Black Dog 17

Just popping in quickly to say thank you HVDY that is very reassuring re brain.
Not ignoring others. Back later.

Broke my barriers and rung DS.

There is so much on gransnet about relationships with AC I've learnt a lot - realistic expectations, getting what you can, not wanting what you cant...
They are having difficulties getting extra care help for DGD. (nearly blind, epileptic, learning disabilities and Cerebral palsy) as she gets older its more difficult. They are doing so well!

I cant help out - but I can appreciate them and say so.

Scaredycat yes it did. I was reading in the paper today about another fallout from lockdown in all the children who are finding it hard to go to school. I think fast track is used quite often to rule out something serious. Thank goodness we have such a resource. Ugh earwigs. I really hate those. 😱
nadateturbe hope you get a response from the consultant. DH and I have tried writing a few times and had nothing back.
Yes DHs legs do cause him a lot of trouble but better than they have been. Like you, I doubt we’ll fly anywhere again.
Have a lovely time in your caravan. That photo is gorgeous. Where is it?
HVDY that must have been frightening to hear you have a brain tumour. Good news that it’s benign. No nothing for the neuropathy other than pain killers.
Yes we did walk by the river. Not far but it was nice.
Oh dear mum will be exhausted if she keeps up that schedule . Still everyone has a different approach and she must do what she thinks is right. Your lunch out sounds nice.
Wyllow good you are getting on with the counsellor. Trust is an important thing. Hope you get some rest tonight, a busy day.

Wyllow3. I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry to hear about your dear granddaughter. That is so very sad. For everyone. It must be so hard for them and worrying about the future too. I'm glad you rang.

A lovely afternoon HVDY. Nice lunch and no washing up. I love when best door's cat comes to visit. He's quite young and loves being cuddled.
Your DiL is very good. I couldn't have done feeding on demand. I think today's mothers think much more about everything.
Wyllow3 I agree. Consultants should explain everything they tell you, or say, if something isn't clear, because sometimes you need to process information, feel free to make another appointment. (In a perfect world!).
It sounds like you have a counsellor whom you have realised you trust and can move forward with. I used to pay for one as did my daughter and it was money well spent. And it sounds like you know what you want to achieve, which is good.
The chant is very soothing. Just googled plainchant. I've learnt something new.

Ive tried several times to try and answer all your posts but I cant do it. Really sorry but I feel selfish coming in and talking about me. Absolute exhaustion following appt with MH nurse for myself and DH. V deep things discussed and stuff I preferred DH not to know. Feel Im burden on him and just dont want to live. Took med for pain and Diazapam for agitation. All wearing off now.
I'm sorry. Shouldnt have posted but thank you all for caring.

Of course post, Sweetpeasue, you must, you must. Writing yourself into the world however difficult and no ned for sorry.

And yes, definitely spaces where you can say things that you can't with DH.

It's always been that way for me with partners/family and always will. Take the not wanting to live struggles out from yourself as you are not alone.

(nadateturbe I know enough about world music to realise that it would seem that much early music from many cultures was this kind of meditative and repetitive sound. Community and worship?)

Wyllow your post wasn’t there when I posted mine. I too am so sorry to hear about your granddaughter and the problems your son and family are having getting help.
Must be so hard for all of you. Good you rang them at least they know you care.
Sweetpeasue you know you don’t have to post to everyone and we do want to hear how you are. Perhaps it will help your DH to understand more of what you are going through. That could help him. I’m sure you are not a burden and he would be lost without you.
This is the start of you talking about things. It’s hard to say out loud our innermost thoughts but sometimes it good for those we love to know how we feel. In the past I haven’t understood how DH has felt about things until he’s opened up about his fears and worries. It helps me to know how best I can support him. Hugs x

Tjankyou so much Wyllow and Doodle. My husband doesn't, never has 'opened up' much. Its hard. Thankyou both.

Doodle its good to hear that MrD shares now.

Its not easy for many blokes.....

Sweetpeasue - it's a tough one, when you're struggling like you are, about sharing and what to share to whom even those closest.

