Black Dog 19

I didn’t sleep last night. Exhausted. I’m going to take a painkiller and antihistamine (just one of each) and hopefully that will knock me out for a few hours. So excuse me if I leave it for tonight. And thanks again

My husband, He has dementia.

Derby when we feel that low it’s easy to think that we’re the only one and to feel isolated. Truth is many have felt as you do now, not wanting to go on. Something happens that tips us over the edge. It can come right again. If you don’t mind me asking are you on your own or is someone with you?

Doodle thank you. I’m on a knife edge at the moment. But I’d never ruin Christmas for my family. PS a laugh…my black sense of humour I did ring Samaritans and held on for 20 minutes before giving up.

Wyllow hope things improve for you soon x

Derby glad you came back. It’s difficult to know how to respond but this is a public forum and sometimes it’s difficult to give more information.
Many of us have felt very low I think we’re just concerned tha if you feel that bad you will try and seek help from someone.
Take care.

Whiff as always you try and help Everyone. Hope you’re ok yourself.
Nadateturbe hope you gain some more strength soon and feel better. Christmas brings its own stresses.
Ellie Anne nice post and so true. We do all worry about our families but each generation has its problems I believe. Hope your DGD is ok and the school have done something to help.
HVDy hope you had a nice lunch with your family.
Do you use any thickening mousse on your hair, it might help the curls hold.
Scaredycat I wonder if we all have a good side and a bad side of our hair, I know I do. Funny enough my hairdresser finds my good side difficult and my bad side easier 🤣
Sorry your friend is so unhappy. Alzheimer’s is such an awful illness. I love the sound of your little houses. Just the sort of thing I like.
Sweetpeasue I think I got those heated rollers for my 21st 🤣
Had hair like Shirley Temple.
Sounds like you had a good day and a nice trip out this morning.
I wrote all my Christmas cards and posted them today. DH has been sleep almost all day. I think the painkillers have wiped him out.

Thanks to those who took the time to reply. Yes, there’s perhaps too much going on and I’m not the sort of person to say a lot. Some of you understood what I meant about the world my grandchildren will inherit.

I’ll try to come back after Christmas and perhaps a GP.

Derby other here have tried to be helpful and understanding but without more information it’s difficult to know what to say. Please contact the Samaritans or someone who you can talk to privately if you don’t feel you want to air your problems on GN. Like others have said please contact your GP to seek help.

Nadateturbe Sorry about all this brain fog and neck pain. Christmas can be stressful enough. I hope it settles down before your neurology appt. Don't worry about posting.Take care of yourself. x

HVDY A trad Sunday carvery is my own favourite. (Sorry just realised it was Scaredycat talking of the roast) Hope you enjoyed whatever it was and the company of family. There are so many hair appliances now.Do you remember when everyone used Carmen heated rollers? They seemed to hold a curl/wave yet I always seemed to have the curl in wrong places.
Scaredycat Lovely words for Derby.
Oh you must feel so helpless faced with your poor friend's awful situation. It is extremely sad and coping with such a terrible thing I can't imagine. You often say all the right words so I'm sure you are a great help to your friend.
Doodle Like Scaredycat, I hope you and your DH have had a quiet day with no extra stresses.

We went out for a coffee and t-cake this morning.Had quiet afternoon reading and writing cards. Should have had a walk but it's so terribly windy so didn't go. Tum is churning so taken Buscopan.
Hope everyone has had a reasonable day.x

Sweetpeasue Scaredycat HVDY
Thanks for your good wishes.
I'm feeling very stressed for some reason since having the neck and head pain. And my head gets confused very easily. So this time of year isn't helping. I feel so stupid. I'm sure I'll settle down after Christmas. I hope so, I have a neurology appointment soon.
Sorry I can't post to everyone, I couldn't manage it but I am thinking of you all.
Sending love.x

Derby- you must have felt so desperate and sad to write your post. I think you are very depressed and need to contact your GP or somebody who can listen and give you some help. You sound without hope and without that life is so difficult. I think you were meaning not that you wish you hadn’t had your family but that the world as it is now is filling you full of fear for their future. They will deal with whatever life throws at them as young and old people too have had to do since time began. They need you to love them and be there for them and share all the good times and bad. Most of us here have had sadness and trauma in our lives but the world is a wonderful place and good people far outweigh the bad. There is always someone here to listen.

Nadateturbe- so glad to see your post I was getting worried about you. I,m sorry you are having problems - you must be very uncomfortable and tired. Hope things improve soon.
SweetPeaSue- I loved what you said about the flowers- so true. Hope you are having a good day today.
HVDY- hope you have a nice lunch with Son1 and the girls including GF. Will it be a Sunday Roast?
I have fine hair too and one side does as I ask it and the other does its own thing!!
Meant to wrap some pressies this afternoon but called my friend instead - so sad to hear her crying with the distress of her DH being hospitalised with his Alzheimer’s.
Doodle- hope you and DH are having a restful day. It’s so nice with the Xmas lights on isn’t it. We have some little pottery houses with real candles inside - I love them and imagine little people in them . I really should get out more!!
Love to all

nadateturbe Hope you soon feel better.

