Black Dog 15

Hello all.
HVDY- oh sorry you had a painful time this morning. Results do take a long time don’t they . Love fish and chips and think mushy peas go best. Enjoy a nice quiet sleep tonight.
SweetPeaSue- so pleased to hear you,ve been better today. I,m useless at growing anything but a couple of years ago I just put a few potatoes in the ground and was so surprised what pretty flowers they had and even got a few baby pots. Your buckets will look lovely. Hope Auntie was well- she must have been pleased to see you.
My sister is very happy to be home but not able to do very much at the moment. Will FT her on Sunday.
Doodle- I,m sorry that DH has been diagnosed with AF but hope the cardioversion will do the trick for him. I had one about 6 years ago and then put on meds. Hope the planned treatment helps control it.
Felt a bit better today and had a little walk and a bit of shopping. Get so tired though and still feel very nauseous from Covid.
Glad you had a visit from your friend - good to catch up I bet.
Hope you have a quiet night.
Wyllow- hope you,ve had a pleasant day and managed to meet up with your nice Ex.
Love to all

Doodle It was good that the nurse got back to you so quickly. It can leave you a bit up in the air having to wait over the weekend for more information. I'm glad that they've found a reason for your DH's problems and a way forward. I really hope that the treatment will sort out the heart issues and you can both look forward to better days. Are your DH's legs less swollen now? I'm sure you are both hoping for a time with a break away from so many health worries. I'm glad that everyone has been helpful.
We have a small grassed area with a plum tree at the bottom. We stand the buckets we grow potatoes in on our concrete area. You wouldnt think it possible to grow them in buckets but it works. Its not a money saving thing to do but nice to see results.
*Scaredycat' Hope you are beginning to feel better today and less tired. How is your sister doing at home?
Wyllow Hope you've been ok today and recovered a little. Just done those gentle stretches from your video.

Hope everyone's had a reasonable day and is ok.

HVDY so sorry some of the tests were painful. You may be right. DH’s tests didn’t hurt but he had nerve damage.
I bet the fish and chips cheered you up. Mushy or ordinary peas? I’m one of the few people who like both.
Sweetpeasue glad you’ve had a better day. Do you grow a lot in your garden? Must be nice to have some veg you’ve grown yourself.
Wyllow funny you should ask, we weren’t expecting any results for a week or so but the nurse phoned up this afternoon. DH’s case has been discussed with two consultant cardiologists who agreed what DH’s problem was and how their going to treat it. It is some form of AF. They are going to shock his heart back into rhythm in about four weeks time and then in a few months do something very clever with electrical impulses. She explained it all but it’s too much detail to go into here.
They seem to think that will make a difference. They have all been so supportive and helpful.
How have you been today? Did you get to meet up with your friend? I hope so.
I had friend round this afternoon for coffee.
Scaredycat DH is copying you a bit in having a form of AF.
Hope you’ve had a better day today. It’s been torrential rain here. Have you been out?
Ellie Anne always think of you when the weekend approaches. Wish you had something nice to look forward to.
How is your DD doing at the moment, are you going to visit her soon?

HVDY Oh you must be so glad to get that over with. Did they warn you it might be painful. So sorry. The fish and chips must have been very welcome after that. They have been so quick to to get to this stage.
I've been ok today thankyou. Went to tiny garden place for compost to plant potatoes in buckets and to auntie's this afternoon. Very windy here. Hope everyone is ok too.

How's everyone getting on? It's been a mixture of weather here - sun, rain, hailstones. I had the nerve conduction tests done - a couple of them were really very painful, which I assume means those particular nerves are working well. I'll get the results in 4-6 weeks, I was told. We'd missed lunch, so called in at a pub we like on the way back, and had fish, chips and peas. Hope everyone is ok x

Ellie Anne don’t worry. Easily done we understand.
Sorry your not too good. Sending you a hug 🤗

I seem to have clicked report a post without knowing how to do it. I can’t see how to find out. If it’s yours I’m sorry. My head is all over the place.

I understand completely that feeling of needing the alone time and needing own bed. As much as we dearly love family they do lead life at a faster pace and its something that Ive found can be tiring, let alone anyone like yourself with CFS and just coming out of a broken relationship. That must be so very hard. You are doing amazing with all you have to cope with. BTW your memory may be better than mine. Its difficult to recall when we're in stressful times. Take care.

I just seem to recall a time when you were not as positive, Sweetpeasue? but I get feelings now and then about my own excellent counsellor - when one is down and hurt nothing seems at the point to hit the mark.
Oh yes, atm you want to be in the most comfortable place, home. Sorry about mistaken re the nerve pain. My memory is rather impaired atm.

I doubt about going away seeing my own lovely family how will I cope etc etc but thats part of my journey about trust and being loved and wishing I could be more active and fully enjoy.

