Black Dog 11

Well I am feeling very low today.
Haven’t had any contact with my children since last Monday when I had my sons and family over for a meal. No one has called or txt to say happy new year. I did txt younger son because I was feeling so unwanted but got very little response.
Probably should phone my DD in England but her own mental health is not good and the conversation can be very strained.
I’m aware she’s been alone all through the holiday period, working for some of it but there is not much I can do about it.
I did manage a long walk this morning and am thankful that I am able to get out.
Thinking of everyone especially Annie and hopefully the doors will get fitted soon.

EllieAnne I only had txts from my sons late in the day today and probably only because I sent them txts wishing them Happy New Year first.
Glad you had your sons over Monday and hope you had a nice time together.
Maybe your DD would like to hear from you if she’s been on her own but I can understand your reluctance to have a conversation if you feel it would upset you or cause more worry. Hope you are both ok.
The walking is good. What about looking for a new hobby this year. Something that gets you out of the house and brings you into contact with others. Is there anything local you could try joining?

Scaredeycat good intentions but so hard to follow through. I always seem to think the worst, I’ve lost count of how many hours I’ve spent worrying about things that didn’t happen.
Yes let’s try that positives instead of negatives. Glad you enjoyed your walk.

Hi all x

Ellie Anne Christmas and New Year can be joyful but can for
some cause unhappiness. They have passed now, let them go.
Yes it can be difficult but we cannot change the past.

What plans do you have to move forward ? New hobbies, do you have a volunteer bureau near? Do you have contact with your local church ?

I have had times when I have been so lonely, found hobbies and volunteering helped. What are your interests ?

Scaredycat you did so well over Christmas, be proud ? x

Well I have now been sleeping on the sofa for 11 months , Hope I will be able to find a physiotherapist who will make home visits.

How is everyone?

Doodle that is a sensible approach and you will feel better for doing it. I think of it as no longer carrying around a toddler. Now I have to lose the weight of a new born and there is still lots of chocolate left! One surprise is that shoes get loose, I have to buy yet another pair of heel grips!

Scardycat go for it, that is what I try to do too but don't beat yourself up on the days when it doesn't work, be kind to you.

Ellie Annie sorry you are feeling so lonely, wish I had a suggestion to help. The only thing I can say is to keep posting, we are here for you.

Not feeling very positive today so going to push myself to catch up on Christmas emails and maybe start to put away a few things which get boxed each year.

Those video calls are a great help

I’m quite involved with church and help at local food bank. And will probably be helping clean sons house when holidays are over. I can fill my days ok but the ache inside and the stress at home are always there. I put a face on for other people. It’s better that way.

Annie I agree with you hobbies are good to keep your mind occupied. I love my sewing and find time passes quite quickly when I get involved in something. Are you still doing your cross stitch?
I wish you could get help getting to bed. I hope you have a comfortable sofa and it’s not harming your back.
Nonnie I hope you manage to keep plodding on. This time of year is bad for all with anxiety and depression. It’s so dark and wintery. Things will look better when spring comes.
Ellie Anne how do you occupy your evenings? Do you read a lot or have favorite TV programmes. Perhaps audio books or tapes would help you at home to relax a little.
Take care all

Hi all x

January, not a good month for me, having broken nights sleep,
tired, depressed. Decided my New Years resolution would be
not to let January affect me, lasted three days.

Does January have this effect on anyone?

Annie sorry you feel so down.
I find the time after the Christmas break (I.e.January) to be one where I feel a bit at odds with myself. January and February really. By March I’m thinking spring is coming and looking at budding plants.
Hope something nice happens to bring you cheer x

I haven't seen anyone since BoxingDay so am getting bored now. I'm feeling low, but think it might be boredom rather than depression.
Sorry you feel so low Anniebach and hope the clouds lift soon. January is not a good month. After all the rush leading up to Christmas everything seems flat.

Annie just keep persevering, nothing else will help and you will know you gave it your best.

Ellie Anne Sounds like you are doing all you can, I think many of us put on that face. I find asking people about their lives/interests helps and makes people think you are very interesting!

Doodle I'm sure you are right about the hobbies but I don't find it easy to motivate to do mine. Always going to get on with it 'tomorrow'.

Annie for me its not January, its post Christmas. I miss my family so much but they do their best, today DS was talking about what we do when they come over at Easter.

Henetha boredom could be a sign of depression? Bored because not motivated to do something about it? Just a thought.

Very long conversation this morning with DS whose mortgage is due for renewal. Not easy as not in UK so rules are different but I think we got there in the end. He now has a list of things to ask the mortgage advisor on Thursday. You may be wondering why I wrote this - it makes me feel needed and useful which is really important to me.

I have experienced some really awful January’s, I tell myself I
have had far more good January’s than unhappy one’s.

When I was told by the housing officer I had been allocated this
bungalow,five years ago, i asked ‘must I move in January’ answer was ‘yes’. What a very unhappy five years!

henetha many feel a comedown after Christmas, if it lingers
possibly SAD x

Nonnie I think all of us like to feel needed and useful.
We all have something to offer even if it’s only thinking of someone or listening.
Nice to know your son still turns to you for advice.
Henetha I too wonder if the boredom is something more like post Christmas blues or SAD as Annie says.
Have you got or tried a SAD lamp Annie? I have often wondered if they help at all.

