain on the door and gone to bed.
I dithered about waking him up , it was only about 11, or sleeping in the car but in the end I managed to squeeze my hand through a bit and hook the chain with my car key and get it off.
Now anyone can be forgetful and make a mistake but when I told him he couldn’t have cared less and didn’t even ask how I managed to get in. I’m so low today. It’s been a bad week and this just finished me.
Things with dd still aren’t good. She never contacts me and if I manage to get her on the phone it’s all a bit strained.
There’s really nothing good in my life just now.

EllieAnne That's a really terrible mistake to make and I think you've every reason to be angry/hurt/upset and also deserve a genuine apology. You have every right to be respected in your own home. I feel so hurt for you. I know I would feel exactly like yourself. I'm so relieved you managed to get in and I admit I wouldn't have cared if I'd disturbed my DH by waking him , in the same circumstances. It's not uncommon for you to visit your friends and I would feel put out, literally! I' m glad you had that walk this morning -you must have needed to get out so much. I'm really sorry that things still seem strained with your DD. That must add to your loneliness and hurt. Perhaps things for her right now are a bit frantic and she hasn't thought to contact you , I don't know. I have the same problem at times, knowing what to say to my eldest. I know there are things that he keeps to himself and it's difficult if they choose to do that. The communication seems so much more difficult. I hope she phones are makes other contact soon. Meanwhile just want to give you a hug and know that we care. I don't suppose that helps that much. I'm sure your son, DIL and DD do care , and of course your little GC . I think there are times AC forget how much it means to tell parents they do care but doesn't mean they don't. Take care of yourself EllieAnne and I hope tomorrow you feel a little better.xx

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Sorry, have not the energy to post atm. Wednesday was too much, art and son in one day. Rested Thursday and tried to do my Friday outing. Big mistake. Have read most posts.
Thinking of you all. Sending love. xx

EllieAnne I've thought about your post and what I replied and I feel I may have posted my reaction according to my own circumstances. It could well be that your husband absent mindedly put the chain on the door in automatic mode. Didn't want you to think I was being harsh at all. However , I still feel a full and heartfelt apology is due to you. Sorry if I seemed quick to criticise your DH. I just felt genuinely angry on your behalf. I hope you are OK tonight. X

Sweet pea Sue don’t worry. I never gave it a thought.
I know he didn’t do it on purpose but it was his lack of concern that got to me and not even asking how I managed to get in.

EllieAnne Yes, that would hurt me too. Hope you have a better day tomorrow. X

Hi all. Son will be moving to Wales its very very far from me. They will stay here until baby is about 3-4 months old for support from the world's most excited Nanny 😊 I will then spend a few months on my own before deciding what I want to do. I do think them moving out will hit me like a ton of bricks as I will then be alone for the first time since DH death. My brain still isn't comprehending that he's not here. I have many many dark moments when I just cry and I am still of the mindset that I really want to join him. But im hanging in there xx

Ellie Anne that’s awful your husband wasn’t concerned about you being locked out. I agree you should have woken him up and made him come and let you in.
Maybe., because you managed to let yourself in he doesn’t realise how upset you were,
I’m sorry things are not good with your daughter but perhaps that’s not you maybe there’s something else going on in her life that’s making her behave as she is.
No wonder you’re low. Wish I could give you a big hug. Don’t let this spoil your evening with your friend.
Glad you went for a long walk and I’m glad you have the beaches close by. I always think watching the sea is calming.
Sweetpeasue that’s a nice post to Ellie Anne and you’re right about the fact that family often care but don’t mention it all the time. How have you and your DH been today?
nadateturbe dont worry about wring a long post it’s just good to have you popping in.
nanny it will be hard for you with your son moving so far away. Having a new baby will be lovely though. Could you move closer to them? I know your son has been living with you so it will be really hard when he moves out. Do he and his partner intend to try being self sufficient if it is a small holding?
HVDY have you seen any of your DGDs today?
Scaredycat I want jnto town today to have my eyes tested. Got caught in a downpour but at least by then the wind had dropped.
Wyllow sleep well.x

Hi doodle yes hopefully self sufficient. I am looking at the same village they are moving to with the possibility of moving there too.