And especially at nights when I want my own bed.

I have to pretend to a certain extent that I am mentally better than I am. Too precious a link to let it all hang out there.

Wyllow Ive always got on with this counsellor. Not sure if I can remember when I didn't. Sorry if I'm wrong. We used to go to cottages in Wales, Scottish borders or Lakes and tour about areas. Covid/op put end to that. Be pointless at present as the pain attacks too frequent. I've not been sent anywhere yet for neurologi al investigations though if I can get appt at Pain Management think they can offer treatment but not sure if they diagnose. Possible for Gynaecologist to recognise nerve pain through pelvic area but not sure if that would indicate a previous lack of care with op. I don't think they would 'go there' and expect he will try to keep to bleeding /HRT aspect. I intend to ask him about abnormal uterus lining thickness though(being the same thickness as before last op) Hope you have good night. x

Whiff Only just seen your post. Those knitted pillar box covers are lovely, aren't they? Very cheerful, and someone has spent a lot of time doing them. There are some about 6 miles from me.

Doodle Sorry to hear about your husband's leg cramps - if he straightens his leg and pulls his toes towards him, that should help. Has the swelling of his legs gone down yet? I don't fancy jigsaws, but I might look at some painting by numbers or something like that.

SweetpeaSue I hope your husband won't be waiting too long to get to see a specialist. I'm glad you feel at ease with your counsellor. It's good to be able to talk freely and feel that the other person understands. Like you, I'd love to go on holiday but it's financially impossible at the moment, anyway.

Wyllow Hope you feel better tomorrow and can manage to see your ex.

Nadateturbe, Candy, EllieAnne, hope you're all ok.

It'll be a quiet night for me - DH will be in son's bed tonight again x

*

Hope so too, Doodle. I took a Tramadol, paracetamol doesn't touch it but T does and gives mood a little lift.

So whats happening with MrD as in - was it just this week he goes in? when will they let you know outcomes? Will there be feedback tomorrow or will you have to wait while they "discuss" ways ahead? Sorry last night wasn't so good and cross fingers for tonight.

HVDY very vey glad to hear of the prompt attention, really am. Fingers crossed for some help asap.

Jelly legs are a great description Scardeycat you must build up slowly and I wish for sun for little walks for you.

Sweetpeasue what I noticed is that you now feel your counsellor really does "get it". I recall a time when you weren't so sure. Yes I think there must be a great deal of strain for you both: and that when you can, and have the confidence, a little holiday break together preferably somewhere you both get looked after a bit not have to DIY ......tho I know that means facing people and you are not"there" yet..
....that is sometime away, tho I'll be interested to hear results of nerve stuff.

Best wishes all BD's present and just reading.

Doodle Another bad night for you both. If its not one thing its another! Hope you get a decent night's rest tonight. That blue badge would help I'm sure-hospital parking can be a mightmare. I hadn't realised those knitted creations were taking off in other countries too. What a scene to have them hanging in trees like that.
So hope you both sleep tonight Doodle. Not sure if tomorrow will be another early morning for you though hope not. 💐X

Wyllow you sound a bit like my mum. Although physically unable to do a great deal she was always active in her mind and would happily discuss politics or any other matter. She was always interested in people and very compassionate.
Yes it has been exhausting but can’t say DH hasn’t been very well looked after.
Glad you got to the gym then had a good sleep. Hopefully it did you good.
Do hope you have a good night tonight and have the energy to meet with your friend tomorrow.
Sweetpeasue thank you for the poem. Kindness is a wonderful characteristic to have.
I’m glad you have a good relationship with your counsellor. That means you can unburden yourself a bit and trust in her advice and support. I hope you get those extra sessions.
Whiff I love those knitted post box tops. One of the places we visited in Norway had knitted characters woven into their trees around the end of the fjord. Snails, women with hats and umbrellas. The most amazing knitted creations.
HvDY you really make me envious with your meals at the day centre. Don’t know about PIP but I’m sure he could get a blue badge. It’s just a long wait I think. 7 to 12 weeks. We need to apply.
I’ve got brown hair too. I think highlight would be nice. I’ve had blonde and red ones before.
Glad you’ve got appointments sorted at the hospital. DH had a nerve conduction test done too. His resulted in him being told he had peripheral neuropathy and explained his balance issues and walking problems.
Those sort of hobbies aren’t for everyone. What about jigsaws. My friend loves doing them. Or diamond art. That’s fun.
So pleased for your son. I bet you’ll be pleased to have your spare room back but miss him never the less. You’ve been so good to both your boys. They must have a good bond with you. Nice for him to get some new stuff for his new home.
Scaredycat yes I love the season when all the babies start to appear. I hope we are able to get out and see them. It’s been ages since we’ve been for even a simple walk.
It does take a while to rebuild confidence when you’ve been ill. Take it slowly. Good your GGS is coping with his diet.
We didn’t have a great night last night despite being really tired. Not RLS for a change but cramp probably due to the amount of fluid DH has lost. His legs have been aching all day today probably due to the muscle cramps last night which were quite severe.
Hope you all sleep well and hoping Wyllow you are able to meet up with your friend.