How is everyone else? DH and I are going out for lunch with Son1, his girls and his GF. I bought a heated brush thing (Braun) and have been trying to do my hair. It's so fine, the curls won't hold, so I've been swearing to myself - DH just sits there . Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Thanks Sweetpeasue. hope you're OK.

* Nadateturbe* Been wondering how you have been. Sorry you're having a really tough time of it. I wish our bodies wouldn't give us so much grief!
Hoping you feel better soon. Sending a hug.x

Derby I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad right now. It can be a v black place to be and an extremely lonely place. It may be your own circumstances, that is difficult to talk about here that have led to you feeling so low or nothing in particular has caused it. If you are clinically depressed you will find it difficult to see anything worthwhile or good about the world. If you are feeling v desperate there are crisis lines ,like Samaritans and Shout where you may find someone who can talk to you in those desperate moments.
When you're depressed you can't' see' the flowers let alone smell them or see the sun . But they are still there.
Please try and get to see your GP and let them know as there are antidepressants that are known to help whatever your situation.
Take care and pop in whenever you feel like it. x

Derby I can't imagine how low you are feeling to think the world is so bad that you're sorry you had children and grandchildren, who have to live in it. Please don't give up. My daughter reminded me recently of things that are better now.
Please talk to your doctor or ring a helpline. People on here will be able to recommend what help is available.
Hello BDs, sorry I'm not posting. Not coping physically very well at the minute. Love to you all.

Derby You are obviously very depressed. Is there a particular reason why? On this thread, we've all had, or got, anxiety and/or depression. Come back and try again.

Ellie Anne I was concerned Derby was suicidal . And 4 lines saying she didn't want to be here and wished she hadn't had children and grandchildren because of the state of the world.

It doesn't explain why she is feeling that way there was no content and without that how can anyone help.

The world has been has it always has been rich get richer,poor poorer, wars ,climate change,people not getting the health care they need etc. It's just every is instant now. We used to have to wait for the news on the radio and TV and read newspapers. Now with technology we know what happens straight away.

There is no point worrying about what ifs. It's the now that we have to deal with the best way we can.

Derby if you stay on here you will find that people are kind and understanding. Whiff was concerned about your mental health because you sounded suicidal.
I think all of us with children and grandchildren worry about the world they are living in and what may happen in the future. But they are not the only generation to live in difficult times.
I hope you find what you are looking for.

Forget it,

Derby I do understand that feeling of not wanting to be here. I was bullied everyday for 5 years at high school verbal and physical. Because I was the quite ,fat, girl who fell down all the time.

You sounded suicidal . I felt that but I was a child. You said you wished you hadn't had children or grandchildren. So it shows you are not young but older. But to wish you never had children and grandchildren is awful. I hope you never show or tell them that.

Many on here have felt they didn't want to be here anymore. But no one has ever wished they hadn't had their children or grandchildren. Children do not ask to be born you choose to have them. And now you say you wish you had never had them. Because of the world. Your post was just a few lines. You didn't explain why you where feeling this way apart from the state of the world.

People on GN have had their children die young or as adults and left young children and it has broken them . No parent wants to outlive their children.

It breaks your heart to read their utter hopelessness at not being able to take their place.

So if you want help and understanding than explain why you feel the way you do. A few lines saying you don't want to be here and wish you hadn't children or grandchildren why did you think I for one would understand that.

My husband was looking forward to being a grandad he never lived to see them. He never lived to see the people they became or get married and he would be so proud of the fact both couples brought their own homes without any financial help from parents as some children have. I couldn't help them. They did it the way we did through hard work and doing without.

You will get help and understanding but you need to explain why you feel like you do. And it can't just be the state of the world. There has to be more.

Whiff

Derby the world is not horrible it's just certain people. Your wish not to linger in this horrible world worries me. It sounds as if you are suicidal if you are feeling like that please phone a helpline or a loved one straight away.

Never wish you never had children or grandchildren. Sorry but to me that's a wicked thing to say. My husband died at the age of 47 from cancer nearly 20 years ago. My husband lives on in my children and my 5 grandson's DNA.

Having our children was a great joy in our life. And he was looking forward to being a granddad one day. I have been disabled from birth. My husband was fit and healthy but he got cancer and from the start he was told he wouldn't live 5 years he lived 3. Our children where 20 and 16 when their dad died.

Life is hard but well worth living to the full. I live a full life for me and my husband who I still grieve over everyday.

My son estranged me in 2020 and I don't see my 3 grandson's by him. But I never regret having him. My husband and I made him together he was as much wanted as our daughter was.

To wish you never had your children or grandchildren is awful. You should be grateful you have them. My best friend and her husband tried for years and she had 5 miscarriages before they where told they would never have children. They had a strong married and made a life together . Sadly he died a year ago.

There is so much beauty in the world and so many wonderful people. My friends and family are a great joy in my life. All the ones on GN enhance my life as well.

If you only look at the dark you miss all the light.

Thank you for that. Did you think it would help me in anyway to judge my feelings as ‘awful’ and to tell me how I ‘should’ feel.

I sort of posted on here hoping for a bit of understanding.

Night night, dear BD's.