I do believe from what you say, he cares a great deal. Maybe what matters atm is that he has a chance to talk to your MH people - it might help him open up -I think you said he had already a bit?

My first Ex loved me a lot but couldn't open up to MH people, he felt he had to be the coper looking back.

but you cant force it?

Thanks for those thoughts. Its complicated isn't it? I just find it difficult to cope beyond my own head. There doesn't seem to be anything left over for anyone else. I feel in a complete bubble.

Not to feel guilty, Sweetpeasue. It's necessary at times. it's not selfish, its survival. Anyone who has been through it understands.

Night night S.P. and all BD's

That's the wonderful thing about this thread. I feel a fraud sometimes posting here as you are all going through so much pain mentally and physically plus caring for loved ones .

But I know I can because you welcome anyone .

Sweetpeasue you are not selfish posting here. You need to get things out in the open and here you can . You are safe here no judgement just caring, support and friendship.

This thread is a lifeline for so many people. Not just posters but people who read it. They know they aren't alone it's because you are all so honest about how you feel. And willing to share your life experiences. Things everyone can relate to.
That's why this thread is so long lasting and why it's always needed.
💞

Sweet pea sue you post whatever you need to. We are here to listen. My dh doesn’t open up and now neither do I.
I can talk to my friends about my problems but not to dh and most of the family. I’ve had a glass of wine and I really want another. But then I start eating rubbish. I’ve not had an actual meal since Saturday. Just sandwiches toast etc and chocolate snacks.
Son 2 and little grandson are taking me out for lunch on sat. I’ve a birthday coming up but I don’t like fuss or attention. That sounds so ungrateful but it’s the stress of pretending. Hope you all have as good a night as possible.

nadateturbe Lovely photo. Oh, how nice to have a visiting friendly cat .

Doodle Glad you managed to get out for a walk. It's good to get a bit of fresh air when possible. It makes me sleep a bit better. The weather doesn't look very promising here today. We're meant to be seeing Son1 and girls, so perhaps we'll go somewhere where there's an indoor place.

Wyllow3 Glad you spoke to your son. Life must be busy and challenging with a disabled child to care for. Poor mite, I hope she and the family get the extra help she needs.

SweetpeaSue You're not selfish, you're trying to cope with a lot. Your husband obviously loves you a lot, and is trying to understand, too. Keep posting, we all care.

EllieAnne The odd couple of glasses of wine and some chocolate won't harm you - unless it's a bottle every night. You need to eat ppoper food - protein, especially, so could you have egg or beans on toast, or a tuna salad, something like that? I get anxious about going out, don't know why, but when I'm there, I enjoy it. Hope you have a nice time with your son and his little boy tomorrow.

Hope all BDers manage to have a decent day x

Ellie Anne how I agree about fusses being made! But I hope it goes well.

And yes often true HVDY "I get anxious about going out, don't know why, but when I'm there, I enjoy it."

Today woke after surprisingly good sleep totally cream crackered so going with it. Hoping my mind frees about being kind to myself this day, that I stacked up enough internal brownie points yesterday! Atm I feel sick if I eat anything but a day giving tum a rest won't do a lot of harm.

Sorry, just going out. Sweetpeasue sending hugs.x

Hello everyone.
Sweetpeasue I often feel I must be a burden as my husband spends a lot of time looking after me. But really we know they love us and want to care for us, as we would for them.
Don't worry about others, all your energy and thoughts are for you at the minute and that is perfectly understandable, and as it should be.
Whiff what a good post about how important this thread is. I hope you are well.
Wyllow3 I hope you're having a restful day after yesterday. Isn't it annoying to sleep so well and still feel tired? Happens to me sometimes. ³
Go easy on the tum. As long as you have fluids. I know you like white wine which unfortunately can irritate the stomach. Do you not like red?
EllieAnne it's good you can talk to friends, but it's a shame you can't with your family. Although tbh, sometimes I confide more in my best friend. Please try to eat something nourishing.
Sandwiches are fine, but you need some protein and vegetables. I have chocolate every day, although only 2 (big) squares . Satisfies the craving.
It must be awful having to pretend all the time. I'm not sure what you mean. . I know I often do a little, but not to the extent that you seem to have to, or Wyllow3.
I hope you enjoy lunch out, it's nice to be treated.

