Warbler - what can I say?
You have certainly been there , done that AND got the T shirt.
You could go on Mastermind with PF as your specialist subject.
I too know that I am overweight, and am trying to address that but it’s hard to feel like exercise when you can’t put your foot(feet) on the floor!
You seem to have covered every angle and I sincerely hope you find the relief you need 
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