Nanny You will be so excited to see your new little GC and the first few mths will be lovely for you. I too wondered if it might be possible to move nearer your son later on. For now though you all have something to look forward to in the near future.
Nadateturbe Don't worry ,we all understand how hard it is for you when you get this debilitating tiredness and I realise it can bring on headaches for you just looking at the screen.
Doodle There's been a lot of showere here today. Sorry you got a drenching! Hope your DH's leg pain eased off and hasn't caused any lasting problems after he knocked it.
My husband hasn't had too bad headaches today but quite a bit of neck/shhoulder/arm pain. We expect it to lessen after upping dose of steroids. Gums feel bit sore near tongue but that might be expected. Just been so worried about it and how /if might be better to prepare son who came home yesterday. I'll probably see him Monday. So much to worry about. I wish I didn't.I know you have so much too. I wish I had more faith.
Wyllow Thinking of you as always.

Wishing all a peaceful night.x

Night night love to all xx

EllieAnne Your husband perhaps was on "automatic pilot" when he locked the door. He seemed quite uncaring in not asking how you got in. I'm sorry things are difficult with your daughter. Has she got problems in her life at the moment? AC don't always tell us what's going on, but it doesn't mean they don't care. I hope you have a better day today.
SweetpeaSue I hope your husband gets on alright with the increased steroids. Yes, they increase the BP. It must be difficult for the GP to get the balance right. It's good that he/she seems to be understanding, though. Enjoy seeing your son. How long will be be here for?
Nanny2507 That's great that you'll get to see the new baby for all that time (they change such a lot, don't they), but you'll miss them all when they leave. Moving nearer to them might be just what you'll need.
nadateturbe It sounds as though you had a busy time. Rest and take care.
Doodle It rained a lot here, too. Are you going to have new specs? Saw GD1 - Son1 and his lady went out for a meal and drinks. They never have a child-free night as GD1 lives there, also GF's son. (He was at his dad's). Son made us a curry before they went out. We had a nice evening with DG, the dog and cat. Got home 12.45! Foxy must have been waiting somewhere because he appeared 2 minutes before I put the food out .

nanny it will be lovely to have a new baby to think about. I do hope you move to be close to them. Wales is a lovely place. I hope it works out well for all of you. How is Binks?
Sweetpeasue DHs foot still painful. More so at night than during the day though. Glad your DHs headaches seem a bit better. Hope it’s not long now till you have your biopsy results. I have learnt my lesson and will tell my sons now what’s going on. Be nice to see your son again.
HVDy yes I need two pairs of specs. One for driving and one for reading. I’ve ordered the driving ones as they are the most important. Very little choice (my face is narrow and they don’t stock many frames to fit me) also felt very rushed to make a choice. First time I’ve done this without DH there to advise. Hope he likes them. I’m not at all photogenic and glasses don’t suit me anyway.
Good your son and his GF had a night out. Bet your DGD enjoyed your company.

HVDY Your extended family is multiplying- you now seem to have a dog and cat too! 😂 Not forgetting your fox of course. He/She (is the sex known?) will feel very hard done by if you forget his evening feast now. If mating season is Spring you might soon get a pack of cubs too! 🤭
DH been on 12 n half for 5 weeks and was still getting the pain when told to drop to 10mg. Only on 10 for 1 day before saw GP so now up to 12 again and pain still there obvs. He doesn't seem to be able to get it under control. Son2 lives here in village and is home 3 weeks.
Doodle I can see how it's a bit daunting choosing glasses on your own. I'm normally there when DH chooses his but wasn't when he chose last ones. He was hoping I liked them as he chose different type and they're really nice. It's difficult when you can't see how you look without the lenses in. DH has worn glasses since childhood. Oh it's awful that your poor DH's foot is painful during the night. He is going to be worn out with it. Is one worse than the other? My DH had his headache back today unfortunately. Glad it will be quieter this week for you both.

Had a bit of a panic attack during the night. It's the whatifferies surfacing when I wake in the night. Just had a beach walk which I'm glad we made the effort as it felt good to get the fresh air. I know I'm lucky to be able to do it when I can.
Hope everyone's day has been OK.

Doodle I have a pair for distance (I have to wear them all the time) and a pair for reading - I've got spares of each, too. Have you ever tried bifocals or varifocals? I tried varifocals years ago - they were expensive - but couldn't get on with them, I felt dizzy and nauseous with them on. GD rang me this morning, thanked us for being with her last night . Has your DH got anything for his painful foot?