I think a lot of men find it difficult to open up and talk about feelings. It takes a lot of persuasion.

Doodle hope you are having an OK day.
HVDY hope you find somewhere suitable indoors and enjoy your afternoon.
Hello Candy and any others. Hope your day is pleasant.

We had a short walk in the park here in Newcastle. Called into the library where a very talented young photographer who is autistic is having an exhibition. We bought calendars for the children and two framed photos. Lovely young man, with very caring supportive family. Thanked us for supporting him and asked could he give us a hug. We said yes, of course, being huggy people.🙂

This is Hares Gap a place we used to climb to. You can't really see, but it's very high with wonderful views.

Aw, what a heart warming trip nadateturbe. Lovely.

Hey, hadnt realised that re red and white wine, I'll definitely check that out. come to think of it, my BiL (gastroenterologist husband of g. sis) has just one glass of red each evening, not white.

Slept all morning so that was a good start. So far brain is being kind and accepting.

Its official, in studies,

"If you're going to drink alcohol, make it red wine. That's been the growing consensus for a while, and a new study adds to that argument. Researchers in the United Kingdom say that people in their study who drank red wine had healthier levels of bacteria in their gut than people who drank other types of alcohol."

Interesting Wyllow3. Thanks. I never drink white. It may not make a difference but worth a try.

The Mendelssohn concerto was lovely.

I mentioned Baroque music as calming for me: here’s a favourite
www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzF11RsxcWg
Vedrò con mio diletto (Jakub Józef Orliński)

(Whole CD)
Anima Sacra

Wyllow- I,m sorry to hear the extent of your DGD problems. Poor little soul she has a lot to cope with but am I right that you enjoy phone chats together ?
It seems unbelievable that help for them is so difficult to access.
You do help them by giving your support and loving them.
Glad you had a good sleep- it’s funny how sleeping better can make you feel shattered isn’t it - but it does you good anyway.
I think red wine is less acidic than white wine so maybe it would suit you better. WhenI used to drink it was always red wine that I loved - DH still enjoys it and I love to sniff it and have a little sip to remember. Perhaps your BiL can recommend one that he enjoys.
Doodle- you and your DH have a very loving and understanding relationship I think . It’s so good that you can talk together as you do and give much support to each other.
Many men find it so hard to open up I believe.
Glad you got by the river - did,you go to the cafe?
SweetPeaSue- please keep posting and sharing we all care about you and like to know how you are- no need to worry how or what you post .
I,m sure your appointment wasn’t easy for you but perhaps it helped DH understand better and feel included. I,m sure he would never consider you a burden- he loves you and needs you as you do him.
Whiff- as always a kind and insightful post.
EllieAnne- it’s a while since Saturday. You need to start including more nutritious food into your diet - as HVDY and Nadaturbe said protein ,fruit and veggies. Tomorrows lunch out with your Son and GS will be a good start- hope you enjoy it.
Don’t worry about the wine and chocs - a little of what you fancy does you good!!!
I know what you mean about fuss and attention though. My worst nightmare would be a surprise party 😩
Nadaturbe- you bought a beautiful photo. He is a talented young man . It’s so good how he leads you through the gate towards the path and beyond. What a great reminder for you both of past adventures. Thank you for showing us.
DH and I went to Newcastle a few years ago and loved it- especially by the river. What a great place to live.
Whiff- as always a kind insightful post.
HVDY- Hope you have found somewhere nice to go to today with your Son and GS. And that your legs aren’t too uncomfortable for you.
I get anxious about going out too but so often the thinking is worse than the doing isn’t it and it’s worth the effort involved .
Maybe you,ll get a visiting cat as well as foxy🤞

Love to all and hope the weekend is kind to you all.