Whiff That is lovely. These knitters really bring a smile to people's faces. It's a great idea that seems to have started around the country I think. There are lots of knitted things tied all along the pier railings in little village near us. Thanks Whiff.
HVDY What a tasty menu today at centre. Old fashioned comfort food. It is good care and treatment at your hoslital. They deserved the good review you gave. Mixed day with pain but not severe all day. DH says he's v tired a lot.Nothing back from GP about contacting specialist, who said hed get back to him. Think DH is depressed about my unresolved pain and he feels helpless.Thought this might be yr we could finally get away but can't arrange so far. Hope the nerve tests on legs won't take too long tomorrow.

Wyllow Interesting what you said about poem and the routes we take to make life meaningful. Especially the kindness to ourselves, which hadnt thought of but I see it works both ways. Like Scaredycat can identify with mental pottering. Never rests though sometimes. Yes I do need to understand wherefore of pain so can guide health professionals in right direction as it's clear GP is taking one path at a time.At this rate Ill be 80 before reach conclusion. Oh I'm so sorry re CFS. That's so disappointing not able to meet ex. I can understand the frustration of not able to arrange things. Its a real problem. Might you feel better tomorrow after rest?
Scaredycat Glad you liked poem. Its true, I think, that kindness can cross all sorts of bridges between very different personalities, cultures and any difficulties in communication. Wasn't sure if to post it, really but thought no harm. I think you were amazingly brave to walk alone today. It may have been scary but you did it. Not a scaredycat at all. I so wish the AF would give it a rest though.

Saw counsellor this afternoon. Asking her supervisor for a couple more sessions and a couple of 'follow ups'. She agrees my MH has been tracking the physical health and rising and dipping since first session (about July)
Told her of secondary MH referral and my concerns. We have such a good relationship I feel she is a real friend and confident in her understanding me even when I might be all over the place.

Doodle Candy*EllieAnne *Nadateturbe and all hope youre all ok.

ScaredyCat Your post must have gone through when I was typing mine. I usually colour my hair myself, but I'll ask the hairdresser about streaks. Son2 will only be 2 miles away, so not far at all (Son1 is 7 miles away). Your GS is coping well with his diet then. Poor boy. How long will that be for?

Wyllow3 Sorry your CFS is bad today and that you're not feeling well. I hope that with a decent rest, plenty of fluids and perhaps Paracetamol(?), you'll be a lot better tomorrow.

It was sausage, mash and veg at the day centre, then treacle sponge and custard. Nice. Whilst there, the hospital rang me, asked me to go tomorrow to see a Neurologist and have nerve function tests on my legs. I'm amazed as such speedy service! I wondered (quite cynically) if that's because they ballsed things up when I was in hospital (gave me the wrong drug, etc).

Doodle How are things with you and your husband?
SweetpeaSue How are you today? And your husband?

Hope all BDers have managed to have a decent day x

Hello all.
SweetPeaSue- what a lovely poem. For me Kindness is more important than anything. Kindness to others and as Wyllow says kindness to ourselves - not always easy to achieve.
Glad you were able to get out to Book Club- it’s unexplainable isn’t it how we can randomly have a good day but they are precious and to be made the most of.
I can understand your fear - I,m scared that my AF will stay permanent like it is at the moment. But it’s best to take one day at a time . You are strong and will deal with whatever happens.
Doodle- hope they can get to the bottom of DH Heart Rate problem. It must make him so tired and you too seeing him experiencing it.
Hope you are having a more restful day today and enjoying just being at home. I expect there will soon be baby swans and ducklings to watch on your river.
I went for a solo walk this morning as DH is at the gym. I have lost so much confidence walking I had to give myself a good talking to while I was out. Felt like a walking jelly.
My GGS is getting on well with his liquid diet and being really grown up about it. Must be very hard for him at school but they have made things as easy as they can for him.
Thank you for asking.
Wyllow- I love that expression mental pottering. I expect there is always a lot going on in your head- there certainly is in mine.
It isn’t easy adjusting to the changes in our physical abilities- I am actually that age you feel and it’s not a barrel of laughs but I do believe in use it or lose it. Unless of course it’s not possible.
You do such a lot with your condition - maybe if you have a proper rest today you might be able to have your meet up tomorrow.
HVDY- blonde highlights sound good- do,you do them yourself? I did some years ago for one of my Grandaughters - I remember putting silver foil on the treated strands.
It’s a shame your U3a doesn’t have many interest groups- ours has many and varied ones that suit people of all abilities . I ,m in a photography group- fun photography not technical.
Ah you will miss your boy- he sounds fun.
Whiff- that post box is so sweet - I love street art of any kind.
Hope you have a nice rest this afternoon.
Love to allxx

(he comes by train from another city and has one commitment in my city before meeting me but its miles away)

I just love those post boxes, there is one on the way to the gym. Great urban cheer.