SweetpeaSue We've got 2 other Grandcats at Son2's. I bought all the Grandpets a Christmas present . We once had a fox visitor, many years ago, that used to come into our kitchen and be hand-fed. She turned up a few times with a pair of cubs. Foxes are so gorgeous. Your poor husband, if it's not one thing, it's another. He must get fed-up with it all. Nice that your son, like mine, is close by. Hope you get to see him next week for Mother's Day. Those intrusive thoughts in the night are horrible. Not long until your results, then at least you'll know what's what.

Had quite a lazy day, just a bit of washing and hoovering. Son2 and his little family called in for an hour, so that was nice. Hope everyone's been ok x

Night night xx

Doodle- glad the hoist is in situ and hope you can soon get out together and get the benefit from it. As you say an M & S coffee would be nice. We are very lucky to have a big one very close and we usually go once a week to get a few treats from the food hall.
It’s so hard chosing glasses isn’t it- I always feel a bit of a twit trying them on so like you feel rushed- if only you could see yourself properly in them without your glasses on 😩I have varifocals which I wear all the time and would be lost without them. Hope DH likes your new ones - sure he will.
Nanny- Ah it will be hard when your DS and family move away but before then you will have the joy of your new GC and getting to know him or her. You also have time to think about maybe moving near them and considering the future. Perhaps you could take a trip there before the baby comes so you can see the possibilities.
EllieAnne- glad you had a good walk and nice weather too. Being locked out must have been such a pain- not only that but the lack of empathy shown by your husband after you had been so considerate is unbelievable- pity you didn’t hammer the door down!!
Perhaps your DD has a lot on her mind and doesn’t want to worry you. Sometimes our AC don’t realise how much we need them too. Is it possible for you to take your GS out on his own sometimes and have some fun?
SweetPeaSue- A rainbow - such a beautiful sight- maybe a sign of better times to come for you and your DH.Did you take a photo?
I expect “Auntie” was pleased to see you- glad you were able to get out.
You must be pleased to have your DS home again- perhaps you need sometimes to talk with him about your health problems - he loves you and it might help lessen your worries. Sorry about the panic attack- those dreaded Whatifferies- wish they would just do one!! The beach must have been just what you needed - the sea always lifts your spirits- glad you have it so near.
HVDY- nice to have an evening with GC - both human and furry!! Foxie must have been glad when you got home.
It must have been special to have a fox family visit- yes they are beautiful.
So pleased you are able to see your boys and their families so often- so nice when they can just pop in.
Sometimes lazy days are just what we need- you do such a lot.
Nadateturbe- just glad to see you post. Hope you soon get your energy back.Take care.
Candy- hope you enjoyed your holiday.
Wyllow- always thinking of youx

Feel sad today for my friend who is sounding more and more confused each time I speak with her. Rang her last night and she sounds sadder and more lost each week. I know she has a good family but I put myself in her shoes alone,DH in H with Alzheimer’s and her own mental health deteriorating rapidly. I know many of you have had this experience but it makes you feel so helpless doesn’t it. It is so cruel and I fear for her.
Take care all- old friends and new and just reading. Wishing you peaceful times.

doodle ah my gorgeous binks. He now humps my arm 🤣 apparently its a dominance thing. He's so naughty. Constantly thumping the dogs!

Thank you everyone for your lovely words

Sweetpeasue it’s a shame they can’t do more to help your DHs pain. Sorry he’s got his headache back again. It’s lovely your son lives near by at least you can get to see him when he gets home.
I must admit when I was at the optician, with all that’s been going on recently I couldn’t actually care less what frames I had. Just wanted to pick something and get back to DH. I think they’ll be ok though.
Sorry you had a panic attack last night. Panic attacks are awful.
Try holding something very cold against your skin. It sometimes helps. Glad you got your beach walk. It helps to be by the sea.
HVDy I’ve tried varifocals but really couldn’t get to grips with them either. Now I stick to single vision ones.
Yes DH has oxycodone for his foot. Helps a bit.
Saw a picture in the paper the other day and thought of you. A little fox.
Scaredycat I have a very long narrow face and look awful in glasses (and not much better without 🤣)
I’m so sorry about your friend. It’s heartbreaking when people lose their memory especially in the early stages when they know something is wrong but aren’t really sure. You’re right it is such a cruel disease. Good she s got family though. Having someone to take care of the day to day stuff is a big help.
I’m about to go AWOl on Friday. DH has been asked to go jnto hospital for some pre op treatment. I will be staying nearby with no wifi so wont be able to be in touch. It’s all come as a bit of a surprise so now I dashing round trying to sort out everything we both need for a week or two away. Not as much fun as holiday packing for sure,

nanny your Binks has certainly come on since the early days when you found him. Hope all works out well for you, your son and family.
Wyllow sleep tight 😴 x

