visits and phone calls and emails etc when you're feeling poorly

It's hard, marmite. Sometimes, I find, an outburst of exasperation is actually what's needed. Then they remember the weariness you're living with. All the best

Could you just say thank you for calling and how much you appreciate it but currently you’re feeling so unwell that you don’t feel like chatting?

You’re lucky to have a few people who are concerned about your welfare. I hope you’re feeling better soon. Shingles is awful. ?

Yes, just say, it's lovely of you to call/email. I really don't want to talk about me, it just makes me feel worse. Tell me what you've been up to?

If they are true friends they will understand.

If any of my family rings and I'm not feeling good I don't answer the phone. I message and say sorry not feeling well enough to talk. Is it anything urgent?

I sympathise but if you’re on your own your family need to keep in touch with you. You’re very lucky that you have friends and family who care when so many elderly people have absolutely no contact with anyone. I know I sound crabby but I think when you’re better you’ll look back and be happy that you have a caring family and friends. Are you getting the medical care that you need?

I wish I had friends and family who could..... would.... life I think is very hard on most of us at this time.

Sorry to hear you’ve got shingles -it’s a horrid virus. Hope your GP has prescribed anti-viral medication (eg Acyclovir) - it certainly mitigated the symptoms in my case. Hope you get better soon ?.

Oh polnan I hope that you’re doing okay

I agree with nadateturbe, just don’t answer the phone and text them.
I find texting the answer to many things. I know that when one is poorly you can tend to overthink stuff, and get a bit depressed.
I hope that you feel better soon. My dad had a terrible time with shingles a few years back. He couldn’t leave the house as he felt so disfigured and had trouble seeing. It’s an awful thing
for you too Marmite

I wish people would contact me....you are so lucky. I hope you feel better soon. I was vaccinated against Shingles many years ago thank goodness.

If you have a voicemail service, re-record your outgoing message and say thank you for calling, but due to illness you can’t answer the phone at the moment. Be reassuring that you’re OK - just not feeling up to talking. Ask them to either leave a message and you will call back when you feel better, or to email/text you and you will answer when you’re up to it.

I did this quite successfully when I was getting over Covid earlier this year, and my friends were very understanding. Hope you feel better soon.?

BBC News : Azeem Rafiq has apologised and said he is "deeply ashamed" for using anti-Semitic language in Facebook messages from 2011

So many skeletons in the closets, everyone in the public eye must be on edge as the magnifying glasses are out dissecting everything they’ve ever said/done in the past - this can’t be healthy as it must dilute and distract from the bigger issues.
It’s like when they say ‘lessons will be learnt’ - actually learn from them and not just give lip service!
Discrimination, racism, bullying - needs stamping out - actions are needed going forward, people need to own their past failings, learn from them and move on and do better. What can hounding people and victimisation do really, individuals and organisations need to look to the future and do better.
Social media and the news outlets need to do better.
Bring back common sense, morals and human kindness!

Sorry wrong thread !

Marmite. so sorry to hear that you are unwell. Hope you will be better soon.

DC64, you are on the wrong thread.

Do as wildswan suggests and be happy you have people who care. Hope you feel better soon Marmight.

Shingles is horrible! I do hope you will soon start to feel better.

Pammiel's suggestion is worth considering.

If you do feel well enough to talk, say that talking about your illness just makes you feel worse, and ask the caller to tell you about her/ his day, which is likely to be more uplifting than yours, right now.

Show them your post, then went you feel better tell them hoe awful it is, had shingles as a teenager can still feel the pain.

Sorry you are unwell Marmite, hope you soon feel better.

It's difficult to know when, or whether, to call family & friends during tough times.
We just want the poorly person &/or their relatives to know that we care & are thinking of them.

We have a family trauma at the moment, my brother's wife is seriously ill in hospital. I am mainly contacting through messages/texts, as they are getting so many calls, (all well meant).

I always feel that there is a fine line between "caring" & "interfering"....

Marmite, I had shingles early last year and the pain was unbelievable so I know how you feel. At the moment I am just at home recovering from a broken ankle I have needed my friends and they have come up trumps. They didn’t get offended if one day I said if they didn’t mind I was ok on my own. I haven’t seen my daughter and 2 young grandchildren for a few weeks now as they all have COVID I am missing them.

Marmite I just hope you feel better soon. Shingles is awful. My mum had it and I remember her walking round all night in pain as lying in bed was worse.
I can understand you don't want to chat and lots of good ideas above to avoid that and not hurt feelings.?

Get well soon xx

Poor you, sounds awful. Why not suggest a WhatsApp group, specially as a health update which friends can all join? They can put nice supportive messages, then you reply with an update there, when you feel able. Just put the info once then. Tell them you're not up to phone calls just now. It worked for us all when my sister had covid quite badly. She was happy to know people were wishing her well. Turn off notifications so it doesn't annot you by beeping.

Your post has reminded me to get a
shingles jab. Best wishes.

Marmite I know how you feel having had shingles albeit some years ago. As over 70 now I was offered the shingles vaccination the other week so I had it as doctor had said that unfortunately you can get it more than once.

The problem with telling people that you're poorly is - that it becomes the topic of conversation. Have something else to talk about or just keep the call short. Convenient excuses:

There's someone at the door
I'm in the middle of baking
I've got my coat on and the dog's waiting to go out
I'm running a bath
I must go, I'll phone later (but don't)
etc.

I didnt know theres a vaccine for shingles? Is that not just a chicken pox vax then??