Very poorly CFS today. Overdid it yesterday 30mins treadmill at 10pm (mind you did sleep well) but I really thought I'd be Ok with a walk in the woods this moming, only 37 mins.
Like heavy flu symptoms and it means tomorrow's plans have to be reconsidered which was to meet nice first EX for a coffee. If I'm very good and do literally nothing it might be OK, Unfortunately he hasn't a car so cant pop by. (thought - offer to pay for taxi)
Grumble, moan.

As you were...

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Just a quick pop on as I am very tired after craft group. This is on a post box near to where I live.

That poem does reach the heart of what might bring content, however hard to reach. And it tracks the various routes by which in our lives we might have sought a way to “make things OK” in the mental pain.

But I’d say, here, in BD’s, that its often kindness to ourselves that is often hardest to achieve.

Hi HVDY the CT scan will take forever, things are not critical enough bowl wise to fast forward. I’m glad you’ve had that blood test - hope it will turn out to be helpful. Your family news is good - when I think of the terrible troubles not so long ago, things have come a long way and you have had a big part in it. (and you'l get the spare room back for sleeps)

I’m rarely bored. Often very frustrated, but that’s different. either in just coping mode, (or not coping mode which is sort of scary but not boring), or I’m just too interested in politics and some culture and stuff and the world around me or listening to music or just what makes people tick is endlessly interesting. I suppose being bi-polar is part of that: I’m fortunate in having a lot of education (which I’ve not been able to use to have any kind of career at all, or work for many years in my life) but does give me a curious if troubled mind.

I suppose I do a lot of mental pottering!

But yes atm often feel 80 health wise and resent that. I haven’t entirely given up the hope that someone else might appear in my life - that’s a ??? still at 72.

But we are all very different. what works for me won’t work for you Candy, and there is no better or worse way of being life-wise expect to find the best for us as individuals. Your challenge is perhaps how to cope with when active things are not possible?

My goodness Doodle that is so full on! Exhausting! I’m so glad that extensive tests are being done. I’m holding you both in the light that something will come out of the week Cath enables youth to lead a better and more stable life, knowing where you are and what’s needed for MrD to best thrive.

Sweetpeasue I’m so glad you were able to do what you did today. Above all you need to understand, don’t you? What is going on that it can vary so? the fear that it will always be this way is very understandable because of your levels of pain.

It was yet another bad night but I upped and went to the gym so that was enough. I think I accidentally took extra meds as had a good afternoon sleep. Well, it was much needed.

Best wishes to all BD's, posting, and reading xx

SweetpeaSue I'm glad you felt ok to go to your book club. I think perhaps the reason you felt ok today was due to taking the Oramorph (the effects usually last 12 - 24 hours). It's probably time I had a different hair colour . It's mi-brown now, but I might put some blonde highlights in next week. I've bee extremely impressed by the service of this hospital department (and I gave them an excellent online review).

Doodle Would your DH be eligible for PIP? He'd automatically qualify for a blue badge then. I've got one, and it's very useful, especially for parking at hospitals (we can't usually get a disabled space but at least don't have to pay for parking). I wouldn't be interested in knitting. I can't walk far (200 years or so before I need to sit). I joined U3A but the meetings around here were mainly walking. I'm just having one of those days, it'll pass. Thanks though x

Son2 has got a completion date for his house - 2 weeks today. He'll need to buy furniture, having given a lot to his brother, so I think we'll be lodger - free in 3 weeks. I'll miss having a laugh with him (he snorts when he laughs) but not him keep creeping up behind me and shouting "Woo!". The clown .

Hope all BDers have a restful night x

Doodle I never saw your post. I tried to transfer poem with copy and paste but couldnt.
I do hope you both sleep tonight, you are both run ragged. Sending much love and do hope you wont need all this travelling much longer. x

Spotted this poem yesterday.

What is Good

'What is the real good?'
I asked in musing mood.

Order, said the law court;
Knowledge, said the school;
Truth, said the wise man;
Pleasure, said the fool;
Love, said the maiden ;
Beauty, said the page;
Freedom, said the dreamer;
Home, said the sage;
Fame, said the soldier;
Equity, the seer, -

Speak my heart full sadly,
'The answer is not here.'

Then within my bosom
Softly this I heard:
'Each heart holds the secret;
Kindness is the word'

By John Boyle O'Reilly

xx