HVDY Having the fox cubs come
to the garden must have been so special.
I wonder if one of those cubs could be now an adult one still visiting you. You never know. Not seen my son yet .Usually leave them alone when he first returns. May see him tomorrow.
Scaredycat It must make you so sad to see your friend and so helpless too. She must have been much affected by her DH illness . It's such a tragic thing-Im so sorry. Only so much you can do , and are doing to support her so you are a good friend .It's good that she has a close family and that is worth so much.
I hope you're right about the rainbow ,thankyou, I'd like to think so. I hope to see my son tomorrow. He was out today with fiance shopping for wedding things . That is v much on their mind right now.
Doodle What a cute pic of the little fox, thankyou. I can understand you not caring too much about your glasses choice with so much else to think about. I'll remember the tip about the cold for panic attack. I don't often get them but sort of hyperventilate. I must remember the beach and it's magic more. You will be missed while away. I'm sure you will be quite organised even if caught on the hop. Wishing you both well and a speedy recovery for your DH's treatment. I will be thinking about you.
Nanny So pleased to hear Binks is still around with his naughty antics to make you smile. He sounds a right character and much loved. Take care of yourself .
Nadateturbe Thinking of you and hoping you're OK
Wyllow Lots of love and hoping you get a restful night.x

Got in to Dentist this morning because of a root canal filled tooth(as yet uncrowned) causing problems. I was dreading going but it was OK. I've felt exhausted since waking up this morning (bowel pain) so spent 2hrs in bed this afternoon. Still churning tummy but guess expected.

Wishing all a peaceful night and love to any not mentioned.x

Continuing thanks for good wishes - still not able to "speak" out but thinking of you all xx

ScaredyCat That's so sad about your friend and her husband. Dementia is terrible. You're a good friend to her, and it sounds as though she's got a supportive family, too. Not much you can do to help but just be there, at this stage.

Nanny2507 Has Binks been neutered? I've only ever had one male cat (several females) but he never did that.

Doodle Thanks, I love that picture . You have such a lot to cope with, hope all goes well with your packing and being away. Obviously, hope everything goes well with your husband.

SweetpeaSue This fox now was a cub (not a tiny one but perhaps a few months old) in July when he/she first turned up (during the daytime when we were having a BBQ). Hope your stomach settled down yesterday and that perhaps you might see your son soon.

Hope ALL BDers have a decent day today. x

Nanny- Binks sounds a bit of a lad!! Our last cat had been neutered but still made advances sometimes- to my DH.!
How many dogs do you have? Sounds like Binks keeps them on their toes too.
SweetPeaSue- hope you,ve seen your Son today. I had forgotten he was getting married- yes they must have lots to do towards the Wedding every time he’s home . Have you got your outfit yet? I knew somebody who used to breathe into a paper bag when she had a panic attack but that’s ok if you happen to have one handy!
Glad the dentist trip was uneventful - it’s lovely when you come out afterwards isn’t it. A rest in bed is a good idea - stress is very tiring. Hope your tummy has settled down now.
Yes we are very sad about both our friends. Wish she lived closer but we try to visit every couple of weeks.
Doodle- you have much to do this week in preparation for Friday. I hope whatever the treatment your DH is going to have will be successful and he is comfortable in the hospital. Hope too you have pleasant accommodation and are able to get to the Hospital easily. We will miss you but the most important thing is that you look after yourself and try to rest and eat well in between visiting DH. Take care and love to you both.
HVDY- yes it is unbearably sad as my friends have had a very long and loving marriage . I hope your SiL is being seen after well in her new home.
We,ve had our eldest GD with us today while the kids are at school and she has a day off. We had a day of nostalgia looking at all the old photos from my Nan up to present day and videos of her and her sisters when they were little. She was amazed how smartly dressed everyone was in the 40,s - it was such a nice day.
Nadateturbe- hope today is a better one for you and you feel a bit stronger.
Wyllow- I think we all think of you every day- thank you for your posts so good to hear from you.xx