Yes Doodle I had a light box for years, I was diagnosed as having SAD, it helped, I don’t use one now because the bungalow has big windows and I sit facing one. Another recommendation I had from the SAD association was if weather to grim to go out stand at an open door for about 20
Minutes, the cause of SAD is lack of daylight reaching the back of the eyes.

Had a lovely surprise this morning, elder granddaughter and partner brought my Christmas present, a framed copy of
Jenny Joseph’s poem ‘Warning’ , alway loved it. x

Annie What a thoughtful gift, I know you like that poem. I bet you were thrilled to see them.

Hello all
Annie- so sorry you feel down - I think January is the hardest of all months it seems to go on forever. Positive thought- the daffodils have survived the digging fox and are now poking their heads out of the soil- Spring will come.
Sp pleased you had a surprise visit - what a lovely present it’s such a great poem and so kind and thoughtful of them.
Henetha- hope you find something nice to do that will help lift your spirits.
Nonnie- so good when you can help your children in any way. You are obviously very much needed by your lovely family.
My son said the other day that having a “Mum” chat always helps him when he’s down or worried?
Doodle- I got a “daylight” lamp just before Christmas it is so much better for reading and I,m hoping it might help with the January blues too.
Take care all and I hope you all have a peaceful nightxx

Hi all x

Scaredycat a lovely positive, thank you x hope your daylight lamp helps you, do try to go out every day or wrap up warm and stand at an open door for daylight.
Not being able to do either is definitely affecting me x

Doodle I can only cross stitch for an hour a day now, arthritis
in my wrists, I am lost without it. But the 1921 census is being released on the 6th so that will give me something of interest for a little while. x

I gave thought yesterday as to why anxiety is niggling me , the dreaded snow, it’s a harder phobia to deal with than agoraphobia, have had treatment for it , even hypnosis but as soon as the weather forecaster speaks the dreaded words -
snow in Scotland, my tummy does cartwheels, as I live in Wales
rather stupid of me but my first thought ? It’s on its way, so am
going to think ‘it will come and it will go x

How is everyone?

Annie it must be hard to have a phobia about something that cannot be avoided. When I had really bad claustrophobia I could avoid putting myself in situations that I couldn’t cope with. Unfortunately, the weather isn’t optional. I hope for you it’s a mild winter and the snow doesn’t venture down to Wales.
Shame about the cross stitch.
Does the new census release mean you get more information for your genealogy research? I know you find that interesting.
Scaredycat thank you for the reminder of the daffodils. On our walks by the river I look out for the shoots coming up. There are hundreds of bulbs along the riverbank from the tiniest little daffs you can imagine up to the normal size ones. I love them. They bring sunshine to the days.
A good reading lamp makes such a difference. I have one too although it’s not a daylight one.
Have a calm day all x

Thanks all. Yes, January is difficult after the rush of planning for Christmas. February is not much better. So maybe I do have SAD. More worrying though is the fact that I found out recently that my grandson has it. He's 23 and HFA (high functioning autistic) , and told me that he's depressed and it's bad this winter.
I bought him some Vitamin D tablets, but don't really know how else to help him.

henetha was your grandson diagnosed with SAD ?
Yes to vitamin D, is he staying indoors most of the day?
Don’t get him a light box until you speak to someone with medical knowledge of HFA.

Doodle yes there is much I want to find on the 1921 census , been doing family trees since 2004, and I transcribed all the
Births, marriages and deaths for Anglesey registrars , 1837 to
1992, I am so interested in social history,have learned so much about the poor law , workhouses etc, I recommend this hobby
and if anyone needs help do pm me , I have done trees for 10
people as well as my lot.

Carer came this morning and said ‘the mountains are beautiful ,covered in snow ‘ ?

I don't think he has had any official diagnosis, Anniebach.
I haven't seen him since Christmas, but will soon and will ask him some questions, carefully.
He works full time, but is home all the time otherwise. He has no social life.

henetha I hope he will agree to seeking medical help and advice. Difficult for you my love x

Thank you Anniebach. You are always so kind. I'll let you know after I talk to him. X

henetha if he has told you he is depressed you have reason to
discuss it with him which is good , trying to talk with someone who is depressed but denies it is more difficult, but can be done. x

Annie I hope this is the year when you break that cycle and are strong enough to go out.

Oh good surprises always lift us up.

Phobias like that must be impossible to deal with, I think I have two but mine are easily avoided.

Doodle since retiring I haven't missed any of the aspirations, promotion etc, know we won't be moving away again and many other things but I do miss having a 'purpose', I miss helping the young ones, I even sometimes miss the pressure so when one of the family needs help it helps me have a purpose.

Scardycat so good that your son told you that, it must have given you a boost. I think many feel like that but don't always say.

Henetha I hope he gets the support he needs, at that age he should already have support imo.

Started putting all the decorations away, nearly finished then DS came round and found some we had missed. Will get them all put away tomorrow.

Feeling down because I friend who is triple vaccinated has CV19 and I know she has taken every possible precaution. I think we should all take this very seriously. I have, very unwillingly, cancelled a lunch with a friend who I haven't seen for ages and who has been having a tough time. I feel so guilty but also have to think about my family.